by Amity Cross
“I only work half as much as she does, and I’m twice as successful,” Margaret went on. “I don’t know what she’s doing, but it’s not her fiancé. Oh, sorry. Ex-fiancé.”
She knew, and she didn’t say anything. The bitch. It hurt, but I wasn’t surprised in the least. That was what was so disappointing about it. I was the one who’d been wronged, but it seemed I was copping all the punishment.
I knew I should’ve marched back to the table and told them to stick their two-faced friendship up their asses, but I didn’t.
All I did was walk toward them, smile weakly, and pick up my handbag. I just couldn’t deal with the nuclear fallout if I dared to dissent because that was what would happen. I’d sat across from Margaret at enough of these brunches and listened to her vitriol to know I would be next on the hit list the moment I called her out.
Best to bow out gracefully while I still had control of myself.
“Are you leaving us already?” Margaret asked, her voice sickly sweet.
“I have to get back to work,” I replied, fishing around the chaos inside my bag, looking for my phone. I didn’t really need it, but anything not to look her in the eye.
“Oh, that’s a shame!” she exclaimed. “On a Saturday?”
“International client,” I muttered. “I’ll see you all later.” Flashing a fake smile, I turned and strode across the restaurant, well aware the vultures were staring after me.
Outside, I glanced through the window and watched Belinda and Heather laugh at something Margaret had said. Focusing on my reflection, I smoothed my fingers through my curls and sighed.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel like this. So broken and alone. They were the picture of perfection with their designer clothes, flawless makeup, and two-hundred-dollar haircuts. But the longer I stared, the more I wondered if all of that was just a shell and underneath… I didn’t want to know what was under there. Probably the Bog of Eternal Stench from my favorite childhood movie, Labyrinth.
Turning, I wandered down the footpath, making a beeline for the nearest department store. It looked like I would need a lot more concealer before things got any better.
And chocolate. Maybe I should get some of that, too.
4
Ryan
“Oof.”
Cole’s fist smacked into the side of my head, and I stumbled.
“Watch what you’re doing,” Ash said sharply from the sidelines. “Don’t let him break through your defenses.”
Raising my fists, I bounced on my heels, keeping my body light and ready to strike.
Watching Cole’s shaved head, I attempted to decipher his tells. If I could anticipate where and when he was going to hit, then I would have a better chance at avoiding his strike and not have to waste energy blocking. Know thy enemy and all that.
If I’d known Hunter Ballinger was a cheating asshole back then, I would’ve been able to anticipate Jade’s future heartache and do something about it. I would’ve fought instead of walking away. Which was exactly what I’d done yesterday at the hotel.
Cole rammed his shoulder into my stomach and heaved. Before I knew what was happening, I was flat on my back, staring up at his ugly face.
“Bam!” he exclaimed, fist pumping the air. “Take down!”
Dazed, I groaned and rubbed my guts. Cole offered me his hand, I grasped his forearm, and he hauled me to my feet, slapping me on the back for good measure.
“Harper the untouchable flipped by Cole the usurper,” he said, talking about himself in the third person.
“Watch yourself, Alphonso,” I retorted.
“What did I tell you about using my first name?” Cole grumbled.
“Only in an emergency.”
He jabbed a finger at me. “I spent years beating the shit out of guys who tried to tease me with that shit, you know.”
“Enough,” Ash said with a frustrated sigh. “Get out of here, the both of you.” To himself, he muttered, “Clowns.”
Pushing through the gap in the mesh, I slipped out of the cage and snatched up my shirt and shoes.
In the change rooms, I threw my hand wraps into my locker and pulled out a towel. My face still stung from Cole’s punch, and I rubbed my jaw. Never thought I would see the day when a woman would split my focus during a fight again, even if it was during training.
There was this guy from one of the boys’ Catholic schools that had tried to feel Jade up at a party once. I dropped him, and she screamed at me to stop. When I hesitated, I got clocked by his mates for my trouble. Here she was doing the same thing, except I was a grown-ass man, who should know better, and she wasn’t even here.
Cole didn’t say anything as we hit the showers, but I could see the look in his eyes. The one I knew said a roasting was coming…just as soon as he picked the right moment. That usually meant when he had my undivided attention.
As I dressed, Cole emerged beside me in a waft of steam and dragged on his jeans.
“Where’s your head at?” he asked, shoving my shoulder. “You’re all over the place. Still pissed at getting knocked back for a fight?”
Cole and I had been mates for years. We started hanging out in our senior year of high school, two teenage delinquents both as bad as each other. My parents would’ve liked to blame my new friend for me barely graduating, but it would’ve been a lie. I was failing pretty damn well on my own. Short attention span, disinterest in anything other than fighting… I could’ve been describing Cole just as much as I’d been ticking off my own special qualities as an overexcited eighteen-year-old.
Neither of us was destined for University, and I couldn’t think of anything worse than being shoved into an apprenticeship laying bricks or fixing someone’s shitty pipes under their house. So a play for professional sports it was, though I didn’t escape the part-time shift work at the local factory canning baked beans until much later.
Now I was just a numbskull on the brink of breaking into the big time. Provided the AUFC could find me someone decent to fight.
