He knocked and heard Anna call, “Who is it?”
He said, “Daniel, your loving husband.”
Anna said nothing more but he heard the lock turn and then he stared down into the tired, line-etched face of the woman he loved.
Anna’s once beautiful skin had become mottled and colourless and she looked as surprised as he’d expected, but without the joy. Daniel surmised all the work she had to do must have been too much for her. The guilt returned.
Finally, he looked down at her body. He understood much. Too much. He couldn’t breathe. It was as if he’d been hit with a hammer.
Anna, with her tired face and too skinny, swelling body had lost not only her purity but also her beauty.
It had been him who’d been laughed at in town. He was an obvious fool. Everything he’d believed to be true was actually false.
For a long moment, neither Daniel nor Anna spoke. Finally he said, “When were you going to tell me?” His voice contained both pain and sarcasm. He choked back the bile that’d entered his throat.
Anna wrung her hands. “I couldn’t put it in a letter. I just couldn’t.” She looked pathetic.
He was obviously no judge of character. He’d fallen in love with the wrong woman. He felt like a punctured balloon as the love oozed out of him.
Suddenly, it was all clear. “Why couldn’t you stay away from my philandering brother? I know he chases everything in a skirt. But I thought you knew better.”
Daniel clenched and unclenched his fists. However, he would never hit a woman. Certainly not one obviously pregnant. To do that made a man lower than someone too afraid to open the hatch on his tank. Having it out with his brother would be another matter.
Anna’s eyes grew wild with fright. “Peter never came without Lottie. I wouldn’t allow it. I’m the victim of a horrible rape.”
Then, through tears, Anna described a tale of rape by a drifter named Willy Jones who’d walked all the way from Lethbridge. It was a silly, fantastical story. He didn’t believe a word of it.
Her words left him feeling even more like a fool. This woman had become nothing like the girl he’d fallen in love with.
Daniel grabbed Anna by the shoulders, and shook her hard enough to make her teeth rattle. “Now stop your silly crying and tell me the truth. I believe this Willy Jones may be the father. I don’t believe your tale of rape.” He screeched the words.
His lowered his voice an octave. “If you were raped, you’d have called the police. They’d have a record of your complaint.” Daniel heard the wind whispering in the trees as he spoke. “We could call them now.”
Anna just shook her head.
“Why didn’t you say anything in your letters? You’re missing your calling. You should write wild stories rather than paint pretty pictures. You’re not pure or innocent or good.”
Daniel could feel vomit rising in his throat. He found this to be, in many ways, more painful than Normandy. His trust and love lay in ashes at his feet.
Anna became paler than he’d ever seen her. “Maisy suggested I give up the child for adoption. It wouldn’t solve everything, but at least you wouldn’t have to be around it all the time. I’m not sure I want to do that. Strangely enough, I’ve come to love this child inside me. Even if it’s a child of rape. It’s not the baby’s fault.”
Daniel could hear his daughters playing on the teeter totter. He fervently hoped they wouldn’t stop their game and enter the house.
“And Daniel, I’m telling the truth about this child’s conception. Believe me. I would never intentionally be unfaithful. I was too embarrassed and humiliated to call the police.” Anna wrung her hands.
Daniel had to admit it. She sounded like she was telling the truth. But he doubted her ridiculous tale. Almost as much as he hated being the buffoon everyone laughed at.
“How do you expect me to believe such nonsense? Was this guy more attractive than me? With a bigger dick?” He felt his face grow red with rage.
Anna wrung her hands again and her voice revealed her fear. “Of course not, I hated the whole thing. Being with him was awful. Not like being with you, which is wonderful. Believe me, I was raped.”
Daniel realized he wanted to believe her. He loved her that much. A man’s love could be as strong as the mother’s love she’d described.
Yet he found he couldn’t. The story was too preposterous. He felt his heart pounding. And the bile entered his throat again.
