by Nikki Turner
“Excuse me,” I said. “But can I talk to you for a minute?”
Carl looked surprised to see me. His eyes widened and his swift movements came to a halt. The chick’s legs slid off his shoulders, and when she lifted her head, I recognized her as the chick at the bank. I’d gone in there several times to deposit money. I knew who she was, but I doubted that she knew there was something going on between me and Carl.
“Give me a minute,” he said.
I thought the grimy bastard would at least finish up. If I was her, I wouldn’t dare allow him to pull out of me, until I got mine. But that was her and I was me. It’s how I did things, whether anyone liked it or not.
They both got out of the car bringing the smell of sex with them. Their clothes were wrinkled and the chick’s hair was a mess. She searched me from head to toe with jealousy in her eyes. Carl had lust in his, but he tried to play it down like my appearance was no bother.
“I gotta go,” he said to the chick who was now buttoning her shirt. “See you later, sweetheart, around seven or eight.”
She nodded and leaned in to seal his words with a kiss. I assumed that was to make me jealous, but that nappy head bitch didn’t come close to making me feel that way. She was the one who was unaware of Carl’s behavior. And eventually, she’d be the one with her heart broken, wondering why.
After she walked away, Carl’s arrogant self, leaned against his car with his arms folded.
“What do you want, Miah? Your job back?”
“No, thank you. I already have a job, and I’m not interested in working here anymore.”
“Why not? Haven’t I given you everything you ever wanted? I mean, what more do you want, Hot Chocolate, that I haven’t already given you?”
“A good reference. Didn’t you get a call today from David Wright?”
Carl stroked his chin as if he were in deep thought. “David who?” he asked.
“Wright. Don’t play, Carl. You know who I’m talking about. What did you say to him about me?”
“Look, he asked for business and personal references. I told him you were excellent in the workplace, as well as in the bedroom. The reason why I said those things was because I don’t want you working for anyone else. I want you to continue to work for me. I’ll even consider giving you a raise.”
I rolled my eyes and could have choked the shit out of Carl. If I hadn’t been fucking his ass, I would have sued him for telling another employer that bullshit about me. I could only imagine what Mr. Wright was thinking about me. He probably thought I was some kind of slut.
In an effort not to put my foot in Carl’s ass, I walked away without responding to his new offer. He rushed after me and tightened his arms around my waist.
“Miah, sweetheart, don’t be so uptight about this. Just give some thought to what I said, and if you need me, I’ll be right here.”
I removed Carl’s arms from around my waist and kept it moving. His ignorance didn’t even deserve a response. There were many times when I was forced to keep my mouth shut and this was one of them. He kept saying shit to me that worked my nerves, but I silenced his noise when I got in my car and shut the door. As I looked at him, I could see a smirk on his face that let me know how much he enjoyed this. The bottom line was Carl had been hurt badly by his wife. In return, he wanted to hurt others. I knew that was the case, because in a sense, I felt the same way. Maxwell had put me in the same position where I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever love anyone again, other than self.
I had been thinking about Maxwell entirely too much today. And the more I thought about him, the more I had desires to see him. It was rare that days like this happened, but whenever I felt like things were getting a little out of hand in my life, that was when the need to see him came about. I’d be lying if I said I was the kind of chick who always had it together. I didn’t. Sometimes, I felt as if some of the things I was doing was wrong, and sometimes I didn’t want to be the other woman. I wondered if true love would find a way to slip into my heart again, but I was so damn afraid of letting my guards down. This way seemed much easier. I seemed more in control and I protected my feelings. I had to, because for as long as I lived, I never wanted to face the severe pain that Maxwell had delivered.
Every once in a while, I had to remind myself of that pain. I drove to his house that was about forty-five minutes away from where I was. It was after five o’clock, so I suspected that he’d already picked up his son from school and was at home. When I parked my car by his house, his car was in the driveway. His wife’s car was parked beside his and everything appeared peaceful and quiet. The garage was up and I could see his motorcycle parked inside, his tools stacked neatly on shelves and a few bicycles hanging on the walls. I couldn’t believe that Maxwell had married the other woman, and on the outside looking in, everything appeared to be so perfect.
I couldn’t help but to wonder if it was possible that I was the other woman and I just didn’t know it at the time. I never got around to asking Maxwell that question, because he spent so much time trying to convince me that he loved me, but he just wasn’t ready. If that was the case, then why was he here? Why two months after Amber delivered their baby, why did he marry her? None of it made sense, and I was still in the dark about so much that had happened.
As I was getting ready to drive off, I saw Maxwell come outside. He removed a lawnmower from the garage and shook a gas can that appeared to be empty. I saw him put the can into his car, so I assumed that he was heading to a nearby gas station to get gas. I quickly drove off and made my way to the gas station around the corner. I figured that’s where he was headed.
