by Nikki Ash
“Yeah, but Cole wants us to stay...how do they word it? In the closet.” I shrug. “We’re taking it slow.”
The door to the limo opens, ending our conversation. Larissa steps out first, and I follow. The camera lights flash like they always do as we smile our perfect smiles and wave to everyone standing on the sidelines as we walk down the walkway and into the function. We spend the next few hours mingling with people, having dinner, and participating in a silent auction. This charity is to help raise money for underfunded youth programs such as sports organizations and other after school activities. It funds several mobile health clinics that visit lower income areas. When the function is over, the driver drops Larissa off first and then me.
It’s after one in the morning, and the only thing I want to do is get out of this monkey suit and get into bed with Cole. When basketball season starts and I’m away for two weeks out of the month it’s going to suck, so I need to get in as much time as possible while I’m in my offseason. Entering the foyer, it’s dark throughout the house aside from a single light in the kitchen. Toeing off my shoes, I throw my keys onto the counter and head straight for my room. When I open my door, I find my bed is empty. While Cole technically has his own room, he’s slept in my room every night since he’s moved in.
My first thought is that something is wrong with Zoey. I head straight over to her room and find her fast asleep. I chuckle at how adorable she sleeps with her legs and arms flailing out every which way. Not wanting to wake her up, I blow her a kiss and head out of her room. I stop at Cole’s door and find it’s shut. I knock softly, not wanting to wake Zoey up, but when he doesn’t answer, I turn the knob, worried. His room is dark, and he’s sleeping in his bed. I’m not sure why he’s in here, but I’m not having it. I strip out of my clothes and toss them into the corner of the room then pad over to Cole’s bed.
Turning the sheet down, I get into the bed and face him. I know he’s asleep because I can hear him softly snoring. I take a few minutes to study him. He’s a beautiful man on the inside and out, and I feel so fucking lucky that he’s willing to give us a chance. I know how much his mom means to him, so for him to still be willing to see where this goes speaks volumes of how much he cares about me. His eyes are closed, and his hair is a gorgeous mess.
My eyes drag down his face to his exposed chest. I was there for every one of his tattoos, then one day when I was missing him and Delilah, I decided to get a matching one of my own on my chest. Cole will always be the person who anchors me, and Delilah was the glue who held us all together.
“Is there a reason you’re watching me like a fucking creeper?” Cole asks, his eyes not opening.
“Is there a reason why you’re sleeping in here instead of in our bed?”
He opens his eyes and stares at me for a few moments. “I saw you tonight at the charity function with that country singer.”
“I asked you to go with me, and you said no.”
“So, it’s either I go or you take someone else?”
“It sucks to go to those functions alone. I didn’t know she was joining me, but her company was welcome. She’s a good friend. I asked you to go. It’s not my fault you aren’t ready to make our relationship public.”
Cole sits up and glares. “Nice, so I’m going to be punished until I agree to go public?”
I sit up next to him. “That’s not what I said, and that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry for not telling you she was going once I knew, and I’m sorry if you felt I was in the wrong for going with her. If you don’t want me to go with someone, I’ll go alone.”
Cole curses under his breath. “No, I’m sorry. I’m acting like a jealous boyfriend.” I grin at his choice of words, and he raises a brow in question. Edging closer to him, I bridge the gap between us, only leaving a couple inches of space between our bodies.
“You called yourself my boyfriend. Is that what you are? Are you my boyfriend?” I smirk, and he rolls his eyes but grins.
“I’m not sure.” He moves closer, and those couple inches of space are gone. “We make out like couples do...”
“And you give amazing head,” I add, and he chuckles.
“I learned from the best.” His hand makes its way into my boxers, and his fingers grip my shaft. “But I’m pretty sure most couples do more than just make out and give each other oral.” His eyes lock with mine, and I look for an ounce of unsureness but don’t find any.
“I thought we were taking it slow,” I choke out. Cole’s now stroking my cock, which is making it hard to converse.
“I think I’m ready to kick it up a notch,” he says.
