Chapter 3
My mind has been going a mile a minute lately. I have been having dreams of Leo taking me back to his office and fucking the living daylights out of me. My performance with Jake has definitely been showing it too. He knows something is not right with me. The other night while we were having sex, he didn’t even bother to make sure I was enjoying it. It was thrust, pound, thrust again, moan and release. He was off of me like I was nothing but an easy piece of ass. As for after sex, there is no pillow talk or cuddle time. He just rolls over and falls asleep, leaving me thinking of how incomplete I am feeling. I am not happy. I have never been happy with Jake. This whole time, I was trying to make something work that clearly is not working. We are complacent with each other. This isn’t good. For once in my life, I have made a mistake. I do not make mistakes. I always overthink the possibilities and weigh the good with the bad. How could I be so blind to what was in front of me? Damn it.
My mind is clogging my sense of direction and where I am going. However, my internal GPS knows exactly where I am going. I pull up to the parking spot behind Bexter’s. I am having a much needed lady’s night with my trio of friends. The cool thing about tonight is hanging with Karrie again. We don’t get to see her much since she had her baby. Which is completely understandable. But whatever time we get with Karrie, we make it memorable for sure.
The lovely Del thought it was best for us to start our evening with a round of tequila shots. God, why must she do this to us? It is like some sick game she likes to play. It gets us all stupid drunk. Karrie refuses the shot. “Del, you know I’m breastfeeding. No alcohol for this girl tonight.”
Del razzes back, “Oh, come on Karrie. Just pump and dump. You will be fine.” She looks at me. “Don’t even bother to comment.”
Karrie laughs, “It is not about the pump and dump. My boobs feel like they are already about to explode. I’m a milk factory.”
Del again, “Can I feel them?”
Shaking her head at Del, Karrie voice goes up a notch. “Oh, hell no.” She pauses as well as laughs. “Can we talk about something else besides my boobs? Please!”
Brit chokes on her beer as she laughs, “Okay ladies, anything new going on in everybody’s life. Hold up. Del, we know Greg and you are having amazing role playing sex. We really don’t need any more details on that.”
Looking side to side, shrugging her shoulders, she implies, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I laugh, “Shut up, you do too. Greg took me down to the board walk. He was the captain and I was his first mate. I had to abide by all his rules or else.”
Del busted a gut laughing. “Oh my goodness, you make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”
Brit chimes in, “We know you guys like to role play. Everybody knows.”
Del again, “What? I finally found a man who is all about doing pleasure games more than me. It’s like winning the lottery.”
I comment, “I have some interesting news. Well, not news, but guess who I ran into news.”
They all look at me with a questionable face.
Brit says, “Okay. I will take the bait. Who did you run into?”
“Dr. Davis.”
Silence.
I haven’t brought up Leo’s name since I ended things with him. I know how some of my friends felt about my decision. I didn’t want to hear it from them. Del and Brit are not big fans of Jake. Even though Karrie thought Jake was the better fit for me, she later changed her mind and blamed it on baby brain. Despite Greg and Del being a hot commodity, I still managed to avoid run-ins with Leo. House parties, I avoided. I would constantly ask who would be in attendance when we went out. Del knew why and she went along with it. It is probably stupid and childish that I would ignore my mistake. But it was easier not to deal with that mistake. Seeing him the other day and realizing he is in my head, has brought everything to reality. Why the hell does he have that crazy effect on me? I mean really. It was just sex. Mind altering sex, though.
“Paige. Earth to Paige,” Del interrupts my thought process.
“Yeah?”
“What happened? You can’t keep us hanging like that.”
“Nothing, really. I got called down to the ED for a consult.”
All three of them tilt their head like a puppy would, confused at my statement.
I laugh sarcastically, “I know the rarity of being summoned by the ED.”
Brit asks, “Did you guys talk to each other?”
I answer, “Yes, it was a little awkward at first but he looked good. More defined.”
Del laughs, “You so want him again.”
