by Nikki Ash
“You okay?” Delilah asks, shaking me out of my thoughts. I nod but keep quiet. I’ve never lied to Delilah or Xander, but it feels like even simply nodding my head is a lie. The truth is I don’t know how I feel. When I was jerking off and Xander was watching, I felt turned on. But when it was over, I almost felt...dirty, like what I did was wrong. Then when Xander walked out of the bathroom without saying a word, I felt guilty as fuck. For what? I have no clue. For not talking to him about it, maybe, or for doing it with only him in the bathroom when we all promised it was all of us or none of us, I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what to think or feel.
But now as I watch him play his last game, I’m suddenly feeling nervous...scared even. What if he does decide to enter the draft? I need to talk to him, ask him what all that meant. Was it curiosity? Is he gay? Bi? He’s clearly turned on when we’re all together, but is it for Delilah or me? Aside from being with Delilah, he’s never been with anyone else...but at the same time, neither have I. What started as a way to comfort Delilah has turned into something else...something more...something we never talk about. We just pretend like it’s perfectly normal for the three of us to be friends by day and fuck buddies by night.
“Are you sure, Cole?” Delilah pushes. “You’re awfully quiet.”
“Yeah, where are your parents?” I look over at the empty seats next to her.
“They’re on their way. My mom texted that there’s an accident, so they will be a few minutes late.”
“Okay.” I nod.
“Cole,” Delilah says, “I know something is on your mind. What’s going on?”
“Do you ever wonder where we’re going?” I blurt out.
“Going where?” she asks, confused. “To the club tonight?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Do you ever wonder where the three of us are going with this relationship? I mean, what were we thinking? When do we end? When one of us meets someone else? What if the guy you meet isn’t okay with the fact that you slept with your two best friends? Xander is going to be joining the NBA. There’s no way this can all continue.” I hear my voice rising and see the people around us glancing at me, so I lower my voice. “You’re my best friend, Delilah,” I whisper. “You and Xander...you guys are fucking everything. What if us all being together is what destroys our friendship?” I don’t voice the concern niggling in the back of my mind as I recall Xander standing in the bathroom. What if it already has?
Delilah opens and closes her mouth several times like she’s trying to form her thoughts into words, but nothing ever comes out, words aren’t spoken, and just like we’ve all done for the last three years, we go back to pretending like everything is completely normal, sweeping it all under that proverbial rug. But you know what the problem is when you keep sweeping that dirt under the rug? Eventually, someone’s bound to trip over that shit and fall flat on their face.
chapter seventeen
Delilah
Once when I was ten, my parents and I went to California on vacation. We were hanging out in the hotel room, watching television and eating dinner that my parents ordered from room service, when out of nowhere the ground began to quake beneath us. The pictures on the walls shook and anything that wasn’t tied down fell to the ground and broke. It happened so quickly we didn’t even see it coming, and it was over before we could even comprehend what was happening. I was young, but I can remember looking around and wondering how something that only lasted a few short moments could bring such destruction to everything it touched. Luckily, it wasn’t a huge earthquake, and we were all okay.
Now, as I sit here, in the living room of my condo, it’s like experiencing that earthquake all over again. The only difference is, while the one in California silently destroyed physical property, the one I’m experiencing right now is not only silent, but to the visible eye, one wouldn’t even know it’s occurring. But I know it is. And I’m terrified how it’s going to rate on the Richter scale. It may not appear bad, but I have a horrible feeling that lives are about to be destroyed, and as much as I would love to be able to blame mother nature, I am the only one to blame. I did this. I came in quietly, and before Xander or Cole even knew what was happening, I destroyed everything in our wake. But instead of dealing with the destruction, they chose to ignore it. They chose to love me and put me first. I’m selfish, and I don’t deserve either of them, which is why I’m going to fix this. I’m going to clean up the mess I’ve created, and I’m going to earn their love.
“If you want to go out, you should go,” Cole says as he grabs a beer from the fridge and sits down next to me. “Xander is going to be late. With them winning the championship, he’s going to be giving interviews for a while.”
