by Caris Roane
Her mind whirred, however, because her fae senses had locked onto Fergus’s shut-down, reflex process that had first alienated his wife, Sharon. And tonight, it had given Mary a powerful excuse to leave.
Reviewing what Ryan had told her, the issue seemed to be seated within Fergus’s initial rise to alpha level responsibility. That so many wolves had died on his watch must have affected his leadership, cementing his belief that while serving as an alpha, he didn’t dare focus on anything else or lives would be lost.
What Mary couldn’t quite figure out was where she fit into the equation. But she suspected that Fergus’s narrow focus, which had created the steel door in the first place, was preventing him from gaining a critical, larger view of his pack and his territory.
Now that she had some distance herself, she could take a long, hard look at everything, especially her role and what she wanted for the future. Savage was a brutal place to live and with all that she’d just been through, including saving Fergus from a witch’s spell, she had no reason to believe things would improve anytime soon.
Yet the project she’d started, of organizing her photos and creating an album featuring her family, no longer appealed as much as it had. With her sister killed accidently as a result of an out-of-control dominance fight, and her parents long dead, she was essentially alone in the world.
Her experience with both Warren’s wolves and the Gordion Pack had continuously soothed her emerging wolf. Now that she was back in Revel, she felt restless and uneasy.
As she finished her wine, she began packing up the photos. She might not be certain what her life should be, but right now making an album was not going to settle her restless wolf down at all.
Maybe she’d have another glass of wine.
Or three.
~ ~ ~
Fergus busied himself the rest of the night with taking stock of every member of his pack. He was planning a memorial service for Elena, the young female wolf who had committed suicide, and the ten wolves who’d gone berserk because of her desperate act.
At the same time, he began the process of negotiating the ransoms for the return of the women Sydon had already put to work in one of the cartel clubs. He’d have them home soon.
The whole time, he kept looking over his shoulder, though he couldn’t say why.
Harley finally asked, “Is there something you need to do? Do you want another guard on the door?”
“A guard? For what?” He had no idea what Harley was talking about.
“For the past quarter hour, you’ve looked toward the door every two minutes. Thought maybe you were worried about another attack.”
“No.” But he frowned. He honestly didn’t know why he kept checking the doorway.
Then it dawned on him. His wolf was looking for Mary, searching for her, but she wasn’t there anymore. It didn’t help that her scent was still in his nostrils.
His thoughts drifted toward her as he recalled having sex with her in real-time, while running beside her in the dreamglide. She’d brought so much to his life and he’d hated letting her go.
He gave himself a shake. He couldn’t afford to give in to desires that had no possible use in Savage Territory. Maybe he had built what Mary called a steel door, but he’d put it there for a reason. He’d needed to protect his pack while they’d been at war. Sharon had suffered because of it and he knew that. But he’d saved countless lives by centering his attention exclusively on the salvation of his wolves.
He forced himself to do so now. Sydon was still a serious threat he needed to address.
Summoning his top betas, he took them into his strategy room on the east side of the ground floor and settled in to discuss ways they could work to uncover the location of Sydon’s headquarters. He decided Sydon must be the priority and he would do everything he could to end the bastard’s destructive influence in Savage. There was no point pretending Sydon would go away all on his own, especially if he had no problem buying expensive, deadly spells to try to get rid of his enemies.
Both Fergus’s wolf and his fae were in complete agreement on that front.
The night finally drew to a close and at dawn, with his compound and attached home shuttered for the day, he made his way back to the guest room.
Unfortunately, he found all three lace negligees still hanging in the bathroom.
Without warning, a wave of grief washed through him so quick and so hard he weaved on his feet. He had to grab the counter to keep from falling over. He didn’t understand what had just happened. But the image that shot through his head had nothing to do with Mary but everything to do with Sharon the night before she died.
Fuck. He’d buried the memory. At the very least, he’d buried it, the way he did everything.
Sharon had dressed up in a sexy, skin tight black dress and had worn matching stilettos. She’d looked beautiful and he’d longed to take her in his arms, to hold her and to kiss her. But he couldn’t let her distract him from his duties or pack members would die.
So, he’d yelled at her, saying absurd things like she needed to be more modest, to set a better example for the other female wolves, things he didn’t even believe. He just didn’t want to be tempted away from his job.
She’d yelled back, saying she couldn’t live like this anymore. He’d given her a cold half-life that wasn’t worth the trouble. She’d already found another man, in another pack, and she wanted a divorce. She was going out for the night, but when she returned, she’d be packing up all her things and moving out for good.
Then she’d left.
He’d been shocked. He’d paced the rest of the night, waiting for her to come home. He’d made a huge mistake with her and he needed to start making amends, if he could.
Yet even then, he’d doubted his ability to make things work with Sharon.
Of course, she hadn’t come home and by nightfall the next day, he’d received word she’d been dumped a half mile from the Gordion Compound, near the canal. Sun exposure had damaged her corpse, but the Savage Medical Examiner said she’d been killed as a result of rough sex with a powerful male wolf who had bitten through her neck and fractured her spine while marking her.
