by Tanith Frost
“You going to untie me now?” I ask again.
“No. After we’re done talking, if you seem okay.”
“There’s more?”
He clears his throat. “Did you notice anything odd about the woman you just fed from?”
“She smelled different.”
“Kelsey is special,” he says. “She’ll become one of us some day. After she dies, of course. It’s a long story, but she knows about us in a way most of the living never will, and she’s happy to help us while she can.”
Our world is so much more complicated than I ever realized. The amount I still have to learn is overwhelming. Not just about what we are, but why.
“Daniel, Katya said that killing was our true nature. What we were created for. Do you think that’s true?”
“Katya’s full of shit.”
But he looks away when he says it. Daniel has controlled himself for many decades, has never killed. But looking at him now, I understand that it’s as hard for him as it is for anyone.
“Be that as it may, it makes me wonder,” I say. “Who made us, and why?”
He sighs. “I don’t know, Aviva. There are stories, but I suspect that’s all they are. I’m not sure we’d like the answers if we sought them. We fill a niche in the supernatural world. Maybe that’s all there is to it.” But he doesn’t sound sure.
I want to sit up. This is pissing me off. I feel weak when I’m restrained.
“I guess I don’t have to know about a great purpose,” I add as I tug at the bonds. “I’d settle for getting my hands on my file and finding out who made me.”
Daniel was reaching for the velcro, but he stops and rests his hand on the bedrail. “Why? So you can hurt him? Tell him how miserable you are, how you wish he’d left you to become fully dead and see what was on the other side?”
My breath catches. “You know who did it, don’t you?”
As our eyes meet, I think I know, too.
He brushes his fingers over mine, just barely, and sits again without releasing me. “It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. We were on assignment halfway across the country, following a band of rogues. True rogues, you understand, not like Katya’s. We’d hunted them down and finished them, and we celebrated. I was still feeling good the next night and decided to go for a walk. And I saw you.” He smiles at the memory. “You looked like trouble. I’d passed the party in the woods and was walking toward you as you charged down the street. We almost bumped into each other.”
A chill cuts through my horrid hospital gown, prickling the hair on my arms. “I don’t remember that at all.”
“The anger was baking off of you. I could practically smell it, along with your blood factor. I was bored, and more than a little curious. There weren’t any living people in your area who were marked for potential change. So I followed you to see what was going on.”
My stomach feels empty in spite of my recent feed, like a cold pit. “You just watched him kill me?”
“I’m sorry, Aviva. I truly am.” He sounds like he means it, and my anger fades, if only a little. But I still can’t really comprehend what he’s saying. “As you said, it happened quickly. And I wasn’t about to reveal myself for the sake of a living person who got herself in a bad situation. But I did go to you before the paramedics got there. After your sister realized you were dead and ran away.”
Ouch. I may no longer feel connected to my life as I once did, but that hurts.
“You were dead, but not completely gone. There’s a window of time where we can make a vampire after death, but I knew it would be lost if the paramedics came and took you.” His eyes seem distant, like they’re looking all the way back to that night. “And I knew I should just leave you. I don’t quite know, even now, why I didn’t. Maybe it was because we’d just finished the rogues, and the executions were so final. There was nothing else for them, and I wondered whether your blood factor meant the same for you. It seemed unfair.”
He makes a face like the word tastes bad.
“I took you. Carried your body through the woods and back to the motel where we were all staying. Laid you out on my bed.” He raises his eyes to meet mine. “Which is not as creepy as it sounds, I promise.”
I don’t smile at that. “Go on.”
“Not much more to tell. I did a stupid thing. I made you, though you weren’t marked for it. I knew that meant you were unsuited. But I’d seen the determination in you, felt the passion of your anger, and I couldn’t let that slip out of the world when I could save you.”
I’ve never looked at it as being saved. Strange. “And that’s why you were demoted?”
He laughs bitterly. “It is, indeed. There were other punishments before that, but somehow it was okay. I knew they wouldn’t try to end you once you were made any more than a doctor will kill a new baby, no matter how ill-suited it is to its new life. It was the stupidest, least-rational decision I’ve ever made, and I wasn’t a bit sorry for it.”
“Was it horrible?”
He grimaces, and I can’t help smiling. “Disgusting. My advice is never to try it. I really thought drinking that much dead blood was going to be the end of me. It was every good feeling from a feeding turned on its head, as low as the highs ever reach. I was lucky you’d already lost so much from your wound, but still. It made me so damned weak. Then before you woke, Katya found us. She had the others take you to the facility with orders that no one should ever know who had done this terrible thing. And then she returned and made me understand the seriousness of the situation.”
I’m not going to ask about that. Heavy silence weighs the room down.
“Was I worth it?”
He smiles slowly, perhaps surprised that I’m not reacting with anger. I’m surprised, too. I think any other answer would have reopened my wounds, but I can’t be angry at Daniel. Whether what he did was right isn’t important. It’s done. I’m here. And my near-execution made me realize how glad I am of that. I’m not ready for this to be over.
