by Nikki Ash
Tears fill my eyes. “I don’t think I can do this without you,” I admit, my eyes closing in fear of being rejected. When Xander doesn’t say anything, I open them back up and see he’s staring at me.
“I’m always here. I might not be in Dallas with you guys, but I’m only a phone call away.”
Xander gets up and grabs two fresh beers, and when he sits down, I change the subject. I’m too close to begging him to come home, and I know his life is here now.
“I’ve been watching your games. You’re killing it.”
Xander grants me his signature cocky smirk that always has a tad bit of shyness to it. “Yeah.” He shrugs. “They’re talking about re-signing me next year. I love it, man. I love playing.”
“When I watch your games, I can’t believe you’re out there playing with all of the guys we’ve spent our life looking up to.”
“It’s un-fuckin-real. I swear the first time we played Cleveland, and I stepped out onto the court with Lebron, I almost asked him for his autograph.”
“I probably would’ve!” I laugh, and Xander cracks up. “How long are you home for?” I ask.
“I leave first thing in the morning. We have ten days on the road.”
We talk sports for I don’t know how long, Xander telling me all about his practices and his time on the road. The non-basketball related stuff like fundraisers. He wants to start a charity soon, but he’s not sure what kind yet. Eventually the conversation steers toward me. We discuss my job and coaching. I don’t know why, but I don’t mention that Delilah and I aren’t together anymore. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m hoping she’ll take me back so we can be a family for this baby, or if it’s because if I told him I’m single, he might ask why, and then I’d have to tell him the truth, and I just can’t bring myself to do it. When my phone pings with a text from Delilah asking if I’m okay, I look at the time and see I’ve been here for several hours, and it’s already almost four in the morning.
“Shit, it’s already morning,” I say to Xander. “I told Delilah I would be home last night.” I stand. “Thank you for this. I know...I know shit is weird between us, but thank you.”
Xander stands up and pulls me into a hug. “Delilah will always come first. If either of you need anything at all, please call me. Whatever happened between us doesn’t fucking matter.”
I know his comment is meant to make it clear that he’s here—we can be adults and put our shit aside to be there for Delilah—but fuck if it doesn’t hurt when I hear him refer to us in the past.
chapter thirty-one
Cole
“Dr. Blake, thank you for returning my call.” I throw my gym bag into the passenger seat of my car and turn the ignition on.
“Of course, how are you?”
“I’m good.” I switch the conversation to Bluetooth and pull out of the high school. “I was calling because I was hoping you could take a look at the ultrasound images and tell me the sex of the baby.” He’s quiet for a moment, so I explain. “As you know, Delilah has cancer. We don’t know what the future holds, so I would like to get things ready for the baby.”
“I understand, Cole. I’m pulling her file up now.” After several seconds, he tells me the sex of the baby, and I thank him. We hang up just as I’m pulling into the baby store. I’ve seen Delilah circle tons of shit for both sexes when she’s hanging around the house. When I returned home, I insisted she quit her job, and she agreed. She needs to relax and focus on her health. I also insisted I go back to sleeping in her bed with her. We haven’t had sex, but I’m not going to spend our days together in a different room. Once the baby comes, and after she’s done fighting for her life and survives, she can leave my ass and find her happily ever after, but for now, she’s stuck with me.
I grab a shopping cart and start combing the aisles for everything Joanne said we’ll need: a crib, a changing table, a dresser, bedding. I pick up some diapers and wipes, bottles because she’ll need to formula feed so she can be treated. Joanne is in charge of throwing the shower, so she told me not to pick up too much, since a lot of people will want to buy stuff. I find a lamp and wall décor that matches the bedding, and once I’m done I check out and load it all into my car. The big stuff is being delivered tomorrow. I’ve already spoken to Summer, and she’s agreed to take Delilah out for the morning to breakfast and to do some light shopping while the furniture is delivered and set up.
