by Tysche Dwai
“No matter how you try to get a grip, it ain’t happening.” He chuckled at the sight of her losing the battle of hair versus wind.
Jenny fought with the wind and finally dropped her arms in surrender. No sooner did she stop the effort to straighten her hair than the wind died, and the strands fell in perfect smooth lines down to the top of her shoulders.
“Shoot! Would you look at that?” She ran her hand down her tresses and laughed.
Neal stuck both hands in his pockets. “What now?”
“Damn awkward, isn’t it,” Jenny admitted. “We aren’t usually at a loss for words.”
“How about a drive?”
“Suits me. Where to?”
“Let’s go to my territory.” Neal struck out across the parking lot headed for a big Dodge Ram three-quarter ton pickup truck.
“All the way to Boise City? We’re going there?” Jenny seemed to take root for minute then took off after him.
“Nah, not there. Just northeast a bit ‘til we get to the state line.” He held the door open and gave her a boost into the high seat by holding the hand she held out to him.
“Oh, cool.” She didn’t add they could talk along the way. She’d discovered a long time ago that words like “let’s talk” scared off men. Sooner or later, he’d say what he wanted to say, and if he didn’t, she would come out and ask. That last interrupted sentence had her wondering just what it was Neal didn’t know about her. He knew it all...well, not quite and that was the one thing troubling her.
What was he going to say when he discovered she’d been keeping a very important secret from him all this time?
The drive relaxed Neal. He fell into a familiar routine but enjoyed the sight of Jenny sitting across the cab from him. How long had he dreamed of this? Seemed like forever.
“You have any trouble getting John to come down and take over the ranch while you were gone?” Jenny turned in her seat so she faced him and pulled one knee up so one leg rested under the other.
“Nah, he promised to stay ‘til I showed up again.” Neal grinned, remembering how his older brother groused at leaving his wife in New York. But John told him to go, that this woman sounded like the real deal and for Neal not to fuck it up.
“How about you? You said your boss wanted to give you grief over this vacation time. Did he?”
“Yeah, he tried, but I never take time off, and he knew it. So he griped, but he gave me the week.”
“You be in trouble when you get back?”
“Not particularly, but he will give me a few shit jobs to make up for the absence.” Jenny grinned as town slipped behind them and the open country lay ahead. Eddies of dust swirled in the early spring wind.
Neal didn’t ask more about her job. Early on, she said she wasn’t permitted to talk about it, leaving him with the impression it might be a government job with high security. He figured she handled top-secret information for one of the government industries around the Dallas area. She, however, knew all about his ranch and his family, what was left of it.
“Pretty country but kind of bare, don’t you think?” Jenny scanned the far horizon. “Your land anything like this?”
“Eastern Oklahoma looks a bit like this, but where I am in the western panhandle is green and fairly lush. Difference of daylight and dark.”
“Kind of like us, you up with the chickens and down with the sun and me never knowing when I’m coming home or leaving out the next morning.” Her idle comment evidently came out before she realized it because she suddenly gave a lot more attention to the view out the cab’s window and stopped speaking, as if she’d said too much.
“Ships passing in the night.” Often they did not get on line at the same time, and a week might go by before they hit instant messaging at the same time. Neal only emailed Jenny and John, his brother. Jenny had a few friends she emailed but none she spoke to on IM except him. Theirs was a very private world.
“Well, this ship found the right dock finally.” She referred to finally meeting him.
“When your husband died a few years ago, I figured you’d sort of taper off with the emails.” He kept his eyes on the road when he spoke, though what he said revealed a lot about his insecurities when it came to her.
“Really? I never knew that.” She turned back to him, her eyes opened wide and brows up in surprise. “Guess I wanted someone to hold on to then. I wasn’t about to turn away from a person who knew me so well and offered such support.” She sighed.
“Good time. Bad time, huh?” Neal tried to understand her sigh.
