by C. Gockel
“Yes,” I said thickly into the phone.
“Sweetheart. First of all, you have got to stop thinking so little of yourself. You are an awesome woman. This Ull guy is lucky to have you, not the other way around! Don’t you ever forget it.” That seemed unlikely, but Ardis pushed on like the good friend she was. “Second, there isn’t going to be a problem with his family. No decent parents alive would dare to disapprove of you. Not only because you are a fantastic, kind, warm-hearted girl, but also because their son has chosen you. It’s parental suicide to disapprove of the girlfriend, trust me.” It was true. Ardis and her womanly charms had come between more than a few sons and their mothers. “And third, none of that matters. If you guys are really that into each other, then the rest is just details. You, the biggest prude I’ve ever met, are spending the weekend at this guy’s house. He’s clearly gotten to you.”
“His country house.” Nobody wants to be misleading. “If we were on campus I’d go back to my flat.”
“Exactly, Grandma. If you’re so comfortable with him that you’re already taking a trip together, he’s pretty special. Everything will work out. It will. I’m not saying it will be easy, but if you guys are really that committed to each other, it would take a lot more than the stuff you’re afraid of to keep you apart. So relax.”
My world had righted itself once again. Ardis always knew what to say. “Thank you Ardis. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” My eyes felt dewy. “I miss you.”
“Aw, I miss you too, girl! I can’t wait to come visit you this summer. I’ve never been to Europe!”
“Well we are from Nehalem. We’re not exactly world travelers.”
“Not yet!” Ever the optimist. “Oops. I have to go – my date’s here. But e-mail me when you get back to school and tell me how the weekend went. Try to have some fun.” She emphasized the last word and I imagined her wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. The knot in my chest felt considerably looser as we got off the phone. Ardis’ words always hit home. I liked Ull – a lot. And he liked me. The rest was just stuff to be handled together. But exactly how much ‘stuff’ came along with dating a Norse god?
Chapter 10
By morning, my overworked brain was moving like a herd of turtles. Ardis had helped me through my hysteria, but I was still coming up with every possible reason this relationship was doomed. I was too beat to indulge in a freak-out. Mormor always said there was no point in borrowing trouble. Besides, Ull kept me too busy to worry by showing me around Bibury.
“I think I need new rainboots.” I padded into the library in a fresh pair of socks. My first pair got soaked in the downpour that ended our walk.
“You think?” Ull held up a blanket and patted the couch next to him. I settled into the spot.
“Nice fire.” I was impressed. He’d set it up and made two cups of tea in the time it had taken me to change.
“I am God of Winter. I should be good for something.”
“Glad to know you’re not slacking just because you’re on vacation.”
“Oh Kristia, I am never on vacation. Odin can summon me at any time. Though I do consider it my duty to protect you from the elements raging outside.” He pulled my legs across his lap, and gently massaged my thigh. My breath caught as I fought the impulse to pull him down on the couch. Something told me the God of Self Restraint wouldn’t appreciate my hormones as much as I hoped he would.
“Well protect away, Your Holiness.” My wisecrack was drowned by a clap of thunder. “Is that your family calling?”
“Funny, Kristia.”
“I thought so.” Laughing was easier than thinking about how absurd our situation actually was. The cutest guy on campus moonlighted as a fierce Asgardian warrior. Not exactly the hobby I’d imagined my first serious boyfriend would have.
“Can I ask you more questions?” I rested my head on his shoulder and watched the rain pelt the window.
“Ask away.”
“You’re a lot older than me, aren’t you?”
Ull shifted beneath me. His silence spoke volumes.
“That’s a yes.”
“Does that make you uncomfortable, Kristia?”
“Does it make you uncomfortable?” The best defense was always an offense.
“It does,” he admitted. “You have been alive less than two decades. I have been alive… considerably longer. It is hard not to feel untoward when I think about my intentions for you.”
“Untoward?” I covered my mouth.
“Stop laughing.” The tops of his ears turned pink.
“I’m sorry. It’s just sometimes the way you talk is so…” Old? Antiquated? Out of date? “Proper,” I finished. “My grandmother would have found you charming.”
“Your grandmother would have found me inappropriate. It is not right for a man my age to want to do the kinds of things I plan to do to an eighteen-year-old.”
Now it was my turn to blush.
“Does it bother you that I’m younger than you?” I bit my lip.
“It is not going to stop me from pursuing you, if that is what you are asking.”
“Fair enough. Can I ask something else?” My fingers traced the lines of his chest as I settled my head back on his shoulder.
“Shoot.”
“How did you end up God of Winter?” It seemed like a softball question. But when Ull froze, I realized I’d touched on a nerve. I made myself very interested in my fingernails. “Sorry, that was personal. It’s none of my business.”
“No, I want to tell you. I just want you to know the man I am now, not the killer I used to be.” It was my turn to freeze, but I pushed the feeling down, desperate to know everything.
“I don’t understand.”
