The humming of the machine put my derailed mind at ease, lulling me into an unconsciously oblivious state. The vibration going through my hand sent goosebumps up my arm. The overwhelming scent of the green soap and alcohol combined were giving me a high that not even the strongest opiate drugs could give a human.
This was my safe haven.
As long as I had the machine in my hand and The Cranberries song Zombie playing through my headphones, I was at peace. Nothing could take this away from me.
“You missed a spot!” Sloan shouted over the music playing in my ears.
Remind me why I said nothing could take this away from me?
I stopped my machine and threw off my glove so I could pull my headphones out. Sloan stood there rocking on his feet with his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face like a dog that got the bone, buried it, then dug it back up again like he was the master locator of the universe.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now?” I raised my brow in challenge.
Sloan smiled wider. “Awe, you can’t still be mad at me for last night. I can’t help it, vampy babe. You bring out the beast in me.”
I turned to Larry and sighed. “Take a break Larry. I’m going to take the doggie for a walk.”
Sloan huffed at my remark as I grabbed a cigarette from my purse and walked out the front of the shop, lighting up my vice just before exiting. I was, in fact, a bit upset with him for the way he’d acted the night before. I got why he was being protective, seeing as how Hollis was a rather persistent STF agent, but he knew better than to be like that in front of a club full of vampires. Our friends and co-workers may have known or had an iota of what we were to each other outside of work, but having the wrong vampire at the club seeing the way he acted could have spelled disaster.
I hated that this was how it had to be, but we had no clue what would happen if the vampires in this territory found out I was sleeping with a werewolf. I’ve seen vampires staked to their coffins by other vampires for less.
Sloan joined me, leaning against the brick wall of the shop with his leg perched up and arms crossed over his chest as his eyes lingered on my face.
“You’ve barely said two words to me since you called last night then came in today. Why are you so angry with me?” The sadness in his tone was like ice water being thrown over my anger.
I sighed as I inhaled a deeper puff of my cigarette, angling my body to face his. “You have no idea what you did when you stormed into the club last night, Sloan. It was enough I was already in the presence of a human STF, but add in a raging werewolf yelling rather loudly that I was his in front of all those vampires…it was dangerous.”
He bowed his head, tilting his chin into his chest and closing his eyes. He exhaled and pushed off the wall to stand in front of me, his gaze trapping me where I stood.
“I get it. I really do. But, I couldn’t help the reaction, Luce. It made me angry that he just showed up in such a public place and when I saw how close he was to you at the bar, I just lost it. I’m not going to lie and say my wolf wasn’t riding me hard when I reacted, because we both know he was. I’m sorry that we staked a claim on you like that in front of all the vampires, but in his mind and in mine - you are ours.”
I wasn’t going to cry as I felt the weight of his words flow over me.
It was hard not to, though. With all the times we’d been together, Sloan not once ever blatantly said I was his—well theirs. A werewolf saying it out loud was almost as binding as actually physically claiming someone as their mate. They only claim someone once. To know that he was now acknowledging a claim, was heartbreaking. Claudia was right. I did love him.
But I knew my love wasn’t enough or deserving of his. He deserved more than the night.
I flicked away my cigarette and lifted a hand, settling it against his scruffy cheek. “Sloan, you mean more to me than what is allowed or understood by our kinds. Every second with you is like feeling the sun again, and I’d never regret a single moment. But, you know as well as I do, that I cannot let you claim me no matter how much I wish you could. My kind and yours just aren’t meant to be like this with each other. I care for you more deeply than you know, but you deserve more.”
Sloan laid his hand over mine, inhaling my scent at my wrist like he always did when I did this.
“It’s not your choice, Lucy. My fate is my own. I don’t care what they say or think about us. We’ve been doing this dance between us for quite a while now and have yet to be caught by those who would care. I’m tired of it just being what it is. I want more. I want you. I don’t give a shit what you are or what others think and I damn well know what I deserve. That’s you,” he pushed in closer to me, his body temp rising as his wolf peaked out through his piercing stare.
My heart was racing and I tried not to collapse with the weight of emotions hanging over me. Bloody tears trailed down my cheeks as my eyes flicked back and forth between his. Everything about this conversation was breaking me down into tiny pieces, so small they could fit through the eye of a needle.
God knows I did want him. But I would not have his blood on my hands for a blinding love we could never have together. One that I wasn’t all in for.
“Nothing could ever take away what I feel for you, Sloan. Nothing. But I can’t let you do this to yourself. You deserve a she-wolf you can be proud of and who could love you with her full, living beating heart. I am already dead. But you, you are still breathing and thriving. I won’t condemn you to a life of darkness and hiding your love. I just won’t. I can’t feel for you the way you feel for me. You need someone you can grow old with and have a family with. I could never give you that.” I pulled my hand from his cheek, the blood of my tears falling harder as I turned away from him. I hated hurting him like this.
He grabbed my hand before I could go inside. “I don’t need someone to grow old with or have kids with. I would rather just have you, living in the light of the moon and having your love to get me through, than spend my days in the sun and face the years I have on this planet with someone who could only ever be second to my heart. Don’t do this, Lucy.”
