by Lexi Ostrow
The fierceness in her voice was the first he’d heard that resonated like a warrior. Yes, she’d wanted to beat the cancer and live each time she’d spoken about it, but this was the only time he felt her will to live. “It was my pleasure—and I assure you, we’ll pick up where we left off someplace warm one day.” He winked playfully at her even as a surge of lust rose up at his words. Cassandra Marks needed to be saved quickly, or he knew he would fall to be with her after just three meetings.
“That sounds like something to get me through these chemo sessions.”
“Cassandra,” he took her hand in his as she turned to leave. “Are you certain? I have nowhere to be.”
“Yes. I will let you know I’m home safely. I’ve got some things to do tonight, things I have to do.” The shadows in her eyes spoke volumes of the fear she must be experiencing, but her voice did not quake.
“The call, it made things different, didn’t it?”
She nodded. “It made things real. I can fight now. This disease will not take me down without a damn good fight on my part.”
He couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his lips. “Very well then.” He bent down to kiss her, but stopped, worried where it might lead with his desires pulling him in the wrong direction already. “Until next time.”
She gave a small wave and turned to walk back to the convention center to catch the T. He watched her go, his blood boiling, not from anger, but fear. He hadn’t even known fear could do that, and yet, it was. Her retreating form grew smaller, and then she turned up the street, leaving him staring after no one.
Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes, forcing his body to control itself. “It’s time to save her. Her fight is beginning, and you are learning far more than you need too.” Feeling far more than you’re supposed too.
Gabe caught site of the white flakes landing on the ground a few inches from him. The snowfall had resumed, and while he wanted nothing more than to race after Cassandra and ensure she did go straight home and warm herself up, he knew there was no reason too. Cassandra Marks made certain things very clear while utterly blurry the lines of other elements. Gabe was an angel, and if he didn’t do his duty, he was nothing.
Thirteen
The heat from the apartment greeted Gabe the moment he opened the door. Pulling off the jacket he didn’t bother to hang it up, just dropped it on the chair near the door. Someone would likely come and put this place back in order now that it the time to leave arrived. He’d gotten what he needed on their small walk, the place would be vacant and cleaned. Gabe didn’t need to clean. Because if you clean it up, you’re accepting that you’re walking away from your charge when she needs you most.
“You’re not walking away. You’ve done what you came to do. You’re her Guardian Angel, not her significant other. This is how this was always going to end.” He walked further into the apartment, standing directly in the center of the living room. “Council of Angels, I have gathered what I need. I beseech you on behalf of Cassandra Marks.”
“Gabriel, my son.”
He turned, expecting to miraculously find himself inside the council room. Only, he didn’t. His father was in the apartment, closing the door behind him as if he’d walked in like any old human would have to.
“Father, are you here to take me back?” Gabe had no idea how returning to the clouds would work, it made sense someone would retrieve him.
“I have come to speak to you. To caution you against moving in haste.”
“I don’t understand. I was sent here to gather information. Carlyle warned me it might not be enough, but I am certain he is incorrect with extra pieces I learned tonight. I know what makes her worth saving, and it has nothing to do with her work. It’s who she is at the core of her being, it’s her soul.”
Gabriel held up his hand in a motion to silence his child, his eyes shifting from green to a heavenly glowing gold. “I am glad to hear you have found the truth of what makes humans important; their souls. However, I know you dove headfirst into this because you thought success would give you your battle wings.”
“That’s not what this is about anymore.”
Gabriel sighed, the golden glow of his eyes vanishing. “So you admit to that?”
“I am not fool enough to lie to an Archangel, let alone my father. But it doesn’t matter. When I petitioned to come down as a human, it was to save the life of a woman I believe is important. She has a warmth in her soul that is very rare. Her compassion, her light - despite her childhood - is why she matters. Cassandra Marks is more than merely special enough to earn a Guardian Angel. She deserves a life filled with everything she didn’t have. With love. I might not have understood a week ago, but I do now. I am ready to save her.”
“My son.” Gabriel put his hand on Gabe’s shoulder as he walked past to stand and look out the bay window. “Cassandra will only be granted one second chance. Have you thought what it might to do to her if you vanish into thin air?”
“I don’t understand.”
“No, because you only looked for certain things. You failed to see the way Cassandra looked at you. How hope and dreams swirled deep in her heart where you were concerned. If you believe you are ready to make a case for her life, you must also contemplate what will happen if she is granted a second chance, if we do remove the disease after she puts up a necessary fight.”
“Nothing will happen except that she will live.”
“No!” Gabriel roared as his hand smacked against the window and a shattering sound filled the room. A gust of wind nearly knocked Gabe back as his father turned, wings unfurled and eyes blazing. “She will believe she is flawed. A man she opened up too, a man she could not help but feel connected to for reasons she will never understand, left. Cassandra Marks is ready to fight now, but what if she believes herself worthless? Unlovable? Unwanted?”
The words crashed into him with the force of a punching fist even though his father had not raised a hand.
