It was so ridiculous that Claire laughed. She laughed and she laughed until she couldn’t stop. Everyone had stopped talking and they were staring at her but all she could do was laugh. Jude was worrying about her getting a bump on her head while she was remembering being raped!
‘That’s enough now, Claire. You need to stop.’ Jude felt a wave of alarm engulf him as he gathered Claire into his arms. She was trembling uncontrollably and his hold on her tightened a fraction more. What had caused her to behave this way was a mystery; however, he was less concerned about why it had happened than how he could stop it. She was going to make herself ill if she carried on like this.
‘Come on, Claire. Take a nice deep breath.’ Holding her at arm’s length, he looked into her eyes, feeling more concerned than ever when she stared blankly back at him.
‘What’s wrong with her?’ Lesley came over and crouched down beside them, her pleasant face filled with concern.
‘I’ve no idea but she’d be better off upstairs.’
Jude stood up and helped Claire out of her seat, swinging her up into his arms when her legs buckled. There was silence in the dining room as he carried her into the hall and up the stairs. Obviously what had happened had come as a shock to everyone.
‘Here, put her down on the bed.’ Lesley had followed them upstairs. Scooping up the dress Claire had worn earlier, she unceremoniously tossed it onto the floor. ‘You don’t need to stay, Jude. I’ll look after her.’
Jude reluctantly laid Claire down on the bed, unable to understand why he was so loath to surrender her to Lesley’s care. He had vowed after he had left the NHS that never again would he allow himself to become emotionally involved and he had applied that doctrine to every aspect of his life, too, not just to the patients he treated but the women he dated as well. Oh, he did everything that was expected of him and more, but he always held part of himself in reserve. It was a system that had worked well, one that he’d had no intention of changing, and yet all of a sudden all his protective urges were rushing to the fore. Relinquishing Claire to someone else’s care was the last thing he could do, not even if his life had depended on it!
‘Has anything like this ever happened before?’ he said roughly, ignoring Lesley’s offer as it was easier than explaining his need to stay. Admitting that he could no more abandon Claire than he could fly to the moon was the last thing he intended to do.
‘No. Never. Claire is normally so calm and controlled. Nothing ever seems to faze her.’ Lesley shook her head. ‘I really don’t understand what’s happened tonight.’
‘Could it be the stress of the attack?’ he suggested, reaching out to smooth back a strand of silky blonde hair before he realised what he was doing. His hand fell to the pillow as a feeling of despondency engulfed him. He had no right to touch her, no right at all. ‘It was pretty tense,’ he continued thickly. ‘I have to confess that I didn’t think we were going to make it at one point.’
‘It’s possible, I suppose, although it isn’t the first time that she’s been involved in an incident like that. A couple of times the truck ferrying her to the convent has come under attack.’ Lesley sighed. ‘Maybe it’s been building up for a while. I mean, she’s been out here for two years now and that’s a long time to be under such constant pressure. What happened today could have been the final straw.’
‘It sounds likely,’ Jude agreed, darkly. Maybe it was expected of the nuns but to his mind there was only so much any human being could take. And Claire had obviously reached her limit.
He stood up abruptly, knowing that now wasn’t the time to kick up a fuss. It didn’t mean that he intended to let the matter drop; however, he would wait until he could speak to whoever was in charge of the convent before he made his views clear. Once again the realisation that he was allowing his emotions to get the better of him was very hard to swallow and he turned away. ‘I’ve some sleeping pills in my room. I’ll go and fetch them. The best thing for her now is a good night’s sleep—’
‘I don’t want any pills. I don’t need them.’
Jude glanced round when Claire spoke, relieved to see that she seemed far more alert. Although she was extremely pale still, her eyes were focused when they met his. ‘I apologise for making a scene,’ she continued huskily. ‘It won’t happen again, I assure you.’