“It’s frustrating,” I said with a scowl.
“At least you’re in line. I’ve still got work to do.” He rolled his eyes.
That was the difference between Cole and me. He was impatient as fuck, and me… I suppose I’d been lucky.
“But I don’t get it,” he went on. “You were all over the shop out there. That’s not like you. You got blue balls or somethin’? I’d look, but I don’t want to have the image of your crooked dick seared into my brain.”
I scratched my crotch and shook my head. “Nah.”
“Like shit.” He turned to rummage through his locker.
Sitting on the bench, I stared at the wall, my thoughts wandering yet again. Should I have waited around a bit longer yesterday? Should I have asked for her number?
“I ran into Jade yesterday,” I said absently.
“Ginger Jade?” Cole asked, slamming his locker closed. “No shit.”
“Yeah. I saw her down on Victoria Street.” An absolute mess. Thinking about what Hunter did to her, I felt like punching his face in. What a cocksucker.
“What’s she like all grown up? Still got your balls in a vice?”
I snorted. Seemed like she did, but I wasn’t about to tell Cole that. He would take the piss outta me for months. Endless entertainment.
“She’s some high-flying marketing exec in the city now,” I said, pulling on my boots.
“She single?” Cole raised his eyebrows suggestively. “You always wanted to tap that. Maybe it’s a sign.”
“Her engagement had just broken off,” I replied with a scowl. “I’m not interested in sloppy seconds. Especially not Ballinger’s.”
“Hunter Ballinger?” Cole snorted and rolled his eyes. “The pussy with a softball bat?”
“The one and the same.”
“Good for her. Marrying that twat? She dodged a douchebag bullet if you ask me.”
For once, I had to agree with him. Finding out her fiancé was chea
ting had to sting but better it happened now than after. I imagined he would’ve made her sign a prenup in his favor, which meant she would’ve been completely screwed when she inevitably discovered his extracurricular fucktivities.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “She did.”
Cole grunted and slapped me on the back of the head. “Explains a lot.”
Before I could call him out, he disappeared out into the gym, leaving me sitting there with a ton of dredged up baggage on my shoulders. Baggage I thought I’d dealt with the moment we all graduated high school. Teenage shit that had no place in our adult lives.
It had always been about Jade, but she’d chosen someone else without even knowing I wanted her. How many relationships had I been in since? A handful of casual arrangements and one or two six-month stints. Nothing special.
Jade Forsyth had ruined me.
5
Jade
I stared down at Little Bourke Street from my hotel room window and bashed my head against the reinforced glass.
In the distance, I heard the furious dinging of a disgruntled tram driver and beyond that, the day to day hum of the city. None of it calmed or distracted me from my current predicament. Which was dumped, homeless, and alone.
I was beyond crying by now. The amount of shit that had piled on top of me had strangled the will to feel out of my chest. Just as well since I was having a hard time toning down my puffy eyes.
After yesterday’s terrifying brunch, I’d gone past the MAC Cosmetics counter in Myer. They sat me in a chair and reapplied my makeup while I sat there staring blankly into the mirror. Then I’d promptly bought everything they tried to sell me.
It was empty. All of it was a void of shit and nothing. I felt good for five minutes, and the moment I walked out of the shop and stood on Bourke Street, it’d all come crashing down again.
Dumped, homeless, and alone.
It was like Hunter’s betrayal had slapped me out of a haze, and I saw my life for what it had become. While my back was turned and I was focused on building my career, I’d forgotten I was a living, breathing human being. My engagement and my friends were an illusion.
They represented the things I desperately wanted but never really had.
All the years I’d known those women, all they ever did was bitch and moan about other people. Was that kind of person I was? Obsessed with being friends with people so I could get to better people? Did I care about money, fame, and elitist snobbery more than I did my accomplishments? Deep down, I knew I was afraid of being alone, so I’d brushed off Margaret’s callousness in a desperate attempt to belong someplace.
It was the same thing I’d done with Hunter. I wanted to be loved, so I overlooked all the signs until they’d hit me square in the face.
I’d become a monster without even knowing it, buying into the social climbing bullshit like a gullible, naive little girl. I had to get out.
Turning, I flailed my way through the curtains and marched into the bathroom. Slapping some foundation on my face and dragging a comb through my hair, I prettied myself up as best I could before grabbing my handbag.
There was no way I was sitting in this dreary, sterile room that looked just like the same three hundred dreary, sterile rooms in the hotel. I was not going to be held hostage by my own stupid heart, Hunter’s betrayal, and the false sense of failure instilled by Margaret Anastas, mega bitch.
Yanking the key card out of the wall, I marched downstairs and out onto the street, flagging down the first taxi that came along. Just like the old Jade would’ve done. She took no prisoners, stood for zero bullshit, and owned her decisions. Water off a duck’s back.
“Where to?” the driver asked as I slammed the door closed.
I hesitated, my determination starting to fizzle out. Where was I going? There was no one I could turn to…or was there? One name popped into my mind, and my heart leapt. I knew it was either going to be a suicide mission or a chance to rekindle a lost friendship, but I had to see him.
