by Nikki Ash
Needing to take a breather from this party, I excuse myself—even though I wasn’t even participating in the conversation—and escape down the hall to my bedroom. The condo is three bedrooms and two bathrooms. Since Delilah is the reason we are all living here rent free, and because she’s the only girl, she has the master bedroom and bath. Xander and I have our own rooms but share a bathroom—along with anyone who comes over.
Closing my door behind me, the music lessons but not much. We just finished moving in today, so my room is still filled with boxes. Sitting down on my bed—which is now put together—I reach over to the box on my nightstand that is marked fragile. When I open it up, I spot a couple of framed photos. The first one I grab is of my parents and me. I was ten in this picture. It was the last trip I took with them before they were killed. We’re standing in front of a large aquarium and the three of us are smiling. Sometimes, my heart aches over how much I miss my parents. They were older when they had me. I was their ‘oops’ baby. After years of trying, they didn’t think it would ever happen, and then at forty-two years old my mom found herself pregnant. She had a brother who died of a heart attack when I was little, and my dad was an only child. When my parents died, my grandma took me in, but she was already over eighty and not even two years later, she passed away.
I pull another framed photo out of the box. This one is of Delilah, Xander, and me this past summer. It’s another photo Xander had printed. We drove from Texas to New York and back, stopping at various places along the way. In this particular photo, the three of us are standing at the top of the GE building. Delilah is in the middle, and she’s cracking up laughing at Xander who is scowling because her hair is being blown by the wind right into his face—and me...I’m looking at them. While I would give anything to have my parents back, sometimes I wonder if everything happened the way it was supposed to. Had my parents not died, I would’ve never ended up in the Carson’s foster home. It was a pretty shitty place to live, but I would live there for the rest of my life if it meant I would meet Xander and Delilah. Maybe it was God’s plan for the three of us to meet at a time in our lives when we needed each other more than even our twelve year old selves could ever know.
“Hey.” I look up at the voice and see Xander standing in my doorway. He steps inside and closes the door behind him. “You okay?” He sits down on the bed next to me and takes the photo out of my hand. He stares at it for a few seconds before he looks up at me. His tongue darts out to wet his upper lip before he bites down on the bottom one. He does this whenever he’s worried.
“Yeah,” I say, adverting my eyes back to the picture in his hand. “Just thinking about how good it is for the three of us to be living under one roof. Delilah is healthy and we have this next year for all of us to hang out before you have to decide if you’re staying or going.”
“Cole,” Xander whispers, and I look up at him.
“Yeah?”
He licks his lips and bites down on his bottom lip again before he shakes his head. “Never mind.” He chuckles softly and stands, handing me back the photo. “I’ll see you back out there.” He tilts his head toward the door then walks away. I place the photo on my nightstand and follow behind him.
Grabbing another beer, I spot a friend of mine that I met in health class last semester. “Hey man! Nice place.” Darryl sticks his hand out to shake mine.
“Thanks. You ready for school to start back up this week?”
“Fuck no, but I’m ready to be one year closer to graduating.”
“True. Did you do anything this summer?”
I’m listening to Darryl tell me about his various hookups and trips when my eyes lock with Xander’s. He shoots me a lopsided grin that has me feeling shit I most definitely shouldn’t be feeling about my best friend. This isn’t the first time, though, I’ve had these feelings pop up. It’s been happening for years, but I’ve chosen to ignore them. I tell myself it’s because we’re sleeping with the same woman. My body and mind are just confused. The problem is something deep down inside of me often calls bullshit on that excuse.
