by Box Set
He laughed but I didn’t. It wasn’t really fair, all of this. He knew me through all this time and I had to start over again and again.
“Am I the same?”
I buried my real question in a less obtrusive one.
“Mostly. There are some things that change. I suspect it’s from finding out who you really are through the rest of the lives. Your hair has changed. It’s only been this color twice. Your eyes have always been that brilliant blue. That color haunts my dreams. You’ve always been artistic in some way or another. But this time, it kind of scares me.”
“Why?”
“It’s never been obsessive like this. It was as though your past was coming back to you even before I showed up. I’m not sure if that’s good or not.”
I bit the inside of my cheeks thinking about everything he’d said and what it meant for us. I had one more question before I would retreat into myself to think about all of this—I needed time to process.
“Do you love me now or do you have to fall in love with me all over again?”
It was ridiculous to put him on the spot like that, but I had to know.
“I can’t fall in love with someone I’ve been in love with since our lives began. My love doesn’t end and begin again. It’s everlasting. Even if you don’t return the sentiment.”
Moira and Ren chose that moment to come back home, their voices carrying through the kitchen about their farmer’s market finds.
I just found out that my soul mate is the new guy at school and they are talking about organic tomatoes.
“I’m going to go home. I think you have some things to let settle. Is…” He hesitated and then squared his shoulders like he was gathering the gumption to say something else. “Is it possible for me to take you out on a date tonight? We can get to know each other better.”
I laughed. “You already know me, apparently.”
“Then can I take you out for you to get to know me better?”
“I would like that. But…can we go somewhere in the next town? I’d like to be uninterrupted by those people.”
He growled through a clenched jaw. “Those kinds of people never cease to exist throughout the ages. Trust me. But, of course, wherever you’d like to go.”
“Okay.”
He beamed. “Okay?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Seven is perfect.”
* * *
There’s a first time for everything—including me volunteering to wear a dress.
“You’re gorgeous, Fasta. He won’t be able to breathe correctly with you around.”
Out of Moira’s closet, we’d scavenged a deep plum halter dress that fit me like it was made specifically for my body.
I’d never shown so much skin in my life.
Moira twisted and turned my hair into an intricate bun on the side of my neck, allowing my back to show and giving me a more grown-up look.
I had to admit, it was better than the t-shirts and oversized jeans.
I found some silver gladiator sandals in my closet to match. He was getting the dress, heels would just be out of bounds.
“Stay up here until he knocks on the door. I want to see his face when you come down the stairs.”
“Don’t do that thing where you squeal.”
She put her fists on her hips. “It’s a mother’s prerogative.”
That was the first time she’d called herself my mother. We both paused, but didn’t make a big deal about it.
Saint
* * *
I had to beg to get my Dad’s car for the night.
In the past I had my own vehicle or mode of transportation. This was completely ridiculous.
And his car was trashed. He kept it that way.
I spent the afternoon doing what I could to make it presentable and then rushed upstairs to shower and get dressed. The only suitable thing I had to wear was jeans and a button-down shirt. It would have to do since I hadn’t found a part-time job yet.
I’d been too busy with Fasta.
I got dressed and sat down on the bed tying my shoes. That’s when the tidal wave of my existence hit me like a boulder.
This was it.
She could still choose not to love me.
She could choose another life.
And I would have to wait for the next to start over again.
Honestly, it was a privilege to seek her in every life. But I didn’t know if it was the entirety of time that changed my perspective or the constant insecurity.
I wanted her to love me once and for all.
Then we could be at peace.
“I’m going now, Dad.” I barked at him, not meaning to.
“Yeah, sure. Stay out of trouble.”
I always did.
“You’ve got money, right? I don’t have money for dates and such.”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
I was more than okay. I had always been a saver and I had accounts that stayed in my name from life to life. I could only explain so much to Fasta. There was still so much I didn’t know myself. I didn’t understand how I got the same name over and over. I didn’t know how my looks were determined.
All I knew was that once I hit puberty, my knowledge came back to me and my quest would begin again.
Time and time again.
I drove over to her house and knocked on the door. Her foster mother, Moira, opened the door, commenting on how handsome I looked.
“Is she ready?” I asked, showing no patience.
“She is. Might want to hold onto something.”
My expression questioned her statement, but after Fasta had been called down and descended the stairs, I knew what she meant. She’d wanted me to hold onto something so I didn’t lose consciousness and fall down.
Because my love looked that incredible.
“You’re breathtaking. Truly.”
I smiled at my own words. I’d repeated them before—probably every time I saw her.
“Um, thanks. You look good yourself.”
“Are you ready to leave?”
She nodded and grabbed a small purse. Our hands found each other in the dark trail to the car naturally.