“I know. I just don’t feel like going out.” I sit back on the couch and tuck my legs under me.
“Are you feeling sick?” Cole starts checking me out like he always does any time I mention I don’t feel well. He’s so afraid of the cancer coming back that at the first sign of any illness he freaks out.
“Calm down. I said I don’t feel like going out, not that I don’t feel good.” I see Cole visibly sigh in relief. “Want to watch a movie?”
“Sure.” He walks over to the entertainment center and holds up a couple of movies we recently purchased. I pick the romantic comedy, and Cole groans but puts it into the DVD player. He sits back down, and we watch the movie in silence. When it finishes, I have him put in another one. Xander needs to get here soon...
I couldn’t even tell you what happened in the first movie or what’s going on in this one. I’m way too nervous. I came up with a plan to make everything right, and at the time I thought it was pure genius, but now that it’s time to execute said plan, I’m not so sure anymore.
Just as I’m considering chickening out, the front door swings open and in walks Xander. He’s dressed in his suit that he has to wear to and from all their games. He nods to both of us and starts to walk past us, down the hall, which is odd. Before he makes it too far, I call out his name. “Come and watch the movie with us.”
He stops in his place, and since I’m paying close attention, I see his eyes dart to Cole before he looks at me. I can tell he’s going to say no, so I add, “It just started. You haven’t missed anything. Please.”
Not able to say no to me, he says he’s going to get changed and will be right back. While he’s gone, I move to the middle of the couch so Xander will have to sit on the other side of me. A few minutes later, Xander comes back out, now in his basketball shorts and a cotton tee. He sits next to me, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that he and Cole haven’t said a single word to each other. Once Xander gets comfortable, I fake a yawn and lie down across the couch with my head in Xander’s lap and my feet in Cole’s. Xander’s hand comes down and rubs the heel of his palm up and down my arm while Cole rests his hands over my ankles. After a few minutes of neither of them making a move to do anything, I realize I’m going to need to take control.
Rolling over onto my back, my breasts move to where my arm was, and Xander’s hand rubs up against my nipples since I’m not wearing a bra. I let out a moan to make my interest known, and Xander looks down at me, one brow quirking up (Okay, my moan might have been a bit dramatic, but c’mon!). I push my chest out slightly and give him a grin that makes it clear I want him to touch me. Thankfully, he gets the hint this time. Using his fingers, he trails a line across my breasts and stops at my now erect nipple, tweaking it slightly. I let out another, more believable, moan, and it gets Cole’s attention. His head turns from watching the movie and his gaze lands on Xander...not me, but Xander. It’s only for a quick second, but I saw it. Immediately, his attention goes to me, and without me having to say a word, his palms run up my thighs to my shorts.
Cole edges closer and, without wasting any time, pushes my shorts and panties down my legs, while Xander helps me pull my top off. Cole spreads my legs enough so that he can stick his fingers into me. I’m not yet wet, so he spreads my legs further, moving down
onto the floor and positioning himself between them. He spreads my lips and starts licking me. I look up at Xander and catch him watching Cole. When he sees me, he bends his head down, grips the back of my head and pulls me into a searing kiss. It’s the roughest he’s ever been with me, and it screams desperation. His teeth clack against mine, but he doesn’t care. His palm massages my breast almost to the point of pain, and I let him. I don’t know what’s going on with Xander, but it’s almost as if he’s using my body as an outlet to take his aggression out on.
With Xander’s mouth never leaving mine, I feel Cole spread my thighs wider, his fingers delving into my pussy and his tongue flicking at my clit repeatedly. We’ve all done this dance so many times, they can get me off in record time. I feel my orgasm approaching, and I can’t help but buck my hips against Cole’s mouth, his light stubble scratching against my pussy and causing friction. He holds my thighs in place, and when the flat of his tongue presses against my clit, I lose the last of my control. My moans are muffled by Xander’s mouth, and only once I’ve finally come down from my orgasm do either of them stop touching me.
