by Nikki Turner
Since I’d known Tremaine, my weight had fluctuated. He stressed me the fuck out. When we met, I was one hundred and forty pounds. Now, I was up to one hundred and sixty pounds. It was a good thing that my curves were in all the right places, and my heart-shaped ass hadn’t spread too much. Tremaine claimed he loved every bit of it, but I didn’t care what he liked right about now. What I cared about was him bringing his tail over here to get his son, so I could go do me.
After I ate my sandwich, I went to the bathroom. I looked it the mirror at my buttery-soft light skin and loved how well my makeup was on, like a work of art. My stretch jeans were so tight that they looked melted on my curves, and the hot-pink shirt I wore was dipped low to show my healthy cleavage. I considered myself a real sexy chick. Didn’t know why I put up with Tremaine and his mess, but after today I was so done with him.
I glanced at my watch, realizing that I would have to cancel my plans and take Keith to the barbershop myself. I turned off the TV and picked up my keys from the table. Knowing that we were getting ready to leave, Keith put his jacket on and grabbed a fistful of Hersey’s kisses from the table. That was another thing I often complained about. Tremaine was fit as ever. Body was tight, and he worked out faithfully at the gym. But Keith was only six years old, and he was overweight. I tried my best to get him to eat the right things, but he always fussed about wanting sweets. I asked Tremaine to help him lose weight, but he wasn’t even down with that, He said Keith would eventually lose his baby fat and that it made no sense for him to work out with him at the gym. What kind of excuse was that? The only reason he didn’t want Keith at the gym with him was because Keith would interfere with Tremaine trying to get on hoes. That’s all he did twenty-four/seven, and he had no shame in his game, as he traveled from one bitch to the next.
I truly felt like I was in this mess by myself. Realistically, there was no need for Tremaine to be a part of Keith’s life. He was doing more harm than good by showing up when he wanted to. I swear his actions work my nerves, but I had no one to blame but myself for upping the goodies the first week I met him.
Back then, he was so fine to me. When I spotted Tremaine in the club, I was like, Damn, that’s going to be my future husband. Many of the chicks in the club were riding his nuts, but all I did was stay back and watch. When he approached me, I played him off. That didn’t last for long, though. I gave him my phone number, and every time he called, our conversations were cordial. I seriously thought he was on some real shit. I thought he was about handling his business, but I soon found out that he wasn’t. By accident, I discovered that he had a seven-year-old son with a chick named Bree. After Keith was born, and several years later, Tremaine had a daughter by a chick I used to go to school with, Monica. Him and Monica just had a son too, and with all these kids, I didn’t understand why the nigga didn’t just strap the fuck up. He was always complaining about catching heat from child support, but that’s what happens when a motherfucker doesn’t pay up like he’s supposed to. I had no sympathy for him, and you better believe it that Keith and I were going to get what was due to us.
As for them other bitches, none of us got along. I despised Bree and Monica just as much as they despised me. Tremaine was trying to play all of us, but he wasn’t doing nothing but playing himself. I still dished out the pussy from time to time, because I had a motive. It was green and he had plenty of it.
The second Keith and I arrived at the barbershop, Tremaine called. “I’m at your apartment. Where are you?”
“Where do you think I’m at, Tremaine? I’m at the barbershop, waiting for Keith to get his hair cut. We’ve been waiting all day for you to come. I got business that I need to take care of, and I wasn’t going to sit around all day waiting on you.”
“Calm down, a’ight? I was only fifteen minutes late. You act like it was an hour or something. Traffic was backed up and I got to your apartment as soon as I could.”
I was tired of arguing with this fool, so I hung up on him. I don’t have time for excuses. Tremaine had too many of them. If he thought I was going to waste my breath going back and forth with him, he was sadly mistaken. I told myself that what he wouldn’t do, I would. Where he fell short, I would pick up and do what needed to be done. That’s why Keith was now in the barber’s chair, getting his hair cut and trimmed to perfection.
