by C. Gockel
I nodded. “It was my grandmother’s. She always told me stories about the gods – myths, I thought back then. I can’t believe they turned out to be true.”
“You wouldn’t believe the stories that are actually true.”
“Speaking of that… I hope this isn’t inappropriate, but can I ask you something? It’s about Ragnarok.”
“Okay.” Inga sounded guarded. “But you know Ull doesn’t want me scaring you off.”
“Trust me, I’ve had more than enough reasons to be scared off.” Not the least of which was the deranged Elf Man. “If I was going anywhere, I’d have left by now.”
“Well, all right then. Go ahead.”
I took a sip of tea. “Well, it’s just… why do all my textbooks and the Internet say that Ragnarok happened, like, forever ago, when you guys talk about it like it’s still hanging over your heads?”
“Ull talked to you about Ragnarok?” Inga looked surprised.
“Not exactly. But he alludes to these people wanting his family dead and this dark future and all. I’m assuming he means Ragnarok.”
“Well, you assume right. And Ragnarok hasn’t happened yet. It’s coming, and most likely sooner than later.”
“But the Internet says–”
“Oh, Kristia. Do you believe everything you read on the Internet?”
“No.” Kind of.
“We wrote those stories ourselves. Somebody, probably a jotun or a dark elf or some other troll, spilled to the humans about this battle that was going to destroy the realms. Naturally, the humans overreacted. We had to come along and clean up the whole mess, which we did by rewriting the stories to look like the battle had already happened and the existing humans were offspring of the survivors.” Inga bit into a cupcake. “Mortals are so dramatic. They’d have killed each other off in their panic, if we hadn’t stopped them. They gobbled up our little ‘myths’ – anything to tell themselves they were safe.”
“So Ragnarok hasn’t happened yet?”
“Nope.”
“And that means…”
“It means it’s still going to happen. But we don’t know when, and it’s not worth worrying about. Now, can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Good. Back to your necklace.” Inga reached out to touch it. When her fingers brushed the cold silver, she recoiled as if she’d been shocked. Reaching out again, she held the charm gently. A look of reverence crossed her face.
“Kristia,” she breathed. “You said this was your grandmother’s. Do you know where she got it?”
This was getting weird. “Um… she said one of her relatives got it from a woman in her village named…” I searched my memory. “Ellie? Ellie Norna, I think.”
“Elsker! That sneaky Norn!” Inga laughed, a beautiful tinkling sound. “She’s the same rogue Norn who told Ull he’d meet you at Cardiff. She’s been plotting to get you together for longer than I thought. Kristia, your necklace is elfin made! It was a treasure of Asgard that disappeared years and years ago. Boy, I’ll bet Ull had a look on his face when he saw it. The love of his life he never wanted to meet, wearing stolen Asgardian property!” Her laughter rang throughout the flat. “Ull really didn’t tell you about this?” She rolled her eyes. “He is so determined to protect you from everything.”
I shook my head, alarmed. “I swear I didn’t steal it. My grandmother gave it to me!”
This only made Inga laugh harder. “Try telling that to Odin!” This couldn’t be happening. I could feel the anxiety working its way up. “No, no, Kristia. He won’t be mad at you. I’m sure Elsker had her reasons. It’s just that Odin’s spent hundreds of years wondering where that charm got off to. Its mate is in a museum in London – a silver charm with his mark, about the size of your hammer. Odin will probably think it’s cute when Ull turns up with the missing Mjölnir around his human girlfriend’s neck.” She collapsed in a fit of laughter.
I wasn’t so sure Odin would be amused with the stolen necklace or the human girlfriend, but it was more than I wanted to worry about right then. “Why did you and Gunnar come to Earth?” When in doubt, deflect.
“Because Ull asked us to.” It was that simple. “There’s very little we wouldn’t do for each other. And speaking of Ull,” Inga tucked her legs under her as she leaned back into the cushions, “Are you at all anxious about dating a god? We’re not exactly light on the baggage – Ull especially. You’re the first girl he’s ever let himself get close to you know. Goddess or mortal.”