“You think?”
“I’m sure.”
“I’ve never done this before. The extent of my knowledge is from watching porn.” I laugh, and Cole grins.
“Aren’t you the one who said we’ll learn together?” He lets go of my dick and leans back, opening his nightstand drawer. He closes it back up and tosses something at me. When I grab it, I see it’s a bottle of lube. “I’m ready to learn.”
He pushes my boxers down and then his own, then goes back to stroking my cock. My hand finds his dick, and it’s hard as steel. I stroke him a couple of times before I pull him into a hard kiss. Our mouths collide and our tongues move frantically over each other. We kiss for a few minutes, neither of us sure of who should make the first move. Finally, I’m so worked up, I say fuck it and make a move.
Dragging my body down the bed, I move the sheets out of the way, and with Cole lying flat on his back, I situate myself between his legs. Lifting his dick up against his stomach, I press my tongue against the sensitive underside of his shaft and lick upwards until I get to the engorged head. I suck gently on the tip and can taste the precum. Squirting some lube into my fingers, I spread open his ass cheeks, just like all the times I’d done to Delilah. I insert one finger into him, and he lets out a low groan.
“If it hurts, you have to tell me,” I say, and he nods. I move my finger in and out of him a few times before I add another and then another. “How does it feel?” I ask him.
“Fucking good. Go harder.” I do as he says and push my three fingers into him as far as I can go then pull them out almost all the way. “Holy shit,” he moans out, and my dick twitches.
“Stroke your cock,” I demand, wanting to see him touch himself. His hand moves down to his hard cock, and he starts to fuck his fist while I continue to fingerfuck him.
“Xander, man, I’m going to come soon. If you’re going to fuck me, you need to do it soon.” Squirting some more lube into my fingers, I come up onto my knees and stroke my dick. The last thing I want to do is hurt Cole. It took several times of preparing Delilah before she could fuck us both at the same time.
I spread his legs wide enough so I can get between them and slowly guide my dick into his ass. Once I’m all the way in, I grip the underside of his knees and start fucking him with slow and steady thrusts. He’s so fucking tight there’s no way I’m going to last long. This feels too damn good. My eyes rake down his body until they land on his cock. He’s jerking his fist frantically. Our chests are heaving and it’s obvious we’re both close. Needing to feel his body against mine, I drop my hands onto the mattress, caging him in, and dip my head to kiss him, our mouths as frantic as our bodies are. I can feel Cole still stroking his dick between us as my thrusts get harder and deeper.
Cole breaks our kiss, throwing his head back in pleasure. “Fuck, I’m coming,” he screams out, and I feel his warm seed hit both of our stomachs. Unsure if he’s okay with me coming in his ass, I sit up and pull my dick out just before I follow him with my own orgasm, my cum shooting onto his stomach. Seeing our seeds mixed together does something inside of me. We both stay where we are for several long beats, our chests rising and falling as we attempt to catch our breath.
Cole opens his mouth to speak, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of what he might say after having been with him like I just was. After having my dick inside of him, fe
eling his ass grip and accept me. I don’t know what I’ll do if he tells me he doesn’t want this. “How long do you think it will take for us to get hard again? Because holy fuck, do I want in your ass next go-round.”
I drop down onto my back next to Cole and laugh until tears of happiness are dripping out of my eyes and down the sides of my face. I never, in a million years, imagined this is where my life would take me. Sure, I fantasized, but I never dared to hope. Yet, here I am, in bed with the man I’ve been in love with for most of my life.
When I open my eyes, I see Cole hovering above me. He bends down and presses his lips to mine before he says, “In all seriousness, that was the best fucking thing I’ve ever felt. I’m totally digging this whole boyfriend thing.” He winks playfully, and I chuckle as he rolls off the bed, and I watch his tight ass saunter into the bathroom to clean up. Then I take a moment to say a silent thank you to Delilah for pushing me to fight for Cole. Even in her death, she’s bringing happiness to those she loved.
chapter forty-eight
Cole
“She should sleep the entire time we’re gone, but we have a monitor so you can hear her in case she wakes up and needs something. The bottles are in the kitchen...”