She went to get up but Jude stopped her. As his hand closed around her wrist, he found himself marvelling at how slender it was. He could, quite literally, encircle it with his little finger and thumb. Once again all his protective urges rushed to the fore and once again he felt shock hit him in the gut.
He didn’t do this! He didn’t allow himself to feel this strongly any more. If he hadn’t cared so much then it would never have hit him so hard when Maddie had died. He had learned a valuable lesson then, learned how to detach himself and feel only on the surface, never deep down; yet it was different where Claire was concerned. He couldn’t seem to take that essential step back. What was going on here? Why had he, Mr Deliberately Indifferent, suddenly turned into Mr Overly Protective?
Jude had no idea what the answer was but it scared him to know that he had undergone such a massive change in such a short space of time. He had been in Mwuranda for less than a day and already he was turning into a whole different person, so help him!
* * *
Claire could feel the coolness of Jude’s fingers on her hot flesh and shivered. Now that the memory of that dreadful night had started to fade, she felt better able to cope, although how she was going to explain her behaviour was another matter. Maybe it would be safer to settle for Lesley’s explanation, that she had been under pressure for so long and tonight it had caught up with her. Telling everyone what Andrew had done was out of the question. She only had to recall what he had said when she had warned him that she would go to the police in an attempt to stop him. He had laughed in her face as he had stated that it would be her word against his, and who was going to believe the word of an embittered woman who had been dumped by her boyfriend?
‘You need to rest even if you won’t take a sleeping pill.’
Jude’s voice cut through her thoughts and she shuddered. She mustn’t think about the past. She must focus on the present and that meant making sure nobody found out what had happened to her. Even if everyone believed her, did she really want to become an object of pity in their eyes? Someone who needed to be treated differently? A victim? Was that how she wanted Jude to view her?
The thought was more than she could bear for some reason. It was an effort to concentrate as he continued. ‘I suggest you take a few days off and give yourself a breathing space. If you want me to have a word with whoever’s in charge then I’m more than happy to do so.’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ Claire said quickly. ‘And as for taking time off, well, I’m afraid that’s out of the question. We’re working at full stretch as it is and if I take time off then it will put the rest of the team under even more pressure.’ Easing her wrist out of his grasp, she stood up before he could stop her. ‘I’m fine, Dr Slater. There’s no need to worry about me.’
‘I disagree. It’s obvious that you’re far from fine.’ There was an edge to his voice now but why should he feel angry about her desire to forget what had happened tonight? Why should he care? Before Claire could work it out he continued in the same biting tone.
‘I appreciate that you consider your work a vocation rather than a job but it would be foolish to risk your health. I shall speak to the Mother Superior and explain that you need to rest, Sister.’
Sister? Claire wasn’t sure why Jude had called her that until she saw the dawning comprehension on Lesley’s face. She bit back a gasp. He thought she was a nun! Oh, she could understand how he had reached that conclusion. Between her choice of clothes and the fact that she lived at the convent, it was an easy mistake to have made. She was about to set him straig
ht when it struck her that it might be better if she allowed him to carry on believing it.
Even though she hated to admit it, Jude Slater disturbed her. He made her think about things she hadn’t thought about in a long time, made her aware of her own femininity in a way she didn’t welcome, and it scared her. She had thought that part of her life was over, that never again would she be attracted to a man. Although she worked with the male members of the team on a daily basis, she had never had a problem with any of them—they were colleagues, no more than that. However, Jude was different. She felt differently around him. More vulnerable. More aware. Maybe it would be better if he continued to think that she was off limits.
‘Oh, but Claire isn’t—’ Lesley began, but Claire cut her off.
‘I shall speak to Sister Julie myself,’ she said firmly, shooting a warning glance at her friend. ‘There’s no need for you to become involved, Dr Slater.’
‘Fine. It’s your decision, Sister.’ He nodded dismissively, his face devoid of expression. ‘Just make sure you get some rest. You obviously need it.’
