by Lexi Ostrow
“Gabe, I swear, it’s all right. I’m fine, just a little tender sometimes.”
“I have no right to expect something like that from you. Not right after a treatment.”
She looked up at him with sorrow in her eyes. “Don’t put kid gloves on for me. Don’t do that. You promised, and this is the second time you’re letting your worry break through the normalcy we have going.”
Cassandra may as well have slapped him. He knew it bothered her for him to pity her, but this wasn’t pity. “That’s not what this is. This was me being selfish. Being more like warrior me. I saw you and damn it, all I could think about was needing you. I didn’t even care to find out how you were feeling.”
Her hand touched his face and stayed there as she stared up at him. “I’m not at my best, but when you kiss me, you make me forget. That’s something I need more than you can understand.”
Only he did understand. Kissing her was the only decision he could make because it was for him. The other two, they were both for her even if she had no idea the choices were there.
“Let’s try this again.” Clearing his throat, he reached into the breast pocket of his coat. “I wasn’t certain what was appropriate for a present when one person is falling in love with the other, but this seemed a smart route.” He passed the box to her.
Her face morphed, first with shock and then with a smile as she flipped open the white lid. “It’s beautiful.” She lifted the gold bracelet out and touched the cancer ribbon charm. “I’m going to wear this one day and be reminded of something important.”
“And what is that? That the best gift I could think of was something that focuses on the one thing you don’t want to ever focus on?” He moved so he was no longer over her and sat, legs dangling off the bed, with his back against the wall.
She shook her head and gave him a coy smile. “That while dealing with the absolute worst thing I could think of, I’ve started to fall in love.”
Her words crashed into him like a load of bricks. She was falling in love with him. “I’m going to need you to say that one more time.”
She shoved him playfully. “That is not the correct response.”
“I’m sorry.” Using two fingertips below her chin, he pulled her face toward his and kissed her. “I’ve fallen in love you with, Cassandra. I don’t care how incredibly difficult this relationship could be, it’s been the simplest thing in my entire life. There’s just you and me and my feelings for you.”
Dropping a kiss to his lips, she slipped off the bed and walked to her desk. “That is why I know this is what I want. Every moment with you makes me want the future for more than just my work. You make me feel like cancer doesn’t define me, even though it’s okay that it does right now. Last night you came with me and held me for hours in that damn hospital room. You let me cry and rage and then told me it would be okay because I was a fighter.” She turned for a moment and had a red envelope in her hand when she faced him. “And that is why my gift is for the future. I had something else for you, something I’ll give you later, but this what I wanted you to have.”
Climbing back onto the bed she sat by his side, back against the wall, and passed him the card.
Curiosity had him tearing the red paper like an excited kid and pulling out a card. “Go on an adventure?” He read as he opened the card. “I thought you’d never ask.” His eyes moved down the card to the handwritten note. “Come see an orphanage with me? Let me show you the second reason I’m fighting so hard to live. I want you to see the real me—I am so different around kids.”
He wanted to say he’d seen her—that she was even more vibrant and full of joy. “So you’re committing to me, for at least another year?”
Chuckling, she wiped at tears under his eyes. Tears he hadn’t even noticed. “I am incredibly touched by those tears.”
He smirked. “They were to the idea of having a next year with you. I promise.”
She nudged him with her shoulder and cried out. “Damn it, that is going to take some getting used too. I was even going to ask for a massage.” She gave him a pouty face. “I guess we’ll just have to sit here and watch a terrible Christmas movie.”
He had never bothered to watch anything involving falsehood regarding religion or angels—there was no God, Heaven, The Devil or Hell. There were just the angels always there to watch over humanity. Yet the idea of lying with her, doing something so simple to bring her joy, felt like the best gift he could give her.
“Hit me with your Christmasiest Christmas movie. I know alcohol is limited, but what would you say to me adding just a touch of whiskey to hot cocoa?”
“I’d say you were my Guardian Angel.”
It wasn’t the first time she’d joked about that, which made his ability to not react much stronger. He tensed, but let it go quickly. There were so many decisions he had to make once he left her for the night. For now, he just wanted to make her happy.
“Two mugs of cocoa, coming right up—with a little something special for me.”
The aches grew stronger as she’d snuggled with Gabe once they’d had a few sips of cocoa, but there was no way she telling him. He’d nearly left right after stirring her up so tightly she’d almost told him all she wanted for Christmas was him to help her find release. Somehow, the pain had overridden enough of her desire, and she’d realized he was being a gentleman. One day, she would love that most about him.
His gift had struck a cord, some women might have found it a painful reminder, but she saw it as a badge she could proudly wear once this was over. Her entire world didn’t know about her cancer, and they wouldn’t until she beat it. The charm would serve to proudly let people know she survived, and could help them fight too if needed.
“What are you thinking about?” Gabe asked as he dragged his hand over her hair very slowly.
“I’m thinking about your gift and how wonderful it’s going to be to put it on and show the world I made cancer my bitch.”
Her head rested on his chest, and his chuckle rumbled through her body.