“I don’t understand.” The words lacked the conviction of a moment before because he did understand. The meaning to his father’s questions crashed over him. “I’ll break her.”
Gabriel nodded. “You wanted to be human. You chose the guise of an interested lover. It will be on you if she falls to pieces.”
“Can I not send a note explaining the truth?” Fear for Cassandra coiled around him. He’d failed her. Even he saved her, he failed her in another way.
“You would fall. Our truth is our secret.”
“Then we can simply report my human persona dead.”
“That is a lie. We do not operate on lies.”
“There has to be something!” He railed at his father, if he had not lost his battle wings, bolts of lightning would have shot forth—if he’d had his wings at all he’d have stood a fighting chance.
“You made this choice, Gabriel. It was you who begged to be here, to be human. Whether your reasons were selfish or selfless is no longer of consequence. Think what will happen to the woman whose life is at stake. You began this, see it through the way a Guardian Angel would.”
The room seemed to shrink around him, the ceiling and walls crashing around him; but not yet crushing him. Cassandra’s smile lit up in his mind, as did her frown. There was no telling if his father was right, but he would not leave her. Not when she needed him. No, he wouldn’t hurt the woman who was teaching him how to feel.
“I will stay then. I will find a noble time to take my leave to plead my case once I am certain she can stand on her own.”
“That is the correct decision, my son. It pains me to see you without wings, but brings me great joy to see you embrace your new path.” His father’s eyes finally ceased to glow, and his wings folded back against his body. “Tell me, why were you not thinking? What brought about this brash frame of mind?”
Gabe swallowed hard. His emotions began to rule his logic. The questions he came with had answers, and departing made sense. Even still, he’d known the moment he left the sm
all bench leaving her would destroy him, Gabe hadn’t bothered to think what it would do to her because his unstable balance left him worried.
“I care for her.”
“That is a common instance for Guardian Angels and their charges. It is what makes you fight so fiercely for her.”
He shook his head. “No, I care for her. I want to hold her, to touch her. I want to make her smile more than I want to ever lift another battle sword. I want to be by her side as she fights, and to be the one she leans on and finds solace in.”
Gabriel’s eyes flickered, but his expression did not change. “My son is born for many things, and as I’ve mentioned, falling is not one of them. You will find a balance. Humanity comes with a cost, do not fall prey to temptation. Guide her, help her, and then find a calm way to take your exit from her life and present your case before the Council of Angels.”
A blast of wind in his face caused Gabe to shut his eyes, and when he opened them, his father was gone. The window was indeed still shattered, and Gabe was left with a bigger mess to clean up.
“I don’t want to find a way to leave.” The thought slammed into him and straight out his mouth. “I want to save her, but I’m not going to leave to do it. I’ll be here, every step of the way no matter what the cost.”
He wasn’t certain, but Gabe thought he heard Carlyle whisper praise as Gabe pulled out his phone to find a hotel room for the night. He had no idea how to get his window fixed, but that could come later, he wasn’t concerned for anything in the apartment.
With the phone in his hand, he realized there was a more important call, and not to the landlord whose number had been pre-programmed into the phone.
“Cassandra.”
Tapping the call button twice her number popped up—he’d called her twice earlier in the day but had hung up each time before it had even begun to ring.
“Gabriel?” Her voice cracked, a sure indication she had been crying.
And you thought to walk away? You are a fool.
“Hi. Please don’t think this is me being too forward.”
“Okay . . . ” Cassandra’s voice trailed off, but she didn’t prompt him to continue.
“Let me go with you, to your first chemotherapy session.”
The other end of the line remained utterly silent. She didn’t let out so much as a shocked gasp. It was an absolutely insane request to have made, but he needed to be there. His father had shown him what he could be for Cassandra, and he wasn’t going to half ass it by letting her go through the hard parts alone.
A few seconds ticked into a minute and sweat beaded on his brow despite the shattered window. Sooner or later, someone would come to check on him from the sound, he was actually shocked they hadn’t yet unless his father had somehow shielded the noise.
“Cassandra?”
“I’m sorry, but no.”
“No?” With everything that occurred between them less than an hour prior, no hadn’t been an option in his mind.
“No. It’s very sweet Gabe, but I need to do this on my own. I need to be strong for myself and not rely on other people. I’ve got the group I went to earlier if I need someone. I want to keep us separate from this, at least for a little while. I need something normal, and dating an attractive, charming man who kisses like some sort of deity is exactly as normal as one can hope.”
“I enjoyed our kiss too.” He winced, not that he spoke the words, but because he meant them. She’d been fire to his icy demeanor, and he wanted more.
But you will not take it.
“That is exactly what a girl needs to hear, especially since I’m told in about month I’m going to look like a witch from a storybook or something.” Her attempt at levity failed thanks to the sorrow in her words.
“Well, I’ll be certain to make certain you never feel that way, if we continue to see each other.” He clenched his fists, furious that a woman with such a beautiful soul would ever worry her outside could be anything but gorgeous.
