“Hey, are you okay?” Nathan asked softly, moving towards her. She held her hand up in a ‘stop’ motion. The seriousness on her face was enough to bring him to a standstill.
“Are you here to visit someone?” He probed further.
Jess swallowed. “Yes.” She said hoarsely. “I’m here to visit him.” She pointed. “The same as you.”
“Whoa, you knew Mike too?” Nathan exclaimed. “That’s so weird. How did you know him?” She closed her eyes before she spoke. Wanting to hide from the answer, wanting to make the world disappear.
“He was my boyfriend. For two and a half years. We lived together.” Jessica blurted it out quickly, like pulling off a band-aid. It didn’t hurt any less. She knew this time she would be judged and she couldn’t bear it. Sophie was wrong, it had been too soon. She was a slut, a disrespectful slut. As she slowly opened her eyes, her vision swam with tears.
“I had no idea.” Nathan shook his head sadly. “I lost touch with so many people after going away. Me and Mike, we grew up together. Lived on the same street as kids. We hadn’t spoken for years. My fault really, I isolated myself after the break up, just wanted to run away I guess. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. I’m sorry for your loss, Jessica.” He came closer to her and rested his hand on the top of her arm. “I’ll go so you can have some time here alone.”
Jess moved her head from side to side, refusing to make eye contact with him. “No.” She said, a hard edge to her voice. “No, I’ll go. I can’t be here now.” She took off towards the parking lot without looking back.
Back in her apartment; Jess curled into a ball on her hallway floor while her head swam. She felt as though she had cheated on Mike and been caught. Sex with a stranger was one thing, a step in the right direction; signs of her moving on Sophie had said. But sex with someone that had known Mike? No. It seemed wrong. Bad.
She recalled the conversation with Jackie earlier on the phone; Jackie had said she had a visitor, which was why she couldn’t go to the grave. Heart thudding with fear, Jess wondered if that visitor had been Nathan. Mike’s parents had lived on the same street for decades and Nathan had said they’d grown up together as children. He would know where they lived. What if Nathan had said something to Jackie? Panic rose in her, she had to know, so she dialled Jackie’s number.
“Hey Jackie.” She forced a light tone. “I went to the grave, everything’s fine. How was your day?” Jess hoped she sounded casual enough.
“Oh, it was really lovely dear, but upsetting too. One of Mike’s old childhood friends came over. He missed the funeral and was devastated, poor thing. I told him where Mike is buried, thought I’d let him go on his own. Such a nice chap. Thanks for going earlier. Do you want to come with me again after dinner tonight?”
Jess looked to the ceiling. She had forgotten about dinner with Jackie and Joe this evening. She couldn’t do it – couldn’t face them. Her stomach was full of lead after hearing about Jackie’s visitor; she just wanted to avoid everyone until Nathan had left the town so she could relax again.
“Jackie I’m sorry. Something’s come up; I’m not going to be able to make dinner. That was why I called. Rain check?”
“That’s such a shame Jess, but never mind.” Jess dug her nails into her palms at the disappointment in Jackie’s voice. Another serving of guilt layered onto the growing pile. “I’ll call you to arrange something next week then.”
“Yes. You do that. Lots of love to you and Joe.” Jessica realised she had hardly taken a breath for the duration of the conversation and hung up puffed out, as though she had just run a sprint.
She screened Sophie’s call later on that night, preferring to curl up in bed and think of nothing. She knew she was being selfish; Sophie probably wanted to tell her about her date, but Jessica knew she would ask about Nathan and she didn’t want to talk about it just yet. Still wide awake at 3am, the sliver of joy she had experienced yesterday seemed long gone.
The apartment buzzer filtered into her dream at first, but the urgency of it roused her from sleep. Bleary eyed, Jess blinked at the clock on her nightstand. Ugh, 9:30. Padding to the receiver still half-asleep, she grunted a hello.
“Jess, I’ve been out here for ages!” Sophie’s voice, tinny through the handset. “Buzz me up!” Knowing the persistency of her best friend meant she could not avoid her forever; Jess pressed the button to unlock the door downstairs and set her front door ajar, scuffling to the kitchen to flick on the kettle.
