She did, her mouth tight and quivering and he gentled his voice.
“Listen to me. I’m not what you think. I don’t…want to hurt you.”
“You’re hurting me now!”
“I know.” Her anguish tore at his heart. “When this is over, you can hate me. You can claw my eyes out. But for right this moment, feel me. Your body wanted me before. Give yourself back to that need.”
Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, her head shaking in denial.
“Feel me inside you, sweet one. Open yourself…to the pleasure. You were so close.”
“I can’t.”
But his words were working. Deep inside she was softening, melting, easing his way. The exquisite feel of her body’s welcome nearly sent him over the edge.
“You can.”
He couldn’t talk anymore. Couldn’t think. His own climax was too close, too powerful. But he didn’t want to go there alone.
“Come with me.” He kissed her cheek. “Fly with me, Autumn.”
“No.” The word was more moan than denial as pleasure tightened her features. He felt her climax building almost as clearly as he felt his own. Her breaths began to come in small gasps.
“I hate you for this.”
“I know. Steal the pleasure my body has to give. Feel me.”
With each thrust, her tight sheath became more slick. Her gasps grew, turning to small screams of delight. Her rising passion stoked his own, driving him higher and higher until the promise of completion was only a breath away.
He dipped his head, seeking her mouth, half expecting her to bite him, or at least turn away. But she met his kiss, eyes closed, with an open mouth and seeking tongue. Her arms wrapped around his neck and for one glorious moment, she was his again.
He drank of her pleasure, swallowing both their moans, as their joint passion roared toward climax. She tore her mouth from his and threw her head back, cresting that final mount with a guttural scream of pleasure that sent him tumbling after her.
As her inner muscles contracted over and over, milking him of every last drop of pleasure, power roared through him with the suddenness of a storm. The lights in the bathroom flickered and flashed, the rows of light bulbs breaking, one after another, in a cascade of tinkling explosions that cast them into the dark.
Autumn jerked and tensed in his arms. “What’s happening?”
“The power we raised blew some lights.”
She pulled back, her body going stiff. He gripped her slick waist and pulled himself out of her, then set her on her feet in the tub, his body already railing against the loss. She tried to step back, out of his reach, but he held on to her, hating that she was beginning to tremble beneath his touch.
“Stay here so you don’t cut your feet. I’ll open the door and let in some light.” He reached for the towel he’d left hanging on the rod and pushed it toward her in the dark.
The glass crunched beneath his soles, stinging his flesh with little quickly healed cuts as he crossed the bathroom and opened the door. Light washed in from the living room. He glanced at himself in the mirror, relieved to see his eyes and hair were back to normal.
Misery crushed his chest as he turned back to Autumn.
“I’ll carry you out of here.” He reached for her, avoiding her gaze, unable to bear seeing that terror in her eyes again, but she backed away.
“You’re Esri.” Her words were tortured.
“Yes.” He tried to look anywhere but her face, but the white-knuckled grip on the towel she’d wrapped around herself did nothing to ease his guilt, and he finally met her gaze.
The fear was there, as he’d known it would be. But shimmering beneath the fear lurked a deep hurt that was nearly more than he could bear.
“You knew I was a virgin.”
“No. I don’t possess that ability. If I’d known, I never would have touched you.” He gave a harsh, humorless laugh. “Revealing myself was not my intent.”
“But the power…you gained power. I felt it.”
“Yes.” He raked the wet hair back from his face. “I gained something. Virgin’s power merely enhances a man’s gifts, it doesn’t add to them. And my gifts are scant. I may be physically stronger, now. Physically faster.” He snorted. “Of little use in my world.”
He looked into the pools of torment that were her eyes and needed her to believe him. “I mated with you because I wanted to. Because I’ve been attracted to you since I first saw you standing on the deck of your boat with the sun’s fire in your hair. Not because I wanted anything from you except the sharing of pleasure.”
And her warmth.
