by Box Set
* * *
“Somebody started a rumor that I like pirate girls,” Hearst said as he sat down in the desk behind me. “How twisted is that?”
“Pirate girls?” I thought back to the girl at lunch and her crazy comments. Then I remembered the reaction of Liz and Felicity. Had they heard the rumor? Or had they started it?
“Why would somebody say you like pirate girls? What does that even mean?”
He shook his head. “The rumor is that I like to pretend I’m a pirate and that the girls are pirates.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “That’s just wrong.”
His expression and the image of the girl telling him to batten down the hatches suddenly caught me off guard and I was lost in a fit of giggles.
“Not funny, Townsey.”
I was laughing so hard now that I was crying.
“I can’t believe you are laughing at my pain,” he said, scowling.
I laughed even harder.
He huffed and I struggled to breathe.
I put my head down in my arms and tried to think of things that weren’t funny.
Then I heard one of the girls in our class lean over and say to Hearst, “Well shiver me timbers.”
I couldn’t stand it anymore. I got up and left the room, almost running into the teacher as I did.
I made my way down the hall and into the restroom where I collapsed against the wall and laughed until I couldn’t laugh anymore.
There was no way I was going back to class. The teacher would never understand, and I couldn’t look at Hearst or the girl without dying all over again.
I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d probably get detention. I’d left my bag in the classroom.
Finally I decided to go sit in the office.
The secretary gave me a smile. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m not sure. I had to leave class because I was laughing so hard, and I didn’t know where to go.”
She looked at me like I was crazy.
“I can’t go back,” I said. “I will cause a disruption.”
“You can stay here,” she said, “but I can’t promise you won’t get in trouble anyway.”
I nodded. “That’s what I figured.”
She spared me a curious look and then turned her attention back to the computer.
I played on my phone until the bell finally rang. Then I told her thank you and went back to the classroom.
Hearst and the teacher were waiting for me.
“I can’t believe you missed the whole class,” he said.
The teacher eyed me and waited for an explanation.
Please don’t let me laugh again.
“Something tickle your funny bone, Ms. Paxton?” she asked.
I nodded. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “It took me a while to calm down so I went to the office. I didn’t intend to be disrespectful.”
“It wasn’t funny, Townsey,” Hearst said. “You didn’t have to get all hysterical.”
A couple of laughs escaped. “Sorry,” I said. “It was funny though.”
The teacher didn’t seem to be coming around.
“I know I’ll get detention, or whatever. It’s okay. I apologize.”
The teacher nodded.
“It’s her first offense,” my friend said. “And she was provoked.”
I couldn’t believe he was coming to my defense.
“Still, Ms. Paxton, I have to address the behavior.”
I nodded.
“Oh for crying out loud,” Hearst said. “Somebody started a rumor that I like girls who talk like pirates.”
My teacher’s eyes bulged. “They what?”
“Girls have been coming up to me all afternoon talking like pirates.”
She glanced over at me. “They have?”
I nodded. Then I started giggling. “Sorry. Yes. They have.”
She turned to my friend. “These girls heard you like them to talk like pirates and they are actually coming up to you and talking like pirates?”
He nodded, his expression gloomy.
My teacher grinned. “That is hilarious. They are going to love this in the teacher’s lounge.”
“No, please,” he begged.
Her grin nearly split her face. “Now now, Hearst. We have so little to amuse us.” She glanced back at me. “What exactly are they saying to him?”
I started to answer her, but Hearst clapped his hand over my mouth. “Don’t do it.”
I bit his hand.
He yanked it away. “Please don’t tell her. It’s already bad enough.”
“I’ll tell you later,” I said.
Hearst grabbed my arm and started to pull me out of the classroom.
“Don’t worry about detention,” she called after us. “I’ll take care of it.”
She followed us out of the room and stopped at the classroom next door.
“She’s already telling everybody,” Hearst said.
“Aye, Matey,” I said. “Better batten down the hatches.”
He dropped my hand, gave me a glare and stomped off in the other direction.
“Land ho!” I yelled after him.
* * *
Liz and Felicity could not have been more proud of themselves.
“It was my idea,” Liz said.
“And I told all the right people,” Felicity gloated. “I didn’t expect the craziness to begin this soon. I thought maybe tomorrow…”
“You guys are pure evil,” I said.
“Evil geniuses,” Felicity said. “You know it was hilarious. I heard about you missing class.”
“When that girl came up at lunch, he looked at her like she was nuts. He had no idea what had hit him,” Liz said.
“I only wish we knew what she whispered in his ear,” Felicity said. “I mean how many pirate phrases are there anyway?”
“A lot,” Liz said.
“You know you loved every minute of it, Townsey,” Felicity said. “It isn’t like we were being mean. The girls still love him.”
Liz handed me her phone. “You have to see this.”