“Well…” It wasn’t like I could talk to Ardis or Emma about this. Inga was the only girl on Earth I could actually be honest with. “It’s overwhelming sometimes. I mean, Ull is perfect. He’s so smart, so thoughtful – he actually stopped traffic in Bibury to let an old lady cross the street. He dotes on Olaug; he’s ridiculously hot, and he’s got this antiquated sense of decency. I mean he has never, ever done anything remotely inappropriate with me. Ever. He’s just…” What more could I say? “I’m kind of afraid I’m not good enough for him.”
“Oh Kristia, stop that. You are plenty good enough for Ull. You’re smart enough to earn a spot at Wales’ top university. You’re a wonderful friend to me – and I’ve never had a human friend. And you’re strong in your own way; you’ve taken all of this in stride and never once complained.”
“But he deserves so much more. I’m no goddess.”
Inga’s eyes crinkled. “True. But you’ve done something no goddess could. You softened Ull’s heart.”
I looked up tentatively.
“Listen, I’ve known Ull for a long time. He’s the headstrong, overbearing brother I never knew I wanted. And for as long as I’ve known him, Ull’s biggest fear has been losing the people he loves. It’s why he closed his heart the day we learned Asgard was fated to fall.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When a class reaches a certain age, Odin comes to talk about Ragnarok.” Fire sparked across Inga’s eyes. “Odin tells a room full of children they are all destined to die for the greater good of humankind. It’s devastating news, but most of us figure Ragnarok is too far in the future to worry about. Not Ull – he never got past knowing he was marked and he refused to get close to anyone but Gunnar and I. He didn’t want to develop relationships he knew would end. I think it came from losing his birth father at such a young age. So Gunnar and I went on to fall in love and get married. And Ull never dated anyone. Ever. He had lots of chances, but he wouldn’t let anyone in.”
“That’s awful.” My heart broke for the boy who’d been too young to learn his fate. I was more grateful than ever for Inga, Gunnar, and Olaug – without them, Ull would have spent his life completely alone.
“But now he has you,” Inga said simply. “And you complement our trio perfectly. It’s almost as if you were born to be one of us. Well,” she paused, “maybe you were.”
“Um, yeah. I was born to be a god.”
“It’s not impossible, Kristia,” Inga said with disdain before her hands flew to her face.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, no. Ull would kill me. I’m not supposed to talk to you about this.”
“Inga, my immortal boyfriend is threatening to give up his godliness to live a human life with me, ending any chance he could have of defending himself at Ragnarok. If you know of another way, you have to tell me.”
“Oh…. shoot. Okay. But you cannot tell Ull I’m the one who told you.”
I held up my hand. “Girl Scout’s Honor.”
Inga took a deep breath before blurting out, “Ull doesn’t have to become a human for you to be together. You can become a god.”
A piece of cupcake lodged in my throat, and I coughed trying to free it. I’d pictured as much in my most recent Ragnarok nightmare, but I thought it was just a dream. “That’s not possible. Odin would never let a human become a god. Ull said he already asked your dad.”
Inga shook her head vehemently. “Ull didn’t tell you the whole sto
ry. Dad also told him a god once defected to be with a mortal, so Dad and Odin put together a test for a human to become a god. There was no way Odin was going to lose another warrior before Ragnarok, even if it meant letting a human into Asgard.”
I held my breath as she continued.
“The test is simple. First, a god must choose a human for his wife. Second, Balder must judge the human worthy of the title Protector of Asgard. Third, the human must relinquish her mortality. The formula’s been in place for centuries, but nobody knows about it. I figure Dad only told me because he knew your boyfriend would be too stubborn to invite you.” She shook her head at my expression. “Oh come on, do you really think Odin would let Ull go so easily? He’d much rather let you in than lose his best warrior. You watch – before this plays out you’ll be one of us.” My head spun as she finished. “Kristia Tostenson, you are, plainly, the only human in the history of mankind who has a shot at becoming a god!”
