Rush (The Beat and The Pulse #9)

by Amity Cross

  “Or what? You’ll shut it for me?” He laughed like he was a comedian, and I pushed down a flare of anger.

  “For once in your life, just leave it alone, Cole.” Speaking about people who never changed.

  Guys like him would always be rattling cages, but some of us grew out of it after we’d left adolescence behind. Any feelings I’d had toward Jade had faded years ago. We weren’t the same people anymore, and this—her staying at my place—was just me doing someone a good turn. Nothing more.

  “Watch that one,” Cole said, shaking his head.

  Turning, I scowled, not liking his judgmental tone. “What do you mean?”

  “You fell down that hole once before, is all I’m sayin’.” He pointed a finger at me as he walked off. “Now she’s on the rebound. Watch out for the trapdoor, man.”

  Rolling my eyes, I swallowed my pride and joined the other fighters doing their morning weight sessions. Hamish was on one end, the Irish cage fighter who was dating Lori. Josh Caplin was behind us. He was another guy who’d gotten his start cage fighting, but after a nasty turn of events that had seen him land in the hospital, he’d begun a new career in the Victorian Police Force.

  Cole was with them and had obviously been winding them up about Jade while I was absent. It was just like the little asshole.

  “Who’s the girl?” Hamish asked.

  “Just a friend,” I replied, glancing at Cole and narrowing my eyes in warning.

  Ignoring them, I set up my dumbbells and positioned myself on the bench. I was here to train, not have my lack of relationship status debated by a bunch of fighters. Anyone would’ve thought they were here to gossip over a cup of tea, not maintain their physiques.

  The whole hour the yoga class was in session, I couldn’t help using it as the focal point for my concentration as I lifted. My muscles burned, my mind wandered, and I was glad the windows weren’t floor to ceiling in that particular room.

  “Look out,” Cole said, baiting the others. “Here she comes.”

  Jade approached, her gaze flicking between the assembled men before falling onto me. She’d showered and changed, looking a million bucks in her heels, slinky green dress, and red lips. Her gym bag was in one hand, her yoga mat tied between the handles, and her handbag was slung over her opposite arm. A waft of some flowery perfume smacked me in the face, and I stared up at her.

  “Hey,” she said, standing in front of me. “I’ve got to get to work.”

  “Sure.” I was dazed.

  “I won’t be back until six thirtyish,” she went on. “I don’t know if you have plans or not…”

  “I’ll be home. I’ll get a key for you today.”

  “Oh. Cool.” She smiled and glanced at Cole. “Alphonso.”

  Spinning on her heel, she floated across the gym and disappeared out the door, the scent of her perfume leaving an imprint on my brain.

  “Alphonso?” Hamish said, fighting back tears of laughter.

  “Holy shit man!” Josh said. “Your name is Alphonso? For real?”

  “Wait until Ren hears this,” Hamish added.

  “Shut it,” Cole said, snarling.

  “I’m glad to see Jade’s still handing you your ass in one word or less,” I said, lifting the dumbbells. “I was beginning to think she’d lost her edge.”

  “I’ll get you for this,” Cole declared.

  “He’s all bent out of shape,” Hamish said to Josh. “Isn’t little Alphonso adorable?”

  With a grunt, he promptly cracked the shits and strode off, leaving us to laugh in his wake. He could dish it out, but when it came to the crunch…

  Blocking out the chaos beside me, my thoughts inevitably went to Jade. I could feel myself being pulled back into old habits already, and I did my best not to think about her ass, her tits, her mouth… Fuck, her tongue.

  All through the striking exercises on the bag, all I could picture was beating the shit out of Ballinger’s cheating ass.

  I ran on the treadmill, and all I could think about was the night I went to that party in senior year to tell Jade how I felt and found Hunter Ballinger all over her. I saw them together, and I’d just turned around and walked out. I walked out and never saw her again.

  By the time I fought Cole in the cage, I was a mess of emotions. Every time he broke through my defenses and landed a hit, I was reminded just how much Jade’s appearance had affected me.