He didn’t say anything more before he left. Claire listened to the sound of his footsteps echoing along the corridor, followed by a door closing, and only then let out the breath she hadn’t even known she was holding. There was definitely something about Jude Slater that set all her internal alarm bells ringing...
‘OK, so what exactly is going on?’ Lesley placed her hands on her hips and fixed Claire with a hard stare. ‘Why did you allow the gorgeous, sexy Dr Slater to think you’re a nun?’
‘Because he is gorgeous. And sexy. And because I don’t want him practising his gorgeously sexy charms on me.’
‘Why ever not!’ Lesley exclaimed. ‘Oh, I know we’re not supposed to form relationships but that’s never stopped anyone, has it? I mean, look at Sasha and Javid. They’re totally smitten but it hasn’t affected their work. So what’s to stop you and the gorgeous Jude indulging in an affaire de coeur? You’re both young, free and single, plus it’s obvious that he’s interested...’
‘Of course he isn’t interested!’ Claire denied hotly. Colour ran up her face when Lesley treated her to an old-fashioned look. ‘He isn’t. He’s just one of those men who can’t stop themselves hitting on a woman. That’s all it is.’
‘If you say so,’ Lesley replied, making it clear that she didn’t believe her. Reaching under her pillow, she pulled out her pyjamas. ‘Right, time for beddy-byes, I think. There’s clean jammies in the top drawer of the chest, so help yourself.’
She headed off to the bathroom, leaving Claire to sort out her night attire. Opening the drawer, she took out the first set of pyjamas she came to. They were made from plain white cotton, very prim and virginal, perfectly in keeping with her new persona, in fact. She smiled wryly as she undressed and slipped them on. Sister Claire wouldn’t feel the least bit uncomfortable wearing these.
Claire went to the bathroom once Lesley came back and availed herself of the facilities. It was very quiet and she guessed that everyone had settled down for the night. She sighed as she headed back to their room. All she could do was hope that nobody would question her about what had gone on that night. She wanted to forget it and, most important of all, forget what had triggered that bout of near-hysteria. The less she thought about Jude Slater, the better.
As though thinking about him had conjured him up, he suddenly appeared. It was dark in the corridor with only the light from a single hurricane lantern to lift the gloom and he didn’t seem to have seen her. Claire felt her breath catch as he ground to a halt when he spotted her. There was a moment when neither of them moved, when the very air seemed to have stilled, packed so full of thoughts and feelings that it could no longer move. And then Jude took one slow step then another until they were facing each other.
His eyes swept over, burning through the thin cotton of her borrowed pyjamas, scorching her. And even though he didn’t say a word Claire knew. She knew what he was thinking. Feeling. She knew because it was what she was thinking and feeling too. He carried on, disappearing into the men’s bathroom, but it was several seconds before she could move. She went into her room and lay down on the bed, listening to the hammering of her heart. It knew what had happened, knew and was reacting to it even though she didn’t want it to.
Closing her eyes, Claire tried to blot out everything except the thought of sleep but it didn’t work. How could it when her body was aching, throbbing, begging for fulfilment? For two whole years the thought of being intimate with a man had been repugnant to her but not any longer. Jude had awoken her dormant emotions and now she felt more vulnerable than ever.
How could she be sure that her mind wouldn’t conjure up the memory of that dreadful night if she slept with a man again? That she wouldn’t relive the horror of what had happened to her? It had been so hard to put her life back together and find a reason to carry on, and she couldn’t do it again. She didn’t have the strength. Maybe Jude had aroused feelings she had thought long dead but she couldn’t allow them to grow and flourish. It wasn’t worth the risk of being plunged back into the abyss.
CHAPTER SIX
A SOFT MIST shrouded the landscape when Jude awoke shortly before six the following morning. He hadn’t slept well, and he felt tired and out of sorts as he tossed back the mosquito net and climbed out of bed. Gathering up his wash bag, he made his way to the bathroom, thinking about what had happened the night before.