It’s close to four in the morning when the condo is back to the way it was before the party. Everyone has left, the beer is all gone, and it’s quiet, aside from the soft music that’s still playing, filling the silence. Xander is taking a shower in our bathroom, and Delilah is taking one in hers. Since I already took one, I’m lying in my bed playing my PlayStation. There’s a knock on my door and in walks Delilah. She’s dressed in her tiny cotton shorts and tank top. She lays down next to me, and like she does often when I’m playing my video games, she puts her head in my lap and watches. A few minutes later Xander joins, snagging up the other controller and sitting on the bed next to me. I switch the game to two players, and we play a couple games of NBA Live before we’re both too exhausted to see the screen. I turn the PlayStation off, and when I look down, Delilah is softly snoring. Xander just shrugs, scooting down and wrapping his arms around one of my pillows. I pull Delilah up next to me and her head goes straight to my chest.
“I’m pretty sure this defeats the point of having three bedrooms,” I joke as I slide down the bed, so I’m laying down.
“Nah.” Xander chuckles. “We’ll just rotate bedrooms, that way they all get used.” He grins over at me before he closes his eyes, and as I watch my two best friends sleep, I can’t help but wonder what is in store for all of our futures. I’ve learned over the years that if things appear to be too perfect, they probably are.
chapter thirteen
Xander
“How the hell did you get me to agree to this?” I step out of the bathroom, and Delilah squeals.
“It’s so perfect! This is awesome!” She steps closer and fixes the collar to my...“What the fuck is this? A cape?” I ask.
“No!” Delilah giggles. “It’s a robe!”
“Whatever. I look like a nerd. I’m a twenty-year old college student. I’m supposed to look cool.” I pout.
“We can look uncool together,” Cole says, coming out of his room, dressed in the same robe as me. Only he’s wearing an ugly as fuck orange wig. I crack up laughing.
“I guess it could be worse. I could be a carrot top.” I nod toward his head.
“How about you go fuck yourself,” Cole smarts back.
“You two...stop,” Delilah chides. “Now hold still, Xander. I need to draw the lightning bolt on your forehead.” She uncaps a marker, and standing on her tiptoes, draws on me. “There!” She steps back and stares at me for a second before she says, “Oh! Glasses!” She scurries into her room and comes back out with a pair of black-rimmed glasses. She places them on me. “Now you’re perfect!” She jumps up and down, clapping, and when I look at Cole, he’s grinning. He doesn’t care how nerdy he looks. He loves making Delilah happy. We both do. I just wish I didn’t have to do it dressed as Harry fucking Potter.
“We’re going to be the best dressed, you know.” Delilah says as we head down the hall to the front door. “How perfect is it? Hermione, Harry, and Ron...three best friends.”
“I’m pretty sure the three of them didn’t fuck,” I point out, grabbing Delilah by the waist and pulling her into me, playfully.
“No, they didn’t. But you know everyone was wishing they would’ve.”
“Really? All the kids who watched the movies were hoping for a threesome?” I joke, pressing the elevator button. Cole laughs and shakes his head.
“Noooo, the teenagers and adults. C’mon, everyone felt the sexual tension between them, but the author had to keep it PG.”
We arrive at the Halloween party that one of the houses on campus is throwing. Delilah immediately spots her friends, Summer and Kaelyn, who live here, and runs over to them. I spot some of the guys from the basketball team, and they call me over. As I’m walking over to them, I see Cole standing alone. He’s been here for a year, but his entire focus has been on Delilah getting better and school. Sure, he’s made some friends and several of our old friends from high school
go here as well, but Cole has always been more of a loner. Even as one of the star basketball players at our school, with girls wanting to date him and guys wanting to hang out with him, he always chose to hang out with Delilah and me over everything else.
“Hey,” I call back to him. “Let’s go.” He nods once and joins me. We spend the next couple hours drinking and playing cards with a bunch of other people.
“Ron! Harry!” We hear Delilah shout, and we both groan.
“I think she’s a little drunk,” Cole says with laughter as Delilah approaches. She plops down onto Cole’s lap and wraps her arms around him.
“Did you know Hermione and Ron get married at the end of the last book?” she says, her words coming out slurred. Cole looks around her toward me and shoots me a please help me look. A drunk Delilah is a loose lipped Delilah.