“Have I told you how much I admire you, for all of this?”
The words made her feel important. “You actually have not, but that’s all right, this can be the first time.”
“Tomorrow, if you’re up for it, I’ve made reservations at Legal Seafood. Nothing too fancy, but a little birdie might have overheard you on the phone talking about how much you missed a good lobster dinner.”
“You spied on me,” she playfully thumped his leg.
“I like to call it carefully paying attention to be the best boyfriend ever.”
“Well, if you make good on the dinner, consider the title yours.” She pressed her lips to his innocently enough but did not pull away for a moment, lingering against his mouth. “There’s a part of me that knows I’ll be kissing your for the rest of my life.” When she sat up, she knew she was frowning.
“Why is that a sad thought?”
“Because I’m not certain if I know it because my days are numbered, or simply because you’re everything I’ve been waiting for and I didn’t know it until you appeared like some white knight.”
His arms wrapped around her in a loose embrace. “I thought I was your Guardian Angel?”
“You can most definitely be both.”
“One day, when you’re done with these treatments, I’d like you to help me set up an office—help me find a space. I think I’m ready for a change in career.”
“You’re perfect at your job though. I just know it—even if you’ve basically taken a sabbatical since meeting me.” She took his hand from off her shoulder to hold it. “You’ve taken damn good care of me, and you’re not even getting laid for it.” She snickered, even though she did want to sleep with him. To know that closeness before the chance slipped away.
“Oh, trust me, I’m keeping track of your debts.” He winked and unwrapped his arms from around her, but leaned her back against him once more.
It was right, lying with
him doing nothing but watching TV. Gabe was indeed the gift Fiona said he was. He was exactly who she needed, who she wanted, to be by her side when the cancer finally let her go back to living her life.
An all too familiar sensation began to overtake her. Hot saliva seeped into her mouth and she bolted up, ignoring the pain when her feet slammed onto the floor. Kitchen pots and pans blurred as she raced past them, throwing her body against the bathroom sink just as she got sick.
The small bit of hot cocoa tasted horrendous the second time around, and she shuddered and spat trying to rid her mouth of the taste even as tears burned her eyes. When she glanced up in the mirror, Gabe was walking up her behind.
“I hate this.” Her voice shook as she spoke, still staring at the mirror as tears slipped down her face. “I’m so sick of being sick, and I’ve gotten worse.” She gripped the counter, but the pain caused her to let go almost instantly. “I hate it.” Turning, she buried her head against his chest and bit her cheek to stop from crying out as his arms held a smidgen to tight around her. Cassandra wanted him to hold her, and if he thought he was hurting her, she knew he’d let go.
“I don’t know what I can say. I have no experience in this at all. I’ve been so fortunate to have not been touched by this beast in any way before.”
“It’s all right. If you could just hold onto me, that will be perfect.”
“For as long as you need me to.”
He held her as she cried, stroking her hair and eventually sinking to the floor and tugging her onto his lap. All the while he did not speak, his comfort did not waiver, and within moments, she felt the queasiness and sorrow vanish as if they had never been there before.
“I was wrong earlier. When I said I was falling in love with you.” She looked at him and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’ve already fallen in love with you too. I don’t care the timing is horrible, all I care about is you didn’t let me walk away in a wet coat the first week in November.”
Her hands ran down the side of his face, staring into his eyes. For once Cassandra didn’t see the beauty she grew used to seeing in the striking shade of his green eyes. She saw his love for her. It was there, swirling like the golden streaks amongst the green.
“I love you too.”
Laughing, she wiped away a tear. “That is the correct response.”
He smiled. “I do aim to please in my current job description.”
“Well, you keep it up, and I promise I will love you no matter if I live one day or one million. Cancer has taught me to live life in the moment, and in this moment I know you are the man I love.”
“As long as you don’t stop fighting for your life, I can promise you I won’t change a thing about me either.” His forehead pressed against hers and he simply stared into her eyes. “I’ll share a secret with you—I’ve never been in love before.”
“Get out. A man like you?”
He shook his head. “A man like me.”
“I feel like this is some sort of fairytale, Gabe.”
“Well, all the best love stories are.”
A yawn escaped her, and she flushed.
“Find me terribly boring now that you know you love me?”
“I’m telling you, I’m tired of being sick. Tired of losing my energy all the damn time—tired of losing my food all the damn time too.”
Gabe dropped a kiss to her lips before gently placing his hands around her hips to help her stand. “Let’s get you some rest.”
The tiredness seemed to engulf every muscle at the mere suggestion. When he scooped her up, she may have let out a tiny shriek of surprise but didn’t protest.
Gabe acted as if she were a porcelain doll as he lay her down. Cassandra nearly purred like a kitten when he lay behind her, wrapping his arms around.
“I’m sorry to sleep on Christmas.”
“Shh, get some sleep.”
Her eyes closed and she let out a breath.
As she quickly descended into sleep, swore she heard Gabe whispering—praying for her to be okay.