I shook my head and wiped my tears with my sleeve. “I’m sorry, Sloan. But it’s over between us. I will always be your friend and be here for you, but I can’t in good conscience keep pulling you down this path with me. I can’t drown you like this.” I tugged my hand away and skulked back inside. Using my inhuman speed so Larry wouldn’t see my face, I ran into the bathroom.
The moment the door closed, I sobbed my heart out for what I just had to do, sliding down the closed door and laying my head to my knees. As much as I loved being a vampire, I wished life could’ve been simpler. Maybe in another life I could’ve met Sloan while human and had him change me instead. It wouldn’t be so bad being a werewolf if it meant I could give him those things he deserved and love him with my full heart. I wanted to love him like that, but I could never allow that to happen if he’d be denied everything else for being with me.
This was the cruelty of life.
It took about twenty minutes for me to get my head on straight. I washed my face and exited the bathroom. Sloan was nowhere in sight. The shop would need to be closed within the next hour, so odds were he went home for the day. I wasn’t sure if he would come back tomorrow night for work, or if he’d quit altogether. If I didn’t love this place so much, I would’ve done it. Being around him without being near him like I’d want would hurt, but I would do it if it meant at least having a fraction of him in my life. But, I wouldn’t blame him if he left.
Larry said nothing as I replaced my gloves and headphones, tuning out the world as I enveloped myself in my work so as not to think about him.
But even doing something that gave me so much relaxation and peace could not distract me from the ache in my chest and the loss in my soul.
I wasn’t sure if anything could distract me now.
Chapter Six
“You’re all done.”
I’d finished Larry’s pin-up girl with only minutes to spare before I had to close the shop. As expected, Sloan hadn’t come back. That left me to do all the closing duties on my own.
“You know the deal. Keep it wrapped for an hour, wash it with some soap and lotion it once. Should be completely healed by the time you wake up tonight.”
Larry nodded his head and paid me before leaving with the usual ‘see you next month’ send off.
I was completely numb as I cleaned up my station and began sweeping the floors. My music hadn’t helped in the slightest, so I’d foregone listening to it as I cleaned. The swish of the bristles against the floor and the ticking of the clock on the wall were the only sounds I could hear. My body was on autopilot as I wiped the windows down and put the money from the register into the safe.
“It’s not your choice, Luce. My fate is my own…”
His words kept playing on repeat in my head, clouding over any and every other thought inside me. How wrong he was, though. Yes, he was master of his fate, but I liked to think I was supposed to be guardian of his heart. It would be selfish of me to put what we wanted above what we needed. If it meant pushing away the first man I’d ever opened up to to save him from a life of darkness, then I’d do my job and save him by making him keep his heart, no matter how much mine wanted to just run away with his.
“I want more. I want you…”
I screamed and snapped the broom over my knee in aggravation. His words were haunting me like a ghost. I was tearing apart inside and couldn’t handle it. I threw the two pieces to the ground and pulled out my phone, dialing the only person I could pour my heart out to and not be judged for it.
“Hey, bitch. You heading home soon? I just got here. Have a glass of blood wine and a comedy waiting on the tube for you. Tonight sucked. I had some ugly old vamp trying to take a bite from my ankle while I was dancing. Broke his nose in two places.”
I barely heard her as a sob broke out from me, my voice cracking as I spoke. “Sloan and I are over. I broke everything off.” I slumped into my chair and grabbed a tissue to catch my tears.
“What the…what happened? Are you okay?”
“No. You were right about everything. I cared about him too much to let him be punished for being with me and loving me more than I could love him.” I blew my nose and wrinkled it at the sight of so much blood on the tissue. Vampires crying really was super gross. Even our snot was bloody. Ugh.
“Fuck me. I’m sorry, babe. I knew you cared about him, but I hadn’t realized you had gotten so deep. I figured you two would continue with your arrangement without it really meaning more than that. Was this because of last night?”
I nodded, feeling stupid for doing that since she couldn’t see me doing it, then answered her, “It was the icing on the cake. He showed too much of his emotions when he barged into the Sassy Sanguine. It would only be a matter of time before someone said something. It was getting too dangerous. He flat out claimed me tonight and I had to turn him down. I couldn’t let it go further.”
Claudia sighed sadly, “That sucks, Luce. I hate that it came to this. I hate to say it, but I had a feeling it would someday. Sloan and I don’t always see eye-to-eye, but that wolf loved you. It was enough for me to keep my mouth shut because he made my best friend happy. That’s all I wanted for you no matter who it was.”
“I know…but listen, I’m going to need more than just a glass and that movie better be fucking hilarious. I need a bit before I go to rest or I’ll get next to no sleep.”
Claudia laughed. “Don’t you worry. It’s Monty Python and I have two bottles just in case. Get through with work and get your butt home so we can get drunk.”
“Thanks Claude, I love you.”
“Love you too, Luce.”
I hung up the phone and finished my chores before grabbing my stuff. The streets were empty as I locked up the shop. I could hear sirens echoing in the distance and the wind whistle as it blew old newspapers along the wet sidewalks. There was shouting between a man and woman through a nearby open window and humming from the live wires of the power lines that lined the street above me.