Ull’s shoulders dropped. “I am not a particularly upstanding man, Kristia.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“You should. I have done heinous things – things you could not imagine. I have killed thousands – not that they did not deserve it. I tortured uncooperative hostiles in the name of interrogation. And pursuing you like this when I know what my fate holds… I have no right to be with you.”
“Ull, believe me. I’m not perfect either.” In fact, I was all kinds of crazy, but this conversation wasn’t about me and my mental problem.
“You are kind to me.” Ull lifted a finger to my cheek.
“So how did you come to be this terrible guy?” My eyebrow shot up. “You seem more the puppy-dog type at the moment.”
Ull blinked. “I was born to be a warrior. My mother is the most accomplished warrior goddess of all time. Not only does she hold the most kills of any female, but her accuracy is unmatched.” Well butter my flapjacks, my boyfriend’s mom was a trained killer. “My father died in battle before I reached school age. When my mother remarried, we moved in with Thor.”
“Scary stepdad?” I turned my palms to lace my fingers through Ull’s.
“At times. But he was also a tremendous resource. Before I became God of Winter, I was part of the Elite Team – Asgard’s top assassins.”
“How was that?”
“It was… tolerable… until a target begged for his life. Said he had children waiting at home. That was the turning point. I set the target free and asked Odin for a new post.”
“What did he say?”
“He was displeased. But I became God of Winter and have served there since. I took a short break once.” His face darkened. “But I came back.”
“And now you’re here.”
Ull winked at me, and my insides suddenly felt sloshy. “I like living in your realm.”
“Why?” I’d take Asgard over Nehalem in a heartbeat.
“Because I can be myself here. My pull to this realm has always been a mystery. Perhaps, all along, I was waiting for you to show up.” He touched my chin and held my gaze for an endless moment. The air between us filled with the delicious build of anticipation. My hands ached to stroke the stubble along his jaw line, but I kept myself still as
Ull brought his face down with agonizing slowness. He rubbed his nose along my throat, inhaling so a light chill settled along my neck. When he reached the spot just below my earlobe, he pressed his lips lightly against the delicate skin. A thick fog clouded my head and my body responded unthinkingly. My palms gripped his biceps as I pulled myself on top of him. I threw my legs on either side of his lap and turned away from his kiss so our foreheads were touching. As I moved to press against him, Ull gently pushed me away.
“We don’t have to stop.” My breath was uneven.
“We do. My mother raised me well.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning we are only just dating. So we do have to stop.”
“Seriously?” I did not see that one coming.
“Mortals,” Ull chuckled. “So impatient. Do you really think you know enough about me to decide whether you want to be with me?”
“I want to be with you. Honest.” It wasn’t just the hormones talking. I really liked him.
“You say that now.” He chuckled again. “Shall we continue our discussion? I am sure you have more questions.”
“Okay, fine.” I waited for the blood to move back up to my brain. Apparently I didn’t wait long enough, because I blurted out, “Why were you so mean to me in the British Museum?”
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
“Come on, Ull. Give me some credit.” I stared at him until he looked away.
“Because I knew who you were.”
“You knew I was Kristia Tostenson?”
“No. I knew you were meant to be my wife.” I pulled back, but Ull quickly wrapped both arms around me. “No, please. Just listen.”
I slowly resumed blinking.
“Remember the first day of class, when Professor Carnicke talked about the Norns?”
“The prophets,” I whispered.
“Correct. Well, you and I shared the same Norn. Her name was Elsker – the name means Love in Norwegian. She prophesied I would be a Warrior, live alone, and give my life for my people. When you were born, my future changed. Elsker said if I wanted to take a partner, I could find you at Cardiff in eighteen years.”
“And… marry me.”
“Eventually, yes.”
“That doesn’t explain why you were so mean to me. If anything, I’d think you’d be nice to the person who was supposed to spare you from what sounds like a really depressing life.”
“I was not finished.”
“Oh. Sorry, Your Excellency.”
“Kristia,” Ull growled.
“Okay, okay. Finish.”
“I was mean to you because, despite Elsker’s prophecy, there is an absolute ban on Asgardian-Mortal relationships. The Norns are forbidden from mingling the fates of gods and mortals. Elsker broke the rule. I would never have turned her in, but we have this… questionable figure in Asgard. Loki. He found out what Elsker did, and she was banished for her betrayal. I never got to talk to her again.”
“That’s terrible.”
“I was mean to you because I knew that even though we were meant to be together, we never could be. Odin would never allow our relationship. Besides, I am fated to die with the rest of my family, so it is not like we could have any sort of a happy ever after. It hurt to be so close to you and to know I could not have you.”
“Oh, Ull.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “I had no idea.”
“How could you? I did not explain.”
“I know, but… I’m still sorry.”
“No, I am sorry. I hurt you. But honestly, it was never my intention to do anything but protect you.”
“I see that now.” I squeezed his arm. “Can I ask another question?”
“Go ahead.”
“What really happened during the time you were away?” He’d obviously kept a lot from me.
Ull laughed sharply at being called out. “I was telling the truth when I told you I had gone to see my family, to see whether I could be with you without endangering your life. Getting a straight answer from them was complicated.”
“How do you mean?”
