by C. Gockel
“Gretchen told me Centaurs were never really part horse. They were just super fast, so people drew our ancestors as part horse.”
“You believed her?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I already told you.”
“Because I was born? Did it ever occur to you that maybe most Centaur men don’t have affairs? The ones that do are probably smart enough to wear condoms.”
We both heard footsteps outside his door and froze. It didn’t seem like we were doing anything covert, but Brent got nervous and motioned for us to stay silent. We heard the footsteps walking further down the hall, and Brent pointed to the door, covertly trying to sneak out of his own room. He, more so than any other person I’d ever met, needed to find a girl – he was a borderline freak.
Monday night was a night with the whole family, even Bruce and Hannah. I was surprised to see Brent pull out board games, and everyone decided on Cranium. I’d never played, but it was fun, and we played three rounds before I started to see yawns around the table.
I’d left my phone out in Brent’s car and went out to retrieve it. As I locked the door to the car, Hannah surprised me by clearing her throat; she’d been just a few feet away. “Oh, geeze, I didn’t realize you were right there. How’s married life treating you?”
“Good so far, two days down, another fifty or so years to go.” When she smiled she had this way about her, like she carried a few rays of sunshine with her just in case she needed them.
“So where are you and Bruce living?”
“A house just a few miles down the road. You should stop by and visit tomorrow.”
“Uh, okay. Sounds good.”
“Camille, it’s none of my business, but – I...you know... never mind.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m not sure. I keep getting strange visions about you. Be careful, okay?”
“Strange visions, like what?”
“They’re different every time I try to see your future.”
“Ha, that’s the same thing Gretchen told me. I’ve always been a free spirit. Gretchen says it’s like the heavens forgot to write my destiny.”
Hannah gave me a nervous smile, “Yeah, I can’t describe it. Maybe it’s because this life is so new to you or something. I woke up this morning and had a vision of you in a garden crying. I’d never seen the garden before. It looked a little like the one at Middleton Plantation, but it wasn’t one I’d ever been to before.”
“Why was I crying?”
She chewed her lower lip as if deciding whether she could tell me. “I’m not sure. It seemed like someone important had died or something. Like I said, it was just a quick flash. Once I see a vision, I can usually recall it and try to make it more vivid, but...when I did that with this one, it changed. I can’t describe it, but I feel like something bad might happen to you. Just be careful, okay?”
“Thanks, Hannah. Do you know who died?”
“That’s the thing, I don’t know. There was this big guy standing there watching you. It was just weird.”
Goosebumps formed on my arm. I felt tingles all over and wanted to press her for more information. Some of the Centaur nonsense seemed like a bunch of old traditions just for the sake of having traditions, but Hannah’s warning gave me pause. I wondered who it could have been who died. If it had been someone in my family, she’d be warning them, not me, right?
As I reached for the front door, my phone rang. It was Daniel. Hannah waved and went back to the house without me as I answered the phone, “Hi, Daniel.”
“Hey, Hot Lips. You didn’t call me for a ride from the airport. Everything must have turned out okay.”
Brent stepped out on the porch where I was talking to Daniel. “I didn’t talk to her today.”
“Uh huh. Bad news doesn’t get better with age. Stop avoiding her.”
“I’m not avoiding her.” Brent gave me a strange look. I wished there was an international hand signal for GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE!
“Lying to both of us isn’t the best choice either.”
“I’m not lying to her. I haven’t talked to her!”
“Did you try calling her?”
“I haven’t had a minute to myself all day. I will.”
“Call her now, Cami.”
“This isn’t something I can say over the phone.”
“Why not? You told me over the phone.”