“Girl, remove that mean mug from your face,” Big Mike said. “You too fine to be coming in here all mad like you do all the time. Every time I see you, you got that same tight look on your face.”
I could only laugh. Big Mike was right. Because every time I had to come here was because Tremaine was a no show.
“I hate to be ugly like this, but Tremaine be working me. He needs to step up, so I can step back a little.”
“As a mama, you don’t ever need to step back. Keith gon’ always need you, so get that thought out yo’ head. Tremaine just be going through a lot. He got a lot on his plate, but at the end of the day, he tries to be there as much as he can for his kids. You can’t knock him for that, and he be doing way more for his kids than some of these other niggas do. Ain’t that right, li’l man?”
Big Mike poked Keith in his stomach and he nodded, agreeing with Big Mike’s statement.
“Y’all can defend Tremaine all y’all want to. The bottom line is he ain’t right. If I have to spend the rest of my life telling him so, I will.”
“You’re wasting your time. From what he told me, that noise you be spilling goes in one ear and out the other. You need to chill, Keysha. Being that way ain’t going to make him change one bit, and talking all that ill shit in front of yo’ son like that ain’t cool either.”
“It’s cool to me, because Keith needs to know the truth about his daddy. I’m not going to sugarcoat shit. If he’s a deadbeat, so be it. I can’t fake it and pretend that everything is all good when it’s not. Sorry.”
Big Mike didn’t have anything else to say. He kept cutting Keith’s hair, ignoring me. I got up to go holler at some of the stylists I knew. When Tremaine came through the door, a thirsty trick sitting in a chair damn near broke her neck as she snapped it around so fast. Several of the stylists were eyeing him too, but out of respect for me, they didn’t say anything.
I, on the other hand, had to admit that Tremaine had it going on. He rocked a pair of sagging jeans and the compression black T-shirt he had on clung to his muscular frame. His biceps were covered with tattoos, and the cap on his head was cocked slightly to the side. Shades shielded his hazel eyes, and the richness of his chocolate skin was as smooth as his walk. I understood what all of the stares were about, but nobody knew what a headache he was but me.
“I think I just spotted my next baby’s daddy,” the chick sitting in the chair said. “Damn, he fine. He is definitely knocking at the door to my pussy.”
Bitch, please, I thought. Tremaine wouldn’t dare give her the time of day. She was not his type. She needed to lose at least a hundred pounds to be considered.
I cut her off quickly and halted her thoughts of bringing another fatherless child into this world. “Don’t get your hopes up,” I said, exaggerating. “He already got four kids and four more on the way. He broke as fuck, and to be truthful, his dick ain’t all that.”
Some people laughed, causing Tremaine to look my way. He was trying to ignore me while he stood talking to Big Mike and playing with Keith.
“Well, it must be about something if he’s popping out babies like that. Evidently, somebody is enjoying his sex.”
I didn’t bother to comment. If she wanted to take her chances that was on her. But just to let her know that I was speaking from experience, and that I knew what I was talking about, I walked over to Tremaine to confront him about his tardiness. Like always, he blew me off.
“Do me a favor. Let’s step outside and then you can talk yo’ shit. I’m not gon’ let everybody up in here know my business.”
I took Tremaine up on his offer and went outside to get into his Lexus with him. H
e thought he was going to tune me out by turning up the radio, but I turned it down.
“I know you get tired of me griping all the time, but here’s the deal. If you can’t be on time, for one damn week out of the month, then don’t come. I made plans to have some me time, Tremaine. It is so unfair when I have to sit around waiting for you to show up. Then you never answer your phone when I call you. I have no idea when you’re coming, and you always make excuses about being late.”
“Like it or not, those excuses be my reality. I know I be late sometimes, but you know damn well that there has never been a time when I simply didn’t show up. I do my best, Keysha, and you know it. For once, just one damn time, I would like to hear something positive from you, instead of all of this negativity.”
“You want to hear something positive? Here you go. Nice shoes. Nice haircut. Nice clothes and nice car. Your son needs shoes, his hair was fucked up, his clothes are too little, and his mother is riding around in a 2007 car, when it’s 2013.”
