Rush (The Beat and The Pulse #9)

by Amity Cross

  “The post-Hunter fallout,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.

  Margaret let out a humph. “Well, I suppose we can let you off the hook. This time.”

  “Listen, I’m sorry, but I’ve got a lot to do. I’ve got to find a new place to live, sort out my bank accounts, move my things out of Hunter’s place…”

  “Find somewhere to live?” she asked. “I would’ve thought you’d sorted that out first thing last Saturday. Where have you been the last week?”

  Knowing her, I bet she hoped for me to say the words slumming it so she had some ammunition, just like the numerous screenshots of Facebook posts and private messages she had saved in a folder named ‘blackmail fodder.’ I should’ve hung up right then and there, but I was alone and desperate for any shred of kindness I could scrape out of the gutter, so I told her.

  “I’ve been staying with Ryan.”

  “Ryan?” She sounded confused. “Ryan who?”

  “Harper.”

  “Ryan Harper?” she shrieked. “That piece of trash? He’s still a thing?”

  “He’s not trash,” I said, hissing. Just because she looked down her nose at him back in high school didn’t mean we all had to.

  “How did you even find him?” Margaret went on, ignoring me. “Isn’t he, like, in jail or something?”

  “No, he’s not in jail. He’s a professional athlete, thank you very much.”

  “An athlete?” Her ears were pricking up. “What kind?”

  “Mixed Martial Arts. Ultimate Fighting,” I explained.

  “Well, you always had him wrapped around your finger. I’m sure it was easy to get him to agree to let you stay at his place.”

  Great, even Margaret thought I was a manipulative piece of shit.

  “How was he?” she asked coyly.

  “Excuse me?”

  “How was he in bed, Jade.”

  “Ugh.” I immediately hung up the call, knowing I was digging my hole deeper and deeper. My impulse control was completely shot to hell.

  Margaret could throw anything she wanted at me. Let her fucking try. Considering I was about to spend the night sleeping in Hunter’s BMW, I was pretty sure there wasn’t anything lower than this.

  Jade Forsyth’s ass was scraping on rock bottom.

  18

  Ryan

  Pulse looked different after a week away. Nothing had changed, but deep down, I knew I had. The last week had been incredible, but now it was all ruined.

  The first thing I’d done when I’d walked through the doors was dive headfirst back into training like I’d never stopped. Focusing on another kind of pain was a mediocre salve for a deeper hurt, but it was all I had left. In time, all memory of Jade would fade away, and I would forget everything about her.

  I would forget her scent, her taste, the sound of her moans, the silkiness of her skin, the tightness of her body as I entered her… I would forget it all, and I would be happy again. Jade Forsyth had only ever caused me heartache.

  Had I been seeing clearly when I’d caught glimpses of the person underneath the surface? The wide-eyed wonder she’d shown at the zoo, and the depth she’d displayed when she’d described our morning in the hot air balloon. What about the tenderness and carefree laughter the night we’d chased the sunrise? Was the courage she’d found when facing her fear of free falling at the water park fake?

  Picking up a black kettlebell from the rack, I carried it out onto the mat. Was the way she kissed me the other night…was it really nothing? It had felt like she poured her heart out to me, and I’d given her mine in return. No one could fake that kind of affection, could they?

  Bending my hips, I swung the kettlebell back between my legs, paused, and then swung it forward as fast as I could until it reached eye level. My muscles burned as I went through a few repetitions. My mind was locked away in the movement, focusing solely on the areas of my body the weight was working.

  I felt good to be back in training. I’d become so frustrated with locking in a fight, I’d forgotten how much I loved my chosen sport. Maybe Ash was right about needing a break. It was just a shame I’d chosen to spend it with Jade. She’d turned me inside out.

  A shadow loomed in my peripheral vision, and I glanced to the side. Finding Ash watching me, I grunted, acknowledging his presence.

  “Feeling better?” he asked.