When I get home, I leave everything in my car so she doesn’t see it, and head up to our condo. When I get inside, I find Delilah sleeping on the couch. Her hand is covering her protruding belly in a protective way. I pull my phone out and snap a picture of her and send it to Xander. We’ve spoken a few times over the last few weeks when he texts or calls to ask about Delilah. He sends a text back, saying she looks beautiful and to let him know when the baby shower is, so he can make sure he’s there. He sent me a couple of dates that he will be in town. I want everyone who loves Delilah to be there.
“Hey,” Delilah says groggily. She sits up slowly, wincing in pain.
“What hurts?” I ask, going to her.
“My body is just feeling sore, and my headaches are kind of bad,” she admits, opening the bottle of Tylenol and popping a couple into her mouth. Her hand goes to her belly, and I see it shift.
“Here, feel!” she whispers in excitement, grabbing my hand and sticking it on her stomach. She’s been feeling the baby move for weeks, but any time she tries to show me, I don’t feel anything.
“I think he’s done.” I laugh. Delilah has resorted to calling the baby a ‘he’ instead of an ‘it,’ so I do the same thing.
“No, don’t move your hand,” she demands. We sit like this for a good minute, just staring at each other with my hand on her belly and her hand covering mine. Her hair is up in her signature messy bun, and she’s makeup free. Her skin has gotten paler the last several months, and I know it’s because she’s sick. But she’s still Delilah. She’s still gorgeous—on the inside and out. Fully aware it’s probably a bad idea but needing to feel her soft lips against mine, I lean toward her to kiss her. Only when I do, I feel a bump under my hand and then another one. I jump up in shock, and Delilah throws her head back in a full-on belly laugh, and fuck if it isn’t the most beautiful sound in the world.
“You felt it!” She giggles. “Isn’t it so cool?” He continues to bump up against my hand a few times before he stops.
“That’s unbelievable,” I say in awe. “There’s a tiny little human inside you.”
“I know.” She nods her head emphatically. “I know.” Tears brim her eyes, and when she blinks, they race down her cheeks. “I know you don’t understand why I’m risking my life, but there’s a baby in me. He’s part you and part me, and he deserves to be brought into this world.”
Her crying gets harder, and I pull her into my lap so she’s straddling me. I can feel her stomach between us as she wraps her arms around my waist and sobs into the crook of my neck. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I’m so, so sorry. I’m going to fight. I promise.”
Holding Delilah close, I rest my chin on top of her head and let her cry. She’s been so tough the last couple of months since she admitted she has cancer. She’s refused to cry and barely acknowledges she even has cancer, aside from the weekly visits she has to go to so they can monitor her closely. She even told them she doesn’t want to know anything unless it affects the baby because she isn’t changing her mind.
“Cole, I need you to promise me something,” she says through her tears. “Promise me that if I die—”
“No,” I say, cutting her off. “Nope, we’re not going there. You’re not fucking dying. You hear me?” I lift her chin. “You. Are. Not. Dying. You’re going to give birth to our baby, and then you’re going to fight like hell, and once you’re all better, you’re going to live out every damn dream you’ve ever had.”
“What dreams?” she asks, confused.
“Meeting the love of your life and getting married,” I
say, repeating the words she said years ago. “Damn it, Delilah. I hate that you’ve wasted so many years on me.”
“No, Cole. I didn’t waste anything on you. I love you.” She presses her lips to mine softly. “I was meant to spend my life with you.” I open my mouth to argue, but she kisses me again before I can get a word out. When our kiss turns from gentle to rough, I pull back slightly.
“Delilah...”