I lowered my voice, “It wasn’t your fiancé.” I saw Brent listening to my half of the conversation. It wouldn’t take long for him to piece it together. “Look, I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Don’t chicken out, Cami.” I hung up before he could get anything else out. Great, if Brent puts this together, I’ll never hear the end of it. I put my head down and walked straight through the door, up the stairs, and to my room, so I could avoid Brent. As I lay there looking at the ceiling, I thought about what Hannah had said. The more I thought about it, the less plausible it became. I didn’t know anyone with a big garden. Even if I did, the only person I ever thought I couldn’t live without was already dead. Maybe that was it. Maybe it would be like Brent told me and someone would send my mother’s spirit away. Losing her for good after I was so close to having her again would destroy me.
My phone rang again. I looked at the screen and saw it was Bianca calling. I took a deep breath, ready to answer, but chickened out at the last second. I pushed ignore, then plugged it in to the charger and turned the ringer off.
“Mom, if you can hear me, I need to know what I’m doing wrong. Gretchen said you were right there the whole time today. Why can’t I see you? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me for finding Will? I need to know if this Centaur stuff is for real.” I didn’t move. I tried using all my senses just like Gretchen told me to, but nothing. “I need some answers. My whole life I never asked you for anything. I’m asking you for this now.” My voice broke; I could barely hear my own words when I whispered, “Please just let me see you.” I looked in every corner of the room and saw nothing. “Dammit, Mom. Hannah said I’m going to lose someone,” I felt tears threatening to erupt. I choked them back, “If it’s you, before I find you...then...it’s game over. I can’t lose you twice. Help me.”
Absolute silence was all I heard. The scent of the fresh flowers from the dresser was all I could smell. I saw nothing. I cried myself to sleep as my mind replayed Hannah’s warning. Somehow, someway, I would find a way – no matter how long it took.
I woke up Tuesday morning to sunshine peeking through my window. I took a deep breath and smelled warm cinnamon rolls: they coaxed me out of bed and to another full day of wasted trying. I may not have been able to communicate with my mom, but I found that I totally liked Gretchen. She had the patience of a saint, and every time she’d see me start to get frustrated, she’d find a way to lighten the mood.
When my brothers arrived home Tuesday night, I steered clear of Brent. I just didn’t want a repeat of last night. Beau offered to take me for a walk. We were outside and several hundred feet away from the house before he said anything.
“So, I get the feeling you aren’t very happy here.”
“I’m fine.”
“You know, I’d believe you if you had any acting ability at all. Didn’t you grow up in California? Don’t they teach acting classes there in school?”
I couldn’t help but smile at his attempt at humor. “I’m just frustrated with myself.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Yeah, tell me what I’m doing wrong. Gretchen’s tried everything under the sun, and I still can’t talk to my mom’s spirit.”
“Maybe you’re trying too hard.”
“Maybe I’m not really a Centauride.”
Beau looked me straight in the eye. “Camille, it takes some time. You can’t snap your fingers and expect twenty-two years of repressing your gifts to suddenly disappear. They won’t materialize out of thin air.”
“That’s the thing, Beau. I don�
��t know that I ever repressed anything. I’ve never had any special powers. I wouldn’t care that I didn’t have them if every woman around me couldn’t easily do the one thing I can’t.”
“Awww, that’s not true. There’s lots of Centauride things you can’t do.” Beau mock punched me in the shoulder, “Even if you stay broken forever, we’ll always claim you.”
“If you’re trying to cheer me up, newsflash: You suck at it!”
“I’m not used to these little sister pep talks. Maybe I need more practice, too.” Beau took me in a tight bear hug and whispered, “Things’ll work out for ya’. Hang in there. It’s only been a couple days.”
My left eye leaked at his encouraging words. I wiped it away hard. “Yeah, you’re right. I think I’m going to turn in early, see if maybe I have better luck tomorrow.”
Beau nodded, “If you ever need someone to vent to, I’m always here for you, Cami.” It struck me tenderly; Beau was the first person in my family to call me “Cami.” Camille always felt so formal. I’d used it more and more as I’d gotten older, but still preferred “Cami.”
I found myself staring at my ceiling for the third night in a row. Both Daniel and Bianca had called today, but I didn’t call either of them back. I couldn’t call Bianca because I still didn’t have a clue about how to tell her or even if I should tell her about what happened on the boat. I couldn’t call Daniel because he would be furious with me for not calling Bianca. Tomorrow would be better. It had to be.