I wish I could say I handled the news in stride. I spent the better part of that night staring at my ceiling, actively seeking its imperfections to avoid thinking about what I’d learned. When I’d discovered every crack and dimple, I moved on to scouring the walls, then counted the leaves of the tree outside my window. By the time I’d reached three hundred, seventy-four, I was no closer to sleep and had to accept the futility of my exercise. I gave my mind over to the obsession it had avoided all day and waited for the panic attack to come.
My stomach churned like a blade at a cheese factory while I replayed Inga’s words in my head. A shot at becoming a god. How was that even possible? I slowly worked through the ramifications. Superhuman abilities, Ull’s equal in every way. That sounded pretty nice. A life marked for death, unimaginable responsibilities. Not so good.
I’d never really thought about my death, what with my being eighteen and healthy. And I wasn’t so keen on the idea of dying at the hands of some bloodthirsty monster or being hauled off by a giant like Inga. Divine status, the power to control the elements. My limited imagination had barely let me play dress-up with Ardis when we were kids; I’d certainly never seen myself becoming immortal. Prejudiced Asgardians, knowing I would always be inferior. That was a hard one.
I already had something of a complex – I wasn’t the prettiest, the smartest, or the most coordinated among humans. How would I fare as a god? Ageless beauty, strength and grace. Well, that would certainly help with the inferiority complex. Leaving my family behind, losing my mortality. My throat swelled. Was I really willing to give up my parents and Ardis? And my mortality… was I really ready to end my life at eighteen?
True, it hadn’t been much of a life before Ull came into it. But I didn’t know the first thing about being an immortal. How could I possibly commit to it for an eternity? An eternity with Ull. My mind stopped. An eternity with Ull. That was all I wanted. Unending time with the man I loved. Whatever the costs, whatever the losses, would any of it matter as long as we were together?
My decision was made before I realized I had committed. I doubted it had ever been in question. Whatever the fallout, if he asked me to spend my life with him, I would be at Ull’s side. As a god.
Once I’d made up my mind, it was surprisingly easy to avoid thinking about giving up my mortality. I kept my decision to myself, and thankfully Inga didn’t bring it up. It wasn’t like I didn’t have plenty to distract me; dating an immortal assassin kept me plenty occupied.
“Anyone want a hot chocolate?” I offered. The semester was nearly over. These days, Ull, and I spent our evenings cramming for exams in my living room.
“Got anything stronger?” Emma looked up from the reading chair. Her Statistics book was on her lap, littered with sticky notes and highlighter marks.
“Not going so great?” I shook my head sympathetically as I rose from the table and pushed in my chair.
“Not even close,” Emma complained. “I cannot remember this formula to save my life.”
“Maybe Henry could help. I’m sure he’d be happy to come up with a pneumonic or whatever it is you math people use when you’re stuck.” I started to cross to the kitchen, but Ull grabbed my elbow as I passed. He slid his fingers down my arm slowly, raising my hand to his mouth and pressing my palm against his lips. My skin seared under the contact. It was an innocent enough gesture, but his eyes held mine as he pulled away. And the look behind them was definitely not innocent.
“Do you want a hot chocolate?” I squeaked.
“I want whatever you are offering.” Ull raised an eyebrow as he let go of my hand.
Emma let out a low whistle. “You two need a room?”
“No,” I blurted, rushing to the kitchen in a fog of mortification.
“Need some help?” Ull stretched his long legs as he stood. He crossed from the table to the kitchen, where I was pulling out Victoria’s milk frother.
“Sure. Want to get out the milk and chocolate syrup?”
“I am on it.” Ull opened the fridge while I took the marshmallows out of the cupboard. “You ready for exams?”
“Yes and no.” I poured the milk into the container and set it to heat. “Literature should be easy enough. Archaeology might be a little more complicated.”
“And Mythology?” Ull took three mugs from the cupboard and set them on the counter. Then he stood directly behind me and put his fists on the counter, boxing me in between his arms. “You feeling comfortable with that material?”