I could drown in my heartache, reliving the moment I found Hunter sinking his cock into some random bitch, or I could do what all those women did in the books I marketed for a living. Take my fucking life back and discover who I was meant to be.
I had to take the chance. Otherwise, I would’ve learned nothing at all. What an anticlimax.
“Abbotsford,” I declared. “Nicholson Street.”
The taxi pulled out into the Sunday morning traffic, and I was on my way. Like Thelma sans Louise. Like Bonnie without her Clyde. No, both of those were wrong. Like motherfucking Zena, Warrior Princess.
The closer the taxi got to Pulse Fitness, the less I felt like Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, and the more I felt like throwing up…out of both ends. Ryan had left on Friday without so much as a goodbye. What if he didn’t want to see me again?
“Miss? Miss, we’re here.”
Blinking, I realized we’d pulled up out the front of the gym. Handing over some cash, I told the driver to keep the change and stepped out onto the footpath.
Staring at the facade of the warehouse, I held my handbag against my stomach like a shield. If I went in and Ryan wasn’t there, then it wasn’t meant to be. It was a completely stupid reason to justify my lackluster attempt at finding him, but I couldn’t handle another rejection. Hunter had taken my entire life, and Ryan…he would take the foundations along with everything that was left.
C’mon, Jade, I thought to myself. Grab the bull by the balls.
Opening the door, I stepped into the little foyer. There was a desk with flyers littered over the top, and behind it was a wall of merchandise emblazoned with the Pulse Fitness logo.
Approaching the next set of doors, I realized I couldn’t go any further. A little black box by the door signaled I needed a security fob to enter the gym. I was stuck.
Craning my neck, I raked my gaze over the rows of weight machines and cardio equipment packed in the warehouse space beyond. Men and women in fancy fitness wear were working up a sweat, but I didn’t recognize any of them. Ryan wasn’t here, and I began to feel like a moron for coming in the first place.
That was when a man who’d had his back to me turned, reaching for the handles on a machine. Ryan.
I recognized him instantly. He was sans shirt, black shorts and trainers the only things he wore…and I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only woman drooling at the sight of his sculpted man chest. I had no idea what the machine he was using did, but there were weights involved, which meant flexing. Flexing without a shirt on.
I stood, stuck to the spot, completely transfixed. He pulled down on the handles, and the weights lifted. His muscles bulged and rippled, and my insides twisted. Hot damn… I could put that on a book cover and sell a million copies…
“Can I help you?”
I squeaked, jumping out of my skin as a female voice broke through my blatant ogling. Turning, I saw a woman with blue and black hair standing behind me, her arms full of brightly colored tattoos. She’d emerged from underneath the desk, looking just as surprised to see me as I was her.
“I… It’s not what it looks like,” I blurted.
“They dazzle me too sometimes,” the woman said with a smile. She seemed friendly enough, and I began to relax. I was so not myself.
“I, uh… I’m looking for a friend of mine,” I began. “Ryan Harper? He told me he trained here full-time…” I glanced back through the doors, trying not to get sucked into the hot male vortex but failed miserably. A shirtless Ryan Harper had me all juicy and slightly mortified I was gunning for another man so soon after catching Hunter fucking another woman.
“Ryan?” the woman asked. “He’s here. Would you like me to get him for you?”
“Oh, he looks busy,” I said, beginning to panic. I shouldn’t have come. This was completely stupid. “I know his training is important…” Lame, Jade. Totally lame. “It’s okay.”
“He doesn’t usually train on a Sunday. They go six days with today off. I don’
t think he would mind.”
In a totally un-Jade-like way, I began plotting my escape route, which pretty much consisted of one step. Run like hell.
“Wait there a sec,” the woman said, and before I could grab her, she’d disappeared through the door, the security lock clicking into place. Trapped again.
Shit. What was I going to say to him? Why the fuck was I even here? My bravado had dissolved into a pile of steaming mush.
I watched the woman cross the gym, my stomach churning. She was totally casual as she stood beside the weight machine delivering the message. Then she pointed at me.
Ryan’s gaze met mine from across the gym, and he frowned. Not a good sign. He grabbed a towel and rubbed it over his face before pulling on a tank top. Then he made a beeline directly for me. Like a heat-seeking missile locked on its target, he wove through the rows of foreign looking machines and pushed through the door.
I was dazzled as we stood in the same space, even more than I’d been on Friday. His skin was all dewy, his tattooed arm glistening, and his eyes were sharp and alert…and focused solely on me.
“Jade,” he said, sounding surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I, uh…” I was beginning to feel really stupid. He’d shown me a little kindness the other day and had promptly left. Now here I was, doing God knows what…
“Use your words, J,” he said with a chuckle.
“Shut up,” I said sharply.
“Just like old times.”
What was wrong with me? I knew what. I was so completely lost, and the realization had taken away everything that made me Jade Forsyth. My confidence, my fire, my arsenal of swear words, all of it had dissolved into a puddle of shame and humiliation.
“I didn’t want the other day to be… I didn’t want to leave it like that,” I said lamely.
Ryan’s brow furrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest. All it did was accentuate his muscles, and I pursed my lips to stop myself salivating.
“You were always nice to me and…”