“Ooops!” Sophie giggled. “Did I wake you? Sorry, but you didn’t answer the phone last night and I was dying to tell you about James. We...” She stopped suddenly, sensing the atmosphere surrounding her friend. “What’s wrong?”
Jess batted away her question with a flick of her hand. “I’ll tell you later.” She said, wanting to put it off for as long as possible. “I want to hear about your night first.”
Sophie leaned against the counter as Jessica busied herself making coffee for them both. She was positively beaming as she spoke of how well her date had gone.
“We just had so much to talk about.” She gushed. “He’s really funny and comfortable to be around, I could be totally myself. He doesn’t seem to be a game player, either. He’s asked to see me again tomorrow and he is an AMAZING kisser. It’s early days yet I know, but I’ve got a real good feeling about him.”
Jess smiled at her flushed cheeks and shining eyes. “It’s nice to see you so excited.” She commented.
“Enough about me.” Sophie blew on her hot drink.”What’s going on with you? Yesterday you seemed...a little more like your old self, and today...” She trailed off, unsure of the right phrase.
Blowing her cheeks out to exhale aloud burst of air, Jess recounted her day.
“Nathan is an old friend of Mike’s. He went over to Jackie’s yesterday and I bumped in to him at the cemetery. Oh Soph,” She covered her face with her hands. “I feel awful. I wish I hadn’t just jumped into bed with him. What was I thinking?”
“Why do you feel awful?” Sophie frowned. “Jess, you haven’t done anything wrong. You liked a guy, had some fun and felt good for it too. So what if he used to be friends with Mike? You would have met someone eventually and it was obviously the right time for you.” Softening her tone, Sophie continued. “Sweetie, Mike’s dead. No one is expecting you to stay faithful to someone that is not here anymore.”
“It doesn’t feel right now I know. He doesn’t feel like enough of a stranger. I’m terrified Jackie and Joe will find out and think I’m an awful person for disregarding their son so quickly.” Jessica’s expression was pained.
“You are being too hard on yourself. Jackie and Joe just want you to be happy like everybody else does. The way you were yesterday...if you ask me Nathan is the best thing that could have happened to you” Sophie said bluntly.
“Well I am definitely not seeing him again. I want to forget this ever happened. It was a mistake.” Jess took a large swig of scalding liquid and tried to make herself believe her own words.
Bored, Jess was flicking through TV channels later on that afternoon when her cell rang. Sophie. She smiled at the attentiveness of her dear friend, who was obviously calling to make sure she was okay.
“I just bumped into Jackie; she’s invited us to dinner tonight. I told her you didn’t have plans so no excuses.”
Jess groaned down the phone. “I don’t want to, Soph.” She whined. “They’ll be able to tell something’s up, I feel too awkward.”
“Jessica.” Sophie was stern. “You have nothing to feel bad about. I’m picking you up in two hours.” With that, she hung up.
Shuffling on the doorstep like a naughty school kid waiting for detention, Jess poked her tongue out at her friend stood beside her.
“Girls!” Jackie greeted them with flourish, embracing them both then stepping aside so they could enter the house. Jess hadn’t seen Jackie for a couple of weeks and was pleasantly surprised at how well she seemed to be doing. Her fac
e had filled out slightly from the gaunt look of loss she had been carrying and her mood seemed lighter. Jess decided she was glad she had been dragged along.
“It’s so good to see you.” Jackie walked them through to the lounge. “Now I want to introduce you to someone. Jessica, Sophie. This is one of Mike’s oldest friends, Nathan.”
Jess gaped at him while Sophie shook his hand politely. He smiled and said hi as if they had never met. She felt a jab in her ribs from her friend and also shook his hand as if in a trance, mouth still agog at seeing him here. The touch of his skin on hers sent sparks down her spine and she swung round to Sophie, panicked.
Sophie smiled serenely.
