by Dori Lavelle
“Of course your career is important. But the movie industry is cutthroat and I love you too much to allow the limelight to swallow you whole. You don’t want to end up working day and night for people who don’t give a damn about you.” He pushes his plate aside. “When do you plan on starting to work again anyway?”
“I want to audition for a movie that starts to film soon.”
“That won’t work for us,” he retorts.
“I don’t see why not. We are getting married in three months. I can work around it.”
“How about the honeymoon?”
“We plan on going away for only a week. If I get the role, I’ll insist on taking that week off.” I bite the inside of my cheek, dreading his response.
“I already reserved our honeymoon this morning. We’re going to Bali and I arranged for us to stay longer than that. Two weeks at least.”
“You should have discussed with me. I can’t do two weeks. This is a big movie, Dax. I cannot allow this chance to slip through my fingers. This is my dream we’re talking about.” I look at him in shock, unable to believe what I’m hearing.
“And how about me, huh?” He swipes a hand across his lips. “How do I fit into that dream? I thought I was your future.”
“And you are. But my career is important to me too. I worked too hard to get here.”
“I’m going to say this again.” He raises the second glass of wine. “I need you to stop acting, Emma.” Without taking a drink, he lowers the glass back to the table. It lands so hard that a few drops spill onto the cloth.
I press my napkin to my lips, ignoring the blooming ache in my chest. “I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask me to do that. Why do you want me to quit so badly?”
“Because I have enough money for both of us. Allow me to take care of you.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand, squeezing it, gazing into my eyes.
Some other woman might find it romantic to have her fiancé offer to take care of her, but it terrifies me to be dependent on a man. Especially after what happened to my mother. She had no job or life of her own.
I remove my hand from his. “What if it’s not about the money? What if I’m acting because I really love it?”
“Not too long ago, you were satisfied with working as a receptionist in a dead-end town. If it weren’t for me talking you into acting, you’d still be there.” He starts to eat again and doesn’t look up to see how hard his words had hit me. “Now here you are, pretending acting is the one thing you’ve always wanted to do.”
My jaw is tight when I glare at him. “You got it all wrong, Dax. I was not satisfied spending the rest of my life in what you call a dead-end town. Before you came along, I was preparing to leave.”
“But did you plan on becoming an actress?”
“Maybe not.” I clench my teeth. “Maybe my desire for acting really did come about when I met you. Maybe you were the one who made me realize this is something I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. People discover their dreams in different ways. Mine just happened to be through you.” I toss the napkin onto the table. “Don’t ask me to quit my dream. I won’t do it.”
“You have no idea how tough this industry is.” He gazes up again, his face tight. “Come on, you had a little fun for a while. But now it’s time for you to face reality. You’re not strong enough for this industry. It will crush you. Can you not see that I’m only trying to protect you?”
He tries to touch my hand, but I move it away. He’s taken aback only for a moment, then he wipes his mouth and rises from the table.
“I have an important meeting to go to. I need you to make a decision. I hope it will be the right one.” He clears his throat. “And by the way, I’m taking you to Vienna in three days to celebrate our engagement.”
“Don’t worry, Dax.” I’m trembling with rage now. “I will make the right decision. The right decision for me. I will audition for Dancing Lights and every other movie that interests me. You should make a decision on whether you will support me or not. If you won’t, I don’t see where we go from here.”
My insides tighten as I wait for a response that doesn’t come fast enough. He just stands there, rigid, glaring at me. For a moment I forget who he is. He looks like a stranger.
His hands clench and unclench at his sides. I’m desperate to look away from his intense gaze, but I also don’t want to seem as though I’m backing away from my decision. This is my life and he’s the man I love but he has to respect my career.
“Won’t you say anything?” I ask even though I’m afraid of his response.
“What do you expect me to say? You already made a decision?”
“Are you prepared to support me?”
“You already know where I stand.” With that he steps away from the table to pay for our dinner. Then he walks out of the restaurant.
When he’s gone, I stay at the table a while longer, still fuming and hurt. Then I catch my breath and leave as well, determined, excited, but also fearful at the same time.
Chapter Eleven
Dax puts an arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer. He kisses the side of my neck. “Will you come in?”
I chew a corner of my lip as I look into his eyes, hesitant to accept the invitation to sleep at his place.
We had spent a long evening at an AIDS gala and I’m exhausted from tiptoeing around him. After our argument at the restaurant four days ago, he hasn’t brought up the topic of my career again or the fact that he was flying me to Vienna. He must have canceled the trip, which is a relief. But I feel uncomfortable around him these days, as if I can’t breathe anymore It makes me uncomfortable that he doesn’t want to discuss something as important as my career.
In the eyes of the public, we are a happy couple about to be married. We kiss, hold hands, and have lots of passionate sex, but below the surface something no longer feels right between us. Nothing will be fine until he learns to respect my work. I don’t need his permission, but what kind of marriage would we have if I can talk about anything but what I love to do? Or maybe the fact that he hasn’t said anything means that he has given up on wanting me to quit.
