Daring Hearts: Fearless Fourteen Boxed Set

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Daring Hearts: Fearless Fourteen Boxed Set Page 193

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Simply to get my phone off my desk.

  Nothing happened.”

  * * *

  “Don’t remind me,” he mutters, and

  I can suddenly hear him telling me he wants to sleep with me.

  * * *

  The heat in my cheeks is no longer from panic.

  I brush past him with my face turned so he can’t see the blush and

  Head for the garage.

  “You have a car, right?” I call over my shoulder.

  * * *

  “Yeah,” he says, “But I thought we were shooting here.”

  * * *

  I glance up at the vaulted ceilings,

  The antique furniture,

  The marble, silk, hardwood.

  “Too stale,” I declare.

  * * *

  I turn to face him.

  “You’re not stale. We need…”

  I glance around like I’ll be able to find what he needs here,

  In this lousy mansion,

  A sorry excuse for a home.

  “We need something…more exciting.”

  * * *

  “Are you saying I’m exciting?”

  He gives me that sexy half-smile and

  Steps closer.

  * * *

  “I’m saying get your keys and

  Let’s get out of here.”

  84

  “DO YOU EVER MISS HER?”

  Trevor won’t look at me, but

  Focuses out the window,

  On the road, or

  Something.

  * * *

  I can’t really see his eyes anyway, because

  He’s wearing sunglasses.

  * * *

  “Miss who?” I ask.

  * * *

  “Your mom.”

  * * *

  Instantly, I feel an invisible wall

  Go up between me and

  Him.

  The same barrier that’s been between me and

  My mother

  For the past year and a half.

  * * *

  His car feels ten times colder, and

  The low music from the radio is now too loud.

  * * *

  I don’t answer.

  I don’t know if I miss my mom or not.

  * * *

  “I miss my dad,

  Sometimes,” Trevor says.

  * * *

  I let myself look at him.

  Click, click, click.

  The need is raw on his face,

  The tension evident in his shoulders.

  * * *

  “I mean, he hasn’t been around for years, but

  I still miss him.

  Watching you with your dad at dinner the other night is

  When I realized it.”

  * * *

  I wish I knew what to say, or

  That I could reach for my camera and

  Capture this moment in pixels,

  Forever.

  * * *

  “Where to?” Trevor asks

  After a few minutes of silence.

  He’s been driving aimlessly,

  Turning right, then

  Left, then

  Right.

  * * *

  I wish I had long hair like I used to, so

  I could hide behind it

  Like I used to.

  * * *

  “Wings?” he says

  Just as I say,

  “I miss her.”

  85

  “I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,”

  Were Mom’s parting words to Rose

  When she moved out of our house and

  In with Darren Youngblood.

  * * *

  I didn’t know until that day that

  My mom was a coward.

  She waited until Dad left on his business trip

  To move out.

  * * *

  She packed all day the first day,

  Her face as still as stone,

  Her voice mute.

  * * *

  The second day,

  The moving van came,

  Taking her boxes,

  Her wardrobe,

  Her jewelry, and

  Her photos.

  * * *

  She called in Gramma-Linda

  On the third day.

  She bent down and hugged Rose.

  “I will always love you.”

  * * *

  Gramma-Linda had stood sentinel

  Near the front door.

  She’d smoothed my hair,

  Held me close, and

  Told me everything would be all right.

  * * *

  Mom barely looked at me,

  Barely spoke.

  * * *

  And then she left.

  86

  COWARD

  Is what I wrote in my journal

  That night.

  * * *

  I knew my mother was one, and

  I wondered if I was too.

  * * *

  Why didn’t I say something sooner?

  Why didn’t I do anything?

  Maybe I could’ve saved my parents’ marriage.

  Maybe I could have—

  * * *

  The entry stops there, but

  I’m still wondering if I’m brave enough

  To do hard things.

  * * *

  Gramma-Linda stayed with me and Rose

  For a week after Mom left,

  Before Dad returned from his business trip.

  * * *

  She talked all the time,

  Telling Rose that Mom still loved her,

  That she would always love her,

  That just because she didn’t live here anymore

  Didn’t mean she’d stop caring.

  * * *

  Dad called every night and

  Told us about Chicago and

  How good the hot dogs were.

  * * *

  Rose cried on the phone every night and

  Asked me if Dad was really coming home or

  If he’d leave us the way Mom did.

  * * *

  I soothed my sister with songs and

  Hot chocolate.

  * * *

  I did not lie to her the way

  Gramma-Linda did,

  The way Mom had.

  * * *

  Because she didn’t love us,

  At least not as much as she loved Darren Youngblood.

  87

  “THERE.”

  I point across my body,

  Almost jabbing Trevor’s arm.

  “That house. It’s perfect.”

  * * *

  Trevor pulls over and

  Squints at the structure.

  “It’s one wind storm from falling down.”

  * * *

  “Like I said,

  Perfect.”

  I get out of the car,

  Shoulder my bag, and

  Step around the NO TRESPASSING sign.

  * * *

  “Wings, you can’t be serious.”

  Trevor hurries after me.

  “We could get in trouble.”

  * * *

  “Are you worried?”

  I toss him a smirk over my shoulder.

  * * *

  “Yes,” he says.

  “If I get in trouble,

  I can’t play football.”

  * * *

  I pause, considering.

  Playing football to Trevor

  Is like breathing.

  If he can’t do it,

  He’ll die.

  * * *

  The porch of the dilapidated house

  Sags;

  The paint on the front door is

  Peeling;

  The brick is weathered and

  Crumbling.

  * * *

  “This has character,” I say,

  Almost a whine in my voice.

  “It’s perfect.”

  *
* *

  Trevor comes to stand beside me.

  “So you’re saying I have

  Perfect character.”