  “Define better.”

  Ash grimaced. “Do I even want to ask?”

  “Nope.” I turned back to the kettlebell and lifted it again.

  “Mate… Did something happen?”

  “Any word from the AUFC?” I asked, blatantly ignoring him. Last time I checked, he was my coach, not my therapist.

  He narrowed his eyes. “Not yet, but there are some qualifiers going up next week. Looks promising.”

  “Good, I suppose.”

  “Ease back into your routine, okay?” he said, watching me tear through my repetitions. “Last thing you need is an injury.”

  “Okay.”

  My answer seemed to placate him, and he wandered off, but it wasn’t long before Cole came sniffing around, looking for something to rile me up about. It was always the same with us. Take the piss until one of us was punching the other in the face.

  “What did you do all week?” he asked, watching me swing the kettlebell one last time. “You didn’t go stir crazy not being in the gym?”

  “I helped Jade,” I replied, setting the kettlebell back onto the rack. Wiping my sweaty forehead with the back of my arm, I waited for the smartass comments to start flying.

  Cole hesitated, his mind ticking over. “By help, you mean…”

  “Help,” I snapped, glaring at him.

  Cole’s mouth fell open. “Dude, you tapped her, didn’t you?”

  “Shut the hell up.”

  “Don’t shit me, Ry,” he said. “After all this time, you finally fucked Jade Forsyth? How was she?”

  It was the wrong thing to say. After everything I’d been through in the past week, not to mention the crap Jade had pulled on me in high school, I’d had enough. No more free rides.

  “After all this time, your mouth still gets you into trouble,” I said with a snarl, shoving Cole as hard as I could.

  “Hey,” he said, holding up his hands. “Calm yourself, bro.”

  “What the fuck would you know about giving a shit about a woman, huh? It’s not all about putting your cock in a hole. Ever wonder why you’re so fucking alone? There’s your answer.”

  “Yeah, I know what I want, and it’s a whole lot of hard fucking. A different pussy every night. I’m fine with that. One day, I might want to marry one of them, but not anytime soon. I’m happy, Ry. Ever wonder why you’re so fucking alone?” Cole fired back at me. “Jade Forsyth. It’s about time you stop letting her walk all over you. She finally let you fuck her then dumped you right after? Is that what happened?”

  “Just like a guy I know.”

  “Then maybe you should finally let that bitch go.”

  Rage rose hot and hard, and I fisted my hands into the front of Cole’s T-shirt. I knew he was right, or maybe I was just delusional, but his blatant disrespect had me seeing red.

  “Take that back,” I said with a growl.

  “No.”

  We stared each other down, my chest heaving and Cole’s gaze burning into mine, both of us as pigheaded as the other.

  “The fuck,” Ash exclaimed, shoving an arm between us. “I told you to take a week off to recharge, not get an anger problem.”

  Taking a step back from my best mate, I snorted. The problem with Cole’s and my friendship was that he knew all my buttons and loved pressing them…all at the same time. It wasn’t the first time we’d come to blows, and it wouldn’t be the last. I’d lost count of the bloody noses and black eyes.

  “Leave off Jade,” I said to Cole, jabbing a finger at him. “You don’t know shit about her.”

  “What I do know is that she took you for a ride, again, and here you are defending her�
��again.” He shook his head. “It’s pathetic, mate.”

  “Do I have to put you two in the cage?” Ash asked, glancing between us. “Is it time for another session of toddler time out?”

  “It never went away,” I said, my chest heaving. “So shut your fucking mouth before I shut it again.”

  Ash rolled his eyes and turned to Cole. “Back off, okay? Go work on the bag at the back.” Focusing on me, he said, “And you had better start talking.”

  Watching Cole retreat across the gym, I shook my head. “There’s nothing to say.”

  “There’s plenty.”

  Focusing on my coach, I scowled. “I knew she would break me, but I just couldn’t help myself.”

