Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility)

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Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility) Page 20

by Belvin, Love


  Rayna continued, “I remember my first time out here. I was overwhelmed with the difference in energy from the East Coast. What have you done so far?” Rayna gave her a soft smile. I was taken by her eagerness to converse with my mother.

  “Mir done sent me to the zoo yesterday. The big one in San Diego. Today, I went to see Hollywood,” Yazmine informed her.

  Rayna’s eyes shot over to me as she said, “Oh, he took you on the tourist excursion as he referred to it when I’d told him I’d never been around town when we first met.”

  Ha! She recited word for word from our first “date”. Just then, my Blackberry went off, when I checked it I saw it was Shayna Bacote hitting me up.

  Hey, Azmir. I had my godson’s recital tonight so I wasn’t able to call but I wanted to reach out to you regarding the reputation and intention of Taylor & Bacote Planning and Public Relations Corp. I’ve taken notice to Dawn’s attraction to you and must admit I’ve grown disturbed. I hope you don’t take that piece of detail to mean that we are not a viable firm with your best interest at heart. If there’s something that you view as a conflict of interest, I hope that you’d make me aware of it before dismissing our bid to represent your brand indefinitely.

  I knew what she was hinting at. Shayna had an idea of how strong Dawn was coming on. I could tell that she didn’t want the backlash of it, if it came to that.

  Thanks for your concern and professionalism Shayna. I’ve spoken to Dawn about the parameters of our affairs. If a problem arises I’ll be sure to give your preemption consideration. Overall, you guys are doing well. I typed back.

  The waiter came by and took our orders. Yazmine ordered iced tea and I ordered a Grand Marnier for me and an herbal tea for Rayna. I could see she wasn’t herself no matter how much she lent herself to pleasantries for my mother’s sake.

  Shayna texted back, I’m glad to hear that. But Azmir I need you to know that I take my job seriously and I appreciate that you took us on when celebrity friends of mine that I’ve known since childhood blew us off and never gave us a thought. This has been a lifelong dream for me so please do me the favor and let me know the minute you aren’t pleased with the “affairs” of Taylor & Bacote Planning and Public Relations Corp. Dawn is a unique individual whose determination can be so strong that it works against her. She’s a dear friend but in business I need to be objective. Give me a holler before you make any final conclusions. Please.

  Indeed.I was taken by Shayna’s blatant cry. I was also impressed that she was able to see Dawn’s risky behaviors could potentially affect their business. Once again, the essence of Dawn was lurking at the time that I was with Rayna. My thoughts were ruminate when I heard:

  “Beloved, I don’t know how you deal with him being on that phone all the time,” from my mother. “You know when I was with his dad, my competition was with the newspaper.”

  Rayna gave a bellyful laugh, it was so hard that she winced. It struck me hard.

  “You okay, Brimm?” I asked.

  She darted her eyes over to me, oddly causing my erection again. “You know…what comes along with the territory,” she muttered uncomfortably. I immediately knew that was code for her discomforts were associated with her period. I knew that I could soothe her if she agreed to be with me tonight.

  Dinner was pleasant and the conversation flowed well. Rayna didn’t eat much of her dinner, but cleared her dessert.

  She ate nearly all of her assorted dessert tray. I knew this was the time of the month when she didn’t deny herself of any sweet indulgences. I loved the way she put food away unabashedly. It made her practical. I needed that.

  “I don’t know how you eat like that and stay so fit,” Yazmine observed.

  I wished that I could have said outside of the workouts I put her through, the only other man who worked her body comparably was my fitness trainer. But that would lack decorum. A rush of yearning came over me like nothing I’d ever experienced. I needed to solidify things with Rayna. I wanted her back in my bed where she belonged. I didn’t want to waste any more time trying to let her figure it out. I had the urge to force her hand.

  “Brimm, I was telling Yazmine how you so graciously offered up your house in Redondo Beach to her indefinitely,” I murmured over the table while zooming in on Rayna’s eyes, bracing myself for her reaction. Her eyes widened and mouth swung open momentarily. She caught herself and reeled it in. She opened her mouth to say something and closed it again.

  Yazmine took notice of all of it and said, “I told Mir that I’m like a stranger to you and know you don’t want no stranger staying at your house.”