He better be on board because I promised to tell Curtis my decision by tomorrow at the latest.
I’m exhausted after being busy all day with filming a makeup commercial, being interviewed, and attending the AIDS gala. Dax would want to make love to me and I’m not in the mood. But maybe it’s a good idea for me to sleep over tonight. We need to talk. I need to know where he stands once and for all. We cannot enter a marriage when we’re unable to communicate.
“Okay.” I reach for the door handle. “I’ll come in.”
Inside the private glass elevator that leads to his penthouse, he kisses me hard. “I miss you so much.”
I pull back and gaze into his eyes. “Why? I’m here.” I know what he means. I haven’t slept over since our fight.
“It doesn’t feel that way.” He nuzzles my ear as the doors open.
When we enter his apartment, I’m expecting him to rip my clothes off and get down to business. Instead, he goes to the bar and pours himself a drink. He strides to the floor-to-ceiling windows—overlooking the city, a glass in hand—and gazes out into the night.
“Are you all right?” Only moments before he was all over me, kissing me, telling me he misses me and now he’s turning his back to me.
“I’m fine. Go up. I’ll come up in a bit.” He continues to look out at the city lights. “Make sure you’re naked when I come to the room.”
“Don’t be long. We need to talk, Dax.”
“Later.” I flinch at the annoyance in his tone.
I head to the stairs, feeling heavy somehow.
Inside the bedroom, I step out of my black and white chiffon and lace gown with a beaded bust, and wait for him.
First sex, then we’ll address the elephant in the room. Half an hour later, Dax is still downstairs. I want to go down to see what he’s up to
, but I don’t have the energy. It’s already a struggle to keep my eyes from drifting shut.
As I lay back on the luxurious jacquard linen, I’m just about to sink into sleep when I remember that I promised to call Curtis. There’s no point in waiting any longer. I already made the decision anyway and I shared that decision with Dax. Since he hasn’t brought it up again, he must be okay with it.
I remove my phone from my purse, grab a bathrobe, and head to the bathroom, where I dial Curtis’s number.
“I’ve made a decision,” I say to Curtis, lowering myself onto the closed toilet seat. “I want to audition for Dancing Lights.” The moment the words come out, I know it’s the right decision. I want this so bad.
Curtis is thrilled as I knew he would be.
After the call I remove my makeup and brush my teeth. Done, I step out the door only to jump back in surprise.
Dax is standing on the other side of the door, his hair pointing in all directions from him running his fingers through it, his bowtie loose but his jaw tight. The look in his eyes tells me he listened in on my conversation with Curtis.
“You lied to me.” I detect a slur to his voice. He clearly had a little too much to drink.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I tighten the belt of the robe and push past him into the bedroom. I sit on the bed, legs crossed.
“You were talking to Curtis Richerson.”
“Yes, I was.” My tone is sharp, I have nothing to feel guilty about. “He’s my agent. I talk to him a lot.”
“You lied when you said you’ll quit acting. From what I heard you telling him, it doesn’t seem that way.” Dax remains at the bathroom door.
I jump to my feet and cross my arms. “I said no such thing, quite the opposite actually.” I step around him to enter the bathroom to get my phone. “I love acting and it’s what I love to do.”
“The only thing you will do is me.” Dax removes himself from the doorway and stomps into the room.
I remain in the bathroom for a long time, both confused and furious with him for thinking he can control me. I won’t allow him or anyone to stop me from chasing my dreams.
Maybe it was a mistake coming to his place after all.
I storm out of the bathroom. He’s already sleeping. At least I think he is, as he’s facing the other way and snoring softly.
Unable to be around him any longer, I get dressed again and walk out of his home. I’m glad he doesn’t try to stop me.
Chapter Twelve
Five days after I walked out on Dax, I auditioned for the role of Maria Adamson. Even though we talked over the phone, our conversations were brief and stilted. I used the excuse of being too busy to see him. I’m in no mood for another fight. Since I have no idea where we are headed, I’m not very involved in the wedding plans. We need to sort things out first before we can proceed in the direction of our future, even if we have to postpone the wedding.
Yesterday, two weeks after the initial audition, I got a call from the casting director informing me that I was invited to a callback. When I spoke to Dax this morning, I was on my way back to the studio and I mentioned it to him. His silence and the fact that he didn’t congratulate me told me everything I needed to know.
I’m surprised when I get a call from him as I’m stepping out of the meeting.
“How did it go?” he asks, his voice revealing nothing about the mood he’s in.
“Really well.” I open the door to my car and get inside. I hesitate before telling him the news, then decide that he just has to deal with it. “I got the role.” I pause to allow him to digest the information. “They’re excited about the movie. So am I.” I wait for another heartbeat, expecting him to crush my excitement.
“That’s good.” He pauses. “That’s very good. How about we meet for lunch at La Perlo. I don’t have much going on right now and I’d like to take you out to celebrate.”
I lean my head back on the headrest and close my eyes. “Why would you do that? You made it clear you’re not on board with this.”
I hear him sigh. “I love you. So, if this is really what you want to do, I’m on board.”