Anna started to cry when Daniel pushed her into a chair and demanded she give details of the rape. He asked her again and again and her story remained the same. She couldn’t be telling the truth, so she must be the best liar he’d ever met.
As she spoke, he saw a vision of a fluffy, beautiful white cloud disintegrating. It was followed by an ugly black cloud. The hallucinatory cloud formed at a spot just above Anna’s head. It told him his life with Anna was disintegrating.
Finally, Daniel clapped his hands. “I’ve had enough of these lies. I can’t stand the sight of you.” He spit onto the floor, narrowly missing Anna’s foot. She didn’t flinch.
Anna’s tears fell down her cheek and landed upon her shapeless dress. She appeared to have no handkerchief. “I’ve expected this. You can send me and the girls back to England.”
“No, you can’t take the girls. They’ll stay with me and my parents.” His voice was harsh.
He grabbed a kitchen chair and swung it wildly. “I’ll go back and live with my parents. The three of us will raise the girls. George and Grace adore them.”
Abruptly, Daniel set the chair down. “My parents may be overly religious, but neither one of them is promiscuous. And they are both obviously a better judge of character than I am.” Despite his words, Daniel realized how much he hated the future he presented to Anna. He didn’t see how he could manage the farm and the girls without help from his parents. He’d never let her take Amber and Crystal away from him.
About one thing he felt certain. He would never marry Nancy Smyth.
His children would have to grow up without a mother. He didn’t know how he could explain all this to the girls.
Daniel didn’t believe Anna could grow any paler. But somehow she did. “No Daniel. I can’t live without my children. Young children need their mothers. I beg you; please don’t send me away without them.”
She made an attempt to bow before him but her bloated belly made the attempt ridiculous. She resembled a white-faced clown.
“You have the child in your belly. That should be enough.” His voice was icy cold.
He knew his daughters would be miserable without Anna. And he didn’t really want them raised in an overly puritanical environment as he’d been. Yet he remained rigid and cold.
He wanted to hurt Anna as much as she’d hurt him. She had ridiculed their life together. She would pay.
Conversation stopped when Amber and Crystal entered the house. They both smelled of the outdoors with their pretty dresses covered with straw and caked in mud, but he’d never seen anything more precious or beautiful.
They both ran yelling, “Daddy, Daddy.” He kneeled down and pulled them into his arms. He was filled with love. How could he send them away? Yet young children, especially girls, needed their mother. The situation was impossible.
Crystal said, “Mommy said you’d come. She was right.” Daniel kissed her and held her even tighter.
Daniel had a thought. Maybe his daughters would remember the “bad man” Anna had threatened to shoot. They might be able to corroborate their mother’s story.
He realized a part of him, not a small part, still wanted to believe her. All so he could continue to love her. Was he weak? Probably.
It hurt him to think of someone else’s arms around Anna. Someone pressing her slender body onto his chest, and then ultimately going through the intimate act of intercourse. Why had she brought this upon him?
When he questioned his children, Amber said, “Yes, Mommy called him a bad man. He tore her clothes and I
saw blood.” Amber held her head high and her voice was clear.
Amber stopped speaking, Daniel probed, “Tell me more.”
”We’re supposed to tell her if he comes back. So she can shoot him. Isn’t it bad to shoot people? I thought the gun was just for coyotes?” Daniel failed to answer Amber’s query. He decided she sounded rehearsed. It was obvious Anna had gotten the children to lie.
“Did any other men come to the house?”
“No, just Uncle Jim and Uncle Peter and the Watkins man. Mummy didn’t buy anything. Aunt Maisy came, but she’s not a man.”
“How many times did the Watkins man come?” He felt like an interrogator for the CIA. Amber began to appear nervous. He’d have to quit with the questioning.
“He came only one time. Mommy says he won’t come back if you don’t buy from him.” Daniel decided Amber’s answers still sounded rehearsed but he let the matter be.
He couldn’t help but remember how passionate Anna could be. He could understand. But he couldn’t forgive. After all, he’d stayed away from other women the whole time he’d been gone.