Meeting Claire in the corridor had been the main reason why sleep had eluded him. Every time he had closed his eyes, he could picture her standing there in those oh-so-prim pyjamas. The women he knew back home wouldn’t have been seen dead in an outfit like that but Jude knew that no amount of satin and lace could have had the impact those pyjamas had had on him...
He forced the thought aside as he stepped under the shower. The water was on the cold side of tepid but he preferred it that way. Maybe a cold shower would achieve what all his rationalising had failed to do. Claire wasn’t for him, he told himself once more. She wasn’t for any man. Her life had been promised to a far higher authority.
By the time he went down for breakfast he felt a little better, more positive about his ability to cope. Maybe he was way out of his comfort zone but he could do this. He only needed to get through the next three months and then he could go back to the life he knew, the comfortable existence he enjoyed...
Did he enjoy it, though? Did he derive any real satisfaction from the luxuries he bought and the expensive restaurants he frequented? Weren’t they more a means to compensate himself for doing a job that bored him? Weren’t there times when he longed for something more taxing, something that would make a difference to people’s lives?
As he helped himself from the breakfast buffet, Jude was suddenly beset by doubts again, and he resented it. Bitterly. Maybe he did want to prove his worth but he hadn’t realised it would mean him re-evaluating his whole life!
‘Skip the coffee if you value your health.’
Jude glanced round when Matt Kearney called over to him. He nodded when the other man held up a flask and waggled it at him. Picking up his tray, Jude went to join him, forcing himself to smile. Maybe he was starting to have doubts about the life he’d led for the past five years but he would keep them to himself. Pride dictated that he present a confident front.
‘I take it that’s a tad more palatable than Moses’ special brew,’ he said lightly as he picked up a mango and started to peel it.
‘Too right.’ Matt poured a small measure of coffee into a plastic cup that he produced from his canvas holdall. ‘Wrap your taste buds round that and see what you think.’
Jude’s brows rose as he took a sip. ‘Delicious! Where on earth did you get it?’
‘Let’s just say that I have my sources.’ Matt tapped the side of his nose and winked.
Jude laughed. ‘In oth
er words, ask no questions and hear no lies.’ He took an appreciative swallow of the coffee and sighed. ‘I hope you can get some more. I may just survive the next few months with coffee as good as this on tap.’
‘I’ll do what I can but I can’t make any promises.’ Matt refilled the cup. ‘There’s a lot of stuff only available on the black market. Oh, I know we’re not supposed to buy from the racketeers but it’s part of everyday life over here. If you want something badly enough then you have to pay the going rate for it.’
‘Well, I’m more than happy to contribute, although I only have dollars with me, I’m afraid. I was told that it wasn’t possible to get hold of the local currency outside the country.’
‘That’s right. The government put a stop to it being traded but dollars are fine. Folk prefer them, in fact. There’s less chance of the dollar being devalued,’ he explained when Jude looked questioningly at him.
‘Oh, I see. In that case, then, just tell me how much you want.’
‘Will do, once I know what my contact is charging. Prices tend to fluctuate according to demand, if you get my drift.’ Matt screwed the lid back on the flask and stood up. ‘Right, I’m off to bed. Have a good one.’
‘I’ll try.’
Jude sketched him a wave and turned back to his breakfast, savouring the sweetly tangy flavour of the mango which tasted so much better than the ones he bought at home. The bread was rather solid and chewy but he made himself eat a whole slice. He didn’t want to risk passing out from lack of nourishment, definitely not if he was in Theatre this morning. Why, who knew what he might have to deal with?
The thought of what the day might bring sent a rush of excitement coursing through him. He was smiling as he picked up his tray and took it over to the rack where the dirty dishes were stacked. There were several trays there which meant that most of the others had eaten already. He had better get a move on, he decided. He had no idea what time they were due to be picked up: Claire hadn’t told him that.
Reawakened by the Surgeon's Touch Page 6