by Nikki Ash
“Hey, you okay?” Cole asks, standing and taking my empty plate from in front of me.
“Yeah, thank you for dinner,” I say, standing as well to help him. We enter the kitchen, and he places the dirty dishes into the sink and turns the water on. “Stella will be by tomorrow to clean. Just leave the dirty dishes and she’ll handle them. I turn the water back off. Cole is about to object, but before he can, my hands grip his sides, and I bracket him with my arms.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks again, concern evident in his tone.
“Yeah, that’s the thing.” I rub my nose up and down along his jawline, taking in his scent. “Everything feels like it’s perfect.” My lips land on his neck, and I suck on his skin lightly. “I know there are going to be times when things aren’t easy. Like my traveling, or us raising Zoey, but I just want you to know there’s no one else I would rather be with than you.” My mouth moves to his collarbone, and I trail kisses over his flesh. “I love you, Cole.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I raise my head to look at him. His eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and I’m afraid maybe I said something wrong. But then his hands frame my face, and he pulls me into a searing kiss before he backs up slightly. “I love you too, so fucking much.”
chapter fifty-one
Cole
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Xander shouts, and Zoey startles, her eyes going wide at never having heard anyone yell before. Xander stands frozen in his spot for a long beat before he throws his arms up in defeat. “Fine! I’ll be home in a couple days.” He slams the door behind him, and Zoey makes a small sound like she’s about to cry.
“Shh...it’s okay,” I say softly to calm her down, and it works. I finish feeding her then pack our bags, needing to get out of this condo. I make the two-and-a-half hour drive to Brenton, and it isn’t until I pull up to the Cross’s ranch that I realize I should’ve called first. Stopping at the entrance, I call Joanne, and she answers on the first ring.
“Cole! It’s so good to hear from you. How is my beautiful granddaughter doing?”
“That’s actually why I’m calling. We were thinking about visiting today, but I wasn’t sure if you were up for company.”
“Oh, yes! Of course! What time are you thinking?”
“Uhh...” I chuckle softly. “How about now?”
“Now?” It takes her a few seconds to understand. “Are you here right now? Well, get in here!” She hangs up on me, and when I make it down the long driveway, I see her and John standing outside waiting. When I pull up, she rushes to the car to give me a hug before grabbing Zoey.
“Where’s Xander?” she asks.
“He had to fly to Florida for a sponsorship event.”
“Oh! Well, Florida is nice this time of year. Hot, but you can’t beat the beaches.” Yeah, that’s exactly what he said when he begged me to tag along and make it a family trip. “How long will he be gone?”
“I think he said like four days or so.”
“That’s fun! Okay, come in and let’s get this sweet angel out of this car seat.” We make our way into their living room and have a seat. John grabs us all a drink while Joanne dotes on Zoey.
“So how have you been, Son?” John asks, and I’m not sure why—maybe it’s him calling me son or the fact that they’re the closest thing to parents I’ve had since my own died—but it’s as if everything has reached the surface and finally tips over the edge.
“I’m in love with Xander,” I blurt out. Both of them stop what they’re doing and wait for me to continue. “I’m...I’m in love with him,” I say again with a laugh. “I’m in love with him...and apparently that’s all I’m capable of saying at the moment.”
John chuckles, and Joanne sets Zoey down on her blanket. “I’ll be right back,” she says before leaving the room. A minute later she returns and hands me an envelope. “Delilah wrote you a letter. I was told to give it to you when you, and I quote, ‘pull your head out of your ass.’”
I stare down at the white envelope that contains the last words from the only woman I’ve ever loved. “Would you mind watching Zoey for a few minutes?”
“Take all the time you need,” John says. I stand and start to head out the back when John calls out my name.
“Yeah?”
“I just want you to know I’m happy for you. That you found love. And I’m honored that my granddaughter will be raised by two strong and caring men who love her as much as they loved her mother. You don’t need it, but you have our blessing.”
“You both knew?” I ask in shock.
“Delilah used to tell us everything,” Joanne says.
“I don’t know what to say...”
John walks over and gives me a hug. “We meant it when we said we’ll always be here for you and Xander. Just because Delilah isn’t with us anymore doesn’t mean we stop caring about you guys. Now, go read your letter, and we can talk after.”
I walk out to the back of the ranch and head inside the old barn where Xander, Delilah, and I spent most of our days. Seeing the ladder is still there, I climb up to the second level. The haybed is still there, although the blankets have been removed. Feeling wrong to lay on it without Xander and Delilah, I sit on the ground against the barn wall and open the letter.