  His expression softened, and he grasped my shoulder. “You fell for her?”

  “Fell?” I repeated.

  “Fell, as in love. Cole told me about your history with Jade after you left last week.” When I snorted, he added, “Don’t be so hard on him. He’s a crass bastard, and he gives a shit about you, but I don’t think he really knows what it’s like to want someone.”

  What it was like to want someone? I was sure he could tell me all about it considering the things he’d been through with his wife Ren, but his story was different to mine. Ren never used him to get over the biggest moron on the planet. She never used him as a stepping stone to something better. She never used him to bide her time.

  It was no secret I wanted what they had, and Jade…she’d been the first girl I’d ever thought about as more. I knew what it was, and it wasn’t love.

  “No,” I said, turning away. “I was in love with the idea of her. Nothing more.”

  If I kept saying it like that, then maybe one day, I would believe it, too.

  The next day, I apologized to Cole, and things went back to the status quo like nothing had ever happened.

  I dove straight back into training with the renewed hope that in a few weeks’ time, after some new fighters qualified for the AUFC, I would have my first pro fight lined up. I had to focus all my energy on that because the alternative was drowning my sorrows over a woman who’d never felt a single thing for me.

  I’d just set up a weight machine when a woman brushed past me. Glancing up, I had to do a double take. The blonde hair was still the same, though she’d grown into her body and her tits seemed perkier. Fake, most likely.

  “Ryan? Ryan Harper?” Her mouth fell open.

  “Margaret Anastas.” I narrowed my eyes. Great, it was like my poor teenage decision-making skills were coming back to teach me a lesson like the ghosts of Christmas past or some shit.

  “I thought I recognized you.” Her gaze roamed over my body, and her eyebrows rose appreciatively. “You’ve…changed.”

  “It’s called growing up,” I retorted.

  “Still mouthy, too,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. The movement caused her tits to push forward, and I couldn’t help it when my gaze dropped.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. “Don’t you have a home gym in your mansion?”

  “You’re hilarious.” She laughed, swatting her hand at me. “I mean, I know Jade said you were some kind of athlete these days, but she didn’t say you trained here. I’m looking for a new gym, so I’m here on a trial membership. Maybe you could hook me up with a discount.” She flashed me a wink.

  “Jade told you about me?” I asked, frowning.

  “Yeah, of course! We’re still best friends, you know.” She flipped her plait over her shoulder and sidled closer.

  “Then you know what happened to her and Hunter,” I went on, fishing to see how invested she was in her so-called best friend’s well-being. Jade had given me the distinct impression that Margaret didn’t give two shits and had known weeks before she’d caught Ballinger in the act. Though, after what she pulled the other night, I doubted what parts of her were real.

  “I know! What a dog,” Margaret declared, not seeming that outraged.

  I narrowed my eyes.

  “Have you seen her lately?” she went on. “I haven’t spoken to her since the Saturday before last. She missed our weekly brunch last weekend, and we were worried about her. I tried to call last night, but there wasn’t any answer.”

  I shrugged, not wanting to get involved. I’d made it clear to Jade that I was done, and I had to stick to it. Knowing the kind of person Margaret was, I knew she wasn’t here by accident, and it was another kettle of fish I wanted nothing to do with.

  “Listen, Margaret,” I said, edging away from her. “I’ve got to go. Take care, okay?”

  “Hey!” She grabbed my arm, sinking her nails into my flesh. “If you see Jade, can you let me know? I’m worried about her.”

  Sighing, I nodded. She fished around in her gym bag and pulled out a business card. Offering it to me, she smiled.

  “Thanks,” I muttered, glancing at the little rectangle. Margaret Anastas, Public Relations, Fortune Publishing. She had a similar job as Jade in the same industry. Interesting.

  “You can call me anytime,” she said, a distinctive purr to her voice. She was flirting. “If you want to catch up or anything…”

  Glancing down at the wedding ring on her finger, I raised my eyebrows.