  After we’d finished our sparring for the day, Ash pulled me aside. I didn’t like when he wanted a one-on-one chat because it meant I’d done something wrong, and today, I’d done a lot of things ass about. Things that I should’ve known better.

  “Where are you lately?” he asked, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “Your focus is all over the place.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not,” Ash declared, steering me away from the others. “It’s getting worse.”

  I grunted, shaking his hand away.

  “Does it have anything to do with that woman you were with this morning?”

  “Jade?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yeah. Jade.”

  I didn’t like what he was insinuating, and I rolled my eyes.

  “She’s just staying with me for a while until she gets her shit together,” I said with a scowl. “Her fiancé cheated on her, so it’s this whole big mess. She was staying in an overpriced shithole of a hotel because he kicked her out. He kicked her out, and he was the one who cheated.”

  Ash gave me a look but didn’t say anything. “And?”

  “And what?”

  “There’s nothing more going on there?”

  “No,” I snapped.

  He stared at me in that ‘I can see straight through you’ kind of way he had. Ash Fuller was a master at spotting and picking apart his opponent’s tells, and now it seemed he’d become a fucking therapist, as well.

  “Take the week off,” he said out of nowhere.

  “What?”

  “Take. The. Week. Off,” he said more firmly. “You’re frustrated, and now you’re distracted. Trying to train your ass while you’re fired up is counterproductive. You’ll piss yourself off, you’ve already riled up Cole to the point he’s more difficult than usual, and you’ll only end up giving yourself an unnecessary injury.”

  “But, if I get offered a fight—”

  “If you do, it won’t be scheduled in for at least a month. You can afford to take some time.” He looked me over. “I’m your fuckin’ coach, and if I say you can, you can.”

  “I can’t take time off,” I complained. “I’ve worked too hard for this.”

  “Ryan, you train harder than anyone I’ve ever known. Maybe even more than I did at your age. There’s a point where it all becomes too much, and you’ve reached it, mate. A week won’t derail you.” He shoved me toward the change rooms. “Take the time to get your head together. Help your friend get back on her feet, go on a holiday, do whatever, but I don’t want to see you in here until next Tuesday‬. Got it?” ‬‬‬‬‬

  I stood in the middle of Pulse Fitness, completely dazed and confused. Take time off? I wasn’t even sure what that meant.

  Ash was right, he always was, but it stung knowing I’d been so stubborn I couldn’t see my own failings. I was risking everything.

  Maybe Jade had turned up at exactly the right moment, and this was how things were meant to be. How they were meant to work out.

  Maybe this was my second chance.

  7

  Jade

  I sat behind my desk, swinging back and forth in my chair.

  I had a lot to cry about, but there were no tears in me. Apart from Friday night‬, I’d become a shell. Not even Margaret’s bitchiness rated a mention. ‬‬‬‬‬

  I needed a fucking break.

  Slipping the engagement ring off my finger, I put it on the desk in front of me. It was a Tiffany & Co classic diamond setting, eighteen-karat, rose gold, twenty-thousand-dollar ring. If Hunter had never been serious about
marrying me, then why would he have bought me such an expensive piece of jewelry? Was this his trade-off? Keep me comfortable with his money, drape me on his arm in front of his family and work colleagues while behind everyone’s back, he was fucking whomever he chose? I’d been destined to become a trophy wife—that was what this was.

  I’d wanted true love, but all I’d gotten was a filthy dick.

  Thinking about Ryan, I picked up the ring and held it in my palm, studying the flawless cut of the diamond. Like the fighter, it was multifaceted. After all the shit he’d seemed to have gone through when I knew him the first time around, he’d come out on top. I snorted. The old Ryan certainly would’ve asked me to stay at his place, but the new one… He was different somehow.

