by Lexi Ostrow
“I could fall in love with you, Gabe. Very easily I believe. I don’t want to be that girl though.”
“What girl? The one who has a handsome man fall head over heels for her as if by magic but doesn’t want that?”
Smiling, she shook her head at his teasing. “I don’t want to be the girl that falls in love with someone because my life is falling apart. I don’t want to cling to him because he’s there and offering me the ability.”
Without warning, she felt him lift her up and not so gently drop her on the ground next to her.
“Let’s start there then.” With a wink, he smiled at her. “I think you’ve got every right to not want those things. I don’t want you to be interested in me for anything but me either. I promise you, my interest is because of what I’ve learned about you since meeting you, not so I can be some white knight on a horse when you’re struggling.”
“How do you do that? Have the right response for everything—minus dropping me on my ass so it wouldn’t seem like you were too thoughtful. That was cheeky.”
“I aim to please.” He linked his hand with hers. “We will sit here as long as you need. I mean that. I have a feeling dating you is going to be a whirlwind with what’s to come. Little breaks will suit me just fine.”
The small reminder she lived with something that was going to uproot her life pulled some fuzzy feelings from her mind. Yet, it was the first time she’d thought about them since leaving her place with Gabe. On the ride over she’d been content just sitting with him and thinking about how such a perfect guy was interested in someone like her, she hadn’t focused on her cancer.
“Thank you.”
“For dropping you on the floor?”
Her eyes closed as she giggled. “For helping me forget that I have anything larger than a normal set of problems. You did that, by the way. I’m somehow almost able to forget everything that is terrible or bothering me when you’re around.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” He pushed up. “My ass is not mean to sit on the floor—it’s too bony.”
“If you have a bony ass, I’d hate to know what you consider mine to be.” She’d stared at his butt more than once if it was half as hard as it looked she’d bet he couldn’t even feel the floor.
“Stand up, and I’ll tell you.”
“Oh you know, you can just watch me while I walk toward the octopus.” Pushing off the ground, she ignored the hand he offered her. She had rested, she wasn’t going to ruin their time complaining or being lazy.
Not this time. She knew what the future was bringing—more chemo was coming. If she wasn’t going to let cancer destroy her world, she was going to have to reach deep down and find the energy to continue to do things.
Forcing a grin she strutted away, beckoning him with the sway of her hips until her knees literally gave out.
“Gotcha.” Gabe’s voice was a second behind his hands as he did catch her.
“Thank you.”
“Come on, let’s call it quits. We’ll go get something to eat at the probably overpriced café in here and then we can continue or get you home.”
She wanted to argue, but something in the flash of his eyes told her he wasn’t going to let them continue on either way. Cassandra should have been irked by the caveman behavior, but she found it comforting he would care enough after such a short time to make certain she was being taken care of.
“You’re not adjusting your behavior to make certain I’m okay, are you? I don’t want a fake boyfriend.”
“My job is literally watching over people and helping them. Trust me, I’m probably a bit more of a dick than this when I’m with co-workers, but aside from superior cockiness which I’m reigning back, what you see is what you get.”
“Oh my god!” She feigned shock as she covered her mouth after an overly dramatic gasp. “You’re holding it back?”
“Haha, funny. Come on, let’s get something to eat before I feast on something else.” His eyes flashed with a sensual promise.
You’re going to fall in bed with him sooner than you fall in love with him if he ever looks at you like that again. She smirked, content with the thought.
Nineteen
“You’re certain you don’t mind?” Cassandra looked back at him, stopping just outside the hospital wing door. “I mean, I saw you with the kid in the aquarium, but no others. I could text someone from group to come meet me, they’re the ones who gave me the idea after all.”
“Stop asking me that or I’m going to remember that aside from potential kids of my own, I am not the fondest of the little buggers.” Crossing his arms over his chest he leveled a stare at her. “You allowed me to teach you how to play “that ridiculous war video game” as you called it. Now it’s my turn to do something you enjoy.”
“I just feel bad. I was so unprepared for how tired everything would make me. The first round had been terrible, I just hadn’t imagined it could grow worse.” Her eyes flicked down to her hand where it rested on the door.
“They’re beautiful. They’re a badge of honor and courage. Now let’s go in.” He took her hand in his, hoping to remove the worried look as she stared at them.
Two days after her second round of chemo she’d called him crying about her hands. They were yellowing, and the skin was hardening. He hadn’t thought it looked that bad, but she’d informed him he couldn’t even see them and had hung up. That had been his first lesson in the slightly crazy antics of an upset woman. Instead of angering him, he’d smiled and realized it was just another reason he was falling in love with Cassandra Marks.
Now, when he looked down at her hand in his, he could see the deadly discoloring. If he dared to rub her fingers, he knew he’d feel the scarce sandpaper texture. The chemo hadn’t been happening long, but it was potent enough to be causing side effects. Which means she might save herself all on her own.
“Okay then.” She grinned and pushed the door open, tugging him behind her. “Is it wrong to admit that I’m actually scared to be doing this?”