“Xander, we’ve explained this to her a dozen times,” I point out, doing my best to stifle my laugh. He glares my way but ignores me, continuing to explain things to Kacey, our new nanny, who listens with far more patience than I ever would. It’s the first time we’re using her, and it’s because we’re meeting Xander’s friends for a night out. One of his teammates and his wife have opened up a new club in Downtown Houston, and he wants to go to show his support.
“We both have our cell phones on us, if you need anything. No reason is stupid, okay?” Xander says.
She smiles and verbally agrees, promising everything will be okay. We jump into one of the vehicles Xander rarely uses these days, mostly because when we usually leave, it’s to bring Zoey somewhere, and sports cars and babies don’t exactly mix. It’s a black-on-black Acura NSX, and while I’m positive he could afford a way more expensive car, I love that he bought the vehicle he used to say he wanted when being in the NBA was nothing more than a dream for him.
“It’s weird to be going somewhere without Zoey,” Xander says a few minutes into our drive to downtown.
“Yeah, but we had to leave eventually. This is good practice for when your season starts. When does training camp begin anyway?”
Xander glances over at me before his eyes go back to the road. “Another eight weeks, but shouldn’t you be starting your job sooner? From what I remember, school starts at the end of August. Have you found a job yet?”
I found a few job openings actually, but I don’t tell him that. “I’m looking.”
“You know you don’t have to work,” he points out for the millionth fucking time.
“And you know I’m a man, right?” I shoot back. “If you could quit trying to cut my balls off, that would be great.”
His eyes swing over to me, and he shoots me a what the fuck is going on with you look, but I ignore it. “I’m well aware you’re a man,” he smarts. “Your dick in me last night kind of gave that away.”
“Then how about you don’t treat me like I’m some chick you can throw money at to keep at home. I’m well aware you’ll always make more money than me, but I still need to work. I need my own money.”
Xander pulls around to the valet and turns to face me. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’ve never thrown my money at you. We have a four-month-old daughter at home. Growing up, I had no fucking mother. I had a dead beat dad who left me alone more often than not. You used to tell me how much you loved your time with your mom. How she used to pick you up from school and go to all your activities, and you said she did all that because she was a stay-at-home-mom. All I was trying to do was give you that option. I might not be able to give you the man and woman life your mom wanted for you, but I can give you that. Stability, a nice home, and the option for you to be home with our daughter.”
Xander sighs then adds, “I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about the fact that you would feel the need to work as well. If you would’ve been with a woman, you would’ve been the one working. Fuck.” He shakes his head, and I feel like the biggest asshole. He’s just trying to give me the life my mom wanted for me.
“I could stay home,” he says. “I have thirty days to void my player extension.”
“Stop!” I say. “You’re not quitting the fucking NBA. There’s nothing wrong with two parents working. Who knows? Maybe I won’t even find a job and then I’ll have no choice but to stay home.” I open my door and get out of the car without waiting for Xander to catch up. There’s a huge line of photographers for the grand opening, and he’s going to need to put on his NBA player face. I watch as he walks down the walkway, smiling and taking a couple of selfies with his fans, and I feel like shit for how I’m acting. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I’m dealing with my own issues, and I shouldn’t be taking my frustrations out on him.
“Let’s just have a good time tonight, okay?” he says when he joins me at the entrance and tells the bouncer his name to get us in. We make our way over to the VIP section that’s roped off, and I spot a bunch of his teammates. They’re all laughing and drinking, and they all have a hot woman on their arm. Great...
“X!” one of the guys calls out, and Xander walks over to him.
“Fields! What’s happening?” He extends his fist out to fist bump the guy I recognize as Antoine Fields. “This is my friend, Cole.”