  Rummaging through my bag, I found the old receipt from the day before and pulled it out. Scanning the bucket list, I wondered if completing some of these wouldn’t be such a bad idea, but what about the last item? Maybe number five with the question marks should be ‘be less selfish.’ Or at least, ‘be less of a pushover.’

  It seemed like something I could start working on now that I was single.

  Oh fuck. I was single. For good this time. My perfect little world had fallen apart, so what was I supposed to do now? There was no plan B.

  A knock at the door had me scrambling. Opening my desk drawer, I scraped the bucket list inside and slammed it closed as my assistant, Juliette, walked in. The beautiful, black-haired, athletic, smart woman with the perfect boyfriend. She’d been through a lot, but she was so put together now, that all I felt was a pang of jealousy. Someone loved her.

  “Morning,” she said cheerfully, holding her notebook and pen at the ready. “What’s on the agenda today?”

  I wanted to scream, ‘Fuck the agenda,’ jump on top of my desk, and kick the contents all around the room, but I straightened up and forced a smile.

  “Is everything all right?” she asked, peering at me like I was sprouting a second head. “You look a little pale.”

  I sighed. She would find out eventually. Everyone would, considering Hunter had changed his relationship status on all his social media to single. Good luck finding another pushover, asshole. Even as I thought it, I knew he would come out of this smelling like roses. Men always did. Sexist fuck.

  “I caught Hunter fucking another woman on Friday,” I declared.

  Juliette’s mouth fell open, and she stared at me for a full minute before she blurted, “Asshole!”

  I rolled my eyes. “Believe me, I said far worse.”

  “Oh, Jade, I’m so sorry…”

  “My house isn’t mine, so I have to arrange to remove my things at some point,” I went on, the ring digging into my palm as I squeezed it. “And I have to look for a reasonably priced apartment, close to the city, that’s more within my budget.” I sighed. “I have to readjust my expectations.” In more ways than I’d ever imagined I would have to.

  What was that movie? The disaster one where the Earth’s poles reversed and everything changed from tides, landmasses, and seasons? That was what I was going through right now. An extinction level event.

  “He kicked you out?” Juliette exclaimed.

  “I’m staying with a friend for now,” I replied, fidgeting with the notebook on my desk, the one I wrote a million to-do lists on every morning. Today, it only had three items on it, and they were all bland and boring. “Luckily for me, we’re between releases.”

  “Let me help you,” she said, grabbing her phone. “Let’s make a list.”

  First Ryan and now Juliette. My life was a list full of things to tick off. Grades, check. University, check. Boyfriend, check. House, check. Wedding, check. The job of my dreams, check. Where on that list had my identity slotted in?

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said. “Organizing my shit isn’t in your job description.” Even though getting her to do it was the first thing I’d thought about hours after the incident. I was trying to be less selfish, after all.

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

  I stared at Juliette. I wanted to hate her just because my life was shit and she’d been strong enough to find her happy ending, but I couldn’t find it in myself. She was the sweetest person I knew, not to mention the best assistant I’d ever had. She was genuine, unlike those bitches I called friends, but without them, I would have nobody, and I wasn’t sure I was cut out to be a hermit.

  “Now, we might be between releases, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a metric fuck ton of work to do. Backlist, backlist, backlist,” I declared, mentally shaking off my depression and readying myself for another hit of my drug. That drug being obsessing over work. “Where’s your notebook? I want to pitch some ideas for compilations to Charles.”

  “Jade—”

  I held up my hand, stopping her before she went too far and I snapped completely. “Juliette, if you want to help me, do your job.”

  She lowered her head, hiding her concern. “Of course.”

  Turning in my chair, I looked out over the view of Collins Street from my office window and began immersing myself in my latest pitch. Anything to not feel like a complete and utter failure. Sales, profit, image, return on investment, brand awareness…these were things I understood.

  While I was hidden, I slipped the engagement ring back onto my finger.

  After work that day, I walked a little slower than my usual pace on the way back to Ryan’s place.