Chapter 21
(Bianca – Charleston, SC — Wednesday morning)
My plan had worked, better than I could have ever hoped. Although I had chosen Drake, I knew fate had chosen another for him. Grace told me of their intertwined futures. She cautioned me not to interfere, to let them find each other. I just needed to make sure Camille and Drake were given enough opportunities alone together to realize the same destiny. I genuinely liked Camille, and my words to her the night of Bruce and Hannah’s wedding were absolutely true. No matter what choices she or I made in life, we would remain best friends. If I could just get her to meet with me, I could do a little more nudging in Drake’s direction. I looked at my phone. I was getting close to being a stalker. I’d left her seven voice messages and not one was returned.
I made up my mind that if she wouldn’t pick up the phone today, I’d go see her. I hated pretending that I didn’t know they were destined for one another. When I was forced to make my decision and I couldn’t have the man I loved, I did the next best thing. I chose his closest friend, knowing if anyone were to back out on a wedding, Drake would be the most likely. Truthfully, I was a little surprised that he accepted my parents’ offer to begin with. It was sheer luck that Camille appeared out of thin air, and more fortunate still when Grace called me in a panic Saturday morning to tell me not to let Camille and Drake meet at the wedding. In Grace’s words, “If the two touch, their fates will be sealed. The two are destined for each other.” Little did Grace know that I had no desire to settle down with Drake and only too happily would arrange for the two of them to meet.
Drake was handsome and everything, but I really only chose him because of his friendship with the love of my life. I didn’t know Camille that well, but Grace was adamant that the two of us would become the closest of friends. Saturday night, I’d shared with Camille that Drake hadn’t been my first choice. After I’d told her, I began to wonder if I may have shared too much – she was the only person in the world that I had shared the truth with.
Even without Camille in the picture, I knew I could string Drake along for years if I had to, to come up with a way to make the destiny that I wanted work. Drake would never pressure me, nor would he feel it necessary to begin our relationship before our marriage.
The ache I felt for Gage was too much. I couldn’t put it off any longer. I needed to hear his voice. I hadn’t heard it in a month. He answered my call in a gruff voice, “You shouldn’t be calling me, Bianca.”
“Hello, Sweetheart, do you miss me?”
“Don’t call me Sweetheart. You’re engaged, Bianca, remember? Why are you calling me, anyway?”
“It’s just one old friend calling another.”
“It’s cheating, that’s what it is. I’m not having any part of it.”
“I just wanted to hear your voice. It seems like forever.”
There was a really long pause, then he finally whispered, “Why?” I could hear it in his voice; his feelings for me were as strong as ever.
“Why, what?”
“Don’t play dumb. Why Drake? He was my best friend. You couldn’t have picked some schmuck? You had to choose Drake?”
“I had to choose, and I’d been forbidden from you. I didn’t want someone who I could ever have feelings for. We’re going to work this out, I promise. It’s still you.”
“I can’t do that to him, Bianca.” His words stung. The month since news spread of my engagement to Drake had to have been hard on him, but no harder than it had been on me.
I tried to reassure him, “It’ll work out, I promise.”
His words were clear, concise, and full of pain, “You can’t call me anymore, Bianca. It’s over. We’re over.”
“It’s not over. I won’t let it be over.”
“You’ve already chosen. If you reject him now, his bloodline’s finished. No one will ever have him and you’ll owe him a blood debt. You can’t do that to him, Bianca. This thing between you and me — we’re done.”
“Let me worry about that. Just don’t go strutting around where another Centauride can see you. If another chose you, my heart would break.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. It’s always been you, Bianca. My whole life, all I ever wanted was you.” He hung up. It felt like he had reached into my chest, pulled out my heart and squeezed it like Play Doh. He was right. I should never have chosen Drake. I should have stood my ground against my mother’s wishes, but it was too late to undo what I’d already done.