Tremaine laughed and flipped his cap on backward. “No offense, but Keith’s mother needs to stop working these part-time jobs and get a full-time position. That way she can buy her own car. As for all of that other stuff you mentioned, the problem is you be spending too much money on name-brand shit that Keith don’t even need. He quickly outgrows that stuff and you be throwing money out of the window. Then you expect for me to keep dishing out money when you ain’t even spending it right. Truthfully, you need to be shopping at flea markets, discount stores or Walmart. Figure out how to budget the money I give you and get off my damn back.”
I could have punched Tremaine in his face. At first the conversation was going cool, but this nigga tripped when he started talking about my son wearing clothes from flea markets and shit, especially when his ass wore the best of the best.
“Do your other kids wear clothes from flea markets? Do you encourage that bitch Monica to buy shit from Walmart? The last time I saw her, her and those other two crumb snatchers you got were rocking the best of the best. That purse she was carrying did not come from Canal Street in New York. The bottom line is you’re playing favoritism when it comes to your kids. I will not stand by and let you treat Keith any kind of way. As he gets older, he’s going to recognize that shit, and that’s gon’ be a real big problem for you.”
“There you go trying to make me feel guilty. You really need to go sit yo’ ass down somewhere because I treat all of my kids the same and you know it. Monica may have more because she holding things down for me, Keysha. She makes it where everything ain’t on me. How many times do I have to tell you that, before you get it through that thick-ass head of yours?”
I threw my hand back at him and rolled my eyes. “You can say whatever you want to, but I know the real deal. Keith is treated like your stepchild, and it’s very unfair to him.”
I knew how to get underneath Tremaine’s skin. I also knew how to get him to give me some extra money—money that he definitely had to give, and his full-time job was truly enough to support us all.
His father, Papa James, was one of the biggest drug dealers around. Tremaine was reaping the benefits of his father’s empire and money was not hard to come by. He proved that to me when he reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash that he could barely grip with his hand. He flipped backed four hundred-dollar bills and gave them to me. I refused to take them.
“See how you do,” I said. “You got all that money in yo’ hand and all you can dish out is four hundred dollars. That’s a shame, Tremaine, and real, real low. Don’t you feel bad?”
“Not hardly. You’d better take this shit or else I’m gon’ put it back in my pocket and pretend that an offer was never made. One, two . . .”
Before he reached three, I snatched the money from his hand. I wasn’t no fool, and anything he offered, I for damn sure was taking it.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said. “Now, are you done griping for the day?”
“Only for the next four minutes. After that, I’m sure I can think of something else you failed to do.”
We got out of the car on a good note, but after we went back inside and Tremaine started conversing with that hoochie who was getting her hair done, I was pissed. He had the nerve to give the bitch his phone number right in front of me. Like always when he dished out his disrespect, I pretended that it didn’t bother me. I never said one word when he got his ho on, but deep down I was fuming. Fuming so badly that when his cell phone rang and he walked off to use the bathroom, I paid Big Mike for cutting Keith’s hair and we left. I expected to hear from Tremaine real soon, and when he called my cell phone, I pretended as if everything was all good.
“Where the fuck did you go?” he yelled into the phone.
“Keith was ready to leave. I looked for you, but I wasn’t sure where you went. I thought you left with that hooker you gave your phone number to.”
“You know damn well that I didn’t go anywhere, Keysha. Stop playing games and bring my son back here.”
“No can do. He’s on his way to my mama’s house for the weekend. He asked me if he could stay with her, instead of with you.”
I could hear how upset Tremaine was getting over the phone. His voice went up several notches. “Don’t fucking lie like that. If he told you that shit, let me speak to him so he can tell me.”
“No can do. If you wanted to speak to him, you should have done so while he was at the barbershop. Instead, you were too busy chasing ass.”
“Listen, I ain’t got time for your jealous-ass games, Keysha. Let me speak to my son right now.”