I was so submersed in the sounds of the city as I started the three-block trek back to my loft, that I didn’t notice the vampires waiting for me in an alley I was passing.
Without warning, I was grabbed by two sets of hands on my arms and one set around my mouth before being dragged backwards into the black abyss between the two buildings. Voices cackled around me as I was slammed against one of the walls, screaming to no avail into the hands that pushed against my mouth.
I was strong for a vampire, but not strong enough to take on the number of attackers I could feel around me, especially after having not fed in hours. When my night vision adjusted to the thicker darkness within the alley, I counted three of them all with black masks covering their faces. I was outnumbered. Even through their masks I could smell the stench of their breaths. They had all fed recently. I’d never win against them at just half strength.
“Lookie what we got, boys! A vampire whore who fucks dirty, mangy werewolves and associates with the STF,” the one that had his hand pressed to my mouth said as he leaned in, pinning me to the wall while two others kept a tight grip on my arms.
I tried to wrestle my arms free, but it was pointless. I was trapped.
“I can still smell that fucker on her flesh,” the one to my right snarled. “I bet you loved him defiling your body, you filthy slut. He probably gave it to you doggy style, right?”
They all laughed at my expense, fueling the rage in me as I saw nothing but red. Blood red.
“They were looking rather cozy earlier, weren’t they? Even as she broke his poor mutt heart!” The third one said.
“And with that fucking agent at the strip club. I bet she’s spilling all our secrets to him while she fucks him. It’s bad enough our kind works with those bastards. Now we have this one here helping them out to take down the boss. Fucking traitorous whore.”
“I wonder if she has any bite marks from the mutt on that silky, smooth skin of hers. Maybe we should check and take a little snack for ourselves,” the first one said with venom, his free hand sliding up and under my t-shirt. Bile rose in my throat as my skin crawled from his touch. I tried to knee him, but he blocked my attack effortlessly, laughing like I had just tickled him.
“Oh, she’s feisty! I like my whores with a little bite to them,” the second vampire jeered, snapping his teeth at my ear with a lustful sounding hiss.
They all descended on me at once, lifting the masks from their mouths and ripping at my clothes. They laughed and bit into me with exuberance. I felt my energy draining away as they began sucking my blood from me, not staying in one spot long before changing where they bit. I was going to die in this alley; naked, alone and afraid.
I couldn’t gather the strength to yell for help when the one vampire took his hand from my mouth, lowering himself to the ground and biting my legs in as many places he could. My body was depleting too fast for me to fight back.
It was a lot like the day I was turned. My body had been drained completely of blood by the vampire who made me. I remember myself slipping into beautiful oblivion, ready to die and move onto the next life, only to wake up cold and undead on the concrete floor of a parking garage. In those last moments of life, my mind had cleared and my worries were wiped clean. I simply resigned myself to my fate and welcomed death with a bitter sweet embrace.
This moment, however, was not so kind as the first time I died. I was filled with panic and despair at how I was coming to an end. My mind replayed the solemnity of Sloan’s face as I broke things off. The giggling smile of my best friend who sat at home waiting for me. Even the mysterious agent whose exotic beauty haunted me made an appearance in the flash of my memories.
I would never get to say goodbye.
I was beginning to slump down the wall from the blood loss and sedative our fangs released when we fed, when the vampire t
o my right burst into ashes, coating my blood-soaked body in the dust of his death.
My eyes were drooping and unfocused so I couldn’t make out what had happened or even think about anything for that matter.
The weight of the other two were lifted from me, giving me nothing to lean on. I dropped to my knees then fell on my side. Hissing and screeching met my ears as a scuffle happened around me. There were crashing sounds and grunts as whoever had come to my aid fought off my attackers. I could only make out blurry feet as they passed back and forth in front of me.
Two more times I heard the tell-tale sign of a vampire getting staked to ashes before finally only one set of shoes stood before me.
I felt something cover my body before two arms curled around me. My unknown savior sat and cradled me, moving the dreads from my eyes and pulling what I figured was a jacket of some sort tighter around my body. It covered up my completely bare skin as I shivered. Vampires were never cold, but somehow in this moment I was. I tried to open my eyes more and focus on who held me, but the man’s face was a blur.
“I got you, Lucy. Hold on for me, okay?”
I knew that rough voice, but I couldn’t put two and two together. My body began to heat slowly up at the closeness of the familiar stranger. Suddenly, a warm wrist that smelled of sweet copper was placed against my lips.
“Drink for me, Lucy. Take my blood.”
I didn’t need much coaxing. I slowly opened my mouth. My fangs elongated of their own volition and sank in as deep as they’d go, pulling on the man’s blood deeply. My eyes closed in euphoria at the flavor coating my tongue and soothing my parched throat. The blood flooded my body with tingling electricity.
The whole time I drank, the man’s free hand held the side of my head, his thumb tracing the skin of my forehead back and forth gently. I felt safe in his arms, yet I didn’t understand why.
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