“What makes you say that?” I suspiciously ask.
“I am pretty sure she does,” agrees Brit.
Karrie was silent through all this. She was too busy playing on her phone to care.
“All I said was he looked more defined. How does that show I want him again?” defending myself.
Del grins, “It’s your body’s reaction when you said it.”
I ask, “How is that?”
Britt comments, “Your cheeks turned a little rosy and you adjusted your seating on your chair. You so want him again. I bet you were all flustered when you saw him. Like you forgot why you were there.”
Annoyed with the both of them at this point, I argue, “To be honest, I was a little taken aback when I saw him. Yes, he looks fucking hot. But there is no way I forgot about my patient. Plus, bitchy-she-doctor wouldn’t let me forget.”
Del chuckles, “Oh, you met Stephanie. She is kind of bitchy but nice.”
Confused at the comment, I ask, “How do you know here?”
“She is a friend of Leo’s. She has been to mine and Greg’s house a few times for football and beer.”
“Great.”
Brit laughs, “You’re jealous.”
“Ugh, no,” I say, more annoyed than the first time.
Del leans toward me and grins ear to ear. “What if I told you you might be running into Leo tonight?”
“What?”
That little shit. She had to know already that I ran into Leo. I am assuming Leo told Greg and Greg told Del. Fuck me sideways. There is no getting out of this one. If I leave, they will know I can’t take the heat of seeing Leo. I need to play this one cool. Do I even know how to do that? I can be an uptight little bitch sometimes. I got up from the table and told the girls I am getting another round of shots. If I have to deal with seeing him again, I need to have some kind of buzz to make this night better.
***
As the evening progresses and drinks are flowing, Greg shows up with his friends and, of course, his sexy step-brother, Leo. Oh fuck me. I wish he would fuck me. His runner’s physique has grown in size, not flab but more bulk. My heart is ready to go into cardiac arrest. My nerves practically trying to bust through my skin. I can’t keep my eyes off him. He walks to the bar debonair like, all confidence in a sexy, perfect package. I have seen that package.
As he orders his drink, his boyish smile that I fell hard for, was radiating through the establishment. Max hands him his drink and Leo walks toward our table. I am burning up on the inside as my hands become balmy. He is the only who could do that to me. He sits directly across from me, not realizing I am front and center of soon to be his attention. Leo shifts his eyes toward me. That boyish smile he shined coming into the bar now fades away. I know why. I fucked him over, big time. I don’t deserve his attention or his smile. I get it. But I still want it. Goodness, I fucking need it. I need him. Calm down, Paige, the alcohol is bringing out your inner whore.
Leo raises his beer bottle to his mouth, slowly taking a sip. He sets it down. “Paige.”
I smile, “Leo.”
“Twice in one weekend?”
“Yep.”
“Why is that?”
“You tell me.”
“You stalking me?”
“You showed up here.”
“You showed up in my unit.”
“Sounds lik
e déjà vu.”
“Something like that.”
“How are you?”
“Craving something sweet.”
Slightly caught off guard, after all that has happened between us. Me choosing Jake over him. He is being coy with me. Playing into his game, I respond, “Like what?”
“Something sweet in the beginning but ends bitter.”
“Well, I don’t think a beer is going to take care of that craving.”
“I’m not talking about something to drink. I’m talking about someone.”
And speechless.
The heat within me caused my skin to become flush and wet. This man still affects me like he once did, electrifying every nerve beneath my skin.
Calm down, Paige, calm down.
***
As the night continues on, I try my best to keep my interaction with Leo to a minimum. Unfortunately, it is so hard to keep my eyes off him. He knows it too. I keep telling myself I can’t feed into his comment for something sweet that ends bitter. I knew what he was referring to. His deep want filled eyes scream at me. I look up at the clock and notice it is almost two in the morning. I know I need to get my butt home. Jake is probably wondering where I am at. I stand up and grab my purse. I wave goodbye to my friends and out the front door of the bar I go.