Cole,
If you’re reading this, two things have happened. One, I’ve passed away and two, you finally admitted to being in love with Xander. I know what you’re thinking. What if you never admitted to it? How would you have gotten your letter? Well, that’s just it. I knew you would. (But before you get all bent out of shape, I wrote a second letter I told my mom she could give you after one year of my being dead in case I was totally wrong, but I wasn’t). I wrote Xander’s letter first, and while it was hard to write, writing a letter to you just might kill me (Sorry, too early for jokes?). First, let me start by saying thank you for being my best friend. You and I had a connection, a bond of some sort, I don’t think I could’ve ever found with anyone else. The way you took care of me and loved me. It’s like you always knew exactly what I needed even when I didn’t know it myself. You believed I would survive more than anyone else. It was your love and confidence that got me through each diagnosis. You are truly one of a kind, Cole Andrews.
As I write this letter, you’re asleep in our bed with our daughter in her bassinet next to you. I’m not sure how old Zoey will be when you read this, but it won’t matter because regardless of her age, I know you’re going to continue to be an amazing, loving father. Please know that I HATE that I left you to raise her without a mother. The only thing that helps me live with myself is knowing she won’t only have one parent, but two. She will have you and Xander every step of the way as she grows up to be a precious little girl and then a beautiful young woman. She will have both of you when she graduates from high school and one day when she gets married. And no, I’m not specifying a sex because as a mother the only thing I would ever want for my daughter is for her to be happy, and I truly believe that’s all your mom wanted for you. I can’t know what she meant when she spoke to you that day, but I know you, and I imagine a sensitive, compassionate man probably comes from two parents who are equally sensitive and compassionate, so I choose to believe if your mom was here, she would be so happy her son has fallen in love. I know I am.
I watched for years as the two of you fell in love, and I’m sorry it took my death for you two to finally admit your feelings. We all know life is too short, so please don’t waste a day of it. While I was getting my first round of chemo, I noticed a new quote on the hospital wall. I would love it if you could one day share it with Zoey: Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, love as long as you live.
Be happy, Cole. Love and laugh and smile and live. Do it for me, please. And also, if you could please keep wishing on shooting stars with our little girl, that would mean so much to me. I’ll never forget the first night we met
and you told me you knew what I was wishing for. You’re probably thinking I’m going to finally tell you what I’ve been wishing for after all these years, but I’m not going to because it was my wish, but I can tell you this much, it came true.
I love you, Cole. Please give Zoey and Xander a kiss for me, and tell our little girl her mommy will always be watching over her, especially when the stars come out at night.
Until we meet again,
Delilah
My first thought is to call Xander, but it’s not enough. He’s been doing everything in his power to show me he loves me while being patient, and instead of meeting him halfway, I’ve pushed him away every step of the way. I’ve been so caught up in what other people would think, how they would view two men together, raising a baby, that I allowed strangers to come before how I feel. I was so afraid to apply for the coaching jobs because I knew I would have to admit I’m gay, so instead I didn’t apply. Then I got angry and took it out on Xander—choosing to run here instead of going with him and standing by his side.
Folding the letter up, I climb down the stairs and make my way back to the house. Joanne and John are still sitting in the living room giving Zoey all of their attention. When they notice I’m in the room, they look up.
“Are you okay?” Joanne asks.
“Yeah, but I was wondering if you could watch Zoey for a couple days. There’s this guy, and he kind of owns my heart, and I treated him like crap.”
“Of course. We’ll be right here when you get back.”
I give Zoey a kiss and go over her schedule with Joanne, then head out to the airport. I book my flight on the way, and once I’m there, I park in long-term parking then pick up my ticket and go through security. With twenty minutes until boarding, I pull the applications up on my phone and click submit. If somebody won’t hire me because I’m gay then I don’t want to work there anyway. I text Ciara and ask for the hotel where the function is being held, and she texts me back the time and address and tells me she’ll have a car waiting for me when I arrive along with a suit in my size. That woman definitely deserves a raise.
chapter fifty-two
Xander
I arrived a couple hours ago in Florida for a sponsorship party. I checked into my hotel and changed into a suit for the party. Luckily, I’m staying in the hotel where the party is being held. I’ve checked my phone a dozen times since landing, hoping to get a text or call from Cole. I’ve considered calling him, but I wouldn’t even know what to say. He’s not here because he’s still refusing to go public with our relationship. I thought we were making progress, between our date to the movies and the night he surprised me with dinner, I thought it would only be a matter of time until he came around. But then this past week, it’s as if he’s taken ten steps back. He’s been pissed off and cranky as fuck at the world and taking it out on me. I don’t want to think it, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe, even though he loves me, this isn’t the life he wants. I meant what I said before. If he doesn’t want to be with me, I’ll still raise Zoey with him. I just want Cole to be happy, even if it’s not with me.