“What’s up?” Antoine extends his hand to shake mine while keeping his other arm around the leggy blonde he has tucked into his side, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to gush like a teenage girl who’s just met her favorite boyband. Antoine Fields is one of my favorite players right now in the NBA. “I’ve heard a lot about you, man.” My eyes quickly dart to Xander who doesn’t give anything away. “I’m sorry for your loss.” I sigh a breath of relief. Xander must’ve told him about Delilah’s passing. He mentioned that he needed to make a statement because someone photographed us coming out of Zoey’s doctor’s appointment, and he wanted to make sure to be the one to set the facts straight before any speculation could arise.
“Thanks.”
“Excuse me!” Antoine lifts his finger, calling the waitress over to us. “What do you guys want to drink?”
“I’ll just take a coke, please,” I say.
“Same,” Xander adds.
“No way! We’re celebrating the grand opening of Benji and Tate’s new club. You have to have a real drink.”
“He doesn’t drink,” Xander jumps in, and I shoot him a glare. What the fuck...
“He can speak for himself,” I point out harshly. Ignoring the hurt and confused look Xander’s giving me, I excuse myself saying that I need to use the restroom. I don’t find the restroom, but I do find an emergency exit down the hallway. It beeps indicating a door has been opened, but stops once I shut the door behind me. I’m going to have to walk back around the front to get back in, but right now I just need to take a deep breath. I find a bench on the side of the building and sit down, taking a moment to stare up at the clear sky. I feel Xander’s presence before he makes himself known. He sits down next to me and neither of us say a word for several minutes.
“Sometimes I think the clear skies in Texas are a curse,” I say. I feel him glance over at me, but my eyes stay trained on the little gold dots in the sky. “For the rest of our lives, every time we stare up at those stars, we’ll think of her.”
“Do you want to forget her?” he asks, his voice free of all judgment.
“No, never. I just don’t want it to hurt so much. Maybe let the pain of her loss take a little break. But every night those stars come out without fail, and it’s as if I’m feeling her loss all over again.”
“I’ve never lost anyone before Delilah,” Xander says, “so I have nothing to compar
e this to, but I would like to think that one day we’ll look up at the stars and instead of feeling loss or pain, we’ll feel her love and light. She was the brightest star in the fucking sky, and she wouldn’t want her memory to be dimmed with tears.”
I think about what he just said, and I know he’s right. Delilah would never want us to mourn her loss, but instead to celebrate her life.
“So, you want to tell me what had you snapping at me in there? Because I feel like I can’t do or say anything right tonight when it comes to you, but I have no clue why.”
“All those guys are in there, drinking and partying with hot women.”
“And what is it you want? The drink or the hot woman? Or is it both?” he questions, and I chuckle. Xander never has and never will beat around the bush. “C’mon, tell me. Because I know you wouldn’t be upset thinking I want either one.”
“You can drink if you want to,” I point out.
“Thanks.” It comes out sarcastic, and when I eye him, he’s smirking. “Oh, Cole.” He leans forward, his elbows going to his knees. “I love you so goddamned much.”
“But?”
“But nothing. I love you. That’s it.” He stands and kneels in front of me. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’m here. All I need in this world are you and that little girl at home. If I want to have a drink, I will. But I won’t want a hot woman on my arm. I want you by my side. I told you I would give you time and I am, but we can’t live like this forever. Every conversation we have with people is a lie. It’s not good for us, not as individuals or as a couple. The sooner you figure out what you want and own up to it, the better it will be for the both of us.”
chapter forty-nine
Cole
I lay Zoey in her crib and cover her with her blanket, giving her a light kiss to her forehead so as not to wake her up. If the same pattern continues that’s been taking place this last week, she’s just had her last bottle of the night, which means she won’t wake up again until 5 a.m. when she’s ready for her morning bottle. After switching on Zoey’s night light and closing her door almost all the way, I swing by my bedroom to grab a change of clothes, then head to Xander’s room. Xander hates that I’m still keeping my clothes in the closet in my bedroom, especially since I’ve never actually slept in there, but I don’t want to take the chance that if someone comes over, they’ll see my stuff in his room.