“Alright, Hermione. Nobody is getting married tonight, but you know what you are doing?” I stand up and walk over to help her up.
“Casting a spell on you!” She points her finger at me and grins.
“Nope!” I answer, trying not to laugh at her antics. Cole, on the other hand, shakes with laughter. “You’re going home and sleeping off your drunkenness.”
Delilah flicks her wrist and yells, “Amortentia!” Then she backs up slightly from Cole and flicks her wrist toward him, repeating the word again. “There!” She claps. “I cast a spell on you both!”
Cole stands and places Delilah on the floor, holding onto her hips so she doesn’t sway. “Oh yeah, are we going to turn into frogs?”
“Nope,” she says, making a popping sound as she drags the word out slowly. She bends her pointer finger, indicating for me to come closer. I move towards them slightly, but she shakes her head, silently telling me to come even closer. When I’m close enough to her liking, she whispers, “It’s a love spell.”
“We already love you, sweet girl,” I point out.
“I know that, silly.” She giggles. “It’s a spell to make you two fall in love! Duh.”
I look over her shoulder at Cole and see his gaze is boring into mine. “Let’s get you home. You’ve definitely had too much to drink.”
“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
chapter fourteen
Delilah
“Hand me the red nail polish,” Summer says to Kaelyn, who is currently painting my nails on my right hand.
“Umm...it’s actually called Seduction.” Kaelyn laughs and tosses it her way.
“Oh...even better, since I plan to seduce a man tomorrow night and lure him back to my room.” Summer waggles her eyebrows playfully. I met Summer and Kaelyn our freshman year in our English class. The girls were already friends, but they welcomed me into their tiny circle with open arms. I was worried that once I told them I had had cancer, they would shy away, or like my high school friends did, push me away out of fear of ‘catching it.’ They, however, proved to be amazing, supportive friends.
“I seriously love this view,” Summer says, standing up from the lounge chair and walking over to the wall. “Every time we come out here, I never want to leave.” We’re currently sitting on my private roof patio that is accessible directly from my condo. My parents, knowing how much it means to me to be outside, made sure the condo they purchased had access to a roof patio. It’s not as amazing as my barn, and it doesn’t hold as many fond memories, but with a few lounge chairs, a large umbrella, and a table and chair set, it’s a pretty awesome place to hang out and create new memories. The truth is I’ve probably spent more time out here the last several months than inside the condo. We even put a barbeque out here, and the guys grill often.
“You think you’ll stay living here after we graduate?” Kaelyn asks.
After we graduate...There was a time I didn’t even think I would be alive to graduate high school let alone attend college, and now there’s only one month left of my sophomore year. The thought makes me smile.
“I’m not sure.” As much as I love living here, my dream was always to get my elementary education degree and teach at the elementary school I went to, so I could live near my parents, but now so much has changed. Cole is officially majoring in physical education and is hoping to coach basketball, and Xander is majoring in business—even though he will most likely end up in the NBA. We never talk about the future, but I would love to be wherever they are. I’m just not sure if they feel the same way. For so long I was scared I wouldn’t make it to the next day, so we never discussed a month into the future, let alone a year or five years. Xander and Cole helped me create an escape from the reality of my life, of my cancer, and they never would’ve asked about the future, knowing there was a good chance I might not have one. But now that I’m once again in remission—and have been for almost two years—I feel like maybe it’s time to start planning my future again.
“Ladies,” a masculine voice says, and I turn around to see Cole and Xander walking over. They’re both dressed in their workout gear...if you can call it that—basketball shorts and tennis shoes. That’s right, no shirt. I can’t help but check them both out. While their bodies are both lean and muscular, both of them well over six feet tall, they wear their facial and body hair differently. Cole keeps his face clean shaven, never letting it grow past a light stubble. Xander, on the other hand, keeps a full face of hair—always edged and trimmed neatly. I love that when I kiss them it feels so different. Cole’s chest is completely hairless. He doesn’t wax it or anything, it’s just the way it is. Xander, however, has a light smatter of chest hair along with a thick happy trail that begins just under his belly button and goes straight down to his—
“Ahem.” I shake myself out of my thoughts. “You okay there?” Xander chuckles.