“Never.” He kissed the nape of her neck. “You have your support group, I bet these kids do too, but someone with your unique way with kids will do so much better for them.”
“Always with the right words.” Chuckling, she breathed deeply. So deeply, the motion hallowed out her cheeks and even lifted her shoulders. “All right then.” She let her hand slip free of his so she could walk to the counter.
Balloons floated playfully over the desk, and a colorful wall with a paper tree and butterflies donned the back wall. Three children, barely old enough to be out of the toddler stage, sat huddled on the floor playing with racecars. For the first time, Gabe was touched with what was really happening around him. He was standing in a pediatric cancer hospital wing, staring at children and teens who had not been given a chance to live their life. Who might never get a chance.
There has to be more we can do. Someone has to be guarding a man or woman who will one day cure this. He clenched his jaw as a small child in a blue onesie was carried by his young parents. There has to be. His heart pulsated with a pain he’d never dreamed possible, and he groaned.
“You okay?” Cassandra’s hand rubbed over his back.
“How can you ask me that? I’m supposed to be checking in on you.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes as she looked around the room. Gabe watched as her cheeks fluttered and she gasped for air.
“I hadn’t looked around. Not until now.” Tears spilled out as she spoke the words. “How can these kids be so strong?” Cassandra didn’t try to wipe at the tears or approach the children. “I’ve been so focused on myself and living my life that I forgot there are so many far younger than I fighting a more dangerous battle.” Sniffling she rubbed her face on her arm and drew in an audible breath before walking toward the children on the floor.
He didn’t move to join her, merely watched on as she introduced herself and said something that made all three laugh. What Gabe wouldn’t g
ive to have any of his angel gifts back so he could be privy to what brought them joy. This wasn’t for him though, and he didn’t have the best way with kids. He wouldn’t even begin to know how to handle ones that were in the same position as Cassandra.
So he stood back, stiff as a log, in the center of the waiting room. It didn’t matter though, only Cassandra Marks mattered. The smile on her face had no business being there as she sat surrounded by her greatest love mingled with what must now be her greatest fear, but she appeared happy to be there.
A little girl with a pink ribbon tied around her head climbed into Cassandra’s lap, laying her heard on Cass’ shoulder. His heart shattered with a strange mix of grief and pride as he stared on as Cassandra stroked the little girl’s arm and dropped a kiss on her forehead. A teenage boy and a preteen rounded the corner tugging IV poles, and they immediately went to the others and joined the conversation. Laughter rang out from the group
Everyone she touches is better for her knowing her. That is her most significant gift. Her heart.
“Gabe?” Cassandra turned back to him, indescribable pain etched in her expression for the briefest of moments before it morphed into a smile. “Come sit with us, I have some friends I’d like to introduce you to.”
* * *
“Cass?” Gabe tapped her on the shoulder, worry dancing in his swirling eyes. Worry that always seemed to make the golden swirls just a hint darker.
“I’m fine. I promise.”
“Cassandra,” her name was a low growl, a warning most likely.
“Gabe, I said I’m fine.” She smiled as another one of Boston’s homeless approached, a sad look of shame on their face as they lifted their hands to take a bowl of soup from her.
“That is what you said last week before nearly passing out on the floor at the children’s ward. You’re pushing yourself to hard.”
“No, I’m not. I’m finding solace in what makes me happy. I like to help others, Gabe.” She hissed quietly over her shoulder before turning to serve another person.
His hand carefully gripped her shoulder, pulling her backward. “She’ll be right back, someone step in for her please.”
She contained herself until he had moved them back into the kitchen and the door had swung shut. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Trying to get you to see reason. Cass, the doctor said as the treatment progressed you were going to take things easy. You’re almost to your third round. You need to ease up.”
“I need to do what takes my mind off my situation.” Her body ached as she threw her hands up in the air. Every so often motion was hard, painful even. It had started a day or so ago, but it was infrequent enough that she knew there wasn’t much time before she’d need more recovery and less time out in the city. She’d spent three days a mess of shivers and puking after the second round of chemo—she’d learned to take the good days when they came.
“You need to do what’s going to best help you survive.”
Anger raged through her. In the past month or so since they began dating, Gabe had done nothing to piss her off until that moment. He’d made her feel wanted, safe, hurt and even joyous, but never furious.
“And you are suddenly a doctor to know what’s right? Or wait, I’m sorry, you must be me, knowing exactly what I can and can’t tolerate energy wise.” She turned her back to him, but he grabbed her hand and spun her around.
“Do not be a foolish human.” His eyes flashed such a bright gold they almost glowed as he yelled. “Any one of these people could compromise your immune system.”
“Anyone of these people need compassion and help. Any one of these people could have been me if I hadn’t found a family to protect me, to guide me.”
“Cassandra.” Again her name was little more than a feral growl.
“If you don’t like what you see, go home.”