“Listen Kristia, I do not feel right asking you to join me in a life that I do not completely want to be a part of myself. My death is inevitable. Our enemies want to kill every Asgardian – we have certainly killed enough of their kind. It is terrible to know that you will lose the people you love – and that you will die yourself. Losing my father was hard enough; the thought of losing my friends and my mother is incomprehensible. And to lose you – it would be more than I could handle.” Ull’s eyes filled with pain and it struck me how sensitive he actually was.
I’d been so wrong about him. He didn’t keep everyone at arm’s length because he was uppity – he did it so he wouldn’t get hurt. What an isolating existence.
“It has been one thing to know my death is marked, but to ask you to voluntarily give your life – I am not worth that price.”
I was starting to think there were a dozen reasons he was wrong, but I bit my tongue.
“Unfortunately for you, I can be selfish. I wanted to be with you. But like I said, no god has ever been allowed to marry a mortal. Thor certainly was not going to sign off on it – he fancies another warrior for my wife, and he would never understand that I allowed myself to fall in love.”
“Super.” This wasn’t sounding so good.
“But my mother knows how I feel about you, and she sent me to my friend Inga’s father. Jens is Odin’s chief advisor, and my mother thought he might be able to help us.”
“I’m liking your mom.” Ull smiled, and my stomach fluttered.
“I ran into Balder on my way. He serves as our judge. I asked him whether it would be wrong to invite you to join me in this existence.”
“Ull,” I interrupted, but he shook his head.
“I have much guilt in that, Kristia. If Balder had said it was wrong, then I would have left you alone, difficult as it would have been. But Balder was generous.”
“Okay, now I’m liking this Balder guy too.” Not only because I felt bad for the poor fellow whose parents had burdened him with the name of Balder.
“By the time I saw Jens, my mind was mostly made up. I would court you and see whether you would share my life with me. But no human had ever been to Asgard, and to my knowledge, no god had ever taken up permanent residence on Earth. I needed Jens to help me with some of the… eh, technical issues.”
Suddenly, I was in an unfamiliar world. I instinctively knew it was Asgard, somewhere in the past. Two robed men walked angrily down a long hallway. Columns supported the roof, the open-aired walls overlooking a pristine village.
“It is an abomination,” the taller of the men snapped. He wore an eye patch and his long white hair streamed behind his hurried pace.
“Odin,” the other man placated. He rushed to keep up. “This was bound to happen sooner or later. They are not that different from us.”
“They are nothing like us!” Odin thundered in fury. “Asking me to admit a human to Asgard?” He practically spit the words. “It is unheard of, Jens. No human is fit to enter here. The Fates are fools to cast our lot for the betterment of Midgard.”
Jens’ robe quivered. He darted his eyes around the hallway as if someone might be watching. “You must not speak ill of the Fates. And you should not speak ill of Earth. You know the prophecy.”
“Yes. Asgard shall fall to save Midgard – Earth, as you so lovingly call it. Perhaps you want to move there like your daughter?”
Jens fell silent.
Odin inhaled. His shoulders rose with effort. “I am sorry. I should not speak against Inga. And I should not speak against the Fates. But I will never, as long as I exist, agree Asgardian lives should be lost so Midgard can prosper. When Ragnarok comes it will be a travesty – the loss of a superior race of beings for the survival of mortals should never have been prophesied so lightly.”
Oh, super. Now my visions were checking into the past too. Was there no end to the dept
hs of my lunacy?
Ull’s voice pulled me back. He didn’t seem to realize I’d been somewhere else. “I would rather not go into detail, but suffice to say Odin is not mankind’s biggest fan.”
“I see.”
“I cannot bring you back to Asgard as my mate, but that does not preclude our being together. I can stay here as yours. Another warrior once fell in love with a human. He chose to live as a mortal rather than be without her.” So that was what Odin was so angry about in my apparition.
“Oh, crimeny. But you’re not saying that you would–” Ull stopped my words with a finger to my lips.
“Now before you get upset, hear me out. It makes sense for me to join your world. I like living here. You will not have to give up anything to be with me. We can live a long and happy human life together, ideally passing on before Asgard’s enemies ever attack. There is no downside.”
“No downside?” If he’d put it any differently, I could have kept my temper.
“I had just returned from Asgard the night you were attacked. You needed me, for your own protection, if not my selfish desire. And I need you. So here we are.” Ull seemed unaccountably pleased with himself.
My fuming wasn’t internal for long.
“So here we are? Are you insane?” How could he think this was a good idea? “You want to give up your immortality to be with me? Absolutely not. Forget it.” There was more wrong with this than a bull in a henhouse.
“Shh,” Ull soothed. If he’d thought his decision would make me happy, he obviously didn’t know the first thing about me. “Darling, this is not your choice to make.”
“Everything is not all about you, you know. This affects me too!”
“I know it does. And for the record, my life has never been about me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you? Because it’s not going to work.”
“Not much works on you, does it?”
“Nope.”
“Well, I am not trying to make you feel anything. Being of Asgard requires a life of duty and service – it is just the way things are.”