by Tanith Frost
She nods and kicks a box aside. “And all of the clans. We worked so hard to create our own world. A place where we could be safe, where we could exist alongside the living without drawing them out to hunt us as we slept unaware and unguarded. Do you know how low our numbers got before Miranda and I began working on this little project? How vulnerable we were in the old days?”
I don’t answer. My history lessons are in my head somewhere, but I can’t access them. Nothing is connecting.
“Our new world was good at first,” she says. “There are so many now who have known nothing else. Who have never killed.” She shakes her head. “It works, and we are safe, but the cost is unbearable at times. We’re not made to hide. We are hunters, not farmers. Mere survival is not what we were created for. I didn’t see that before.”
She seems to be talking more to herself than to me.
“Does Miranda agree with you? The other elders?”
She snorts and focuses her attention on me again. “No. And it’s certainly not something I’m likely to bring up in a meeting. As far as they know, I’m loyal. And I am their best hunter, aren’t I?” She laughs, surprisingly gently. “I have the best of both worlds, and that’s what I offer those closest to me. Those I see potential in. Those I trust.” She tilts her head, observing me carefully. “Have you tasted fear, Aviva?”
“Yes.”
“Death?”
“Never.”
She nods slowly. “I suspect that may be part of your problem. I remember when you were made, how angry the elders were. So unsuited. And you didn’t prove us wrong, did you? Clinging to life as though you had even a scrap of a soul remaining. Refusing to feed for far too long. Moaning over your loss when you had been given so much.” There’s something like pity in her eyes. “It’s cases like yours where bending the laws about killing would benefit us so much. There was a time when a newly turned vampire would be forced to starve for days, then allowed to hunt. No half measures there. No question of what we were. Just the joy of a starved body being flooded with life, and a clean break. Wouldn’t that have been better than your sad little preoccupation with life?”
“No.”
She grins. “I thought you’d say that. You really do look like shit, you know. Probably almost as bad as you feel. I can fix that for you. One moment.”
She leaves me, and I take the opportunity to regroup. She’s not offering up this information because she wants conversation. I just wish she’d tell me what the hell she wants.
Muffled cries ring through the warehouse, and my stomach drops as my mouth begins to water.
No. Please.
Katya drags a healthy-looking young man in jeans and a tank top into my makeshift cell by one arm. He’s tied like I am, hands and feet, but he’s gagged instead of blindfolded. He stares at me with wide, terrified eyes as Katya dumps him on the floor in front of me. He struggles for a moment, then freezes. His sweat fills the air with the musk of fear, and I’m so hungry I can smell the blood in him even with my dulled senses.
I’m aware of my fangs, my sharp venom, and the little strength that remains in my body. It’s an instinctive reaction that goes deeper than what I felt in the alley. Did I think I was hungry then? Was I pleased that I had the willpower to stop myself?
I had no idea what hunger was.
“Go ahead,” Katya says, and nudges him with her foot.
I turn my face away. If I start, I won’t stop.
She pulls a box cutter from her pocket, clicks it up, and nicks his bicep. I can’t help but look. Just a little slice, a narrow line of blood that glistens brighter than it should in this dull light. It fills my senses until there’s nothing else.
I don’t move. I won’t.
“This is what you were made for, Aviva. Not constrained half feedings in clubs that cater to the comfort of your victims.” She leans over him and inhales deeply. “I’d take him myself, but I have an offer to make you.”
The man whimpers, and Katya rolls her eyes as she swats him on the back of the head. “He dies either way. Don’t get any ideas about that. The question is whether you walk out of here.”
“Why?” My question is a whisper. It’s all I can manage.
“Because Daniel’s not wrong about you, even if he’s gone about your training completely wrong. Especially lately. You have potential of a depth that troubles me. Your perceptions are strange. I don’t like it, not least because you seem determined to spoil my little game with what you’ve seen. But perhaps if you saw things my way, we might work together. If there’s one like you, there could be more, and my team will need someone like you to help us understand them.”