“Yes, Tommy and I loved each other, but he grew jealous over the last years before he died. He never forgave me for getting my job—the one he really wanted. By the time the accident happened, we were more like roommates than husband and wife. He didn’t love me, but we didn’t actively hate each other.”
“Did he know about me?” Neal knew the answer but wanted her to talk, the expression on her face having turned sad.
“Yeah, he knew I emailed a few friends and that you were one of them.”
“He ever ask how we hooked up?”
“Tommy knew I was addicted to RPGs—role playing games, and when I told him we met in a role-playing game session, he was cool with it.”
“He never figured out that we talked way more than just casual friends would?”
“Honestly, Neal, he just didn’t care. I think along toward the end, he might have had a lady friend. I never knew for sure, but I think maybe he found someone he could be macho with.”
Neal knew from their many conversations that she did not go for anyone being all ‘macho’ over her—acting like the man was the boss and she was just the ‘little woman.’
“You’re a pretty independent woman, aren’t you, Jenny?”
“Not so much, really. At least I don’t think so. I just wanted a partner, not a boss in my marriage.”
“You don’t have to worry about that any more.”
“No.” She gave him a sad look. “You never treated me like I was stupid or hogging the glory or anything like that.”
“Tommy did that?”
“Yeah.” And she turned once more to the vast view of plateau outside the window.
Not many more miles down the road, they saw the Texas/Oklahoma border sign. Neal grinned at her as he drove into Okie territory then pulled off the side of the road into a drive with a gate leading into a pasture. He turned off the engine and blew out a sigh, one he didn’t mean to do.
“That bad, huh?” Jenny teased him.
“Nope, just glad to be alone with you at last. I still can’t seem to get over you actually being here.” He turned in the seat, put one arm out across the back of the headrest, the other draped around the steering wheel and let his gaze travel up her from her boots to the bright bourbon-colored hair falling around her face. “Damn, you’re beautiful. All those pictures you’ve sent over the years didn’t do you justice.”
Jenny swallowed before a fiery blush spread up under her collar and fired red into her face. “Come on, Neal, you’re embarrassing me.”
“Accept the compliment graciously, Sunbeam.” His nickname for her.
“Okay, then. Thank you.” She paused then grinned wickedly. “Although I think you need to get your eyes checked.”
Neal’s hands itched to touch her, but he feared doing so. One touch and he’d want to undress her and make love to her. That’s how badly he had it for Ms. Jenny Lincoln. However, he wasn’t sure how she felt about him. At least, not in terms of loving him. Guess he had a week to find out.
They laughed when they learned Neal booked a room at the Motel 6 while Jenny booked hers at Motel 8. “I’m two up on you, Neal,” she teased.
As much as she wanted to stay with him, they’d driven and talked a lot, she wasn’t sure if Neal was ready for a more intimate relationship. God knows she wanted more from him, but what if he wanted it all? Can I give up all I’ve accomplished to go with this man? The question burned in her soul as
Neal pulled up before the door of her motel room.
Should I ask him in? She scrambled out of the tall truck and fumbled in her purse for the room key, careful to avoid showing what hid in the bottom. Her trepidation must have shown on her face.
“I may have never met you in person, but I bet I can read your mind right now.” Neal stood beside her as she stuck the key into the lock and turned it. Afraid to look him in the face, she hesitated long enough for him to tell her exactly what she was feeling.
“You wonder if you should invite me in, but you’re scared ’cause it’s like asking in a stranger. Even though you know me, you don’t. Not really. Right?”
With a loud gusty sigh, she stepped to the door then turned. “You’re right, and you know it. You talk like the Neal I’ve known for years, but I have to get used to the real you. The flesh and bone man.”
“But you don’t have a problem with the flesh and bone guy, do you?”
She could tell he was serious, apparently concerned about how he looked.
“You managed to remain hidden for over three years. Notice I never asked what you looked like. I created a picture of you in my mind.”
“Am I anything like what you imagined?”