I wanted to buy time, figure out a way to be with Gage. I had refused to consider what would happen to Drake once I announced I’d changed my mind. I knew Drake well enough to know that if I backed out, he wouldn’t demand a blood debt because of his friendship with my real first choice. But if I could just get Camille to convince Drake to break our engagement, everything would work out perfectly. My mother would give me her blessing no matter whom I chose, to avoid the embarrassment of a jilted daughter.
My next call was to Camille. Thankfully, she picked up right away, “Hello?”
“Hi Cami, what’re we doing today?”
“Bianca?”
“Well, duh. How many other people call you for a girl’s day out?”
“Yeah, I’m not really up for anything today. Maybe tomorrow?” Her voice was strained with distress.
“How about I come over to your house and help you practice?”
“No! I mean...I’ve been working with Gretchen, and I’m a little spent.”
I smiled to myself. Camille was too much of a rookie to know I could tap into her thoughts when she wasn’t blocking. I cringed when I thought that Gretchen might know what had happened Sunday between Camille and Drake on the boat. I’d been thrilled that things went as well as they did on the deck between the two of them, but I should have warned her about “broadcasting” her thoughts.
She and Drake just needed a little more prodding. “Oh, come on. If you don’t practice, you’ll never be proficient. I’ll be over in an hour.” I hung up the phone before she had a chance to argue.
*****
When Camille ushered me into her family room, I could see she was a nervous wreck. She avoided my eyes like a guilty child. I pretended not to know why. “Camille, I get the sense that you’re upset about something. Are you okay?”
“Call me Cami. All my friends do. I’m fine, just worn out from working with Gretchen this morning.” She was lying to me. I wasn’t offended because I knew why – she was so worried I’d find out she had fee
lings for Drake. I was nearly bursting to tell her that nothing could make me happier. I knew I couldn’t share with her what Grace had told me, but I could let her in on my plan.
“Can I share something with you, Cami?”
Still disturbed, she answered, “Uh...sure.”
“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”
“Sure. Cross my heart.” Cami made an invisible cross over her heart. That was cute; I hadn’t seen anyone do that since I was a kid.
“You broadcast your thoughts really loudly. Has anyone taught you how to block them?”
I saw her eyes turn into saucers, “Uh...no. No one has told me how not to broadcast.”
“Would it be okay if we worked on that for a few minutes?”
“Uh sure. Will you be able to read my thoughts while you’re teaching me to block them?” I kept seeing images of Drake flicker in her mind only to be replaced by images from Titanic. She was trying hard to keep the Drake images to herself, intentionally thinking about something else. I could see the anguish on her face. I would have to let her in on my plan sooner rather than later. Her guilt over her feelings for Drake was tearing her up, and if she didn’t get this under control, she’d kill my whole plan in the process.
“Imagine a brick wall. Can you see it?” Cami closed her eyes, and I saw it through her mind. “Good, do you see all the different colored bricks you used, the thick mortar closing in all the gaps between the bricks?” She nodded again that she could see this image. “Perfect, now keep that image of the brick wall in front of your thoughts.” I waited a minute or so and saw the fortress Cami had built in her mind, thick and tall, keeping her thoughts carefully stored behind it. “Okay, Brent told me about your new Beamer. Imagine that sedan, what it looks like, how the leather feels, the new car scent, but keep all of it behind the wall.” It was working. I couldn’t see anything but her wall.
We tried several other things: mashed potatoes and gravy with a thick cut of beef, the sun on her face as she lay out by the ocean. Each of these images, I knew, was dear to her, and she was able to keep each of them from me. I hated to do it to her, but I needed to be sure she could keep her defenses up. “Now think of sitting on the deck of the yacht Sunday with Drake.” Her brick wall crumbled, and I saw the image she’d been trying to hide from me. I pretended not to know it was there and instructed, “Rebuild the wall, Cami. You can do it. Envision the bricks, all the different colors, its height, its depth, the mortar. Can you see it again?”