He’d craved her sweetness, her gentle kisses. The laughter in her eyes and the joy of her smile. Her acceptance of him, the Punisher. The monster.
And her lack of fear. Above all, her lack of fear.
But he’d lost it all.
She gripped the towel tighter against her breasts, the dark red tendrils of her hair raining droplets on her arms. “You came through the gate in one of those dark cloaks.”
“Yes.”
Her brows lowered as her face contorted with confusion. “But…Jack said you’re Sitheen. Why can’t they see through your glamour?”
“I have no glamour.” He held up his hands. “What you see before you is all I am. I’m what the Esri call a dark blood. An Esri tainted with human blood. I don’t know my heritage, so I can’t tell you which of my fore-bears was human. All I know is that I am not one of you. I have lived many, many of your lifetimes.”
He held out his hand to her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She snorted in disbelief, but her eyes still ached from his betrayal. “What do you want from me?”
Kaderil sighed. “In the words of you humans…hell if I know. Let me carry you out of here, then I’ll find a vacuum and clean up this mess.”
Her mouth tensed. Her eyes glittered with fear and wariness, but she stepped forward and he swept her into his arms, gathering her rigid, towel-covered body against his. Her arm hooked around his neck to hold on as her other hand grasped the towel tucked at her breast. She smelled of soap and that sweet spicy scent unique to Autumn. Just holding her made the need begin to stir in him all over again.
A need that would never be fulfilled.
Kaderil walked through the glass again to deposit her on the carpet in the hall. Without a backward glance, she fled to the nearest bedroom and slammed the door, shutting him out, casting him adrift.
He stared at that closed door, feeling the world shift back to a painful and familiar axis. He was well and truly the monster, now. Kaderil the Dark, of both worlds and yet of neither. Feared and reviled by the Esri for being part human. Feared and hated by the humans for being Esri.
Of course he was. He’d never expected it to be any different. That he’d let himself get caught up in the lie was his own fault. That he’d allowed a woman’s gentle smile to touch his heart, her warm hand to lead him into a dreamscape of heroics and friendship and caring, was the mistake of a fool.
There were only roles to play. Duties and missions and responsibilities.
He was the Punisher. That was his role, the only role available to him. A role that allowed him no conscience, no emotion, no remorse. A role that required him to be a man who would fulfill his duty no matter what that duty asked of him.
Autumn locked the bedroom door with shaking fingers, then turned and sank against the flimsy wood, gasping for breath.
He’s Esri.
How could she have been so stupid? So gullible?
Her heart raced, her scalp tingled with horror as she sank to the carpeted floor. Everything she’d thought…everything she’d believed…was a lie. She’d thought she was falling in love! And he wasn’t even human.
She pressed her hands to her knotted stomach, struggling to suck air into her lungs. How could she have given her heart…her body…to one of those creatures? He’d betrayed her in every way possible. Worse, he’d made her betray herself. Even after she knew wh
at he was, she’d found pleasure in his arms beyond anything she’d ever imagined.
Dear God, she was such a fool.
Her head fell with a soft thud against the door. She’d thought he was Sitheen. They’d all thought he was Sitheen.
Her stomach clenched.
The others still did.
She had to warn them. He was after the draggon stone. He had to be. And once he got it? Like Baleris, he would try to kill the ones who couldn’t be enchanted.
Heart pounding in her ears, she pushed herself to her feet and searched the room for a phone. Nothing. Her cell phone was in the purse she’d left in the living room. Mind leaping, she considered her options. The apartment was on the fifth floor, so there was no going out the window. Which meant she was going to have to go out the front door. Without Kade noticing.
Right.
At least it was a plan. Maybe not a good one, but a plan. And she needed something to wear. She reached for the nearest drawer and dug through the clothes until she found a pair of sweatpants and a flannel shirt. Underwear, she’d have to forgo. She wasn’t likely to find ladies’ underwear in Kade’s house. But as she pulled on sweatpants that were barely big enough for her, and several inches too short, the truth hit her.