“Thank you.” She uttered the soft spoken sentiment. “I’m going to hang up now. I look forward to seeing you again—perhaps for longer than a few conversation bits.”
“I’ll be here.” Ending the call, he squeezed the phone in his hand.
His father had wanted him to consider the consequences of leaving. He’d done that. Now he had to face the consequences of staying. He was going to fall. It didn’t matter how long he fought against it, Cassandra Marks was already more than a charge to him. She was worth everything, and if he had to give up his wings to ensure she lived, it was more than worth it.
Fourteen
“Would you mind waiting out here?” Cassandra did her best to force her eyes to glaze over and not see the expressions on the faces of those seated in the waiting room.
“If that’s where you need me, then I’ll grab a magazine and settle in.” Diana offered her a warm smile as she sat down on the chair nearest to Cassandra.
“Thank you.” She started to walk toward the check-in desk but turned back to her boss. “Thank you for coming. I can’t believe I was ready to do this alone.”
Gabe’s call, his request, had made her second guess everything. She’d hardly slept the other night, worried about the chemotherapy and what the next chapter of her life was going to be. Hours had been spent staring at the ceiling, lost in horrible fantasies of sitting alone in a chair with a needle in her arm.
It had shaken her, killed her confidence. She’d been serious when she had turned him down, wanting to do it on her own. Yet, the more she’d thought about it, the harder it had been. Calling Gabe hadn’t been an option, he seemed brilliant, but she wasn’t going to drag him into something as dark as a chemo session.
“I’m happy to be here. Happy you had a change of heart as well.”
Cassandra nodded, afraid that if she spoke again, her voice would fail her and tears would come.
She hadn’t cried yet.
Getting dressed, eating breakfast, getting into Diana’s car . . . it had all passed by with her functioning as little more than a zombie.
Still, she knew the tears would come.
Cassandra just wasn’t sure when.
“Hello and welcome, please sign in.” A smiling woman said as she pointed at a white clipboard. “I believe this is your first time with us, please also fill these out and bring them back with your ID.” Six or eight pages sat clipped to a standard, boring board with an unassuming black pen attached by a string.
The board was impossibly heavy as she took it. The small plank of thin wood was heavier than a boulder, and she held it against her chest, ignoring the burn of tears threatening to come. Taking the chair across from Diana, she sat to fill out the forms.
First name.
Okay, I’ve got this.
Last name.
She blew out a breath and continued to let her eyes, and the pen, go down the page.
Family history.
How? I have none.
Sucking in a breath, she looked up. “Diana?”
“Hmm?” Her boss put down the tablet and looked at her.
“How do the kids we place find out their family history? What if they’re in a spot like me and they can’t answer?” Her hands shook noticeably as she lifted the clipboard. “How do I answer these?”
Tears fell then, dropping as big splotches onto the page, smearing the ink on questions already answered. The black bled to purple and blue as her name and address smudged.
“How?” A sob wracked her, and she had to stop speaking.
“Oh sweetie,” Diana reached for her, tuckering her under her arm. “I’m so sorry. This is the hardest part for kids who grow up the way you did. I promise it doesn’t matter as much as they want you to think it does.”
Cassandra stayed, huddled against her employer and friend, as the tears continued to cascade and fall. She wasn’t certain how long passed, but she knew plenty of time had ticked by. Sniffling, she pulled back and picked up the clipboard since it had fallen to
the floor.
“I can do this.” Blowing out a breath she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly through her nose. This is the easy part, please let me do this.
The pen moved across the page as her eyes read each and every question until the six sheets of paper were filled out to the best of her ability. Her hand was numb, not tingling, but just, unfeeling. A wash of nerves drowned her so completely, leaving unaware she even held the pen.
“I’ll take it up,” Diana said with a smile as she reached for pen and clipboard.
It starts now. Shake off the tears, Cass. It’s time to fight and live. Sucking in a huge lungful of air she allowed herself to focus only on color. The exercise had served her well when she cried over not being picked or being returned to the orphanage, as a child. Paint splotches of blue and yellow filled her mind, a calmness descended upon her.
“Cassandra Marks?”
Her eyes snapped open at the sound of her name. “Thank you, Diana. For being here.”
Diana said nothing but nodded as Cassandra walked by her to meet the nurse at the door.
“Hello, I’m Greg, and I’ll be helping get you set up. I spoke with Doctor Dresdell this morning, and I’m aware this is your first session, and how can be difficult they can be.” He gestured for her to walk past. “Any questions you have, I’m happy to answer.”
“Thank you.” She was surprised to find herself in a giant rectangular space filled with at least twelve beds that she could see. Patients occupied all except one on the end. All smiled at her, but one set of eyes was familiar.
“Samuel?”
He nodded and gave a weak wave. “Sometimes group means we get to help each other out here. We’ll have to trade numbers, see if we can’t sync up our sessions to make them more tolerable.”