  * * *

  I roll my eyes,

  Knowing I’ve got him,

  At least for a few minutes.

  * * *

  “I’m saying we better shoot this

  Before the cops come by.”

  88

  “JUST ONE MORE,”

  I tell Trevor.

  * * *

  “You’ve said that at least ten times.”

  * * *

  I’ve taken at least two hundred shots

  Of him, but

  I don’t have the right one yet.

  * * *

  I got him sitting on the porch, and

  Leaning against that blue door, and

  Posing in front of the textured brick.

  * * *

  I’ve used the flash, and

  Opened the aperture, and

  Adjusted his clothes.

  * * *

  We’ve been here an hour, and

  He was done after the first thirty minutes.

  * * *

  “I can’t use any of these,” I tell him, and

  He glances skyward as if

  God will grant him patience.

  * * *

  “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  * * *

  “Come on,” I say.

  “Just a couple more.”

  I step toward the front door,

  Wondering if it’s locked.

  * * *

  “Whoa, we’re not going in there.”

  He moves to block me.

  * * *

  “Yes, we are,” I say,

  Swatting his outstretched arm out of my way.

  I scan him from head to toe.

  “It’s the ideal juxtaposition.

  You, all put together and…whatever, and

  This house all falling apart.”

  * * *

  “So you’re saying opposites attract.”

  * * *

  I brush past him and test the door.

  It swings open, and

  I enter.

  “I’m saying persistence pays off.

  Now get in here.”

  * * *

  “Persistence,” he mutters behind me.

  * * *

  I smother the smile that rises to my face

  When I hear his footsteps.

  * * *

  The living room is picked pretty bare, but

  There’s an old dining table in the kitchen.

  “There.” I direct him to the table and

  Have him sit down.

  “No…stand back up.

  Maybe just sit on it…

  Not all the way on it,

  Just one cheek…

  Yeah, like that.”

  * * *

  He crosses his arms, and

  A strange glint has entered his eye.

  I lift the camera,

  Adjust the focal length, and

  Snap the picture.

  * * *

  “Will you go out with me?” he asks as

  I step to the side to get a different angle.

  * * *

  I almost drop my camera.

  “What? No.”

  My hands shake the slightest bit, but

  I manage to get off a few more shots.

  * * *

  The pictures are the best I’ve taken, but

  It’s not because of the lighting, or

  The technique, or

  The lens.

  * * *

  It’s because Trevor is finally in the moment.

  His mind is alive,

  Seething,

  Working through how he can get me to go out with him.

  * * *

  I can see it through my one-hundred twenty millimeter lens, and

  I don’t like it.

  Not one little bit.

  89

  “CRAP.”

  Trevor isn’t the only one who hears the sirens.

  * * *

  We hold each other’s eyes for a long moment, then

  We spring into action together, like

  We’ve rehearsed every getaway scenario

  Together.

  * * *

  He helps me pack my lens and

  Flash equipment before

  Jumping in the driver’s seat.

  * * *

  “Go,” I say as I fling myself in the passenger seat.

  He doesn’t need to be told twice.

  He flips the gearshift into drive, and

  Floors it.

  * * *

  I turn toward the window and

  Smile, because

  It feels like Trevor and I just got away with something dangerous.

  * * *

  Together.

  90

  “WE COULD JUST GO SEE A MOVIE,”

  He says after putting ten minutes of driving distance between

  Us and the abandoned house.

  “No funny business, I promise.

  Friends go to movies together, you know.”

  * * *

  “Right,” I scoff. “On Saturday night.

  That’s not a date or anything.”

  I stare determinedly out my window,

  My smile gone,

  My arms folded.

  * * *

  “Not a date,” he confirms.

  “You’d go with Jacey, right?”

  * * *

  I tighten my jaw as

  I tighten my arms.

  “My mom will be mad.”

  * * *

  “Like you care if she’s upset.”

  * * *

  “I do,” I say,

  Suddenly very,

  Very angry.

  “You have no idea what I care about.”

  * * *

  I suddenly hate myself for saying those words, because

  I’ve heard my mom say them to my dad.

  I hated her when she said them too,

  When she told him he didn’t know her,

  Didn’t make an effort to like what she liked, and

  Therefore, she couldn’t be married to him anymore.

  * * *

  I hate the things I see in myself that come from her, including

  Wanting to be with a Youngblood.

  * * *

  “I know you come alive behind that camera.”

  Trevor doesn’t slow down enough for the right turn he takes, and

  I almost fly into the window.

  “I know you care—”

  * * *

  “Shut up!” I yell.

  “You do not know what I care about, or

  Don’t care about.”

  My chest heaves, and

  I feel hot everywhere.

  “You have not been part of my life for

  A long time, and

  You do not—

  Know me.”

  * * *

  “I know more than you think.”

  His voice is tight,

  Controlled,

  Unlike mine which

  Has pitched too high and

  Come out too loud.

  * * *

  He’s driving so fast, and

  I’m so furious, and

  For a few terrible minutes,

  I think that’s it,

  That he won’t say anything else,

  That he’ll simply speed to his dad’s and

  Drop me off.

  * * *

  Then he slows,

  Turns away from the Youngbloods, and

  Picks his way toward my house.

  * * *

  He stops in the driveway, but

  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

  It’s my mom’s weekend, and

  She’ll be pissed if I stay here.

  * * *

  “You’re wrong,” Trevor says to his window.

&nbs
p; “I do know you;

  I know everything about you,

  Down to the pencil-thin lines on your toes, and

  The reason you cut your hair so short.

  I know you do that to make your mom mad, and

  I know you get tattoos to teach yourself a lesson.

  I know you love Rose more than anything, and

  I know you blame your mom for more than you should.

 

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