They, like us, were made for each other.
“Where are we going?”
I started the car and waited. “I thought you’d tell me. I have no idea about this town, much less the next town. Want to direct me?”
“Why don’t you just let me drive?”
Because letting the woman drive just wasn’t in me.
But these were very different times.
“Okay. Scoot over, I’ll get in the passenger seat.”
She moved over while I got in. She drove us through Liberty and into the next town, Hastings. It was more of the same, one of everything.
“There’s an Italian place at the end of this road. I’m assuming you like that since we…”
At least she was believing my story—or pretending she did.
“Are you kidding me? Italian is my favorite.”
“Good.” She parked us in a little place that, from the outside, looked like a regular home with a small sign on the door.
“Not many people know this place. It’s kind of a local thing. And I haven’t been in months. Moira doesn’t eat meat, so there’s none in the house. So, when she’s gone, Ren and I sneak over here and eat all the meatballs we can.”
“I’m a meat eater in case that influences you at all.”
She ducked her head. “Okay.”
We were seated at the back of the restaurant. I could tell she was nervous. If anything, I thought the knowledge that I was already in love with her would make her relax.
No dice.
“There’s no reason to be nervous. If anything, I’m the one who should be a nervous wreck.”
“This—this is my first date. Nerves come with the territory.”
“Get closer.” We were in a booth and to my surprise she did, until
our hips met. I took her hand under the table and waited until she raised her head to look at me.
“Just be yourself. You’re amazing already. Trust me. There’s nothing you can do to change the way I feel about you. I’m the one trying to win your heart, remember?”
She was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her.
“I turn eighteen in like twenty days.”
“I forgot to tell you that part. I turn eighteen in a few days as well.”
“And after graduation, what are your plans?”
“That will depend on you.”
“Oh…”
“Hey, no pressure, okay? Just pretend this is another awkward first date. I’ll drop a meatball on myself if that’ll make you feel better.”
“What? No. But you’re funny.”
“I love that smile.” I ran my thumb over her bottom lip. “Sorry. It’s hard to know where the line is with you.”
“Yeah, since I’ve had your babies and we’ve been married and apparently wild in the grapes.”
This time it was me who laughed.
“Is that why you brought me to this place? Hoping to rekindle that wildness?”
She blushed so hard, I was sure she’d never recover.
“Sorry. See? I suck at this.”
“No, you don’t. Just—tell me about you. I feel like I know you but I don’t know the first thing about you.”
“Ask me anything.”
“What’s your middle name?”
“Alexander.”
“How many lives have we had together?”
“Together or how many of our lives have I been there with you? There’s a difference.”
“Both.”
“Well, the first was the picture of me on the mountain, the shepherd. Since that time, nine. This one is number ten.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder, like the whole thing was too much for her. “I can’t imagine how weird this is for you. I’m sorry. I’m kind of used to it.”
“It is. But at the same time, it’s not. When I first saw you, I knew you’d have answers for me.”
I put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer until the waitress brought us our food. We finished the meal in a comfortable silence. She needed the thinking time and so did I.
She was here, so I had to make plans to stay here. There was just no telling with my father. He could decide tomorrow that he wanted to leave for good.
And I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’ll answer everything I can, sweetheart. There’s still some things I don’t know myself. But I know the important stuff.”
“We should go, but I don’t want to go home yet.”
“There’s nowhere we can just talk? Without parents? It’s hard to have to answer to parents.”
She giggled. “I bet. Going from independence to parents again. Ouch. Um, there’s a place I know, but on Saturdays the kids use it to make-out, or so I’ve heard.”
“Maybe back to your house?”
She shrugged. “There’s a chance my foster parents are on a date. They go on dates. It’s cute.”
“We didn’t have a date until after four lives. There was only courting before that. Our first date was dinner at this place in England.”
“The cottage?”
I laughed. It had taken a long time for me to be able to laugh at it. “Yes.”
“But you said I married someone else.”
“You did. You hated me.”
“Idiot. I told you.”
“Hey.” I grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, when all I wanted to do was kiss her plump lips. “Stop saying that. Give yourself a break.”
“No one else does.”
I groaned and opened the passenger door for her. “I could pummel those guys.”
“I’m not driving?”
With my palm, I stroked the side of her face. “I’m an old-fashioned guy, okay? It was bad enough you had to drive us here.”
Laughing and shaking her head, she got in.
“Let’s go.”
Saint
I had to beg to get my Dad’s car for the night.
In the past I had my own vehicle or mode of transportation. This was completely ridiculous.
And his car was trashed. He kept it that way.