Kade was Esri.
These weren’t his clothes. This wasn’t his apartment. Which raised the obvious and tragic question: What had happened to the true owner?
A chill slid down her spine. She didn’t want to know. While she knew full well how Esri worked, raping and murdering at will, her heart refused to accept Kade capable of such slaughter.
Her logical mind scoffed. Of course he was capable. He was Esri. Magic. Everything she thought she knew about him was a lie. Who knew how many times he’d enchanted her?
She stilled as memories washed over her—the confusion she felt around him sometimes, the way she’d jumped him, peeling her clothes off the first time she met him. Had he made her do that?
And what about a few hours ago?
The hair rose on her arms as she thought of the dream. The two Esri forcing their way into the houseboat, Kade’s running in to save the day, only to tell the one called Ustanis to take the holly off her wrist.
She’d been so confused, so certain it was real. And, she’d bet money now it hadn’t been a dream at all. They had tried to attack her. Kade had stopped them. Not because he was being chivalrous. But because he needed the stones she was tracking down. If only she’d never told him about those.
As she buttoned the shirt, the dull roar of a vacuum cleaner erupted outside the bedroom door. Her eyes darted around the room as her brain leaped. Now. She had to escape now, while the noise covered her movement.
Autumn reached for the bedroom door, heart pounding. She couldn’t blow this. She might never get another chance. The doorknob clicked as the lock sprung, sending her heart to her throat, but the vacuuming continued. With shaking hands, she eased open the door and slipped into the hallway.
Kade, dressed in jeans and nothing else, stood half in and half out the bathroom door, his muscular arm shoving the vacuum back and forth into the now-dark room. Broken glass clinked as it disappeared into the machine. Beyond the bathroom, the living room, lit by two table lamps, was light and welcoming.
Her gaze traveled that infinite expanse to zero in on the front door and escape. The phrase so close and yet so far had never resonated quite so clearly.
Autumn stood rooted in the bedroom doorway, her palms sweating, her pulse racing. She couldn’t do this.
She had to. She alone knew Kade Smith was an Esri imposter. If she failed to get word to the others, he could kill them all.
Slowly, she forced herself to take a step, and then another, her bare feet barely sinking into the carpet’s worn pile. All she had to do was sneak past the bathroom.
The blood thundered in her ears, vibrating through her entire body. Now or never. Now or never.
She took a deep breath, gathered every bit of courage she possessed, then eased past the bathroom door. But just as she thought she was going to make it, the roar of the vacuum died. Kade stepped into the hallway, nearly backing into her. Autumn panicked.
With an explosion of fear and adrenaline, she ran for the apartment door, moving with a speed she could hardly credit. Within a handful of seconds, she was wrenching open the front door.
And just as suddenly, it slammed closed again, held there by a large, bare arm.
Panic thudded in her chest as she yanked at the door, but she couldn’t budge it. A silent scream vibrated in her throat, fueled by desperation. She had to get away.
But the door wasn’t budging.
Autumn released the knob and whirled, fists swinging. With a miraculous bit of luck, she caught Kade under the chin with her right fist, hard enough to snap his head back. Her eyes went wide. No way.
But the monster of a man didn’t go down. He didn’t even stumble, just stared at her, the surprise in his too-blue eyes hardening into determination.
She tried to hit him again, but he caught her right wrist so fast, she didn’t even see him move. With her left hand, she aimed for his eyes, but he deflected her hand at the last moment and her nails bit into his cheek instead, ripping through the skin in two places, drawing blood. Jaw clenching grimly, he snagged her left wrist and slammed both hands to the door above her head, pinning her.
But her gaze was caught on his cheek as she watched, scalp crawling, as the bloody gashes disappeared, leaving only the small smear of blood.
Dear God. The truth of what he was punched her in the stomach all over again. Terror whipped through her like an icy wind, prickling her scalp and making her mouth as dry as sandpaper.
“Let me go!” In desperation, Autumn struggled against his steel hold, trying to kick him or knee him. Anything.