Jenny tilted her head to one side while he stepped back and put out his arms in order for her to inspect him from head to foot. She smiled; this was so ‘Neal-like.’ Honesty at all cost.
To give him his full due, her glance slowly traveled up his body, liking what she saw. Middle aged. Older than she imagined. Maybe late forties. Seasoned. Never having given it a thought, she decided now that she liked that about him.
His was a sturdy frame with no spare meat, at least not that she could tell under the tan barn coat. His lean face showed plainly that he spent lots of time outside and worked hard. Tiny lines crinkled around his eyes and at the corners of his mouth. A nice mouth, full lips that lay in a straight line now but she’d seen curved into a smile many times since they’d met. His sharp nose ran between eyes of deep brown beneath full but not bushy brows. His high forehead disappeared beneath his cap, and all the brown hair she could see was a bit long around his ears and across the back of his neck. Seen in its individual parts, his face was as plain as a glass of water. Some might call him homely. His appearance surprised her but certainly did not put her off. As a whole, that masculine face radiated with an emotion she feared to name. Deep affection, certainly. Love? Maybe.
His eyes drew her attention once again. Many times, they’d discussed the eyes as being the one part of the human body that spoke to another person. Right now, Jenny saw kindness but also a touch of fear. Far different than what she saw when she entered the diner that morning. Neal worried that she might think him ugly.
“So, what do you think?” He evidently had given her as much time for examination as he could stand.
“I think...” She paused for effect, drawing out his tension a bit. “I think you are the best thing I’ve seen in a long time. Far taller and leaner than I expected. But you sure are a sight for sore eyes, cowboy.” She used the waitress’s nickname.
“But, Jenny, I’m a bit older than you thought, ain’t I.” He coughed and amended, “Aren’t I?”
“Why, Neal? Does that make a difference?” Suddenly she felt like a bird in a tight cage. Did age matter to him? If so, she was so screwed.
“It doesn’t to me, but I’m thinking it might to you. I ain’t no spring chicken.”
Neal had not only kept his appearance a secret, he’d also kept his age as well. Jenny should have been pissed, but she wasn’t. She was too glad to have him here. However, she wasn’t about to let him think they could not go on because she might think he was too old. Boy, did she have a surprise for him. A surprise she could share.
Putting her hands on her hips, she pulled her brows together and lowered them then lifted her left one in question. “And just how old are you, Neal?”
He looked so nervous now; he fairly vibrated from foot-to-foot. “Forty-five in the fall.”
Jenny held her silence, glad she hadn’t fallen for some youngster. “That’s not so bad. But you might want to consider you’re talking to an older woman.” She put a slight emphasis on the word ‘older.’
“What the hell are you talking about, Jen?” Now it was Neal who put his hands on his hips.
“I’m three years older than you, bud.”
“No way.”
“Yes way.”
His grin spread across his face, creasing every inch of his cheeks. “Damn, you’re kidding. You’re forty-eight?”
When she nodded, he grinned again. “You sure as hell don’t look like it.”
Jenny dipped her knee in a curtsy and grinned. “You don’t mind that I’m older than you?” This time she heard the fear in her own voice, try as she might to sound nonchalant.
“Hell, no. You’re a beautiful woman, no matter how old you are.”
His compliment sent a hot blush up her face again.
Silence fell between them as they stood grinning like fools. At last, Neal took one step back. “Guess I better be going then.” She saw him swallow. “For tonight.” He took one more step back but stopped. “I got to ask something. It’s been bothering me ever since you walked into that diner.”
“What?” Her breath came in short pants now that he really was leaving. She wanted him gone so she could think over the day and all that it could mean, but then again she didn’t want him to go...wanted him closer.
“How did you know it was me? You’ve never seen me before.” That worried look came into his eyes again. “But you knew me immediately.”
“Neal...” How can I say this without making him think I’m crazy? “I looked at all the men in that place, and when I saw you, I saw...” The word stuck in her throat. She couldn’t say it, but she could say the next best thing.