I spent the afternoon doing what I could to make it presentable and then rushed upstairs to shower and get dressed. The only suitable thing I had to wear was jeans and a button-down shirt. It would have to do since I hadn’t found a part-time job yet.
I’d been too busy with Fasta.
I got dressed and sat down on the bed tying my shoes. That’s when the tidal wave of my existence hit me like a boulder.
This was it.
She could still choose not to love me.
She could choose another life.
And I would have to wait for the next to start over again.
Honestly, it was a privilege to seek her in every life. But I didn’t know if it was the entirety of time that changed my perspective or the constant insecurity.
I wanted her to love me once and for all.
Then we could be at peace.
“I’m going now, Dad.” I barked at him, not meaning to.
“Yeah, sure. Stay out of trouble.”
I always did.
“You’ve got money, right? I don’t have money for dates and such.”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
I was more than okay. I had always been a saver and I had accounts that stayed in my name from life to life. I could only explain so much to Fasta. There was still so much I didn’t know myself. I didn’t understand how I got the same name over and over. I didn’t know how my looks were determined.
All I knew was that once I hit puberty, my knowledge came back to me and my quest would begin again.
Time and time again.
I drove over to her house and knocked on the door. Her foster mother, Moira, opened the door, commenting on how handsome I looked.
“Is she ready?” I asked, showing no patience.
“She is. Might want to hold onto something.”
My expression questioned her statement, but after Fasta had been called down and descended the stairs, I knew what she meant. She’d wanted me to hold onto something so I didn’t lose consciousness and fall down.
Because my love looked that incredible.
“You’re breathtaking. Truly.”
I smiled at my own words. I’d repeated them before—probably every time I saw her.
“Um, thanks. You look good yourself.”
“Are you ready to leave?”
She nodded and grabbed a small purse. Our hands found each other in the dark trail to the car naturally.
They, like us, were made for each other.
“Where are we going?”
I started the car and waited. “I thought you’d tell me. I have no idea about this town, much less the next town. Want to direct me?”
“Why don’t you just let me drive?”
Because letting the woman drive just wasn’t in me.
But these were very different times.
“Okay. Scoot over, I’ll get in the passenger seat.”
She moved over while I got in. She drove us through Liberty and into the next town, Hastings. It was more of the same, one of everything.
“There’s an Italian place at the end of this road. I’m assuming you like that since we…”
At least she was believing my story—or pretending she did.
“Are you kidding me? Italian is my favorite.”
“Good.” She parked us in a little place that, from the outside, looked like a regular home with a small sign on the door.
“Not many people know this place. It’s kind of a local thing. And I haven’t been in months. Moira doesn’t eat meat, so there’s none in the house. So, when she’s gone, Ren and I sneak over here and eat all the meatballs we can.”
“I’m a meat eater in case that influences you at all.”
>
She ducked her head. “Okay.”
We were seated at the back of the restaurant. I could tell she was nervous. If anything, I thought the knowledge that I was already in love with her would make her relax.
No dice.
“There’s no reason to be nervous. If anything, I’m the one who should be a nervous wreck.”
“This—this is my first date. Nerves come with the territory.”
“Get closer.” We were in a booth and to my surprise she did, until our hips met. I took her hand under the table and waited until she raised her head to look at me.
“Just be yourself. You’re amazing already. Trust me. There’s nothing you can do to change the way I feel about you. I’m the one trying to win your heart, remember?”
She was the most beautiful I’d ever seen her.
“I turn eighteen in like twenty days.”
“I forgot to tell you that part. I turn eighteen in a few days as well.”
“And after graduation, what are your plans?”
“That will depend on you.”
“Oh…”
“Hey, no pressure, okay? Just pretend this is another awkward first date. I’ll drop a meatball on myself if that’ll make you feel better.”
“What? No. But you’re funny.”
“I love that smile.” I ran my thumb over her bottom lip. “Sorry. It’s hard to know where the line is with you.”
“Yeah, since I’ve had your babies and we’ve been married and apparently wild in the grapes.”
This time it was me who laughed.
“Is that why you brought me to this place? Hoping to rekindle that wildness?”
She blushed so hard, I was sure she’d never recover.
“Sorry. See? I suck at this.”
“No, you don’t. Just—tell me about you. I feel like I know you but I don’t know the first thing about you.”
“Ask me anything.”
“What’s your middle name?”
“Alexander.”
“How many lives have we had together?”
“Together or how many of our lives have I been there with you? There’s a difference.”
“Both.”
“Well, the first was the picture of me on the mountain, the shepherd. Since that time, nine. This one is number ten.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder, like the whole thing was too much for her. “I can’t imagine how weird this is for you. I’m sorry. I’m kind of used to it.”