by Kate le Roux
Chapter 44
“I’d rather be going out to dinner with you,” said Joe, shifting a little on the bench and resting his crutches against the seat. “This isn’t quite how I pictured things.”
“Does that feel all right?” asked Sadie, putting two takeaway cups on the bench and then sitting down next to him. “Bending it like that? I could find something for you to put it up on.”
“It’s okay to bend,” said Joe, picking up her hand in both of his, a big smile spreading over his face. “This is a nice little courtyard, better than the ward. And at least I had a shower and a shave and I’m not in a dressing gown.” He was wearing baggy shorts and a sweatshirt and to Sadie he looked wonderful as always, even if he was in his slippers.
“After all this time I’ll take any kind of date with you, Joe,” said Sadie. “Even a little picnic on a hospital bench, with bad coffee in paper cups.” She handed him his coffee, and he let go of her hand to take it.
“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Sadie.”
“There’s not much I wouldn’t do for you, Joe.”
“That is still hard to believe.”
“Well, it’s true. And here we are at last. Your mum and Robert have gone back to your place, and we have a moment of privacy, although for who knows how long.”
“How private?” he asked, putting his arm around her. “Like – can I kiss you again?”
She laughed. “You’ll spill your coffee.”
“Small price to pay,” he said. Someone walked past the courtyard, talking loudly on a phone, and he grinned wryly. “I guess not private enough.”
“Sorry,” she said. “It would have been nice, though.”
“More than nice,” he said. “I wanted to kiss you so many times these last few months. I think I’ve been a coward.”
“You could have, probably, any of those times. I wanted you to.”
“Like … at the waterfall in the Cederberg?”
She laughed, and nodded.
“Or that night at your house when we sat with our feet in the pool? Even – on the wheel at the Waterfront that very first night?”
Sadie nodded again, feeling tears prick the back of her eyes. It felt like a vindication, to hear him say these things. She hadn’t imagined anything; it had never been one-sided since he had come to Cape Town. “All those times,” she said. “But what about this one, Joe – sitting by the little fire at the campsite in France?”
Joe grinned. “Hmm,” he said. “That was different. You still had blue hair then.”
“So you wouldn’t feel the same now if my hair was still blue?”
“I would like you just as much if your hair was purple or green,” he said, reaching over and touching her very ordinary hair, right now pulled into a loose ponytail that lay over her shoulder.
“I still want to know,” she said. “Humour me – I want to know what you thought of me then; if it ever crossed your mind. Because I was sure it didn’t – at least until that night in France. Then I wondered. Then it felt different.”
“Don’t be disappointed in me, Sadie,” he said. “I don’t actually remember very well. I remember that I thought you were silly and flighty like the rest of them, at first. Then you turned out to be smart and capable and not silly at all. I thought you were great, but I wasn’t thinking about romance; I was just getting through every day. And I thought you were with that Spanish guy. Then on the last day, Alvin told me I was an idiot, that you liked me and I should do something about it.”
“He what?”
“I know. I was shocked and I didn’t believe him. But that’s what I was thinking about in France. I was wondering if he was right after all.”
“I remember every moment of that evening. I was in heaven.”
“I was just thinking you were cute, and it was a pity you were going back to South Africa. That’s all, really. But the moment you walked into the restaurant that night, Sadie, you were so lovely, so full of life – I haven’t looked back since then. Honest. It’s felt like a gift, having you in my life. Or being in yours, rather.”
Sadie sighed. “I don’t like secrets. I am so glad I know now.”
“I’m sorry it took so long to say something. It just always seemed better to wait until I was sure of what you wanted, until I had it worked out.”
“I still don’t know how you didn’t realise how I felt, Joe. I think everyone knew, except you.”
“It was hard to believe and to be honest I still don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head. “I still can’t understand what you see in me. We are so different. I am still amazed you don’t think I’m boring.”
“I have a long list,” she said, “a very long list of things I love about you, Joe. I don’t think you are boring at all.”
He grinned, and then his face turned serious again. “Look, Sadie, there’s something I need to say now. I don’t just want to be a boyfriend for a few months – I want to be able to offer you more than that. I just don’t know where and how that can happen yet.”
“You mean – you don’t know if you can or even want to stay in South Africa when your contract ends, and you know I don’t want to live overseas away from Mom and Dad. And you know I want to go back on the ship.”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. Except for the wanting to stay in South Africa part. I love it here. But my career has hardly begun, and I’ve already lived in two countries. I don’t want you to give up the Africa Mercy, but I looked at the volunteer positions they have available. They need doctors and sailors, therapists, engineers – not people like me.”
“You looked it up? You were researching things you could do on the ship before you ever said a word to me?” Sadie didn’t know whether to hug him or scold him.
“Yeah.” Joe looked sheepish. “I suppose that was a bit odd.”