As I walk to my car, an eerie feeling overshadows me, causing my senses to work in overdrive. It is as if an unusual presence was behind me. My pace speeds up as I walk to my car behind the bar. Like in a horror movie, my dumb ass turns my head to see if my gut is right. I scream in fright when a tall, slender man is behind me. He laughs. It is fucking Leo. I stop to catch my breath, annoyed and embarrassed all at once. This is not funny, yet he finds it humorous.
“What the hell, Leo?”
“You know you shouldn’t be walking out here alone at this time of night.”
“I’m a big girl and can handle myself.”
“Sorry if I was concerned for your safety.”
“I thought maybe you found your something sweet.”
He laughs, “You’re kidding me right?”
“Leo, I must get home.”
“Tell Jake hi from me.”
I pause. What the fuck? I can’t believe he just told me to say hi to Jake. This is so fucking weird. First, he was flirting with me and now he is concerned about my so-called safety. I just don’t get it or him, to say the least. I haven’t seen him six months and he happens to be working in the ED when I got paged. Then to show up at the very bar I met him at. I am completely flabbergasted at this point.
***
My evening literally went to crap in a hat. It started off as a fun-filled night with my girls and ended with seeing the one man who makes me mush in stupidity. The late night is winding down and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and fall asleep. I know, when I got home, my boyfriend will be waiting for me. To my surprise, I walk into a dark and quiet apartment. Maybe he got tired of waiting for me. I tiptoe into my bedroom and head to the nightstand with the small lamp. I flip the switch. Nothing. No Jake. I am shockingly surprised he isn’t sleeping in my bed. This is weird. I walk out to the kitchen to see a note on the counter.
Hey. Went out with the boys. See you tomorrow for brunch with the family.
Jake has been going out more and more with his friends lately. Does it surprise me? No. We both have been distant. I have this nagging feeling that something else is going on besides hanging out with his friends. Things are starting to add up. I am not the only one who is changing. He knows and I know it. I couldn’t imagine him cheating on me. Before, he broke off our engagement to pursue other options. He failed and came running back. Except, lately, he has been canceling at the last minute. Not coming over when he says he will and then later texting me saying he crashed at his house. When I offer to come over to his place, he is concerned and says he doesn’t want to burden me with coming over so late. Something is going on. Not sure what yet. But there is something. I am trying to give him the benefit of a doubt that he would come to me again, instead of being sneaky. But that nagging pain in my side is telling me different. Do I dare confront him about it?
My thoughts are jumbling all over in my brain. I really can’t be mad at Jake if he is cheating on me. I haven’t cheated on him, but my mind is being unfaithful. Seeing Leo has turned my whole world all around again. That spark has been ignited. Leo has clouded my memory for a long time. Yes, I even compare Leo to Jake and Jake to Leo.
I love Jake, I really do. But… I am at a loss. In my head, all I can think about is the man who is supposed to be providing me with attention is falling very short. Shit, I sound fucking needy. Does it surprise me that was my reaction when I saw Leo? Not at all. Jake and I really need to talk about this. If we are in for the long haul together, shit has to change or we are going to combust.
Chapter 4
I try to talk to Jake about what is happening with us. He shakes it off like it is nothing. I even go so far as to tell him that I ran into Leo the other night. Yeah, he gets a little annoyed with that but not too much. I even try picking a fight with him to get something out of him. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. I don’t know where things are going with us. I feel as if our future together is becoming more and more bleak. What is it going to take for us to realize things are not working? Is he waiting for me to break up with him? In Jake fashion, is he waiting for the next perfect woman to walk into his life? Fuck, this sucks. I need answers. I deserve answers to why I have this feeling of emptiness. I can’t wait for this weekend away at the lake. Maybe it will help get some clarity on where things are going. Talking with my friends might even help. I can’t wait for this weekend at Greg’s family cabin. I need this break from reality. The only problem with stepping away from reality is, my fantasy will be there front and center.