“Jackie mentioned Mike’s friend was in town. He had missed the funeral as he was away travelling.” She explained pointlessly. “I said to Jackie that she should invite him here tonight as I thought you might like to meet him?” Sophie continued to smile and Jess wanted to smack it straight off her face. What the hell was she playing at? Aware that Jackie was looking on, Jess moulded her features into what she hoped passed as normal and cleared her throat to steady her voice before speaking.
“Nice to meet you, Nathan.” She faced her friend. “Soph, I think I left my cell in your car. Can we just go check?”
“Sure. Back in a minute.” She said to Jackie.
Outside, Jess grabbed her friend by the shoulders and had to fight the urge to shake her.
“What do you think you’re doing? This is my worst nightmare.”
“Chill Jess, crikey.” Sophie shrugged her off. “I wanted to prove to you that you needn’t feel bad about what happened. I told Jackie that you had mentioned she’d had a friend over. She told me who it was and that he was a really nice guy. I thought if we could normalise the whole thing you would feel better about it; so I said you’d probably like to meet him, what with his history with Mike.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to see him again, you idiot.” Jess hissed. “What if he says something?”
“I’ve sorted it.” Sophie went on. “Afterwards, I went to that hotel and tracked him down. Told him you felt weird about the whole thing and to act like you’d never met. Not that ‘yes, we’ve fucked a few times’ is a standard thing for people to bring up over dinner. You’re being a little paranoid.”
Jess could not get her brain around the meddling of her friend and initially felt hurt and betrayed. But she could not deny the energy that passed through her and Nathan when they touched, or the fact that little pops of excitement exploded inside of her at his close vicinity and resolved to make the best of this uncomfortable situation.
Dinner was a surprising success. Here Jess was with the parents of her old boyfriend, eating opposite a man who she had seen naked. It should have been a disaster, but it was far from it. The group chatted and laughed and the ambience was enjoyable. Yes, Jess actually felt like she was having a good time. Across the table, her and Nathan sometimes locked eyes for longer than was probably appropriate, the butterflies his stare gave her too delicious to resist. The stories he told from his travels were engaging and inspiring. She discovered that there was definitely more to this man than a hot body.
He left a short while before the girls and Jessica felt her mood drop in his absence. Thanking the couple for their hospitality, Joe pulled Jess in for a big hug before she left.
“That Nathan’s a decent bloke you know.” He whispered in to her ear. “I think you two would make a lovely pair.” Winking at her shocked face, he waved them goodbye.
“Where to then Jessica?” Sophie asked her with a knowing look as she started the engine. Jess pressed her lips together in an attempt to stop a smile breaking and Sophie laughed mischievously, heading in the direction of the hotel.
At Nathan’s door, for the first time Jess was exposed; vulnerable. But not afraid or unsure. His handsome features lit up when he saw her. She leant against the door frame, protruding her hip.
“I was wondering if you still wanted to take me out?” She asked directly. Instead of waiting for an answer, they ran towards each other, lips mashing against teeth at the force of their contact. Nathan kicked the door shut as they tore at each other, buttons flying off shirts and zips tearing.
“Oh God Jess.” He panted, unhooking her bra and stepping back to admire her naked form. “I was hoping beyond hope you’d come here. You are perfect.” He bent his head and placed her nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking hungrily as it hardened. His other hand moved down between her legs where he stroked around the tops of her thighs, down the strip of pubic hair, but never quite touching the place she yearned for him to touch. He bought his face to hers.
“You are perfect.” He moaned against her skin, and then pushed two fingers into her burning pussy, pulling them out with excruciatingly pleasurable slowness. She buckled under the sensation, letting out a long moan. His solid penis pressed against her and she reached for it, teasing her fingers along the top. He had already released some of his desire, the sticky wetness erotic on her hand as she slid it up and down his shaft.
He plunged into her hot, luscious darkness again and pulsed his fingers inside of her, each movement stopping her breath; jaw wide in a silent scream of passion. She was about to be tipped over the edge when Nathan nudged her knees apart and dipped his cock into her, pulling out with a lick of his lips. He dipped it again, just the tip, then waited there; placing his hands on her cheeks, looking at her with lids half-hooded, pupils dilated. God, he was sexy. Jess’s wet opening contracted against his helmet, trying to suck him in, desperate for all of him. As the intensity of the moment increased until she thought she would beg, he ground his full length into her again and again. Holding her head so their noses touched, they breathed hard, hot steam into each other’s open mouths.