When I arrived at the gas station, I parked my car in front of a pump and hurried inside. The gas station was crowded and there were about ten people waiting in line. I got a cup to get a fountain soda then looked down the chips aisle for Doritos. I walked to the line and could see Maxwell park and make his way inside. Like every time that I saw him, my heart melted. My stomach felt queasy and my palms started to sweat. Maxwell’s hair wasn’t even trimmed. Looked like it hadn’t been cut in weeks, and he didn’t appear as fit as he used to be. All he had on was a pair of gray jogging pants and a black T-shirt with holes in it. His tennis shoes were dirty, and I figured he didn’t have to go all out to cut the grass.
No matter how he looked, though, there was no secret that there was still a soft spot for him in my heart. After all that dirt he’d done, I don’t know why, but some of those feelings were still there. That was unfortunate.
Maxwell came inside, but by then I was already standing in line with my back turned. The two dudes in front of me kept turning around, and one of them was right on time when he cocked his head back and paid me a compliment.
“Damn, ma, you sexy as fuck,” he said. “You want to hit me with those sevens before you leave here or what?”
I smiled and spoke kindly to the young thug who was ugly as fuck. “Thanks for the compliment. I wouldn’t mind hitting you with my seven digits, but unfortunately I’m already taken.”
“Lucky man,” he said. “I hope that brotha knows how lucky he is.”
I couldn’t have planned this any better. I was positive that Maxwell was behind me in line and had heard every single word. I stepped to the cashier to pay for my items, and also paid twenty dollars for gas. When I turned around, I purposely looked in another direction. I heard Maxwell clear his throat then he called my name. That’s when I looked at him and smirked.
“Hey, Maxwell, what’s up? How are you?”
“I’m good. Real good. How about you?”
“Couldn’t be better. Anyway, it was good seeing you. Take care, all right?”
I pretended to be in a rush, but Maxwell didn’t want to let me go. “I will, but, uh, hold up a sec. Let me pay for this gas and I’ll be outside to holler at you.”
“Sure,” I said then walked off.
I went to go pump my gas then stood by my car. Maxwell came outside and jogged up to my
car, making sure I didn’t leave.
“Aye, is there any way I can get your sevens,” he teased, trying to sound like the thug who was inside of the gas station. “That fool should have known better. A dope-ass chick like you wouldn’t be caught seen with him.”
“He didn’t know any better, but you can’t knock a man for trying.”
“I guess not. But I know you’ll knock me for trying, won’t you?”
“Of course I would. Only because you’re happily married and it wouldn’t be wise for me to interfere.”
Maxwell sucked his teeth and licked his lips. He folded his arms and leaned against my car. “Who says that I’m happy? I never told you that, did I?”
“No, I assumed that you were. But what do I know, Maxwell? I’m clueless because I also thought you loved me. We both know that I was very wrong about that.”
“Now, you know you wrong for that. I did love you. Loved you as best as I could, but I just wasn’t ready to make moves like you wanted me to. I told you all of that before, so I’m not going to rehash the past. I will, however, bring up the future because somehow or someway, I want you to be a part of it.”
I pursed my lips and looked at him like he was crazy. “How? How do you want me to be a part of your future and you’re married? Not only that, you have a child and I’m sure you’re planning to have more, especially since you always talked about having such a big family.”
“It’s funny that you said that because my wife is expecting another child. But this ain’t about that. It’s about me missing you and thinking about us. I miss you, Miah. Really wish I didn’t let you go, and that we could have worked on our relationship. At the time, I was trying to do right by the chick who was pregnant with my child. Amber had me in a bind and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t put you before my child, and if I have moved on with the wedding thing, she would have aborted my baby. You never gave me a chance to explain any of this to you, and you were so mad at me that I thought you were going to kill my ass. There is so much more that I want to say, but I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. But if you let me take things one day at a time with you, maybe I can somehow figure out a way to turn a wrong into a right.”
Hearing that his wife was pregnant with another child was hurtful. I didn’t know whether to believe Maxwell or not. He was so damn good at lying, but he was also very good and getting people to believe him.
“One day at a time” I questioned. “I’m not sure what you mean by that, and it’s too late to turn your wrongs into a right.”
“It’s never too late, as long as we’re still alive. Just give it some thought, and when I call tomorrow, let me know if it’ll be okay for me to stop by. If so, hook me up with some of that good lasagna you used to make for me. I miss that shit, ma, and you know I miss that sweetness between yo’ legs too. See what you can do about that as well, all right?”
I sat against the car thinking about how fucked up I would be if I ever opened the door for Maxwell again. What if it were me at home, pregnant with our second child? His ass was still up to no good, and if anything, I should’ve been thankful that the motherfucking wedding was off. Most of the time, there were major consequences from going backward. And fucking around with him again would be one big, huge mistake.
I moved away from my car and stood in front of Maxwell. His persona was so smooth and he knew it. His eyes were trying to lure me in, and so was the mountain sized hump in his sweatpants.
“I’m seeing somebody who I really care about, Maxwell. I’m as faithful to him, as I was to you. While I will always have a soft spot in my heart for you, there will be no traveling backward for me. I wish you and your wife the best. I’m sure she would like for you to give your marriage your all, and the least you can do is figure out a way, happy or not, to put your family first.”