“Um ...” My hands shook as I took the lid off the frother and filled the cups.
“Careful,” Ull murmured. He used a towel to wipe the drops I’d spilled, his chest pushing against my back as he leaned over.
“Thanks,” I whispered. Stirring the chocolate required an unusual amount of concentration. And when Ull ran his fingers over the backs of my hands, I nearly dropped the bag of marshmallows.
“Let me carry those.” Ull winked as he left the kitchen, three steaming cups in hand. “Here you go Emma.”
“You add anything to it?” She looked up hopefully.
“Three more days,” Ull handed her the cup. “Then you are home free.”
“Ugh. I hate exams.” Emma cradled her cup and buried her head in her textbook. “Stupid Statistics.”
“And for you, Miss Tostenson.” Ull held up a mug and set it on the table. “Are you coming?”
I walked out of the kitchen on legs that were roughly the consistency of jello.
“Do you want me to quiz you?” Ull offered.
“Okay.” I pulled out my chair and sat down. Ull opened his notebook.
“What is the primary function of the Norns?” He asked.
“To predict the fates of gods and mortals, and prophesize the events that shape the formation of the realms,” I recited by rote.
“Seems lacking, but that is what the book says. Next question.” Ull glanced down. “Who are the Valkyries?”
“Goddesses who travel on winged horses, collect fallen soldiers from battle, and bring them to Odin’s hall at Valhalla, where they train to protect Asgard at Ragnarok.”
“Correct. And how are the soldiers divided amongst the gods?” Ull questioned.
“Half to Odin, half to Freya.”
“You paid attention.” Ull nodded his approval.
“Kind of had to.” I nudged him with my toe. His eyebrow shot up. “You know what I mean,” I hissed.
“Oh, I do.” He reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Wish I had someone to quiz me on this boring math stuff. You guys make Mythology sound so exciting.” Emma piped up from her chair.
“It can be very exciting.” Ull gave me a sideways glance, and I ducked my head. I took a sip of hot chocolate to distract myself. “You have a little something,” Ull pointed to my mouth.
Oops.
“Let me.” He reached over and slowly brushed the foam from my upper lip with the pad of his thumb. My eyes rolled back in my head, and I let out an involuntary whimper.
“Oh,
honestly.” Victoria’s voice came from the front door. “Just take her back to your place, and have your way with her, already.”
Ull pulled his hand back so quickly my head snapped forward.
“Victoria! I didn’t hear you come in.” I straightened my notebook.
“Well of course you didn’t.” She rolled her eyes.
“How was your exam?” Emma asked from her chair.
“Aced it. Now, I just have French and Costume Design, and it’ll be winter vacation for moi.” Victoria hung her coat in the closet and sat on the couch. “Do you all have tests tomorrow?”
“We do,” Ull gestured between us. “And speaking of, I should be heading out. Do you feel ready for the morning?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I shrugged. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
“Bye Ull,” Emma trilled from her chair. “Thanks for the hot cocoa!”
“God natt Emma. Victoria.” Ull nodded. I followed him to the front door, and pulled his coat from the closet. “Thank you,” he murmured as I handed it to him.
“No problem. You could stay longer if you want to,” I added hopefully.
“I know I could. But then you would not rest. And what kind of boyfriend would I be if I kept you up late the night before an exam?”
“A really, really good one?” I suggested. This energy between us was going to be the end of me. If I didn’t get a solid chunk of alone time with Ull, and soon, I might actually explode.
“Behave.” Ull lifted my chin with one finger. He brushed his lips against my cheek before resting his forehead against mine. “I shall see you in the morning. I will be the one bearing bagels and Earl Grey.”
“My hero,” I sighed.
“God natt, sweetheart.”
“Night,” I whispered. I stood with my hands pressed against the doorframe as Ull walked into the courtyard. He glanced over his shoulder as he rounded the corner, and the look in his eyes gave me goosebumps in a way the cold English night never could. Thank God it was nearly winter break. Two weeks together at Ýdalir was exactly what I needed.