“What game?”
She frowns. “The only one there has ever been, the only one that makes things interesting. This is why vampires found guilty of crimes are turned out instead of being imprisoned or finished.”
“I don’t—”
“The hunt, Aviva. We are hunters. Some of us feel that pull more strongly than others. We’re no longer allowed to hunt our prey, but hunting rogues? Absolutely. I suspect it’s the only way your dear Daniel has managed to keep his impulses under control for so long. He feels it, you know. The urge to kill. To fight. But he’s so devoted to Maelstrom and its laws that he’ll never go rogue. Not as long as he gets to hunt his own kind. To him it’s a job. To me, it’s a game I helped create. Sporting. They do get away sometimes.”
My stomach is cramping, my mind reeling from the blood that’s so close, so available. I force my mind back to her words.
“If it all works so well for you, why rock the boat?” I ask. “You’re baiting your own hunters with these kills. Begging them to hunt you down. Threatening to expose all of us and tear down what you built.”
“The game gets dull, Aviva. We were in no danger of getting caught, though you did make me wonder about that. Briefly. It’s terribly pleasant when the chaos we belong to throws a new complication out into the world, isn’t it?” She’s grinning again, almost laughing. “So we tease. We approach the line without crossing. Throw out challenges to the system that protects us, risk our very being. Otherwise, what’s the point? We’re no better than animals in captivity if we don’t respect our true natures.”
I don’t understand. All I can think about now is this man on the floor, shivering with fright and cold. My own muscles tremble, but it’s with anticipation. I can’t help it. This isn’t like living hunger, which goes away if you ignore it long enough, even as it weakens you. This grows deeper with every passing moment, and just the scent of him calls to my power, fills me with enough energy that I know I could take him.
“Explain what you want,” I demand, not taking my eyes off him.
“Feed.”
“No.”
She leans in close. “You will, one way or another. And either you will see things my way, as I suspect you will, or I’ll finish you, and you’ll take the blame for this murder. Maybe some of the others. Your alibi is weaker than you realize.”
“No.”
She snarls and stands again. “Trixie!”
My heart leaps into my throat as another set of footsteps hurries toward us.
“Aviva!” Trixie drops to the floor beside me and gathers me in her arms, holding me tight whether I like it or not.
“Katya’s a rogue,” I gasp as she squeezes me.
“I know.” Trixie strokes my hair, pushing it back from my face. “It’s not like you think, though. Please listen to her. I had to beg her to give you this chance. Don’t waste it, okay?”
I stare at her, not believing what I’m hearing.
“Katya saw my potential the second we met, and she agrees about yours, but you have to listen. Not everyone gets this opportunity. Daniel won’t. He couldn’t understand this. But I really think you will, and then we’ll work together again. It will be great.”
“Daniel,” I whisper.
“That’s over, obviously,” Katya says, motioning for Trixie to stand with her. My friend o
beys without question. “He’ll be safe enough once you move out and come with us. Getting involved with your trainer was quite tasteless, Aviva. I’ll expect better of you. Not to mention it will be easier for you to keep our little secret if you’re not fucking him.”
Trixie giggles.
She knew about Katya. I don’t know for how long, but she knew. My only friend.
Katya slashes at the man’s arm again, deeper. The blood flows strong and fast now, spilling onto the floor. Hot rage pushes up in me at the sight of it being wasted. He whimpers. I’m beyond caring.
Katya winds her fingers into the hair at the back of his head and lifts him as though he weighs no more than a doll. He squirms, and she hits him in the side of the head. He collapses, dazed but not quite unconscious, and she makes a tiny slit in his throat with the box cutter. His pulse throbs beneath the cut, pushing bright blood out in a thin stream.
“Eat,” she orders. “This is life. Take it.”