Jess hooked her leg around his thigh, wanting, needing him in deeper. On the brink of letting go, she watched his eyes roll back slightly as he bucked and spilled into her. She screamed a raw cry of pleasure as her orgasm shattered her into pieces.
Every nerve was electric as he caressed her skin, kissing along her shoulder blades and up her neck. She quivered and whimpered against his chest, feeling dizzy from the ecstasy. He supported her weak legs to the bed where they lay together in contented silence.
“I don’t want to make things difficult for you Jess. I know you were with Mike for a long time and I don’t want to rush you in to anything.” Nathan said, placing his hand on top of hers.
“This has been the best I’ve felt since...since he passed. I felt really guilty about it, but more because of how worried I was about other people’s reactions. Seems Sophie was right, everyone just wants me to be happy.” She paused. “You’ve made me happy, Nathan.”
He smiled at her. “I thought Sophie was crazy when she came here this afternoon. But then she explained how you’d been feeling and her plan sounded good. She’s a real friend. She knew that you seeing how casual Jackie and Joe were around me would ease your torment. Mike would want you to be smiling, not tortured.”
“I know he would.” Jess nodded sadly.
“I’m not asking for anything from you. I know we will have to go slow, but do you think we could start with a couple of dates? Just take it from there?”
“I thought you were the ultimate nomad?” She teased him. “Are you trying to tell me you’re gonna be sticking around in one place for a while?”
“What I’m trying to tell you,” he kissed her softly, “is that I think I’ve found someone worth sticking around for.”
Wrapped in thick jumpers against the brutal winter chill, Sophie and James huddled together at the bottom of Jess’ old apartment.
“I can’t believe that this time tomorrow, you will be lying on a beach in the sun. In the warm.” Sophie bemoaned, teeth chattering. “I’m so jealous!”
Jessica laughed at her friend. “You two can always come you know, you were invited!”
“I know, I know.” Sophie pouted. “But I’m not as brave as you. I
can’t get over the fact that I won’t see you for a year. Try and remember me, between your adventures. Email me every chance you get. Promise?”
“Can I just correct that statement?” James said to Sophie, reaching in to his jacket pocket. “You will actually be seeing each other in two months. For a whole three weeks!” He waved the envelope he had just retrieved in front of her.
Sophie snatched it from his hands and yanked out what was inside, scanning down and then screeching before throwing her arms round her boyfriend’s neck.
“Flights to Thailand!” She squealed to Jess before kissing James all over his face. “Thank you, thank you! You’re the best!”
Jess could not help the prick of tears forming in her eyes. “James, that’s amazing.” She said happily.
Jessica was delighted that her friend would be able to share some of her year long trip around the world. But it was not brave of her, as Sophie had said. In fact, it had been the easiest decision she had ever made and it required no courage. Her and Nathan had got very close, very quickly. They had a powerful connection that was so strong; others said they could practically see it. Nathan got a job in the town and had made noises about settling down. But Jess had been intrigued by his tales of exotic places and paradise beaches. She had just started to live again and she wanted to experience the world and all it had to offer. She put her apartment up for rent and tied up loose ends. It seemed crazy that six months on, she was stood on the pavement outside her empty home, about to embark on the most exhilarating chapter of her life yet.
The thud of two large rucksacks hitting the floor broke her thoughts.
“That’s everything.” Nathan stated, kissing Jess lovingly. “Taxi will be here any minute.”
Jess opened her arms to her friend. “Goodbye darling, darling Sophie.”
Sophie choked back a sob. “I’ll miss you so much. Have an incredible time. I know you will.” She giggled through the tears. “I’ll see you in two months.” Moving on to hug Nathan, she whispered in his ear. “I don’t need to tell you to look after her as you’ve been doing such a great job already. Might even miss you too, a bit.” She sniffed
Damaged: An Erotic Romance Story Page 3