Before they can say a word, I jump up from the couch. “I want to suck you both,” I demand, dropping to my knees. They both obey by pushing their pants and boxers down. Their dicks are hard but not hard enough for what I have in mind. Taking both of their dicks in my hands, I lift Xander’s shaft and lick up the underside of his thick, long length before taking it completely into my mouth. Then I do the same thing to Cole. I lick, kiss, and suck their dicks, switching back and forth between the two of them several times until they’re both hard as steel.
“Take your shirts off,” I instruct, and they both obey as I continue to suck them off. I sneak a glance up and see Xander staring at Cole, and I know in this moment I’m right about what I’m thinking, because shining bright in Xander’s eyes isn’t just love for a friend—it’s lust. I stop sucking him, and he looks down at me, and I swear I almost see a flicker of guilt...or maybe fear.
“Come here,” I command softly. His eyes widen, but he does as I say, kneeling next to me. Turning back to Cole, he’s standing there, frozen in place. I stroke Cole a few more times before I make my move. Taking the back of Xander’s head, I guide him over to Cole’s dick. I glance up again at Cole, and when he doesn’t say anything, I press my fingers against the back of Xander’s neck. His eyes flicker up to Cole’s face, but Cole stays silent. I hold my breath, waiting to see if Xander will follow through, and then he does. His lips part, and he takes Cole’s dick into his mouth. He stops about an inch in and sucks on the crown before opening his lips more and swallowing Cole’s entire length. I can see it when the tip of Cole’s dick hits the back of Xander’s throat because his Adam’s apple bobs slightly.
Then Cole lets out a shaky groan that spurs Xander on. His hand comes up to Cole’s scrotum, and he massages his sac while he sucks Cole’s dick. All too soon, Cole is warning Xander that he’s coming, but Xander doesn’t care. If anything, the warning has him sucking harder and faster. Cole’s hips buck a couple times, then he completely stills, as Xander takes every drop of cum Cole gives him.
When Cole’s dick begins to visibly soften, Xander removes his mouth from around him and backs up slightly. I’m about to say something, address what just happened, but before I can, Cole curses under his breath and says, “That shouldn’t have fucking happened.” Then he stalks out of the living room and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him and leaving Xander and me alone.
“Xander,” I begin to say, but he stops me.
“Don’t. You shouldn’t have done that, Delilah.” Xander stands, grabbing his boxers and pants and pulling them on, with his back to me. It’s not often Xander calls me by my first name, so I know he’s really upset.
“I just thought that if I gave you guys a nudge...”
Xander’s head whips around to face me. “We’re not rabbits, Delilah! You can’t stick us in a cage together and force us to mate.”
“That’s not what I was doing.” I shake my head back and forth.
“Fuck!” Xander punches his fist into the wall, and the drywall crumbles. “I need to get out of here.” And without another word, Xander grabs his keys and is out the door.
In this moment, a feeling of dread washes over me. What if I just made the worst decision in our relationship? My nudge to get them together could do more damage than any earthquake ever could. What if I just doomed what the three of us have shared for so long? No, I refuse to believe that. I’m going to fix this. The guys will both calm down, we’ll sit down and talk, and we’ll figure it all out. Everything is going to be okay.
chapter eighteen
Xander
“Please don’t do this,” Delilah pleads again, but it’s pointless because it’s already been done and there’s no going back. And even if I could somehow get out of it, I wouldn’t want to. This past month has shown me that I’ve made the best decision for the three of us. Does it hurt like a bitch? Hell yeah, it does. I’m about to leave the only true family I’ve ever known. But it needed to be done. After the way things went down between Cole and me the last time the three of us were together, I need to get away. I can’t be around someone I’m in love with, only to watch him love somebody else. People look at me and see a six-foot-four, one hundred eighty-five pound basketball player who can deadlift four hundred pounds. They praise my strength and agility on the court, but what they don’t realize is that even strong men can be weak, and Cole Andrews is my weakness. I believe in my heart that somewhere deep within him, there’s a possibility he feels even a fraction of what I feel, but because he’s so bent on making his mom proud, he’ll never allow himself to come to terms with his feelings.