She had to get away!
But his hold on her appeared almost effortless, though his face was set in grim lines.
As she fought him, an odd buzzing ignited deep in her body. Within seconds, the living-room lights exploded, one after the other, shattering like the bulbs in the bathroom, casting them into shadow. Only the light from the kitchen and the bedroom lit the apartment, now.
“What’s happening?” Autumn flinched and tensed for another explosion. Her voice quaked with the fear that was spreading like poison inside her. “What’s happening?”
Kade shook his head, his gaze tight and wary. “I don’t know. It’s the magic—the power we raised. But I don’t know why it’s doing this.”
Terror twisted inside her. Panic clawed at her throat and she tried to jerk her hands out of his hold. “Let me go!”
Kade’s blue gaze focused on her, pulling on her.
I don’t want to leave Kade. I trust Kade.
Autumn jerked and stared at him, breathing hard. “You just talked in my head.”
His eyes narrowed. “You heard my voice?”
“Yes!” She struggled against his superior hold and the insanity that was quickly becoming her life. “Let me go!”
He pressed his body hard against hers, pinning her to the door as he grabbed both her wrists in one hand and wrenched off her holly.
“No!” Without the holly, she’d be completely at his mercy. Enchanted. Controlled. “No, Kade, no!”
The lights in the kitchen blew, the fluorescent hissing as it died. Only the dim light from the bedroom cast a small glow into the room. But still she fought. She managed to free one leg enough to kick at his shin with her bare toes and stomp on his foot with her heel.
“Be still!”
She froze. Literally. Staring at his chest. As if he’d waved a magic wand and turned her to living stone.
She couldn’t move. Dear God, she couldn’t breathe. Kade, no! Don’t do this.
“That’s better,” he muttered. His voice sounded clearly in her head. I trust Kade. I don’t want to leave.
He didn’t know what he’d done to her! And she couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t move.
&
nbsp; Her lungs cried for air.
Kade!
But he couldn’t hear her.
And if he didn’t release her soon…she was going to die.
Chapter 11
Slowly, Kaderil loosened his grip on Autumn’s wrists, testing. His thoughts should have taken, now that he’d removed her holly. She no longer struggled against his hold, but neither had she relaxed. She remained pressed against the front door as if she sought to get as far from him as the small space between them would allow. She stared at his chest, refusing to meet his gaze.
He terrified her, and as much as he told himself he didn’t care, he did. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Little by little, he released her wrists, preparing himself for her renewed attack. But she didn’t move. He released her wrists entirely, and still she didn’t move. Her arms remained above her head as if he’d frozen her. As if…
In a flash he understood. He’d seen Marceils enchanted in just this way—told to hold still and unable to move until they were freed. They weren’t even able to…
“Breathe, Autumn. Move!” He grabbed her as she collapsed against the door, gasping for breath. Sweet Esria, he could have killed her. “Autumn, I didn’t know. I vow I didn’t know what I’d done to you. I’ve never been able to control another like that.”
She coughed against his chest. “What…what did you do to me?”
He pressed her against him, holding her up, stroking her back. “I must have acquired more power than I thought. When I told you to be still, I meant only for you to stop fighting me, but the magic forced you to obey my command. In every way.”
His mind leaped between horror at what he’d nearly done to her and wonder that he’d been able to do it at all. He raked his damp hair off his face as thoughts swirled in his head. “I still can’t enchant you, which would mean controlling your mind. But apparently, I can control your body.”
Autumn pulled away from him, her eyes wide with dismay and fear.
He reached for her, then dropped his hand when she jerked away. “I won’t hurt you. I’ve seen…” Memories rose to sicken him. The Esri controlled their Marceil slaves in just this way—body, but not mind. He’d seen the horrors visited upon slaves in the name of discipline and amusement. Never had he had that kind of power over another. Other than the recurrent wish he wasn’t so different from his brethren, he’d never wanted it.
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