She drops the cutter and grabs me as she did him, and I’m too weak to fight as she pushes my mouth to his throat. My fangs pierce his skin, biting hard and deep, releasing the flood. He feels it. I know he does, because his terror spikes, filling my mouth with something richer and deeper than blood alone. It pushes all thought from my mind.
A click of a lock behind me, and my hands are free. A second later, my legs are as well.
A tiny voice within me screams for me to run. I can’t. I’m too weak, though the blood is already doing its work. Katya is still stronger. She will catch me and end me, I will take the blame for this man’s inevitable death, and she will kill again.
Inevitable.
He’s going to die no matter what I do.
I pounce, pinning him as I feed. The power entering me is blinding, deafening. The taste of fear overwhelms everything I am until there’s only darkness within me.
His heartbeat picks up its pace as it weakens, the flutter of a hummingbird trapped in a cat’s jaws. I know I should release him.
I can’t. The void in me expands as I take his life into myself with his blood. I groan against his throat as the flow slows. Every weakening beat of his heart makes me stronger than the one before. As strong as Katya after her kills. More powerful than I’ve ever been before.
I’m going over the edge.
At last.
The moment of his death takes me beyond anything I could have imagined or hoped for. A wash of bright darkness, life from death, perfect insanity for a pure, sparkling moment. I shatter completely, losing myself in his departure.
I release his body and pull away, dazed and trembling with a strength that overflows my body’s capacity. The warehouse is bright and clear. My senses are perfect. I tune out the sounds of distant traffic and listen closer.
No heartbeats. No breath, though Trixie looks like she’s holding hers, waiting.
I lift the hem of my t-shirt and wipe my mouth. I’ve made a mess, got blood everywhere. Multiple bite wounds cover my victim’s neck, as though I couldn’t get enough from just one. I don’t remember doing that. He’s lying with his eyes wide open, staring.
I feel no urge to close them.
Whatever was in me, whatever connection I had to life, is gone. I am a vampire. For the moment, I can hardly think of anything else. I don’t want to remember questioning this glorious destiny I’ve been pushing away for so long. This is what I was born for. Not light. Not life. Not anything that my living state provided.
I am free.
“Do you see?” Trixie whispers. “Was it amazing?”
I turn my eyes slowly back to her. “It was.”
Everything is as it should be. I have no idea why I fought this. A smile tugs at my lips.
Trixie giggles. “Better than anything, right?”
I stand. The soreness is gone from my body, and I’m pulsing with energy that makes me want to run laps around the warehouse.
“Are you going to end me now?” I ask Katya.
I doubt she could. Now that my perceptions are restored, I feel the lack in her. She hasn’t fed since she caught me, I’m sure of it. Maybe even longer than that. She’s been waiting for me to wake, keeping that captive of hers to tempt me with, confident that I would either find my end without regaining my strength, or that I would kill and understand.
I’m stronger than her.
I push that thought aside and let the good feelings wash over me again.
Katya seems amused. “That depends on you, Aviva. Do you wish to hunt the pathetic rogues on the run from justice, maintaining the secrecy of Maelstrom by my side?”
“Yes.” I can picture it. Nights on the hunt, the thrill of the chase. How did I not know I needed that?
“Will you protect me above all other elders, using your gifts to serve me in exchange for what you’ve just had?”
“I will.” Though my particular gift seems irrelevant now. I could no more feel empathy for the man at my feet than I could for the dead rat I smell rotting inside the warehouse walls. But if I have a gift, I’ll find another way to access it. There’s no room for doubt here. I have become myself. I’ll figure out what that means later.
“Very well, then. We’ll dispose of this body, figure out how to explain your return, get you moved to my team and out of this festering hole of a city.” She nudges the body with her boot. “I hope you’ll prove more competent than some who have joined me. Our last hunt was a disaster.”
Trixie ducks her head low. “I got a little excited. But no one got away. Our secret is safe.” She peers up at Kayta, eyes wide and innocent.
Katya presses her lips together, and it looks so much like Daniel’s expression when he used to get annoyed with her that I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. My Trixie.