Her death had become the final layer of the steel door he still used to keep himself focused on the safety of his pack.
As he brought his thoughts back to the present and the guest bathroom came into view again, he sank to the cold tile floor. He leaned his head against the cabinet and closed his eyes. He lifted his hand, intending to press his eyes and get rid of some of the burn, but his fingers got caught in the lace of one of the gowns, the black one that Mary had worn just before she’d left.
He’d failed Sharon.
And he’d sent Mary away without her knowing for even a second how much she really meant to him.
Suddenly, he felt inadequate in a way he couldn’t explain. He’d sacrificed his life for his pack. It should have been enough, yet it wasn’t.
The pack came first.
The pack always came first.
He remained on the floor for a long time. He wasn’t the same man that he’d been a couple of nights ago. He’d died out in the Graveyard when Sydon had skewered his heart.
But he wasn’t sure he’d truly been reborn. Instead, he’d launched straight back into his old life once his pack was secure. Yet now that everything was in order, he felt extremely restless and dissatisfied as he’d never been before.
He didn’t want to keep living this way.
Even acknowledging his dissatisfaction was new for him, a sign of the fae abilities and powers that had become part of his soul since he’d been with Mary. Yet he didn’t know what goal he was mentally chasing right now. Did he expect to have a sudden life-altering epiphany?
The pack came first.
But what about Mary? Where was she right now? Probably in her home and in bed for the day. Would she start seeing pet patients again? Resume her life as a veterinarian? Would she forgive him for shutting her out so completely? Woul
d she understand? Did she want any part of him?
He finally rose to his feet, showered and headed to bed. He’d expected Mary to stay with him through the day. He’d wanted to make love to her again. But as a sensitive fae, there was no way she could have ignored the steel door he’d slammed down in front of her.
When he finally lay on his side in bed and pulled the sheet up, he relinquished his attempts to make his current situation fit into the box of the past.
Time would serve him in this situation. It would dim his memories of being with Mary and help him to recommit to the wolves of his pack. He’d find some way to chart a new path without her.
He fell asleep reasonably content with those thoughts.
Hours later and somewhere in his dreams, he smelled a female wolf scent that woke him. He smelled Mary, though he knew she wasn’t with him. A longing for her so intense came over him, that even in his half-sleep, he released a howl that filled the entire soundproof room.
Then he was chasing her in his dreams through thorns that bloodied him.
~ ~ ~
Mary awoke to the sound of Fergus howling, or at least she thought that’s what she heard. But the howls were full of so much pain, she could hardly breathe.
She sat up in bed.
Fergus? She tried reaching him telepathically over and over but nothing returned.
She left her bed and went into the well-shuttered living room. It was late in the afternoon, which meant she’d slept soundly for hours.
She reached out with her fae senses. The sound of Fergus’s howls had created a physical ache in her body, something so deep she wondered if she would ever be free of it.
She didn’t understand what she’d heard or why she was feeling this way or even what to do about it.
Except for one thing, maybe the only thing that would be of any help right now.
She lay down on the couch and stretched out. She dropped quickly into her deep meditation and created her dreamglide. She focused on Fergus and found him.
He was asleep in the guest room in his compound. She could see him, covered in sweat and thrashing. He howled in his sleep as well. But because the room was soundproof there was no one to come to him and wake him up.
She couldn’t even go to him in real-time, not until the sun set.
Suddenly, Sharon was next to her. He looks pretty upset. Wonder what he’s dreaming about.
I have no idea.
Sharon frowned. Well, do something, would you? He’s in bad shape here.
I intend to. The problem is, it’s highly illegal, but I’m doing it anyway.
Sharon’s ghostly brows rose as she stared at Mary. Good for you.
Mary ignored her. She still wasn’t sure why Sharon was hanging around, but right now she didn’t care. She slowly dipped the dreamglide lower and lower onto the bed. She stretched out on the bottom of the strange dream-world vehicle until she made contact with Fergus’s body. She began drifting into his mind and his dreams, without his permission. If caught doing something like this, she could be prosecuted and jailed.
She didn’t see specific images so much as a boiling cloud of smoke. She began calling to him softly. Fergus, I‘m here. Come to me. Be with me in the dreamglide the way you were before Sydon tried to kill you.
Mary?
Yes, I’m here. Relief flooded her. She hadn’t known what to expect, but her greatest fear was that she wouldn’t be able to reach him.
The smoke cleared and there he was, standing in front of her. She rose quickly to her feet in the dreamglide.
He looked confused as he met her gaze. How are you here? He asked. Wait a minute. This is illegal.
Yep, the same way you originally came to me. I’ve broken into your dreams and now I’ve pulled you into in my dreamglide.
As he watched her, however, she felt something change within his heart. He smiled at her and she could feel the heavy steel door open wide.
“Mary,” he murmured softly. “Thank God you’re here. I need you.”