“So far, I suppose you have been. Mostly.” He looks me over. “I mean, you’ve been a pain in the ass since I picked you up again at the facility like a lost puppy. But you’re not so bad.”
I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs. It sounds as relieved as it does amused.
“Not angry, then?” he asks.
“Untie me and we’ll find out.”
He touches my fingers again, more firmly, and traces his way up my arm to the sensitive skin above my elbow. I shiver. He leans in close, so that his lips brush the edge of my ear. “I think I like you like this,” he murmurs. “Helpless for once. Completely at my mercy.”
“Daniel…” I’m impressed I can sound this angry when I’m quite the opposite. Hunger stirs in me that has nothing to do with feeding. I’m relieved to find that his effect on me hasn’t changed. I really am still myself. Maybe more than I was before.
He sighs and stands up, then reaches for the straps. “Very well.”
It feels good to have my hands free. As soon as he unshackles my ankles, I cross my legs and sit up to stretch.
“Does that mean you don’t hate me for what I did, then?” I ask. “For any of this?”
“No, I don’t. I was terrified for you until I sorted things out with Miranda and got the hunt headed in the right direction. And I hated that feeling, but I’ve never hated you.”
I rub the kinks out of my wrists. “What changed your mind?”
“I was never entirely sure, to be honest, until we entered that warehouse and found the three of you. But when Katya made an excuse for having to leave town with Trixie, I decided to see where your suspicions took me.” He seems as uncomfortable with this as he does with the memory of his decision to turn me.
“How did you find her?”
He smiles sadly. “Trixie had many gifts, but awareness of her own visibility was never one of them. We tracked her, not Katya.”
Had. That’s it, then. She made her choice, as I made mine. Same cri
me. Different motivations. Different consequences.
“Miranda’s really going to let this slide?” I ask.
“Assuming the elders accept the story as you’ve given it today. It will remain in your record, but you won’t be tried or executed. As I said, we all understand.” He bites the edge of his lip. “To be honest, I’m a little jealous. It’s probably best if you don’t tell me what it was like.”
I want to touch him. I want his arms around me, and I want to know that whatever weird thing we’re building between us isn’t destroyed.
“I should get my notes back to Miranda,” he says, reaching for the leather bag I can now see on the floor beside his chair. “Do try to behave yourself while I’m gone.”
“I’m insulted.”
He snorts. “You’re trouble. But that’s not the worst thing.”
I think for a second that he’s going to lean in and kiss me, but the spider-eyed doctor enters the room. Daniel nods to her, and then he’s gone.
20
Daniel returns the next day. I haven’t fed again, but I’m still feeling pretty good. There’s not much here to stress me out. Katya is taken care of, and the living of St. John’s are safe enough for now, completely unaware of the world that lurks beneath the surface of their beautiful city. I’m safe here, too, and I’ve had time to think.
I’m ready to take my place in Maelstrom. Whether my peculiar gift remains now that my connection to life has been severed, I don’t know. I suppose I won’t unless I stumble on another body, and I don’t know when that might happen. I’m guessing there’s a good chance I’ll be moved now, trained in a position that allows a bit more oversight until I prove myself trustworthy. And that’s okay. I can accept it for a time, knowing that it’s not forever.
I’ve meditated, or tried to. There’s no light in me that I can focus on, and even the desire to pray to anything like light or a creator seems to be gone. That saddens me more than I’m willing to admit even to myself, but there’s relief there, too. I’m whole now, no longer torn between worlds.
When Daniel enters the room, it’s with a tight smile. He’s slept, showered, and shaved, but he looks less all-business than he did last time. That’s good.
I hope.
He’s got that bag with him again, and it sounds heavy when it hits the floor.
“I have an assignment for you,” he says.
“Does that mean I’m officially pardoned?”
He smiles, if only halfway. “It does. You’re to get out and make yourself useful as soon as you’re cleared to leave here. But not as a hunter. Not for a while. The elders want you in a…” He hesitates. “Quieter position.”
He doesn’t say anything more, but looks uncomfortable.
“What?”
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Damn it, Daniel. Just tell me. Rip off the bandage in one go if it’s that bad.”
He reaches into his bag and pulls out a map, then sits on the bed as I unfold the paper.
Newfoundland. Gros Morne National Park is a pink blotch on the west coast, its borders highlighted in yellow. A red star marks an inland space just to the east of the park’s borders, far from any marked roads. I hold it closer to my face to examine the tiny letters printed there.
“You’re joking.”
“Not at all. Aviva, you need to be away from the living for a while, just until the elders are sure you’ve recovered. And they need someone to help supervise the werewolf sanctuary.” He shrugs, apparently having little else to offer. “At least you’ll be busy. And you’ll have time to do some reading. You’re cleared for whatever library materials you want. Basic training is officially over, and your security clearance is… well, bottom level, but that’s better than before.”
I groan and look at the map again. This was the assignment Daniel used to threaten us with if we didn’t shape up and prove ourselves worthy to work with him. He’s right. There are no communities close enough to tempt a vampire with rogue tendencies, except one.