“You did know, then! Or you suspected it, strongly enough to be trying to work out a way for us to be together!”
He shrugged. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I told you I was useless at these things. And I still can’t come up with a scenario that doesn’t involve one of us tagging along while the other one follows a dream.”
“Joe,” said Sadie. “We have been together for a total of one day, okay? One day! We don’t have to map out the future just yet! We can pray about it, together.”
He smiled. “Maybe I am getting ahead of myself. And I really love the thought of praying together.” He clasped her hand.
“Nothing has to change much yet, does it? You can go back to work in a few weeks.”
“Less than that. Doctor Atkinson says maybe even a week from now.”
“Then you have until mid-July on your contract. That’s another two months. There’s time to figure something out. People usually, you know, date for a while before they start thinking about things like this.”
“I can’t help it, Sadie. You just make me want to plan the future.”
If there weren’t so many people around, Sadie thought, she would have kissed him again, right then. He couldn’t claim to be hopeless in the romance department if he carried on saying things like that. She had to settle for putting her arms around his neck and hugging him.
“I do have one idea,” he said, as they pulled apart. “But it’s a longshot. I need to think about it more before I tell you.”
“That sounds interesting … oh gosh!” said Sadie, putting her hand up to her mouth. “I can’t believe I forgot about this!”
“What?”
“My granny. She left me her flat. And some money. That makes a huge difference, doesn’t it? It’s a place to live here, and an income if we …” Sadie stopped.
“What’s wrong?” he said. “That’s great news.”
“I feel weird talking like this,” said Sadie. “A few days ago you and I were just friends. Now I’m talking about us in the future. It seems so – presumptuous.”
“Sadie,” said Joe, clasping her hand tightly. “It doesn’t sound pr
esumptuous to me at all. If I thought it was wise, I would marry you tomorrow. I’m serious about this. In my mind our futures are not separate. Even if I end up scrubbing the decks on the Mercy Ship.”
Sadie smiled at the funny picture in her head. “All the waiting and hoping was so worth it to hear you say these things, Joe. I feel so happy I want to jump up and dance!”
“At least I have an excuse not to join you,” laughed Joe. “And on that subject, my leg is hurting a lot now, so I should probably get back to bed. So for now – I carry on with my job, you keep delivering babies, and we … what are we?”
“Together,” said Sadie, getting up and handing him the crutches. “Just together.”
Later, she was in bed with a cup of tea and her Bible, when her phone pinged. She picked it up – an email from Joe. An email? She was curious. Why not just send her a WhatsApp?
At first, she didn’t realise what she was reading. Then it became clear – they were poems. Poems that only Joe could have written, only for her. By the time she had read them, her eyes were wet and her heart was full. To be loved by Joe was not the end of a journey; it was not a destination; it was the start of a new and beautiful adventure. There were depths of him still to know and understand – he was human so she knew it wouldn’t all be wonderful, but she felt suddenly very humbled and almost overwhelmed by the knowledge that he was hers to discover.
Dear Sadie
I have wondered whether or not to give these to you yet – but perhaps they can make up in part for all the times I was a coward and said nothing.
I love you
Joe
Waterfall
The water glows amber beneath me, as if lit from below
Rocks, rough to my touch
Or suddenly smooth in the water’s path
The mountains rise above us – immense, thirsty, barren
Demanding respect
But we are weightless in the water
The falls pound on your hands as you stretch them out
As if to catch life as the gift it is to you, falling from above
Overflowing and abundant
I catch my breath
Oh, look at you!
As you lean back and turn your smile to the sky
Just to touch your hand, to know your mind
Feels as far away as snow
What if all there is, is just this pool?
But perhaps my silence marks me as a fool.
Close
The church is quiet, heads bowed
Pages flicker on my lap
And I contemplate eternity
But there is also this:
The gentle whisper of our arms
Soft fabric barely brushing my shirt, my skin
The space between us
Heavy
With the significance of its smallness
On the Wheel
From the top of the wheel the city is spread out before me
Pinpricks of every colour of light marking the shoreline in the darkness
She is beside me, smiling, pointing out the landmarks
and I feel the wonder of this sudden, unexpected sense
that she is more than an old friend
She is familiar but this click
This alignment is new
I think there might be a silly smile on my face
A breeze catches her hair
and she lifts a hand to smooth it down
I am amazed at the power of that small gesture
I decide that she is lit from within
The carriage sways and she turns to me
Isn’t it beautiful?
I nod my head
But I am not thinking of the city
Chapter 45
“What is that noise?” asked Linda. “I’m trying to concentrate here.”
“Sorry,” said Sadie, laughing to herself. She put down her phone and turned her attention back to Linda. They were sitting at the dining room table at Sadie’s house, working on the seating plan for the wedding. “I sent my friend Sam in Australia a message and told her about Joe and me. She sent a voice note back.”