I glanced down at the screen. Liz’s feed showed girl after girl from our school with new pirate-themed profile pictures. Some had changed their names to something pirate-like as well.
“This is crazy,” I said. “Are they all in love with Hearst?”
“Not all of them,” Liz said. “I heard some people talking. They think if he likes it the other guys probably do as well.”
“They are actually tagging each other and challenging them to take their best pirate picture!” Felicity said. “We did this!”
“You should be so proud,” I muttered.
“I had no idea it would be this much fun to torture Hearst,” Felicity said.
“Look at this,” Liz said. “They’re putting his head on Johnny Depp’s body.”
I scrunched my eyes shut.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text from Hearst.
Hearst: It was Felicity and Liz, wasn’t it?
I glanced at my friends. “He knows it was you.”
Hearst: I’m going to kill them.
Me: Please don’t.
Hearst: Have you seen what is happening on social media?
Me: Yes.
Hearst: I will get my revenge.
“He’s going to get revenge against you two,” I said. “Now look what you’ve done.”
Felicity stuck out her tongue. “He doesn’t scare me.”
“He should,” I said. They had no idea what he could do.
Me: Maybe you should skip school tomorrow until this dies down.
Hearst: I know what to do. You’ll see.
Uh oh.
Me: Please don’t hurt my friends.
Hearst: I’ll decide their fate later.
“You guys really messed up,” I said. “He could make your lives miserable.”
Liz’s eyes widened. “For real?”
“What’s he going to do
? Write a sad guitar solo about us?” Felicity laughed.
Actually, Hearst didn’t play the guitar.
“You’ll see,” I said.
Chapter 7
Liz and Felicity three-way called me around eight.
“Have you seen it yet?” Liz asked.
“I haven’t been online. What’s going on? More pirate stuff?”
“No. It’s gone. All of it,” Felicity said.
“How could it be gone?” I asked.
“Hearst killed it,” Liz said. “He’s brilliant. You never told us he was brilliant.”
He was brilliant, but how did they know? “What did he do?”
“He posted all these links to victims of recent pirate activity. These stories are horrifying! And now everybody is anti-pirate.” Felicity groaned. “The student council has already started a Go Fund Me campaign to fight piracy.”
I couldn’t help it. I had to laugh. The guy had figured out the most brilliant solution. Now everybody had to be politically correct and avoid anything pro-pirate.
“It isn’t funny,” Liz said.
“It is funny,” I gasped. “It is hilarious.”
“He really is going to get us back for this, isn’t he?” Felicity asked. “I didn’t know he was diabolical enough to do it.”
“He won’t hurt you,” I said. Too much.
When they hung up, I called Hearst.
“I’ve been waiting for your call,” he said. “Are you impressed?”
“Words cannot express,” I said. “You shut that whole mess down faster than you can say, ‘Yo ho and a bottle of rum.’”
He gave a loud gasp. “So insensitive of you.”
“I’ve seen your genius in action before, Hearst, but this… I don’t even know what to say.”
“I was extremely motivated. I didn’t want to spend another day with girls sounding like cartoon pirate characters. I had these visions of girls coming to school tomorrow with eyepatches, hoop earrings, and bandanas.”
“They would have,” I agreed.
“In my last class, the teacher looked right at me, and said, “To err is human. To arrr is pirate.”
“No he didn’t,” I said.
“He did,” Hearst assured me. “Told me to follow the pirate joke handles on twitter and see what else he had in store for me.”
“That’s horrible,” I said, laughing. “He was going to torment you.”
“Yes. All because of your crazy friends.”
“You outsmarted them, though.”
“Was there ever any doubt?”
I shook my head. “Honestly, no. They have no idea that you’re more than just a pretty, bored, pale, overly made up face.”
“That’s right,” he said. “That’s how I like it.”
“Well, you blew it then because they know the truth now.”
“What do you mean?”
“They know you’re smart.”
“They don’t know everything though.”
I rolled my eyes. “No. Your secrets are safe. They don’t know you are funny or caring or that you help people at school.”
“Good.”
“You are such a freak,” I said.
“Exactly. Keep telling them that.”
“No, you moron, you are a freak!”
“Better. More convincing than the first time.” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“I hate you,” I said.
He laughed.
“Hey, what are you planning to do to Liz and Felicity anyway? Will you tell me?”
“I won’t have to tell you. You’ll know.”
“I mean it.”
“I’m not going to do anything to them yet.”
“Insufferable scallywag,” I said.
“Are you seriously talking pirate to me right now?”
“I’m not walking the plank if that’s what you’re thinking?”
“Please stop.”
“Aargh!”
“Stop talking like a pirate or I’m hanging up on you.”
“Release the kraken,” I said.
He hung up and I laughed myself silly.