  Prying her eyes away from mine, Rayna pivoted in her seat towards Yazmine. “You are no stranger to me at all. You’re Azmir’s mother. Don’t mind me, it’s just that we spoke about this so long ago that it’s caught me off guard.” She turned her glower to me and said, “We should discuss the details of that over the next few days.” She was blowing me off.

  “What’s there to discuss? The property is vacant,” I goaded her.

  “It’s not empty. I have things there,” she scolded me with her eyes and then turned softer ones over to Yazmine. “Things that I’m sure you would want removed so that you could be comfortable and feel at home.” She cleaned it up well, speaking to Yazmine. I didn’t stop there.

  “Okay, it should only take a day to get your things out.” I sat up in my chair and readjusted myself.

  “It may take a little longer.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’d have to figure out where I’d store them.”

  “Whatever can’t fit into the marina we’ll put in my storage space. No biggie.” Rayna didn’t respond. She was vexed and couldn’t determine her next move. I didn’t give a damn. She was coming back home. “Yazmine, have your things packed and ready to go by Thursday. We’ll get you in there and take another day to buy whatever personalized décor you’ll need make the place your own before the weekend. Perhaps you can host us for dinner on Sunday,” I said in jest, garnering a chuckle from Yazmine, but a blank look from Rayna.

  Oh. Fucking. Well.

  “You just let me know what you need to feel at home there and we’ll take care of it,” Rayna murmured dryly, but with a scent of sincerity to Yazmine.

  We were all adults and Yazmine at best could surmise that I was pushing Rayna faster than she had wished.

  “Excuse me, I have to use the restroom.” Rayna rose from the table and I followed suit. As I did, she gave a small smile to Yazmine, but rolled her eyes at me and turned on her heels for the bathroom.

  As I took back to my seat, I heard Yazmine’s raspy voice note, “You’re in love with her.”

  My eyes darted over to her. I wasn’t expecting that. I adjusted my tie on my chest and abdomen. I gave her the flick of the eyebrows. “Is that what we’re calling it?” I was not prepared to go there. This topic had been on repeat in my relationship with Rayna, causing me undue stress.

  “What do you call it?” Yazmine came back, wearing a gentle smirk on her face.

  I exhaled, “I call it well-placed companionship.”

  “Is that all you feel is going on between you two?”

  “I care about her very much.”

  “Beloved, what I been watching since that young lady walked through ‘dis place is your heart come alive and be on display. You a totally different person when she around. You try to play cool when deep down inside I can tell you burning for her real bad.” She giggled, “It’s just like when you was ten and had a crush on Otischa from the projects. Every time her momma brought her to Momma D’s you be tense on the outside, but jumpy as hell on the inside.” She paused to read my response.

  “She’s a beautiful and bright woman.” Enough said.

  “Yeah,” she nodded in agreement. “‘Dat she is. And you want her living with you. You gon’ marry her?”

  Yazmine didn’t see Rayna coming upon us. But she realized she’d returned when Rayna accidentally hit Yazmine’s
chair with her purse and excused herself. I rose until Rayna was seated and watched, a little unnerved by Yazmine’s observations and Rayna’s apprehensions.

  “It’s currently under consideration,” I responded to Yazmine’s last question to let her know that I wasn’t running from the topic. I signaled our waiter for the check.

  Yazmine shot me a nod just before looking over to Rayna and asked, “You okay, beloved?”

  “Oh, yeah. I drank a lot of that delicious tea, I had no room left in me for more,” Rayna answered with a smile.

  Once the check was cleared, we all went out to the wait area of the restaurant where the ladies said their goodnights. Rayna turned to me not knowing what to say. I hadn’t told Yazmine about our recent separation. It was in the past as far as I was concerned. Fucking over. Rayna looked at me through her lashes, which told me she was stuck between being upset for my pushing the moving out issue and trying to be polite and play nice for my mother’s sake. I didn’t let her think too long.

  “I’ll have Ray take Yazmine back to her hotel and drive you home.”

  “No, that’s okay. You see your mother to the hotel. I’ll see you later.” I didn’t know what Rayna’s later meant, but one thing was for damn sure and that was we wouldn’t be sleeping apart tonight and I preferred the comforts of my bed at the marina.