“Bloody Bight?”
“Small community, isolated. Willing to take a chance on having our kind nearby. We move stock in and out as necessary, but otherwise there’s not a lot of traffic other than the most intrepid explorers from outside. Your situation will complicate things, but you’ll be able to handle it. I have complete faith in you.”
I trace the highway from the sanctuary back to St. John’s. It has to be an eight hour trip, maybe more. “How long will I have to be there?”
“I don’t know. Months, at least. A year. The vampires who are doing it now have been there for decades, but I don’t think you’ll stay that long. Maybe you’ll love it. At least you won’t have to deal with the kind of excitement we’ve had around here recently, right?”
I imagine breaking up fights between wolves who think they’re all alpha males and doubt it will be much of an improvement. “I need a coffee. Maybe something stronger.”
“So you’ll go?”
As if I have a choice. “I’ll go where I have to. What’s a year, right?” I force a smile. I haven’t been around long enough for years to seem like a short span of time, especially when I’ll be spending them alone or with strangers. My throat tightens. “I, um… I can’t say I won’t miss you. Will I ever see you if we’re not working together?”
He presses his lips together. “If you want, absolutely. Actually, I was going to ask whether you might want company for the journey.”
I’d swear my heart skipped at his words. I let out a sharp laugh. “You want to come to the werewolf sanctuary?”
“Not at all. But I’d like to at least see you settled, if you’ll have me.”
I open myself to him. I may have lost the key to my strange gift, but I still have this. I feel something from him, faint but true. He’s uncertain about all of this, but he’s not any more ready to let go of me than I am of him. It feels a little strange now, knowing that he made me, realizing how much I owe him. But it doesn’t change anything.
I’m not supposed to care for him. But I do.
I give him my most inviting smile. “I guess that might not be so bad.”
He leans over the bed and presses his lips to mine. Hesitant. Certain he shouldn’t be doing this.
But then, I guess I already have a habit of making him do things he knows are wrong.
The map falls to the floor as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer.
This might not be forever, but for this moment, it’s everything.
The End
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Thank you for purchasing this book! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. I look forward to sharing what comes next with you. If you liked this one, Sanctuary is going to blow your socks off.
If you enjoyed Resurrection and have a few moments to tell your friends about it or leave a review, I’d certainly appreciate it. Spreading the word on awesome books is what keeps authors in business and able to produce quality books at a pace that leaves you not wanting to murder us.
Well, most of us. Not speaking for everyone.
For news on upcoming releases, giveaways, advance reading opportunities, stories, and other awesome stuff, visit www.tanithfrost.com and click the newsletter tab to sign up. You’ll be the first to learn about what’s next in the Immortal Soulless world… and whatever comes next.
-T.F.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book has been in the works for a long time, since the Easter Sunday evening when a vampire whispered in my ear saying she had a story to share. Though she’s had to wait a few years to see it finished, I hope she’s pleased.
Thanks to this long process, I owe gratitude to a lot of people.
To the brave readers who tackled the earliest, novella-length draft and encouraged me to keep going, thank you. AM Leibowitz, KL Schwengel, Shannon Andrews… I hope you still recognize the parts you loved, and that everything else is only better.
To my revised vers
ion critique goddesses, Krista Walsh, Shannon Andrews, and Laura Fischer, thanks for the kind words and brilliant suggestions. And to my lovely beta readers, Kathy Dunlavey, Kristina Sprague, and Shannon Martin, thank you for spotting the stuff I screwed up. Annnnnd for not laughing at me too much over it. Extra special thanks to Nadine Smith for not only reading, but for checking my Newfoundland references. (Any mistakes are of course mine, not hers.)
To my editor, Sue Archer, big thanks as always for fitting me in, respecting my voice, and making my words the best they can be.
And thank you to Jessica Allain for the gorgeous cover art.
Thanks to my alter ego’s street team, this book got to have a wonderful crew of volunteer proofreaders. Annette Flick, Mary Medina, Per M Jensen, Sharon Eastridge, Hetal Patel, Percy Ledbetter, Margie Scheiner, and KL Schwengel’s eyes (and enthusiasm) were all very much appreciated.
To my family, thank you for respecting my space and my need for these flights of fancy, for your excitement, and for putting up with take-out so often when deadlines got tight. I love you guys.
-TF
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Tanith Frost lives somewhere in central Newfoundland. She deeply resents having to share her time, office, and brain space with another author who INSISTS on writing other shit and taking care of her family and stuff. So unreasonable. Her interests include reading, writing, and avoiding the general public at all costs.
She does, however, grudgingly admit that hanging out with people on social media isn’t so bad. So if you’re looking for her, here’s where to find her:
www.tanithfrost.com
ALSO BY TANITH FROST
THE IMMORTAL SOULLESS SERIES
Resurrection
Sanctuary (August 2017)
{additional titles to be announced}
visit www.tanithfrost.com for details on upcoming releases
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