Thankfully both children, because of their youth, failed to understand the impact of what was happening in their lives. Nonetheless, Daniel ached with grief. He’d probably never see his children again because he knew he would let them go to England with their mother.
Daniel decided he would wait until tomorrow to talk further to the girls. He certainly didn’t feel like giving them the gifts he’d accumulated.
The pent-up stress left him craving sleep so he told Anna and the girls he would like to take a nap.
But Amber wouldn’t let him leave. She was still too excited about his return. “Daddy, we’re going to have a brother or sister. Mommy says it’s in her tummy. I hope it’s a sister. I don’t like boys.”
Anna’s face was wild with agony and he knew she wanted to stop the conversation.
Daniel’s voice filled with authority. “We’ll worry about the baby in Mommy’s tummy tomorrow. Right now, I’m going to sleep.” Amber and Crystal both backed away from him in obvious alarm.
He abruptly turned and went into the bedroom, closed the door, which squeaked a little, and peeled off his clothes. Habit made him fold them neatly and place them on the floor.
Clad only in his underwear, he climbed into the bed and pulled up the covers. Late afternoon light filtered into the room. He felt safe in here. Safe from all of the craziness of his life.
He would let Anna handle the evening chores and the making of supper. He knew he wouldn’t be able to eat anything. He would soon be as thin and bereft as Anna.
Despite his mental exhaustion, Daniel didn’t sleep. He lay awake, feeling like an inert mass existing in shock.
He needed to think what to do and yet he couldn’t face up to his problems. He wanted to stay in this bed for the rest of his life and sleep and sleep and never wake up.
Bedtime finally arrived. It must have been hours, but it felt like only minutes had passed before darkness had fallen. He’d have to once again face his life when the night ended.
Eventually, Anna came to bed. Daniel turned away and feigned sleep. The happy reunion he’d longed for had turned into the worst predicament of his life. Yet he wasn’t going to let her know how much she’d hurt him.
He heard her changing into her nightgown, hanging up her clothes in their small closet, fluffing up her pillow, and then gently lying down on her side of the bed. Due to her pregnancy she seemed to take up a great deal of space.
She said nothing but he could hear her smothered sobs. His heart grew icy. What else could she expect?
* * *
The next day, after a near sleepless night, Daniel awoke to a feeling of disbelief. How could this be happening? How could he be so wrong about a person? He felt he couldn’t trust any of his instincts.
He somehow summoned the resolve to act normally so he arose before Anna. He wanted to avoid any further encounters with her. He skipped breakfast because he was too upset to eat, and made his way to the barn and other out buildings. He milked the cow and fed the pigs and chickens. The animals treated him like a stranger. Chocolate was his only friend. He felt useless and totally alone.
The sun rose in the sky and it promised to be another fine day, weather wise. So he went into the field to stack hay bales.
He had no idea what he would’ve done if it rained. He felt too upset to further confront Anna, yet he knew he would have to. She had ruined his life. She didn’t deserve his compassion.
Despite his sore shoulder, the physical labour helped to ease his emotional pain. It also afforded him time to think. He didn’t know if that was good or bad.
He may have to go live with his parents, but he’d still have his land, which he loved almost as much as Anna. He realized with a shock his every thought reminded him of Anna and the present crisis. He attempted to force himself to wipe her from his thoughts. Yet found it impossible. His mind whirred with emotions.
One minute he thought of how much he still loved Anna. And he tried to believe she’d been raped. It was a terrible, evil thing for a man to do to a woman. It brought fear and physical and emotional pain. During those moments he could forgive her for ruining his life because it wouldn’t be her fault.
The next moment he would, in his mind, declare her story ridiculous. And he would never pardon her for leaving him mocked and deceived. At those times he hated her almost uncontrollably.
Daniel was tossing a bale up high to the top of the stack when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
“I’m bleeding. Bleeding badly. I think I need a doctor.”