“Delilah, we’ve been through this a dozen times in the last month. It’s already done.” I tape up the last box of my items and carry it out of my room and to the front door. Taking my keys in my hand, I glance around the condo one last time. I’ve only lived here for less than a year, but during that time it felt more like a home than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. My eyes linger on the hallway leading to Cole’s room, a small part of me wishing he would come out and tell me not to go, not that it would make a difference. The commitment has already been made.
“I know, but I mean...maybe you could tell them you made a mistake and want to finish college.” My eyes leave the hallway and land on Delilah. Her chocolate brown hair is up in a messy bun, her caramel colored eyes are red from crying, and her cheeks are stained pink from the tears that have fallen. I hate that my leaving is why she’s so sad, but she had to know when she made the decision to push Cole and me together, there would be some kind of fall out.
“But I didn’t make a mistake. I signed a four year contract with the Houston Armadillos.”
Tears well up in her eyes, and I open my arms for her to give me a hug. She rushes to me, her body crashing into mine, and she lets out a loud sob that nearly shatters my heart. “I-I’m so sorry, Xander. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” Delilah’s tiny arms wrap around my waist, and she hugs me like she’s afraid if she lets go, I’ll disappear.
“Shh...it’s okay. There’s nothing to forgive, sweet girl. Your heart was in the right place. Unfortunately, Cole’s heart isn’t mine for the taking.” I pull back slightly so I can look her in the eyes. “I’m always going to be here for you, and I’m only four hours away.”
“I know,” she cries, fresh tears falling. I wipe them away with my thumb, but they keep coming.
“I need you to promise me two things.”
“Anything,” she says through her sobs.
“First, I need you to promise me that you won’t say a word to Cole about me: not about what happened the last time we were together, or about how I feel towards him. You can’t push him to feel something he either doesn’t feel or doesn’t want to feel.”
“What?” She shakes her head. “No. Please, Xander. We’re going to work this out. Cole just needs time.”
&n
bsp; “No, we’re not. Even if Cole reciprocates my feelings for him, he will never act on them.”
“Why? I don’t get it.”
“His mom had a heart-to-heart with him before she died. She made him promise all this shit. About following his dreams and getting married, and none of it involved him falling for his male best friend.”
“Oh, Xander.” Delilah hugs me again. “We can talk to him together.”
“Delilah, no. Promise me.”
“I hate this,” she cries into my chest.
“I know, but it’s the way it needs to be.”
“Okay,” she agrees. “I don’t like it, but I promise.” She lifts her face and wipes her tears.
“Thank you.” I give her a kiss on her forehead.
“I’m afraid to ask, but what’s the second thing?”
“I need you to promise me you’ll forget about our pact: all of us or none of us.”
“Xander, stop, this is crazy. There’s no us without you.”
“There is now. Not that you need it, but I’m giving you my blessing.”
“Blessing for what?”
“For you and Cole to be together. He loves you, and you love him. The two of you can be happy together. Now promise.”
“Damn it, Xander!” Delilah bites down on her bottom lip as fresh tears race downwards. “Okay, I promise.”
After giving her one last hug, I remove the condo key from the ring and hold it out for her. “No, I’m not taking it. This will always be your home. Keep it in case of an emergency, or if you change your mind. I’m not taking it.”
Not wanting to upset her any further, I agree. Then I take one last look down the hall, and picking up my final box, I head downstairs to the new car I purchased with my signing bonus—leaving my heart behind as I walk away. I never imagined that the pain from my heart being shattered could bury itself so deep into my soul that it would feel as if I can’t even catch my breath—especially over someone I never truly had to begin with. I remind myself that Cole would never be okay with being with me in the way I want to be with him. And I would never be able to settle for less than all of him.