His jaw dropped, and some of the intensity slipped from his stare. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I am enjoying us Gabe, more than you could possibly understand because it scares me to think of how quickly my feelings for you are growing. But we’re going to disagree, and you’re certainly not going to tell me how to handle myself.” What was left unsaid was that she wanted her dignity.
He was quiet for a moment, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I’m a warrior. All I know how to do is fight, but there’s no winning this with you, is there?” Fear laced the words.
Staring at him, listening to the fear in his voice, terror for her life, took some of the bite out of her.
“I know you mean well, but I need to be helping people, Gabe. Give me another thirty minutes, and then I promise I will let you whisk me away again in your fancy black car and force me to be still and calm for the rest of the day.”
He was silent again, but his face gave nothing away this time.
“Gabe?”
“You’re going to be the death of me, this worry I feel for you, it’s going to kill me.”
“While I appreciate it, and am a little confused how you went from manhandling me to a somewhat soft teddy bear, I am not leaving. There’s only so much time I have left before the doctors and group people warned me I’d lose the will do to a lot. I’m tired nearly all the time, my body hurts, and there have been at least two days I haven’t eaten a thing because I have no appetite. But right now? Right now I feel strong. Let me have this time, cancer is taking away so much, I can’t let anyone or anything take away more.”
Concern shifted about in his gaze, the unique gold in his eyes seemed to ebb and flow like a wave as he stood in what she hoped was quiet contemplation. He looked away from her and sighed before returning his stare to hers. “I understand.”
“You do?”
“I do. It’s not my place to tell you what to do. My worry got the best of me. I want to protect you, I just need to remember that’s not really my job right now.”
She smiled and warmed at the thought. “Though I know we’ll have tons of crazy fights, I’ve got to say, I’m happy the first one was because you care too much.” Leaning up onto her tiptoes she kissed him, reveling in the calming way his kiss soothed her while setting her on fire at the same moment.
“Go on. Go finish being the remarkable woman I’m falling in love with.”
She froze. He hadn’t brought up his feelings since the day he apologized. Each day she’d lost more and more of her heart to him, but she wasn’t certain she was falling in love with him. “I care about you, Gabe. I know I might be forcing myself to slow down so I’m not that girl that fell in love so she doesn’t die alone, but I do see a future with you, as much as someone with cancer can see a future.”
His hands captured her around the waist and tugged her against him. “Go out there and amaze me.” He kissed the tip of her nose and let her go.
Her stomach fluttered as she walked through the swinging kitchen door, choosing not to look at anyone’s face as she stepped out. Gabe had been the perfect gentleman, even during a fight. They hadn’t gone further in their relationship than a few moments of intensity because she was scared she’d lose her heart completely to him once she gave in to that kind of intimacy, but suddenly, she wanted to.
I am falling in love with him. She smirked as she picked up the spoon and dished soup out into the bowls since there was no line. Cassandra had been moving them along so slowly to not seem pathetic, she’d missed out on what her heart was truly feeling. Well then, next time I have enough energy, I’m going to show him exactly how I feel. If I lose my heart to him, well, there has never been a better man on this planet, I just now it.
Twenty
“I don’t understand this.” Gabe’s growl of frustration sliced through the living section of his studio apartment as his eyes trailed over the list before him. “Seventeen items that ensure Cassandra is worthy of removing cancer from her, and yet you still insist they aren’t the right ones. It’s been three days since her second chemo session, we need to figure this
out.” They’d spent the past week and a half together nearly every day, and he had thought he’d made a marked improvement, uncovering different layers of her personality.
He knew time slipped away each day he didn’t discover the correct way to save her. Holding her when she called after her treatment session nearly destroyed him. She’d been so frail, trembling from the cold and trying to insist she was fine—even as she fell asleep in his arms. He was tired of waiting for someone to give him permission, and furious Carlyle was being such a roadblock.
Carlyle arched a blond brow but didn’t so much as smirk. “I have been doing this longer than you, Gabriel. Also, I don’t need to do anything. I’m here as your mentor, not your partner.”
“Gabe.” He nearly snarled and snatched up the list, shaking it in Carlyle’s direction. “How is it possible none of these are what matters?” His voice rose with each word. “My father even blatantly told me he was glad I learned what mattered, her soul.” He jammed a finger at the page as if it were the villain. “Her soul is on here.”
Carlyle swung his legs off the arm of the couch they were draped over and walked over, his hand extended. “Give me,” he motioned with his fingers when Gabe moved too slowly.
“Let’s go over this.” Carlyle tapped his finger on the page. “Reason one, her soul is pure of intent. Congratulations. That is literally the reason a person is granted a Guardian Angel in the first place. Thanks for confirming that for us.”
Gabe’s hands clenched as he strained not to throw Carlyle at the window. “I get that, but it is the truest reason there is. Her intentions are what define her, and her intentions are to save children.”
“Number two. She can look at a person and know how to help them.” His eyes rolled. “Is this legit or because she’s helping you adapt to being human?”
“I’ve seen her with kids. She has experience no one else will share. It is how she is uniquely qualified.”