  Thankfully, Yazmine chimed in, “No, beloved, you two done had a long day. Y’all go home. ‘Dis was real nice and all. I need to go back to the hotel and relax. I’m good alone,” she said with the wave of her hand.

  Once again, deadlocking Rayna, and to her dismay. I kissed my mother goodnight and parted ways. Rayna and I made our way to Interstate 405.

  When Rayna noticed we were exiting off 52 instead of staying on for exit 43 she said, “Why are we getting off here?”

  “Because we’re going home, Ms. Brimm.”

  “I can’t stay at the marina, Azmir.”

  “You can and you will.”

  “Did you forget about Azna?”

  Damn. I did. “I’ll have Ray swing by to get your keys and then go and pick him up.”

  “Azmir, that’s ridiculous. I’d have to pack some things for him. Besides, I could use an overnight bag myself.” Her grimacing gaze seared my profile. I made a U-turn and jumped back on the 405.

  We picked up Azna, Rayna grabbed a few things for work the next day, and we were back at the marina in under an hour. I ran her a bath as she played with Azna out in the living room. I was irritated, my mind raced a mile a minute as I sat at the lip of the whirlpool and returned a few e-mails. When the water was done, I set out for the living room to grab Rayna.

  “Ready?” I asked her, interrupting her playtime with the pooch.

  Rayna’s head shot up and the smile…the pure, unadulterated, and natural glow of her smile caused a tremor in my chest. It slowly dissipated while she looked my way. Damn. She rose to her feet, but not before giving Azna a final rub and mirthful giggle. I waited for her to continue back down the corridor.

  She maintained a few steps ahead of me, but when we past one of the bedrooms I yelled out, “Hold up.”

  She arrested her stride and turned her head for answers. I turned the nob and opened the door, prompting her to enter in the room. She slowly ambled toward the door and once she arrived, she craned her neck to take a peek. Once she caught a glance of the room, her mouth collapsed and her eyes fluttered. Rayna stepped into the room holding her face. She looked around to observe the bars attached to mirrored walls and angled her head to ceiling to see the high fans. Her eyes darted to the floor to observe the hardwood sprung material. She eventually transferred her gaze over to the two flat screen televisions that mounted either sides of the room and then she landed her attention on the stereo that operated the surround sound speakers, suspended on the walls throughout the room. It was her own personal dance room. At the marina. With me.

  She stood speechless for a while. I needed to know what she was thinking. I had to know what she was feeling. But I gave her time to process what this was.

  “Azmir…it’s…” Rayna whispered.

  “Your own dance room. Here. At the marina.”

  “But…why would you go through the trouble?”

  “It’s no trouble at all to make you feel comfortable here, in your home. I don’t want you to have to want or need for anything that isn’t here with me. I want you here. Permanently.”

  Rayna covered her eyes, taking long minutes to settle her emotions. I’m sure it didn’t help that it was that time of the month for her anyway. I waited patiently. I would always wait for her to adjust to me.

  That night, I bathed Rayna and gave her a full body massage to help with her menstrual symptoms before we drifted off to sleep. In our bed. Rayna didn’t speak much. I figured I’d given her lots to think about and didn’t want to disrupt her flow. And besides, I’d said all I needed to say.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Rayna

  The next morning, I dropped Azna off at my place in Redondo Beach. I needed to be sure that I wanted to try again with Azmir before falling into the same peculiar arrangement that got us into this estranged place we were in. I took off to work and went about my day as usual.

  My appointment flow at work was normal and all of the morning patients were familiar, but what wasn’t was my inability to get Azmir’s betrayal out of my head. The visual imageries of him taking her face into his mouth drove me crazy, and wondering how she liked it threatened upheavals of bile from the pits my stomach. I couldn’t shake the fears of upcoming events when they’d be left together alone.

  At one point during my third appointment, I had to abruptly leave the room, demanding that my PTA took over. I barely reached my desk before the tears streamed down my face. Breathing became painful and the more that I recalled Azmir’s sweetly making love to me a few days ago, I couldn’t help but seeing visions of him on top of Dawn Taylor.

  It starts off with kiss for everybody.