“Don’t say anything, please. Just make love to me,” she pleads, her big caramel eyes blinking through her tears, and because I’ll always give this woman whatever she wants, I agree. Picking her up, I carry her to our room, lay her down on the bed, and make love to her while I pray to whatever God is above not to take her from me or from our baby. This isn’t a world I want to live in, if it doesn’t have Delilah in it.
chapter thirty-two
Delilah
“Surprise!” I walk into the condo with Cole and see, standing in my living room, the small group of people that make up my world: my mom, my dad, Summer, Kaelyn. Some friends I made during my short time at work. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are even here! And then I spot him, and if I wasn’t eight months pregnant, I would be running over to him and jumping into his arms like I’ve done so many times before. But I am, so instead, I waddle my ass over to him and throw my arms around his neck. I inhale his scent, and it confirms he’s my Xander. I haven’t seen him in person in almost three years, but it’s as if he never left. His body is a bit firmer, more muscular, but it’s still him.
“I missed you so much,” I cry into his chest, forgetting about all of the other people standing around. I just need him. I need to feel his protective arms around me.
“I’m here, sweet girl. I’m sorry it took me so long to come back.”
Shaking my head, I murmur, “It’s okay. I know why you’ve stayed away.” And I do. I know how much he loves Cole. There’s so much more I want to say—need to say—but right now isn’t the time. So instead, I stand up on my tiptoes and give Xander a kiss on his cheek, then I turn around to face the rest of my friends and family.
“Thank you everyone for being here!” I look around and see dozens of pink and blue balloons with a huge banner that reads “Baby Shower.” There’s a beautiful three tier cake and tons of cupcakes and other sweets. When Cole insisted on taking me to lunch, I was exhausted and achy but said okay. He’s made it a point to keep me positive through my pregnancy. I had no idea we were leaving so we could come home to a surprise baby shower.
“This means so much to me,” I tell everyone before I start walking around to say hello to everyone who’s here. I give my parents a big hug and catch up with my family. I thank my old colleagues for coming, and I thank my mom for helping Cole to make this day happen.
“Alright!” Cole announces, “First up are the baby shower games. I know usually it’s all women at these things, but there was no way any of us were missing this party. So, men, you will just have to endure the games, and women, don’t be upset when us guys kick your ass at every one of these games.” Everyone laughs.
“First game is called Pee in the Pot.” Cole smirks. “Since pregnant women pee a lot...” He gives me a knowing look, and I giggle. “The object of the game is to see who can pee the most into the pot, but don’t worry, we aren’t using real urine because that would just be unsanitary.” He grabs a tray of baby bottles that look like they’re filled with apple juice and another one with mason jars.
“One person will hold the mason jar and the other person will be using the bottle to try to squirt as much of the pee into the jar. Whichever team has the most in their jar after all the juice has been squirted out, wins. The catch.” Cole smiles wide, clearly proud of himself. “You must be three feet apart.” There’s a collection of laughter and groans. “Alright! Find your partner.”
I could easily pick Cole or Xander, but instead I grab my mom, hoping Cole and Xander will work together since Xander doesn’t really know anyone here but my parents and sort of Summer and Kaelyn. When I look over, I see my plan did in fact work. Cole is grinning while he explains something to Xander, showing him the baby bottle, and Xander is smiling softly, that shy smile he always reserves for Cole. And my heart feels once again completely full.
For the next couple of hours, we play game after game: Pin the sperm on the egg—a baby shower version of pin the tail on the donkey. Baby food tasting—we all have to guess which baby food is which. Belly measuring—everyone has to guess the size of my belly in inches. Cole even has a chart drawn up for everyone to guess the sex of the baby, as well as the date and time he will be born. There is a baby book for everyone to fill out with wishes for the baby, and a box where people can write down a name they love. Cole and my mom have literally thought of everything to make this day perfect.
After we have cake and open all of the presents, everyone starts trickling out. When it’s only my parents, Cole, and Xander left, I give my mom a huge hug and thank her.
“Oh, sweetheart, it was my pleasure. I can’t wait to meet my grandbaby.” Mom kisses my cheek. “I love you, Delilah.”
“I love you too.” I hug her again before moving to my dad. “Thank you for everything,” I tell him.
“It was all Cole and your mom.”
“Not for the party. For being my dad.” I hug him tighter. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
They say goodbye to Cole and make Xander promise not to be a stranger, and then they’re gone.