“No can do. We’ll holla later, and don’t bother to call back because I’m blocking your number.”
Tremaine knew I wasn’t playing with him. I was so sure that he would call back, I blocked his number. I took Keith over to my mama’s house, and I was so glad that she had just moved and Tremaine didn’t know how to get here. Keith fussed a little, but two of his best friends lived two houses down from my mother. When he saw them outside playing, Keith was fine. My mama invited the boys to come inside, and before I left, they were in Keith’s room playing video games.
“I’ll bring Keith back on Friday,” my mama said, standing behind the screen door with her nightgown on. Her hair was in rollers and she had a joint squeezed in between her fingers. “Tremaine needs to be ashamed of himself for not showing up. I’m really starting not to like him. He hasn’t been much good to Keith since the day he was born.”
“I know it and you know it too. But it is what it is. If you need to reach me, I’ll have my cell phone on. Going shopping and I’ll get you those tennis shoes you wanted for keeping Keith. Size ten, right?”
“Ten or ten and a half. My ankles have been swelling up on me from walking so much, and I want my shoes to be comfortable.”
“Okay, Mama. See you Friday. And if Keith starts talking back to you like he did the last time, be sure to let me know.”
“I will. Have a good time, and keep Tremaine’s number blocked so he doesn’t interrupt your time with your friends. He reminds me so much of that foolish father of yours, and in the long run, he’s only hurting himself. Tell Porsha and Angel I said hi too.”
“I will,” I said, getting into my car and pulling out of the driveway.
I couldn’t agree more with my mama. While Tremaine had stepped up way more than my father had, he was still slacking. My father and I barely got along. I hadn’t spoken to or seen him in years. When my mother told me how he played her and left us behind, I didn’t want to have nothing to do with him for real. The times I did see him, all I did was cope. Deep down, I despised the man. The only thing I appreciated was the hundred bucks he gave me, and the two hundred dollars he gave me for Keith. To me, he didn’t exist and I got tired of fronting to please him.
The four hundred dollars Tremaine gave me wasn’t enough for me to get my shop on, but every now and then I’d put money aside that he kicked out to me. Today, it was enough to get me the
handbag I wanted from Nordstrom, and I also bought two pair of shoes. I got Keith some more tennis shoes, and I went to GameStop to pick up him a few more video games. After that, Angel, Porsha, and me went to the nail shop to get the works. Like always, Porsha tried to convince me that I was wrong for not letting Keith spend time with Tremaine.
“Girl, you better have your fighting gloves on tonight, because Tremaine is going to be pissed about what you did. I know you be messing with his head a lot, but don’t you think you went too far this time? I don’t think you should have taken him over to your mama’s house, and how does Keith feel about all of this?”
“First of all, Tremaine was late, and I’m the mother here. Keith has no say about anything, I do. Second of all, Tremaine insulted me by only giving me four hundred dollars and telling me to shop at the flea market and Walmart. Lastly, he shouldn’t have disrespected me by hoochie searching around me, and that was the last straw.”
“I know how you feel, but you do be kind of hard on him, Keysha,” Angel said. “Either way, Porsha don’t know what she talking about because she doesn’t have any kids. You have to take what she says with a grain of salt.”
I didn’t bother to comment on Angel saying I was too hard on Tremaine. Everything I dished out, he deserved it.
“Trust me when I say I don’t pay Porsha no mind. I don’t care how anybody feels about how I conduct myself. Everything I do is for a reason, and my son will be better off if he knows the truth about his father.”
“I don’t have to have any kids to know that y’all be playing too many games, especially you Keysha. Y’all kids are going to be the ones hurt, and I don’t get why y’all don’t seem to understand that.”
Porsha was pissing me off. I hated for a bitch who didn’t have the same worries as me to comment on something she had no experience with. She was on the outside looking in and didn’t know the half of it. All she knew was what I had told her. That in itself should have been enough for her to realize that while Tremaine claimed he was doing the best he could, he really wasn’t.