  My thoughts led to more questions that fueled my curiosities, and before I knew it, I was sitting behind my desk and had Googled Dawn Taylor. An impressive number of hits piled on the page. One link that caught my eye was her Facebook page. I clicked on it and saw it was open to the public. I’d only known a small bit about Facebook from my brief tutorial with Michelle the day she came to the office to show me how to set up a page for the Long Beach City office. That day, I looked up Azmir only to learn he didn’t have one at the time, but the recreation center did. Immediately, I called on the recollection of Michelle’s guidance.

  Dawn was an avid poster. She had a personal page aside from her PR firm’s fan page. After spending less than a minute on her page it was painfully obvious that she was crushing on a man, a man who fit Azmir’s description. She’d post random things like:

  Oh, 6 foot 4 inches of dark chocolate glory…

  Take a chance on me, trust me to market your story.

  I can lead you to places your half a billion can’t afford you…

  Take a trip with me into erotic gateways that only I can fit you through.

  You say things are too complicated and she makes it impossible…

  Take me on like your body told me how much my touch was critical.

  This bitch is insane. My hand clenched the mouse, almost to crack it. My heart sped, colliding into my chest.

  I clicked on About and saw her relationship status set to “It’s complicated.” I went back out to her timeline to see frequent postings, asking her friends to “like” Cobalt’s page, the rec center’s page, and Mauve’s page and a few more names that I didn’t recognize, like Global Fusions. But what I did know was the first two were a part of Azmir’s brand. When I came to the picture of her and Azmir at some event last week I became lightheaded and needed to recline in my office chair to secure my equilibrium. I gripped the chair handles to help steady my head spin. Rage pumped in my veins and I saw red when I glanced over at Dawn’s crooked smile.

  I’m not sure how l
ong I sat there, I lost track of time and reason. My phone buzzed and it was Sharon making me aware of my next appointment. I took a minute to gather myself then pushed myself out of my office to face the remainder of my day.

  After lunch, my phone pinged. It was a text from Azmir.

  At the airport. I have to make an emergency trip along with my attorneys up to Canada. Rich’s daughter was in an accident earlier today so I couldn’t defer this to him. I’ll be back as soon as things get settled. I trust you and Azna will settle back into the marina seamlessly. Call me once you do.

  I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say. I felt the push in his words about settling in at the marina. I knew I had to soon tell him that it wouldn’t be happening. Him being in Canada gave me some time to think of just how I would.

  I thought about Yazmine and wondered if she had packed her things up and was awaiting my call to have her move in my place. I also thought of Chef Boyd showing up to the marina to cook for an empty apartment. All of the inconveniences of me not being forthcoming strangled me at the throat. I challenged myself to let it go and to think about me first. It was Azmir who cheated. It is him who won’t set the record straight with his delusional PR stalker. I would let him work out all the nuances of me not moving back into the marina. Hopefully he’d do a better job than what he did with Dawn Taylor.

  It wasn’t until later on that night when I sat alone in my living room, working on charts that I decided to pen Azmir a letter to hopefully explain my plans. I opened a new e-mail and started typing away.

  Azmir,

  I received your text and hope that you were able to resolve your issues in Canada. I know it must be difficult having to change the course of your plans unexpectedly. Unfortunately, I’ll be adding to that.

  Azmir, I will not be moving back in with you. I apologize in advance for the inconvenience this may cause in planning Yazmine’s living situation. It’s just that no matter how hard I fight to forget, I can’t let go of your betrayal with Dawn Taylor. It was an eye-opener and I feel it’s not totally your fault. You have emotional needs that apparently I’m not meeting, which is probably why we haven’t taken on a formal relationship. As much as I am working on my deficiencies, I cannot expect you to wait on me to heal what ails me internally. I am damaged and it’s not fair to you at this point in your life when things are going so well to have to baby-sit a woman who’s so broken that she can’t assist with your needs. Dawn’s presence reminds me that there are other women who are more than willing to give you what you need while you wait on the glue to dry as I attempt to piece myself back together. Hopefully, we can take some time next week to discuss me returning your car and the things you’ve gifted me. Except for Azna. I wouldn’t survive losing the only two beings connected to my heart.

 

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