“She sounds as if she was the one who got shot,” said Linda.
“She’s just excited and happy for me,” said Sadie. “For us,” she added, looking over at Joe who was sitting on the couch with her Dad, his leg up on a stool, watching rugby.
“Aw,” said Linda. “You two are really cute and all but can we focus on the task at hand? This is ridiculously complicated and there are only five days and twenty-three hours until the wedding.”
“As long as you put me next to Joe and not André,” said Sadie.
Linda threw her hands up. “Well that complicates things even more!” she moaned. “I was going to put you at the main table with us, and Joe with our church friends.”
“Linda,” said Sadie, sticking out her bottom lip. “You won’t do that to me. I am already wearing pink velvet for you.”
“You look stunning in your dress! You should be thanking me! It’s a good thing you don’t still have blue hair, though; that would really clash with the orange flowers in your wreath. You are going to look so gorgeous that I’m worried you will eclipse me.”
“Linda,” said Sadie. “Your dress is so enormous, nothing could possibly eclipse you.”
“You are right,” said Linda. “I can’t wait to put it on. You’ll have to help me if I have to go to the loo, though.”
Sadie laughed. “You will have to take that dress off completely to go to the loo, Linda. You’d better not drink any champagne.”
“I suppose it could work to put you with Joe,” said Linda, tapping her chin. “If you go to the church friend table then I could use André to balance out Derek’s mom …” She leaned closer to the screen.
Sadie rested her head on her hands and looked over at Joe again, catching him looking at her instead of the rugby match on the screen. She blew him a little kiss and he smiled back. It was still hard to believe, every day, that it had all happened at last. She loved him, he loved her, her parents were thrilled – everybody was happy for them. Even Eleanor had got used to the idea before she and Robert had left a few weeks before, and had given Sadie a tearful hug when she had taken them to the airport. “He’s just … very precious to me,” she had said. “It’s not easy to let him go.”
“You’re not letting him go,” Sadie had tried to reassure her. “He’ll always be your son.” They had parted on good terms, but still – she was glad that of all the options for their future, living in Bristol across the road from Eleanor and Robert wasn’t on the cards.
Sadie and Linda finished the seating plan at last, the rugby match ended, and Linda and Derek left for a meeting with the organist. Sadie and Joe put on jackets and went for a walk around the block even though it was cold and threatening rain. His leg was getting better every day, and he had already gone back to work. They sat down on a bench in a small kids’ playpark a few blocks away to give him a rest.
“I have some news,” said Joe, pulling out his phone. “I got this email yesterday and I’ve been waiting to tell you. Here.”
He found the email and handed the phone to her. Sadie began to read.
“What?” she said. “Is this real?”
“It’s real,” he said.
“You’ve been talking to the people on the Africa Mercy? Joe!”
“Yes. I thought there wasn’t anything I could really do on the ship but it seems they are very willing to have me. See – he suggests I could apply to be a writer for them. They always need things written for their website and for all kinds of other communications and publications. And he said I could be useful teaching History to the high school kids in the ship’s school – even though I don’t have a teaching qualification I have the Camp Bellevue experience.”
“But Joe – isn’t this what you were talking about before? You’ll be tagging along while I follow my dream. It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“You know
Sadie, while I’ve been at home and sitting around a lot I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I’ve been asking myself – what do I really want to do? What do I really care about? I’ve been praying about it a lot, asking God to show me where he wants me, to show me a place he can use me. And I realised something – I care about Africa. I care about the poor and about people who suffer unnecessarily. I can either try to change the world from the top down, as I always imagined doing, or it can happen another way. The way you do it.”
“One bedpan at a time.” Sadie squeezed Joe’s hand, her heart full.
“Exactly!” said Joe. “The Africa Mercy is doing something about all the things I have always had on my heart – while I was sitting at University writing about poverty and hypothesising about its causes and the solutions there could be, they have been out there actually doing something about it. Literally being Jesus to the poor. I care about that, Sadie. To work on that ship, to make a contribution to what they do won’t just be about following your dream.”
“I don’t know what to say,” said Sadie. “I can hardly believe you are saying this.”
“And there’s one more thing,” said Joe. “I’m going to write a book.”
“A book?”
“Yes. When I went on that trip to the rural areas, I started thinking about it and the idea has stuck. I want to write a book about South Africa, about how people really live here. I’m not sure what it’s going to look like yet; it might even be fiction.”
“Fiction? You’re going to write a novel? Joe!”
“I am going to do it,” said Joe, grinning. “I know I am. I wrote that thesis and I loved the actual writing of it, and I’ve realised I want to do more of it – just not dry academic stuff though, something people might want to read.”
“You, a writer,” breathed Sadie. “It fits so perfectly. Those poems you wrote me – you are amazing with words, Joe. I know I’m biased but you can do it. I know you can.”