Before she could do or say anything, he crossed to her and took her in his powerful arms. The kiss that followed melted her all over again. When Fergus was in the dreamglide, the man she knew was all in, nothing held back, no steel doors, no the-pack-comes-before-all, just her and his profound affection for her, maybe even his love.
And she loved it. This was her profound reality as well, that when she was in the dreamglide, she didn’t hold anything back either. She wasn’t worried about the fact she was fae and he was an alpha wolf. All she cared about was feeling the strength of his arms around her, the feel of his muscled thighs, and the pulse of his tongue inside her mouth.
And right now, she had a glimpse of what Sharon had lost when Fergus had become alpha to the Gordion Pack.
Remembering why she’d come to him, she knew she had work to do. She drew back, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to let him go completely. Since the dreamglide was still directly above his bed, she glanced through the opaque floor to where he slept. He looked calmer now, as he should since she was with him. “Why the bad dreams, Fergus? You were howling in your sleep and you called to me.”
“I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to be with you.” He pushed her hair behind her ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
“And you’re handsome as hell, you big wolf, but why were you howling?”
He frowned slightly. “How did you know I was? This is soundproof and you live in Revel.”
“It seems odd to me as well. But your nightmare woke me up and whether you like it or not, we’re connected. So, what’s going on with you?”
He looked down as well this time, looking at himself through the floor of the dreamglide. But he kept a firm hold on her, his arms still wrapped around her. “Jesus, I’m covered in sweat.”
“You’ve calmed down. When I first arrived, you were thrashing. Something’s not right with you, Fergus. You’ve got to figure this out.”
He grew very still and she felt him draw in a deep breath. “I remember now. I was chasing you through a forest of thorns. You were in danger, but every step I took cut me up a little more. I was bleeding and in pain and knew I could never reach you because you were moving too fast and you couldn’t hear me call to you.”
“Are you sure it was me you were chasing?”
“I know it was.”
“What was I wearing?”
He met her gaze. “That’s the odd part. You wore an amber trimmed tank and black leathers.”
“Like your wolf pack. Was I injured or anything?”
“No.” he shook his head, but she could see the wheels turning. “You represented something in the dream.”
“I’d like to think I’m someone or something you care about very much. What were you thinking about when you fell asleep?
“You and the Gordion Pack. The future.”
“But what else?”
She felt his hold on her diminish and though she didn’t want to let him go she drew her hands from around his neck and took a step back.
He started to pace. “Do you remember the sniper incident while you and I were being shot at outside Warren’s compound?”
“Of course.” She repressed a shudder at the memory of Fergus almost getting killed again.
“The part of me that has new fae senses could feel something bad moving through the entire territory. You told me you felt it as well.”
“You’re right, I did.”
“That’s what I was thinking about as I drifted off, something terrible that’s here, in our world. I guess it took hold.”
“Fergus, I hate to say this, but in real-time you’re not facing up to something critical, life-threatening even, and I don’t think it’s about me.”
He looked like she’d slapped him across the face. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Don’t you get it? Something’s going on here with you, something astounding. And I guess I think it’s the same for me, I just haven’t figured out wha
t it is for either of us.” She shook her head slowly, then continued, “When I got home earlier, I saw all the pictures I’d left on the floor of my family room. My sister and my parents are all gone and this is Five Bridges where I’d been called to fetch a near-dead wolf from the Graveyard because a psychopath tried to kill him.” She tossed up an arm. “I don’t know what I’m saying or even what I mean. But I suspect our coming together is meant to be bigger than just oh-so-fabulous sex, don’t you think?”
His expression softened. “Well, I’m not sure. It’s been great with you, so why can’t that be enough?” He glanced around. “We could keep meeting like this, in the dreamglide, the way we used to.”
He tried to take her in his arms again, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead, she held tight to his shoulders to keep him at a distance, but she met his gaze straight on. “We were both living in denial back then. Now we each know more. You’ve walled yourself off from intimate relationships to keep your pack safe, I get that and I understand why. And I’ve … well I’m still not sure what’s going on with me. Also, you’re lying in a bed of sweat-soaked sheets. That’s why we can’t go back to our secret dreamglide sex.” She huffed a sigh that sounded hoarse and wolfish. She pulled away from him at the same time. “And I’m sensing my life is about to pivot a full one-eighty any second now.”
Fergus was scowling again, that look he’d get when he was thinking hard. “I don’t want to let you go. That’s what I know in this moment, in the dreamglide. I feel as though my life depends in every possible way on being with you. That any happiness I can ever have in Five Bridges is about my relationship with you.
“But once I leave this space, I know my real-time self will take over and my commitment to the Gordion wolves will become everything again. And I’ll have to let you go.”
Mary took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “Fergus, you do whatever you feel you must. I’ll do the same. Be well.”
With that, she dissolved the dreamglide. She watched him reach out his hand to her and probably protested with a loud, ‘No’. But she felt the need to disengage. They were connected, yet not well enough. And each of them had to figure this out.