“And then there were three...” I joke.
“Actually, I have an errand I need to run,” Cole says.
“On a Sunday?” I ask.
“Yeah, you planning to hang out for a little bit?” he asks Xander.
“Yeah, I booked a hotel for the night.”
“Perfect, I’ll be back in a little while.” Cole pulls me into his arms and gives me a kiss to my temple. “Did you have a good day?”
“It was absolutely perfect. Thank you.”
Cole grabs his keys, leaving Xander and me alone, and I have a sneaking suspicion he’s leaving to give Xander and me some time together.
“I could use some air,” I say to Xander. “Want to join me on the roof?”
“I would love to.”
“Sorry about Cole leaving,” I tell him once we’re sitting across from each other in the lounge chairs.
“I think he wanted to give us some time together,” Xander says.
“That’s what I was thinking. So, how’s basketball?” I ask, and Xander barks out a loud laugh. “What?”
“How’s basketball? Other than a few texts when I first moved out of you asking how I’m doing, one conversation where you confirmed you have cancer, and a few texts of me asking if you’re okay and you telling me you’re fine, we haven’t spoken in three years, and your first question is ‘How’s basketball?’”
“Well, I was starting off small.” I laugh. “Fine, how’s your sex life?” I grin, and Xander chuckles.
“Now that’s more like the Delilah I know.” Xander winks.
“I haven’t spoken about you,” I tell him. “I kept my promise. It hasn’t been easy.” Xander smiles but it’s sad, and I hate that talking about his feelings for Cole makes him sad.
“I appreciate that, sweet girl.”
“Look, Xander, I need to say something. There’s a chance I’m going to die, and—”
“Nope! Not happening.” He shakes his head. Damn, these guys! Of course he has the same response as Cole to my wanting to talk about the future.
“Xander, please,” I beg. “For so long, the three of us have ignored the future. I don’t want to die and then—”
“I said no, Delilah. You’re not dying, so fucking stop, please. You want to talk about anything else, I’m down, but I’m not going to sit here and discuss you dying because it’s not happening.”
“Fine.” I huff. “Let’s discuss you and Cole.”
“There is no me and Cole.”
&nb
sp; “There could be!”
“Are you trying to pawn your boyfriend off on me?” Xander smirks, trying to lighten the mood, and I realize he doesn’t know.
“Cole and I aren’t together.” Xander’s eyes widen before he schools his shocked expression. “We broke up before I found out I was pregnant. Want to know why?” When Xander doesn’t answer, I continue. “Because while he was having sex with me from behind, he called out your name while coming. Now, it’s time we talk. And before you say a word, what I mean is, I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.”
I’m laying outside on my lounge chair, enjoying the coolness of the evening and looking up at the dark clear sky, when I hear the patio door creak open and then close, telling me Cole is home. “Xander left?” he asks.
“Yep.”
“Did you have a good visit with him?” Cole sits down next to me.
“I did. I miss him.” I’m staring at all of the twinkling stars when I see it, a shooting star.
“Cole, look!” I point at it. “Make a wish.” I close my eyes and make a wish, the same wish I’ve been making since I was a little girl.” When I open my eyes, I see Cole is staring at me. “Did you make one?” I ask.
“Of course.” He eyes me for a long beat before he says, “I put everything away from the baby shower.”
“I would’ve helped but you won’t let me in the room.” I shoot him a playful glare. A few months ago I came home from lunch with Summer to find a sign on the door to Xander’s old room telling me to keep out. Cole said it’s a surprise, and I can’t see it until after the baby is born. I was looking forward to picking out everything for the baby after he or she is born once I know the sex, but knowing Cole did this out of love and excitement for our baby, I didn’t have the heart to argue. I’m sure whatever he picks out will be beautiful and perfect.
“Nope, I got it. I saw on the calendar you added a hospital tour. Are you getting excited? It’s surreal to think about the fact that in the next eight weeks our baby will be here.”