“You saw what?” Neal prompted her.
“I saw hope.” She refused to say what she really saw. She looked into this man’s eyes and saw love. The idea of loving someone enough to give up all scared her.
‘Hope’ seemed to be enough for Neal however. He let out a loud sigh and grinned—honestly grinned in apparent relief. “Hope, huh?” She nodded. “Sounds good to me.” With that, he turned to go.
“Neal?” She put out a hand, afraid to stop him, concerned he might get the wrong idea, but she had to know. When he turned back around to face her, she said, “I want to know something. You said there were things about me you didn’t know. The last one... We got interrupted. What were you going to say?” And she held her breath.
For a few seconds, Neal stood, watching her with an intensity that almost frightened her. Then he came back to stand tall and silent before her. “I wanted to know how my cheek would feel next to yours. How your hair smells when warmed by the sun. And...” His hand came up slowly to cup her cheek. “I want to know how it feels to kiss you. Really kiss you.”
When she seemed to rise on her tiptoes, he pressed his hand more firmly against her cheek. “But...” his words acted like cold water on her rising expectations. ...“If I kiss you, I’ll want more, and it’s too early in our meeting to do that.” He patted her cheek and stepped back. “I’d want more,” he repeated softly. On those words, he turned and walked rapidly to his truck, opened the door and slammed it. Turning it on, he rolled down the window and sat silently, staring at her.
On the spur of the moment, Jenny flew out to the truck. Leaning in, she lightly kissed him, full on the mouth. Letting her lips linger just a little longer than she figured he’d expect. While her heart beat hard enough to hurt her chest and her breath deserted her, she stepped away and gave him one of those wicked sideways glances meant to drive a man nuts. “Tomorrow, cowboy.” Turning on her heels, she ran back to her open door, stopped and waved then slipped inside, leaving one dazed-looking man sitting in a rumbling Dodge.
Unable to sleep, Neal spent the night lying in bed, alternately trying to talk himself out of seeing Jenny again, giving
up the whole idea of loving her and then dreaming about making love to her. Confused and worn out, he flopped in the hard unfamiliar bed until five when he slipped into the shower beneath a hot spray that did nothing to negate his intense feelings.
In fact, he imagined Jenny nude next to him under the hot spray. He braced both hands against the slick tiles and tried to calm the raging hard-on that demanded attention. Finally, he gave in to his fantasies and used his hands to slake his body’s need while he pretended Jenny held him. When his cum shot across the shower stall and coated the tiles, he relaxed but only because he was emotionally and physically spent. A blush covered his body when he thought about what Jenny would say if she knew how he daydreamed about her.
He no sooner stepped out of the bathroom, a damp towel around his hips than his cell phone rang. Wondering if his brother had troubles and was calling, his brows rose in surprise when he saw Jenny’s name in the tiny ID window.
“Morning, Sunbeam.” He sat on the bed as he answered her on the second ring.
Her chuckle sent a tingle up his spine and awakened his lower body again. Damn, I could get used to listening to that first thing every morning. He wiggled on the bed sheet, uncomfortable, the towel a bit tight over his swelling body. And she hadn’t done a thing but laugh.
“Ready for breakfast?”
Neal rarely ate breakfast so early; he usually worked in the barn and around the ranch, doing morning chores, then ate at nine. But he knew Jenny worked odd hours occasionally, and she enjoyed eating breakfast very early. Often before the sun rose.
“If I have to.” He let her hear a faked reluctance in his voice.
“Come on, party pooper. I need company while I eat, and you’re it.” Her voice sounded so awake and smooth, and it wasn’t even five-thirty yet.
“Woman, I need my beauty rest.”
“Bullshit, you would already be awake back home. And you look pretty good so more rest isn’t going to help. Shake those lazy bones, and come get me. Besides,” Jenny dropped her voice to a low sexy whisper. “I have a surprise for you.”