* * *
When Hearst and I walked into school on Thursday, the principal was waiting.
Uh oh.
“Mr. Hampton. Come with me please.”
I gave Hearst a “what did you do” look and he replied with a “don’t know” look.
I watched them head for the office. He couldn’t get in trouble for the whole pirate thing, could he?
When Hearst came into class, he looked pained. Then I realized he was trying not to smile.
Idiot.
He sat down and whispered, “He wanted to apologize for the teachers offending me yesterday.”
I gaped at him. No way.
“He said that he was moved by my tribute to the victims of piracy and took full responsibility for the insensitive goings-on yesterday.”
It was like my friend was bullet proof.
“And, he said that the school would investigate the bullying event and expel whoever was behind the rumor.”
Oh this was bad. He held Liz and Felicity’s lives in his hands.
“I told him I had no idea who was involved.”
“How do you always come out smelling like a rose?” I whispered.
“I’m not going to rat out your friends.”
“Of course you aren’t.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he said.
“Will they find out though? I wonder how discreet they were when they started the rumor.”
“They won’t find out.”
* * *
On Friday, I wore the black pearl earrings my father had given me. I wasn’t sure if or when Hearst would get the reference, but I was willing to wait it out.
Graham had emailed a new assignment to Carol before I left for school. It was another simple background check. I’d get it done easily by tomorrow night.
I drove myself since Hearst had a Forensics Club meeting before school. Felicity and Liz would have picked me up, but I made excuses. The truth was the two of them were on my last nerve. They had been panicking about the pirate prank for a solid twenty-four hours. They didn’t trust Hearst to keep the origin of the rumor a secret. Thursday afternoon had included an impromptu assembly on bullying and sensitivity. Then the principal had urged the student body to come forward with any information about who had started the inappropriate and insensitive rumor. We were all going to watch a film about the harsh reality of piracy and its victims in the near future.
I rushed to my locker, hoping to avoid Liz and Felicity for another hour or two.
Hearst was waiting for me. “I had to see if you stayed awake long enough to get here safely,” he said.
I opened the locker. “It wasn’t easy. Graham’s coffee doesn’t hold a candle to yours.”
“Bring Liz and Felicity to my house tonight,” Hearst said.
“Why?” I searched for any sign of his motives.
“Because you are going to hang out with them, and I want to hang out with you.”
“What are you going to do with them?”
He raised a brow.
“To them?” I asked. I stacked the books I didn’t need in the locker.
“Nothing. I just thought they might want to watch something in the theater room. I’ll make popcorn.”
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll come over.” Their anxiety couldn’t be worse, or more annoying, than it was now.
* * *
“I don’t want to go,” Liz said for the twentieth time.
“We’re halfway there,” I said as I drove the sedan down the interstate.
“I’m not afraid of him,” Felicity said, her arms crossed over her chest.
She was terrified.
“You aren’t fooling anybody,” Liz said.
“He could have had you expelled yesterday. I really don’t think you need to worry about him doing anything too terrible,” I said.
“I can
’t believe the principal was gushing all over him,” Felicity said. “How come he’s a total jerk and everybody loves him?”
“He’s not a jerk,” I said.
“He does lead a charmed life though,” Liz said.
If they knew the truth about his parents, they wouldn’t think so.
“I wanted to hang out at your loft,” Felicity said.
“You are scared,” I said.
“She wants a chance at seeing Graham,” Liz said.
Oh. Right. “You guys have got to get over your crush on my brother.”
“Not this again,” Felicity grumbled.
“You know what we never really discussed,” Liz said. “Your crush on Noah.”
Uh oh. “I don’t have a crush on Noah,” I said.
“I’m sorry I haven’t talked to him yet, Towns. I got distracted with all the pirate stuff,” Felicity said.
I nearly slammed on the brakes. “What do you mean? Talk to him? Why would you talk to him?”
“Duh,” she said. “To see if he likes you.”
“Have you lost your ever lovin’ mind?” I screeched. “You can’t do that.” It didn’t matter if I liked him or not. I couldn’t allow her to humiliate me.
“I’ll be discreet,” she said.
My friend couldn’t spell discreet much less manage it. “No way.”
“I was going to go with her,” Liz said.
“Both of my best friends were going to go talk to a guy to see if he likes me? Do you not see how obvious and pathetic that is?”
“What does it matter? You said you don’t like him anyway,” Felicity taunted.
“Even if I don’t have a crush on him, I don’t want him to think I’m a loser,” I said.
“He won’t think you’re a loser,” Felicity said. “You can prevent this by just walking over to him and asking him out.”
Felicity would. She didn’t have a problem talking to guys.
“Okay,” I said. “If that’s my only option, that’s what I’ll do.”
Liz gasped. “You will?”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
Felicity said, “I thought you didn’t like him.”