  “Bye, Margaret,” I said, waving the card at her.

  “See you later, Ry.” She winked again, not put off in the slightest.

  Turning, I went back to the machine I’d been setting up and fixed the last of the weights into place. That whole encounter screamed ulterior motive. If there was one thing I knew about Margaret Anastas, it was the fact she was a master manipulator, and everything she’d just said was a straight-out fabrication. Something was going on with those women, and it was more sinister than any one-night stand or bucket list.

  Whatever it was, I didn’t care. I’d allowed Jade to walk all over me, and there was no way in hell I was being dragged into whatever this was.

  Jade was on her own. She’d made sure of that.

  19

  Jade

  The day after I’d slept in Hunter’s car, I’d driven over to a consignment shop I knew in Fitzroy.

  To the owner’s astonishment, I’d rolled in my suitcase and dumped a pile of designer clothes on the counter and declared, “What’ll you give me for this steaming pile of shit?”

  Yeah, that was right. I was now resorting to selling off all my earthly possessions so I could keep a roof over my head until next month’s paycheck went into my brand-new bank account. The same account I’d opened minutes before rocking up to work this morning with a five-dollar note I found in the glove box of Hunter’s car.

  Luckily for Hunter, I returned his car, and I went back to staying at a budget hotel until I could get enough money together to get a place of my own. Which would likely be when he returned from Dubai. Canceling my cards…what a knob jockey.

  I wanted nothing more than to apologize to Ryan. When I switched off the lights for the night and curled up in an unfamiliar bed, all I could think about was his body next to mine. I imagined his arm lying over my waist and the quilt was his body. I fell asleep hoping and dreaming for a reality where I didn’t fuck everything up.

  I wished I could turn back time and take back the things I’d said to him the morning after we’d slept together. I wish I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own misery, wallowing and pining for something that had always been broken, then maybe I would’ve seen how he felt.

  He’d sacrificed a great deal of himself to make me happy. The bucket list had been his idea, and he’d made every single one of my desires explode into reality. Giraffes, butterflies, waterslides, motorcycles, hot air balloons, dancing, and sunrises. He’d made my dreams come true.

  A week went by, then another, and I never heard a thing from him. Like I would. I was far too humiliated and ashamed to seek him out. I was still the shallow, selfish bitch I’d always been, but at least, now I knew I was, right? I could do something about it. I could be a better person, and if he saw it, if Ryan saw it, then maybe
he would still want me.

  He could forgive me, and then we could…we could be together. I longed for him to the point everything ached. From the tips of my toes to the very ends of my curly hair.

  If there was one thing I should take away from all the lessons Ryan had taught me it was the fact I was worth something. I wasn’t my job or my money. I wasn’t the clothes I wore and the people I hung around with. And I especially wasn’t Hunter Ballinger’s doormat.

  So I started going into the office later and doing what I could within the hours of nine to five. It was what I was contracted to do, after all. Anything more was over and above what I was being compensated for.

  I paid attention to all the small details. I spent more time teaching Juliette and listening to her ideas. We created some amazing campaigns for a debut romance author, spending time building a social media identity that was both unique and beautiful. We outsourced work to independent artists and put together a proposal for a YouTube channel with the view to extend invitations to bloggers and video reviewers to have the chance at interviewing their favorite Slattery authors.

  We did some inspiring work, but once I clocked off for the evening, I fizzled and wrinkled like a balloon that had been inflated for far too long. Like how your fingers went all puckered when you sat in the bath longer than you should and your body began to morph into a prune. The world had lost its former sparkle, and my soul had begun to wither. All I was doing was going through the motions.

  Two weeks and one day after Ryan had kicked me out, I was sitting in my office staring over the city when Juliette came skipping in for our morning power hour. The power hour consisted of working out our game plan for the week, right down to the last detail, and had been a great way to dive back into work after the chaos.