Trixie blithely turns away from Katya’s disapproval, slinging an arm over my shoulders with a grin. “I’ll help you adjust to things. It won’t be so different now, except our training will be way better.”
“All will be normal for a while,” Katya says. “Regular feedings will keep us well above suspicion. I think we’ve had enough excitement for now.”
The light fades from Trixie’s eyes, but only slightly. We have all the time in the world. The next thrill can wait.
God, I feel good. And it doesn’t feel like this will fade like it does when my prey walks out alive and satisfied. I suppose it will go eventually, but then I’ll have this again. All it will cost is a few human lives. Insignificant things.
Little things. Like Kari.
Kari, who wasn’t sure she wanted to be a Black-Smith after all, because that sounded funny.
And her brother, who just wanted his Teddy and his mama.
Does that matter anymore? The lump in my throat says it does, but it can’t. They shouldn’t mean more to me than a veal calf does to humans. Hell, we should start raising them in tiny barns. Keep them tender.
I snort, then laugh until tears stream down my face. I don’t know why. My own thoughts are horrifying me to the point where I have to either laugh or scream. Every emotion is in overdrive, and all I want is that peace I felt after I fed. This is overwhelming. I can’t process it.
“Leave her alone, Trixie,” Katya orders, and Trixie pulls away from me. “Let her gather herself. We need to be going.”
She pulls out her phone to make a call and stalks away from us.
I stretch, letting good feelings infuse me as my thoughts fade to insignificance. The sheer bliss of killing floods through me, washing away my bad feelings, my hatred of what Katya did to those children, the regret and horror that could rip me apart for the life I just took. I don’t allow any of that to exist in this moment. Joy and euphoria cover everything else I might be thinking.
Or planning.
Maybe Daniel wasn’t the best trainer for me, but he did teach me a thing or two about hidden intentions.
I feel so good that Katya doesn’t feel me coming until I’m almost on top of her. It’s only Trixie’s squeaked-out warning that makes her turn
, ready to fight.
She lashes out with a punch aimed at my face, but I’m riding high on the life I just ended, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him go to waste. Not now. I duck, dart, and come at her again. It’s like a high-speed dance, the two of us striking, blocking, kicking and throwing punches. My perceptions are high, as fast as they’ve ever been. A human opponent’s blows would seem to be coming at a tortoise’s pace, but Katya has the same skills as me, and she can move just as quickly.
She has the advantage of age, centuries she’s spent building her strength and skills. I’m young and inexperienced, but I just killed.
And I don’t care about getting out of here anymore. I may finally have accepted what I am, but there’s nothing for me in Maelstrom if I’ve gone rogue, no forgiveness for what I’ve done. I’m as good as finished anyway. All I care about now is taking Katya with me, and my desperation drives me harder than anything ever did during my training.
I slip past her defences and strike her hard in the nose, and something cracks. She yells and charges at me, unfazed, and catches me around the waist. I brace myself, but slip in a puddle of oil that’s leaked from one of the boxes she knocked over. Katya tackles me to the floor. If she’s studied formal fighting techniques, she’s not using them. She’s pissed, and this is a street fight now.
She pins my arms against the floor above my head. “Weak,” she spits. “Foolish. Even now, when you’ve tasted eternity.”
She’s too strong. I arch my back and kick upward, but I can’t reach her. “Am I supposed to thank you for that?”
Katya sneers and leans in closer. “You’ve got blood on your face, dear.”
I scream and whip my head forward, smashing my forehead against her jaw as she pulls back. She curses as I push her off and squirm away. She turns, looking for something.
The box cutter lies on the floor just a few paces away. I lunge for it, but Trixie screams and stomps on my hand before I can grasp it.
Katya takes the cutter and races for a set of metal stairs.
“Viva, calm down!” Trixie cries. “It’s okay! You’re confused, but we can help you.” She seems unsure of what she should do, and she sinks to her knees beside me, offering the comfort I’ve always needed from her.