For a moment, just a moment, he felt the urge to tell her to go find her lover and let him deal with her problems. However, he would never do such a thing. He’d have to turn around and see if she really was consumed with agony. Maybe she just wanted his sympathy.
He turned and saw Anna’s face contorted in what appeared to be agonizing pain. Worse still, fresh blood soaked her dress and ran down her legs. He placed his hand over his hammering heart. Anna could die. Panic assailed him.
Nonetheless, he knew he’d have to act quickly and instinct took over. He would carry her. He began to lift her. But she clutched her stomach and shrieked. “No, you’ll never make it that far carrying me.”
She was probably right. He had no choice but to help her walk. He clasped Anna’s small, cold hand and helped her walk through the field.
The fact the crop had been harvested made walking easier. Nonetheless, at one point Anna tripped on the uneven ground and would have fallen if Daniel hadn’t managed to keep her upright. Neither of them spoke. Was she hemorrhaging? He didn’t know how much blood she could lose and still survive. The clasp of Anna’s hand grew weaker and weaker.
Finally, he did pick her up. She didn’t resist.
At first she seemed light in his arms. However he found himself gasping for breath by the time he entered the yard and saw the blue Chevrolet he’d purchased a couple of years ago.
Yet, despite his burden, Daniel ran the last few yards to the car. He thanked God the keys were in his pocket.
Although he found it difficult, he somehow managed to continue to hold Anna and still open the passenger door. He lifted her onto the seat. She slumped against the window when he closed the door, barely conscious. Despite his peak physical condition, his arms and back ached. The pain in his shoulder was excruciating.
Daniel’s hand shook as he inserted the key within the ignition. Thank God. The car started immediately.
He left the yard and headed down the gravel road as fast as he could. Both his and Anna’s heads bumped on the roof of the car. Daniel feared he would lose control of the vehicle, an easy thing to do on gravel. He feared slowing down even more.
He was relieved when he remembered Amber and Crystal played over at Jim and Maisy’s. He certainly didn’t have time to go find them now. He’d give his brother a call later.
Sweat poured off his forehead as he p
rayed silently this ordeal would have a happy ending.
Anna moaned and she slumped further in her seat, as floppy as a dust rag. Please God. Don’t let her lose consciousness. Anna must not die. He realized how much he still loved her. Even if she wasn’t innocent, he loved her. Her voice, her warmth, her gentle mannerisms all contributed to his love.
Loving her now may not be logical or rational. But he still did, and he would forgive her. His love was unconditional. The same kind of love he used to believe she gave him. The kind of love everyone needed.
She’d been left all alone in difficult circumstances. She’d been vulnerable. And maybe she didn’t lie. Maybe she’d been raped. If Anna lived, he would believe her story and love her even more. He would never mention the rape again.
Daniel prayed aloud. “Please God, let Anna live. I’ll love her for all eternity.”
He took his eyes off the road long enough to glance at Anna. She still sat slumped against the passenger window. More and more blood accumulated on her dress and pooled on the floorboards. Her face was as pale as a winter morning after a snow storm. She winced every time they hit a bump on the road.
He didn’t see any other vehicles and he didn’t slow down. A high speed was more important than eliminating Anna’s discomfort.
For the first time on this journey, Anna spoke. “I feel like I’m going to faint. Oh Daniel, I’m so afraid.” He had to strain to hear her words.
Daniel gripped her arm. “I love you. I won’t let anything bad happen. Here’s the city now.”
Daniel sighed with relief. He could finally drive on pavement. He pressed down harder on the accelerator, ran two red lights and almost hit a car. He didn’t encounter any police.
* * *
They reached the hospital. Daniel parked on the grass because the lawn was situated close to the entrance. He ran inside.
He encountered a nurse or receptionist, a short, stocky brunette, dressed all in white, who looked like nothing would hurry her. She started to say, “We have to process all our patients. Are you…”
Till The Wind Blows Silent Page 17