“Yeah,” I choke out. “I’m just feeling a bit warm. Maybe we should head inside soon.” This time Cole laughs.
“What are you two up to?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Just playing some ball and getting a workout in. Championship game is tomorrow night. You coming?”
I roll my eyes. “You already know I’ll be there. Have I missed a single one of your home games this season?”
“I know...I’m just making sure.”
“We can ride together,” Kaelyn says, jumping into the conversation.
“Yeah!” Summer adds. “We’re going to Club Matrix tomorrow night. You guys should come after the game.”
“You’re going to Club Matrix?” Cole questions with a frown.
“Yep!” Summer answers for me. “We’re going to find some hotties to dance with.” She winks at Cole, and both girls giggle. I’m not even sure Cole sees the wink, though, because when my eyes dart to his, he and Xander are both glaring at me. My stomach twists into a tight knot. I can’t remember the last time, if ever, my boys were mad at me. I mean, they may have been, lord knows I’m not perfect, but when you’ve danced with death, people tend to look past anything you do wrong.
“Yes!” Kaelyn adds. “We’re going to find a man for Delilah.”
“And for us!” Summer laughs.
When the girls begged me to go out dancing, I tried to say no, but then they pointed out that I’ve been single for too long, and it’s time to put myself out there. I tried to refuse but they weren’t taking no for an answer, and since I can’t exactly tell them I’m taken—kind of—by my two best friends, I didn’t really have a valid reason for not wanting to go out dancing in hopes of meeting someone.
“So...you boys want to join us?” Kaelyn coos. Her hand goes to Xander’s wrist, and I bite the inside of my cheek in an attempt to keep my mouth shut. I can’t get mad at them for hitting on my boys. They asked me if I wanted to claim either one, and since I couldn’t tell them I wanted to claim both, I said no. They held up their end of the girl code by asking first, so I can’t say shit when they hit on them.
“We’ll see,” Xander says, backing out of Kaelyn’s reach. “I need to take a shower.”
“Same,” Cole agrees, following Xander, even t
hough there’s no way they’re both going to shower since they share a bathroom and never use mine.
Once they’re inside, Summer and Kaelyn both gush about how hot the guys are and how they can’t believe I live here with the two of them, and if they lived with them, they would be sneaking into their beds at night. I don’t bother to tell them that I don’t need to sneak because they welcome me willingly.
chapter fifteen
Xander
Delilah is one of the most important people in my life. I love her and need her and crave her. But the thing is, while I’m sexually attracted to her, my need for her isn’t because I’m in love with her. I would say my love for her is more like a brotherly-sisterly sort of thing, but that would be fucking weird since I stick my dick in her on the regular. My point, which I’m doing a shitty job at making, is that I love her, but it’s not like someone who loves their lover, the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. I love her because I need her. She’s the glue that holds us all together. She and Cole are my entire world. I crave Delilah because when I’m with her I feel complete. But all of that is only because with Delilah comes Cole.
So as I stood outside and listened to her friends go on and on about finding her a man, I wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up and kick their asses out. They don’t realize that by pushing Delilah to move forward, they are inadvertently taking Cole with them. I know one day Delilah will move on. I know she’ll get married and have kids, and the relationship we have will change. It’s inevitable. But I’m not ready for it to end yet, because when it does, I’ll lose Cole. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to lose him. But just like Delilah, I know one day Cole is going to move on. He’s going to marry some sweet woman who will give him a bunch of babies. He’ll live in suburbia and drive a fucking minivan. And when that day comes, I’ll have no choice but to watch them walk away. Even if it fucking kills me to do so.