I frown. I’ve never met a more confusing man. “Why the sudden change of mind?”
“I did a lot of thinking. You were right. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to walk away from something that makes you happy. So, I’m in.”
“You mean that?” A weight slides from my shoulders and I start to relax. These past few days, I’d been doubting our relationship a lot, terrified that my career would break us.
“I do. Meet me for lunch and I’ll show you.”
“Sorry, baby, I’d love to, but I have a lunch meeting with Curtis.”
“Curtis.” Dax’s voice is flat. “I see. Where will you be going for lunch?”
“At Fantasia.” I run a hand through my hair, removing knots. “We could have dinner together, if you like.”
“Dinner is fine.” I can hear a hint of disappointment in his voice.
Could it be that his dislike for Curtis was the reason why he wanted to kill my career? Could he be jealous of all the time I spend with Curtis? It all makes sense now. But he can’t expect me to just ditch my agent at the height of my career. He’s not only a friend, he was there for me from the start, and he knows me better than anyone.
“I have to go, baby,” I say. “I’ll call you later to tell you when I can make dinner.”
“Great.” He tries to inject excitement into his voice, but his tone is unable to cover his disappointment. “Emma, I love you . . . all of you.” He pauses. “And I’m proud of you.”
“I love you too.” I turn the key in the ignition and the car vibrates to life.
I’m still blown away by Dax’s change of heart when I arrive at Fantasia to meet with Curtis. Now that I don’t have to tiptoe around Dax, my stomach is less clenched and I’m excited about the future.
When I enter the restaurant, Curtis gets up from the table and comes to give me a hug. For a moment I sink into his arms. He feels so comfortable, so easy. I can’t help but feel safe around him.
He presses a kiss on my cheek and I pull away, feeling suddenly uneasy.
“I’m so excited about the movie.”
“So am I . . . for you. You made the right call.”
“I know. They were all excited to give me the role.”
“They clearly thought you were the best person for the job. And I couldn’t agree more.”
He ushers me to our table and we order our drinks and a large pepperoni pizza. Going out with Curtis always reminds me of home. He never flaunts his wealth around and prefers to dine at normal restaurants, drinking beer instead of expensive champagne or wine.
With him, I can relax and actually enjoy my food.
The pizza arrives and we’re about to start eating when we hear a scream near the entrance of the restaurant. We both look up in surprise to see a pregnant woman jump to her feet so fast the chair hits the floor. Then she grabs a napkin and weaves her way through the other tables so fast, she knocks several drinks over. Her destination is a man in an expensive suit who had just walked into the restaurant. She shoves the napkin and a pen into his hands, begging for an autograph. The man rejects her and strides toward our table, eyes hard.
My face falls. “Dax?”
Curtis drops his pizza back on his plate. “What’s he doing here?”
“Curtis, please be nice,” I say under my breath. Then I feel guilty for not being happy to see my fiancé.
“I promise to be nice for your sake.” Curtis picks up his pizza again and bites into it.
“Hi, baby.” I rise from my chair when Dax reaches us. “What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t wait to congratulate you.” He gives Curtis a curt nod, then kisses me on the lips. When we break apart, Curtis is sitting back in his chair, arms crossed, eyebrow raised.
“Curtis,” Dax says, glancing at him without a smile. “Do you mind leaving us alone?”
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br /> “Actually, I do mind, Dax. I’m in a meeting with my client and I just started eating. ” He takes another bite.
“Take the pizza with you.” Dax speaks in a cool tone that demands instant obedience. “I’d like to spend some time with my fiancée.”
“Dax, this is a business lunch.” I break away from him and sit. “You can’t just ask Curtis to leave.”
“We have urgent wedding business to talk about. I’m sure Curtis understands. Don’t you, Curtis?”
“No, I don’t. But I’ll leave only because I have another meeting.” Curtis places his hands on the table and pushes himself to his feet. “We can meet another time, Emma. No problem.” Before I can ask him to stay, he kisses me on the cheek and grabs his bag.
After Curtis leaves, we notice that we are the center of attention and everyone is following our conversation. To get away from people who could sell our private conversations to the press, we leave as well.
Inside Dax’s Aston Martin Vanquish—he insisted on us driving together—I turn on him. “Why did you do that?” My rage-fueled breath burns in my throat. “Do you have a problem with Curtis?”
“Kind of.” He reaches for my hand but I pull away. “I just don’t trust that guy around you. He seems slimy to me.”
“You’re wrong. He’s a great guy and a damn good agent.”
He tilts his head. “Why him? There are so many other agents who would die to work with you, better agents. Now that you won an Opal, you could have your pick.”
“I pick Curtis. He did so much for me in my career. I won’t drop him. You don’t have to like him, but learn to respect him.” I realize it’s the same request I made to Curtis concerning Dax.
“Fine, I promise to try.” He loosens his tie. “Let’s not talk about Curtis anymore. I wanted to see you because I have a surprise for you.”
“What kind of surprise?” I thought he had come to congratulate me, which he still hasn’t. Clearly he still has a problem with me acting.