When Brit and I arrive, the whole crew is already there. Greg, Del, Karrie, and Mark. Some of Greg’s friends will be down later. As of right now, there is no sign of Leo. Maybe he won’t be coming. This I highly doubt. He loves this cabin. It is home away from home. There is a lot of memories, well, history for me here. Leo and I connected here. Possibly fell in love without knowing it.
The fire pit is blazing heat as we sit around it drinking Bailey’s spiked hot chocolate. End of Spring can still be cold, even in the lower part of Missouri. But it is a perfect Spring evening. The weather is cool but sweatshirt and jeans wearable. If it was fall, some would say it was football weather. This is perfect. The group is talking about work life. I take a sip of my hot cocoa. The warmth of my cup sends heat down my throat to my stomach causing my blood to boil. This is the life.
Greg jokes, “Brit and Paige, you two a thing now?”
I shake my head and say, “Ha, ha, Greg. You think you’re so funny.”
“Well, you could have had your own room but you are sharing. I’m thinking a little girl on girl action.”
Brit reacts, “Greg, you’re so childish. There is nothing wrong with two girls sharing a room together. Plus, we wanted to make sure you had enough room for everybody you invited. Stop being a tool.”
Greg comments, “Awe Brit, I am just giving you shit, geez. Get yourself a drink and chill out a bit.”
Since Britnee hasn’t really found anything in the love department, Greg seems to think she likes girls. He has set her up with a few of his friends and, as always, there was nothing. It is really starting to bother her with his comments. We all know he is kidding around, but Brit is tired of it. Her snarky attitude toward him is starting to really show.
***
As the night carries on, we chat about work life and how beautiful it is sitting by the bonfire as the night sky reflects on the massive lake. It is surreal. We are just friends relaxing and enjoying God’s creation. Del is cozied up next to Greg under a crocheted blanket. Karrie and Mark are looking at pictures of their daughter on his phone. Brit and I just sit back drinking our spiked hot cocoa, when we hear the cabin’s door creak open. I turn my head to see who it
is. Leo and Dr. Steponowski are laughing as they walk down the steps toward the fire pit. Greg looks up and says, “It’s about time you two showed up. You get lost?”
Leo laughs, “Steph took her sweet ass time leaving the hospital today.”
Greg jokes, “Are you sure it was Steponowski slowing you all up. I find that very unlikely.”
Leo smirks, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Last I checked brother, you are a work alcoholic. I had to practically get Mom to beg you to come down this weekend.”
“Asshole. I could kick your ass for getting Mom on your side.”
“Hey! I was just thinking my older brother needs some time off.”
“You’re full of shit, Greg.” He pauses and looks at Dr. Steponowski, “What do you want to drink?”
She answers, “Yeah, I will take a beer.”
Leo looks around at all of us, stopping when our eyes meet. “Anybody else need anything?”
Yes, you!
Everybody says they are good. Leo smiles at Dr. Steponowski before he walks back into the cabin. What the hell does he see in her? This is just weird. Jealousy is brewing in the pit of my stomach. She is taller than Leo and built like an awkwardly tall and skinny man who played in the NBA. If I had my suspicions, I would say she bats for the other team. But what do I know? He could be wanting something different in life. Who the fuck knows? I just know I am not liking her being here. With him…
Leo comes back with two beers and sits next to Dr. Steponowski. She smiles and says thank you. I start to get antsy sitting on the padded wicker chair. Brit notices me moving around. She gives me a “what the fuck” look.
I mouth, “Don’t worry about it.”
As the night grows longer, it gets nippily cold. It is nice to just relax and be with friends. But something is not feeling right. I would look over at Leo, anger consumes his face as he stares back at me. This is the third time we have seen each other in the last month. We went several months without seeing each other or even mentioning each other. But now, it is happening quite often. I love seeing him but it is awkward. His stern look at me makes me wonder how pissed off he really is at me. I need to make this right with him. We can’t keep going on like this, our best friends are together. I can’t dodge him anymore.
Pulse Page 2