Maxwell ignored everything I said to him. “I don’t give a shit about the nigga you’re with. I’m stopping by your place tomorrow. The choice is yours, if you decide to open the door or not.”
I walked away from in front of him and opened the door to my car. “You’ll be wasting your time, Maxwell. I’m telling you that that door will never open again.”
I sat in the car, but before I closed the door, I heard Maxwell say, “We’ll see. We will definitely see about that.”
I guess he thought I was still the weak chick with the broken heart that he had run all over. That was not the case anymore and he should have known better than to think it was that easy to get me back in bed with him.
I drove away, looking in my rearview mirror at Maxwell wink at me. All I could do was pray for strength and hope that I found the courage to stand my ground and slam the door in his face, if he did show up tomorrow.
Chapter Five
I was excited about going to work on Monday, but the thought of my conversation with Maxwell also weighed heavily on my mind. He called twice today, but I ignored his phone calls. I was lying across my bed while polishing my fingernails and talking to Juan over the speakerphone.
“I thought you were going to come see me last night. What happened?” he asked.
“By the time I got home, I was kind of tired. Had a lot on my mind and all I wanted to do was relax. I knew that being with you I would get no rest at all.”
“You got that right. None whatsoever. So when you get here this evening, make sure you’re well rested and full of energy.”
“Wait a minute. Who says that I’m coming your way tonight? I didn’t mention anything about seeing you today.”
“I know, but I was hoping that you would want to see me. I’ve been kind of lonely over here. You don’t want me to keep on being lonely, do you?”
“I guess not. Besides, we still need to have that little conversation about when you move back home, how you can make that little penthouse over there mine.”
“You already know that you’re welcome to it anytime.”
“I know that, but I want my name on it, not yours. I want to own it, if you know what I mean.”
Juan got quiet. Of course he knew what I meant. It meant he had to give a little to get a whole lot in return.
“I know what you mean, but, uh, we’ll have to talk about that when you get here.”
“Why wait until then when we can talk about it now? Is there a problem with you gifting the penthouse to me?”
Silence again. I had to put Juan on the spot because he was reaping way more of the benefits from this relationship than I was.
“No, it ain’t no problem, baby. Like I said, we’ll talk about it when you get here. Come around nine o’clock, and like always, the door will be open and I’ll be in my favorite spot waiting for you.”
I was so sure that he would be. I told Juan I’d see him later and I finished polishing my nails. Afterward, I watched television for a while and read a book by one of my favorite authors. By that time, it was getting late. I was kind of hungry, and as soon as I got off the couch to go cook something to eat, I heard knocks on my door. My breathing halted, because I suspected it was Maxwell. I tiptoed my way up to the door and looked through the peephole. Sure enough, it was him. He had been to the barber, and his hair was now trimmed. The silk sweat suit he wore looked spectacular on him, but he appeared a little nervous too. His hands were in his pockets and he kept biting down on his bottom lip. I stood by the door, thinking about how I’d waited for this moment to come. It was my moment to get revenge, fuck the shit out of him, and give his wife payback for messing with my man. It was my chance to hear him beg and plead for me to give him another chance and ask for forgiveness over and over again. I had Maxwell right where I wanted him, but what I didn’t want to do was open the door. If I did, that would be opening the door to the past.
“Miah, open the door. Baby, I know you’re in there. Why haven’t you been answering my calls? I told you I was coming today, didn’t I?”
I remained silent.
“Come on, Miah. What about us, baby? I want to make love to you and show you h
ow much I’ve been missing you. All I’m asking for is your forgiveness, and for you to give us another chance. We deserve another chance, ma. We can make this shit happen again, and maybe one day all of this will work out for us. It can’t work if you won’t at least try.”
I swallowed and shook my head. My heart was too weak, but my mind was much stronger. I stood with my back against the door, closed my eyes, and rubbed across my aching forehead. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“Are you there, baby? At least tell me if you’re there. That way I don’t feel like a crazy fool, talking to myself. Your car is on the parking lot, so I assume you’re somewhere in there. Are you alone? Just tell me something—anything to give me some hope.”
I took a deep breath and opened my mouth again. Like the first time, nothing came out. I knew that if I started talking, he would somehow or someway convince me to open the door. Silence was key.
“Okay, fine,” Maxwell said, sounding defeated. “If you don’t want to talk, I’m leaving. I can’t believe that after spending so many years together that you won’t even sit down and talk to me. I had some deep shit to say to you, and I do see a path to you becoming my future wife. Just think about that, baby. Think about us finally being together again. After you’ve given it some thought, call me.”
I couldn’t believe that he had the nerve to spill that dumb shit. I mean, how stupid did he think I was? Future wife my ass. That shit was an insult.
He stood for another minute or two, waiting to see if I would make a move. I didn’t. I watched him walk away, then I walked over to the window and watched him get into his car. For me, it was good-bye and good riddance. Forever.