I’m walking around and socializing with everyone at this party, thanking them for choosing me as their spokesperson, but I’m not really here. My body is, but my mind and heart are back in Texas. I left upset and didn’t kiss Cole or Zoey goodbye. I shouldn’t have left like that. He just needs time, and he needs me to be patient. Pulling out my phone, I shoot a text to Cole, telling him I’m sorry and that I love him, then I stare at my phone to see if he’s going to respond. When he doesn’t, I put my phone back in my pocket and head over to the bar.
“Coke, please,” I ask him, then take my phone back out to check it again.
“Asshole still hasn’t responded?” My head shoots up at the voice, and standing there in a three piece suit is none other than Cole.
“He’s not an asshole,” I say, “Just going through some shit.”
“Nah.” He chuckles. “He’s definitely been acting like an asshole. It’s a wonder his boyfriend even continues to put up with his shit.” I look around to make sure nobody heard what he just said, when he closes the gap between us. We’re standing way too close to just be considered friends, and I have to wonder if he’s lost his mind. That is until he leans in and, gripping the sides of my face, kisses me right here in front of everyone. And now I know he’s lost his mind. It’s not a long kiss. Just a quick brush of our lips, but it’s enough that if there’s anybody watching, they’ll know we’re more than friends.
“You just kissed me,” I point out, stunned.
“You left without kissing me goodbye.” He shrugs. “Plus, I’m done hiding. I love you, and I’m proud to be in a relationship with you. I’m not going to keep it in a closet like it’s a dirty secret any longer.” His words hit me straight in my chest. I’ve waited for so fucking long for him to say this.
Gripping the back of his neck, I pull him into another kiss, this one harder and rougher than the one he initiated. “I love you, too,” I murmur into his mouth. Then I repeat the same words he said to me the night he made us dinner. “So fucking much.”
Epilogue
Xander
Three months later
“Hey!” I hear Cole shout over the crowd. He’s sitting courtside with Zoey in his lap. She spots me walking over and grins ear-to-ear. It’s half-time and I should be heading into the locker-room, but I wanted to say hi to them before I do.
“Hey! I wasn’t sure if you would be able to make it.” I give Zoey a kiss on her cheek, and she squeals.
“Practice ended early, and I grabbed Zoey from Kacey and headed straight over here. We couldn’t miss your first game of the season.” Cole grins. After he told me he hadn’t applied to any coaching positions in fear of having to admit he’s gay, he also mentioned that while he was waiting for his flight to come see me, he applied to four job openings. The following week, he went on two interviews. He told both principals he’s gay and was offered jobs by both. He accepted the one he wanted, becoming the new physical education teacher and varsity basketball head coach, and I couldn’t be more proud of him for following his dreams.
“Can you hold Zoey for a minute?” he asks, handing her to me.
“Uh, yeah, but I really need to get to the locker room.”
“It will just be a second,” he says. I take Zoey into my arms, and when I look back to Cole, I have to look down because he’s kneeling...on one knee.
“Cole...” I begin to say as I glance around me, realizing the entire stadium has gone quiet. Even the music has stopped. I spot the television screens and see we’re displayed on them. My eyes go back to Cole who is now holding a small box in his one hand.
“Some might think this is too soon, my asking you to marry me, but what they don’t realize is that our story began thirteen years ago, under the stars in a barn where we promised to always be best friends. I’ve loved you since the day I met you, and I would love it if we could keep our story going with you as my husband. Xander Thompson, will you marry me?”
“Hell yes, I’ll marry you.”
Cole smiles and stands, placing the simple band on my ring finger. “Thank you.” The crowd starts chanting kiss, kiss, kiss, so we give them what they want: a kiss, right there in the middle of the stadium with Zoey in our arms. And while most would thank God for blessing them with such happiness, I thank Delilah. It’s because of her that I was able to find the love of my life.
Cole
Ten Years Later
“Holy shit, that feels good.” Xander groans, his voice muffled from him being face down against the pillow. “Yes, right there.”
“Shh...” I say, gripping the sides of his thighs tighter and pounding into him from behind. I watch as my cock disappears into his ass then glides back out almost all the way before I push it back in, making sure I hit as deep as I can go. Xander’s been on the road for ten days—the team’s longest block of away games—which means we have ten days to make up for before
our daughter wakes up and comes knocking on our door, wanting breakfast. The last thing we need is her waking up early because she hears his voice.
“Don’t you dare stroke your fucking dick,” I threaten when I see his hand shifting under him. “The only place you’re coming is in my mouth.” And the thought of Xander’s hard cock in my mouth has me losing control. My thrusts turn frantic, and seconds later, I’m coming. I pull out, and without even bothering to clean up, I slap his ass so he’ll roll over onto his back. When he does so, his hard dick springs free, and I’m wrapping my mouth around it before he can even say hello.
Yeah, that’s right. He walked in the door about thirty minutes ago, and I pretty much attacked him, stripping down his clothes and demanding to be inside of him. I can’t help it, though. My need for Xander has only seemed to strengthen over the years.