Twenty-Four
Leaving the piece of paper on the pillow seemed like he was running away. However, if he had to explain why he was going to go to work on Christmas, without so much as his phone ringing, he had a feeling she’d worry she’d made him want to leave. With a last look at her, he walked to the center of the apartment.
“Father, I beseech you.” The whispered words may have been quiet, but they held no less conviction.
Except his father was apparently pretending he did not hear him. Gabe let himself glance at Cassandra. She lay still, the rise and fall of her chest the only indication the cancer hadn’t already taken her from him.
“Father.” He growled low, his hands balling into fists. Gabe had no doubt his father had tabs on him at all times. “Gabriel, Archangel of Guardians, I beseech you.”
Again, there was no sudden appearance from his father or even his voice filling the room. Which meant if Gabe wanted to demand an audience with Gabriel or the Council, he had to end his stint as a human.
“And leave her because I’ve not yet fallen.” The words took the smallest edge of his anger at the situation. If he regained his wings, he could return home and fight for her life, but if she was not interested in being with him once she knew the truth, he’d never be by her side again because even for her he would not take an innocent’s life. “But you would save her life.” Staring at her, the next step was apparent, and it wasn’t a choice.
He would not abandon her. The cancer was worse, but she was still fighting. He would wait until it endangered her too much not to leave—if his father insisted on ignoring his summons.
“Gabriel, Archangel of Guardians, I beseech you on behalf of a Guarded.” Gabe knew changing the verbiage would do nothing, but he was going to say it a million damn ways until his father listened. Which was not on attempt three.
Cassandra rolled over in the bed, and he froze. He’d been a bit louder on the third summons, and he did not wish not wake her. She could not see him vanish into nothingness if his father granted his wish.
“Father, Gabriel, Oh, mighty angel, I call you forth.”
“You will do this all day, will you not?” His father’s angry voice filled the room even though he did not appear.
The volume at which Gabriel snarled the question caused Gabe’s ears to ring with pain. He was grateful Cassandra hadn’t been able to hear a peep since his father would still only exist on the heavenly plane.
“I would have done it until you responded and I will continue to do it until my last breath if the council will not meet with me today. I have no desire to wait any longer. It has been some time since Carlyle left to place my request. I want my audience. Now.”
“You do not command anything, son of mine or not.”
“You mean to tell me you do not wish for your son to come home? To retake his place as a true Guardian?”
“You would leave her side?”
“If she is to be saved, I would do what is best for her.” Which is remaining here but there’s no reason you need that information, father or not.
“What if she is not granted salvation? This will be your final attempt.”
“Then I will return and stay by her side until she passes. My job as a Guardian dictates I must watch over my charge. If her life is best suited by my presence, then I will remain. Whether she has a year left or twenty, she is mine to guard, and I choose to do that here, on Earth.”
Tension wrapped around him as he waited for his father to say something, anything. The minutes ticked by and his anger rose like a cobra prepping to strike. “Do not dismiss me, Father. I made a mistake once, but prior I was perfect at my job. I deserve respect as an angel.”
His father emerged, white wings almost bent at the tips due to their massive size. His face was a mask of indifference, even his eyes did not glow with anger. “You have a surprising lack of patience for one who spent much of his life in war rooms.”
; It was unusual for his father to be emotionless. Gabe found it unsettling, especially as fury raced through his blood. “Will they see me?”
Gabriel nodded, his glossy blond hair swishing about his shoulders—the only feature he shared in common with his son. “They have. All members believe you have been granted sufficient time to make your argument.”
A chill passed over him and the tingling sensation remained in his legs for just a moment. He’d never experienced weakness, but Gabe was positive his weakness brought about the chill. Fear that he would not be able to save her, and his terror, and therefore weakness, at the possibility of life without her.
“I am ready.”
Gabriel sighed, his wings sagging momentarily before he held out his hand. “Your wings will be restored. It is the only way you can return.”
“I understand.” I will cut them from my body if necessary to return to her. The thought made him pause. He’d accepted being human, but he hadn’t realized the lengths he’d take to get back to her.
Looking over his father.’s shoulder at Cassandra, he hoped she would not wake in his absence and see the note. If all goes well, you will return shortly. Shifting his gaze, he stared into his father’s oddly calm eyes. Again, a twinge of unease went through him at how effortlessly his father remained impartial. He touched his father’s hand, and the pain began.
He was grateful for his father’s cloaking as a scream tore past his lips. He could not mistake the rupture of flesh and muscle as his wings exploded forth. Gabe crashed to the floor on his hands and knees, chest heaving as he struggled to breathe through the pain. Eyes downcast, he pushed himself to focus calm enough to heal his injury. After a beat, he rose from the floor and gave a flap of his wings to ensure they worked.
He nearly vomited when his sight landed on Cassandra’s bed. “No.” His horrified whisper drew tears to his eyes, and he cried for the very first time. Tears fell and slipped down his cheek, landing on his body and the floor as he looked at his charge. Gabe’s eyes burned with each fallen drop, and he knew his body trembled where he stood.