  Ryan and I had always had this love-hate thing going on. He would bait me, and I would fall for it every time. That morning had been no exception, and while it had pissed me off, it had also reignited some of the spark I’d lost sometime between Friday afternoon‬ and that morning. ‬‬‬‬‬

  As soon as he let me in, he promptly went out, saying he needed to go for a run. Hardly one to complain, I let him go, glad for a little alone time. While I had the chance, I wandered through the apartment, opening and closing all the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen, prying like a nosey bitch. Unsurprisingly, ninety-five percent of his storage was empty. He owned a four-piece dinner set with cutlery, a blender, one saucepan, a scratched frying pan, and a can opener.

  Finding the spare key he’d had cut for me on the bench, I slipped it into my bag and proceeded to pick up the rubbish lying around the place. I washed dirty cups in the sink, wiped down the bathroom, hung up wet towels, anything to keep my mind from dwelling on the gaping wound in my heart.

  While Ryan’s place was nice, it smelled like a sweaty boy, so I threw open all the windows to air out the place a little. When he finally came back, he couldn’t mask his annoyance.

  “Bloody hell, it’s like Antarctica in here.” He pulled the balcony door closed and proceeded to roll in the windows either side.

  “You stink,” I said, screwing up my nose. “It was either that or fumigate with something that smells like flowers.”

  “Last I checked, you were a guest, and I don’t need pest control…yet.”

  “Just wait until I hang up all my delicates in the bathroom to drip-dry.” I smiled sweetly.

  He grunted and pulled the curtains closed before sitting down on the couch beside me.

  “Rough day?” I asked, looking him over. He seemed riled up about something.

  “It seems we’re both married to our jobs,” he replied, sinking back on to the couch.

  “I assume yours is a lot better than dealing with profit-loss statements all day.”

  “At least yours is predictable,” he shot back. “I’m one bad day away from forced retirement.”

  “It’s always a pissing match with you,” I said, flopping back against the couch beside him. “Who’s life is shittier? Gotta be yours.”

  “It’s a slippery slope. You said you’re a workaholic. Do you think you’ll throw yourself into it after…”

  “Of course,” I scoffed. “What else am I going to do?”

  “Right… And that’s not unhealthy at all.” He rolled his eyes and raised his arms, folding them behind h
is head.

  “I really want to punch you right now.”

  “We’re all a work in progress, J.” Ryan laughed and immediately, the tension lifted. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Have you ever been single before?” he asked, glancing at me. “I mean, for longer than a week.”

  I shook my head. “For as long as I can remember, it’s always been Hunter. I suppose that’s why this is so hard to swallow, you know? Why I feel so lost. Everything has changed… Everything.”

  “Understandable.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “Why are you single?”

  “Who says I’m single?”

  I felt heat prickle on my cheeks, and I lowered my head. “I, uh… I assumed… Letting me stay at your place seems dicey if you’re attached.”

  “Jealous?” He chuckled, and I knew he was winding me up again.

  I scowled and slapped him on the arm. “Tell me,” I demanded. “How are you single looking like that?”

  “I’ve never found anyone who could live up to…” He shrugged.

  “Live up to what?”

  “My idea of the perfect woman, I suppose.”

  I snorted, trying not to laugh. Ryan Harper talking about his feelings? Had I fallen into the Twilight Zone?

  “What about you?” he asked, turning my line of questioning back onto me. “You couldn’t have been happy with a guy like Hunter.”

  “Fuck off.” I scowled. Hunter had been my dream guy. Rich, handsome, had a good job… But what about all the other things, a little voice inside me whispered. What about having a kind heart, a sense of humor, and depth beyond material wealth?

  “You were always on and off again in high school. I assumed one day you would be off for good, not getting married.”

  “If you hadn’t noticed, we are so off,” I scoffed.

  Ryan grunted and grasped my hand. “Then why are you still wearing his ring?”

  “It’s just habit. And it’s only been three days, so give me a fucking break.” I snatched my hand back and shoved it under the hem of my top. “That’s a Tiffany ring, just so you know.”