by Tara Sivec
“We need to move somewhere else. You deserve… better than… sex on a couch,” he stutters as I start moving my hand up and down around his length between my thighs.
“I’ve only ever had sex on a bed. And one time in the back of a car, and that was horrible and I never want to repeat it again,” I speak softly, squeezing harder and moving my hand faster, smiling to myself as I listen to him pant against my mouth. “I’ve never had couch sex. I want to have couch sex with you, and I think we can—”
He cuts me off with his mouth, quickly reaching between us and removing my hand from around him. As he kisses me, I’m happy to find out he’s much better at the one-handed thing than I am. With one of his hands now firmly clutching my butt under my dress, he shifts his hips up, and uses his other hand to pull his wallet out of his back pocket, fumbling around next to us on the couch until I hear the crinkle of a foil wrapper.
Breaking the kiss, I look down between us and watch him pull himself out of his jeans. Without taking my eyes off of what he’s doing, I quickly scramble off his lap, reach up under my dress, and slide my underwear down, flinging it somewhere across the room as he sheathes himself with a condom.
“Jesus, you’re so hot,” Brent mumbles as he stares up at me standing before him.
My lips feel swollen from his kisses, my face feels flushed in anticipation, my chest is heaving, my dress is a wrinkled mess, I’m standing between his spread knees not wearing any underwear, and I’ve never felt sexier or more wanted in my life.
Faster than I’ve ever moved before, I climb back on his lap, lifting my skirt up to my upper thighs as I straddle him again. Brent leans up and meets me halfway, attacking my mouth again with another hot kiss that drives me crazy, and makes me start rubbing myself against him, eager to keep going and share this with him.
I let out a little whimper when he pulls his lips away from mine, his hands framing my face as he looks at me.
“You’re sure you’re sure?” he asks again.
His need to be absolutely certain I’m okay with this makes something inside me pop, and I wonder if this is what it feels like to fall head-over-heels for someone.
“I’m sure I’m sure,” I tell him.
“Take what you want, Heidi. I’m all yours.”
Pressing my lips back to his, I reach down between us again, wrap my hand around him, and guide him between my legs. As I sink down on top of him, we groan in unison, and I’m pretty sure my eyes roll into the back of my head.
We never stop kissing once as I cling to his shoulders, and he keeps his arms locked securely around me as I slowly start moving up and down on top of him. I never worry once if I’m doing it right or if it’s good for him. I can tell by the way he thrusts his hips up to meet me, wanting more. I can tell with each of his moans of pleasure that I swallow with every kiss, and I can tell by how tight his arms get around me when I push my body down, taking him as deep as he’ll go while grinding against him that he’s right here with me, enjoying each and every dirty moment of having sex on my couch.
I do exactly as he says, and I take what I want.
And it is the best. Moment. Ever.
Chapter 26
Heidi’s Discount Erotica, Episode 9
“Welcome to Heidi’s Discount Erotica, do-do-do! I just want to start off this podcast with a great big thank you to all my listeners. I began this thing on accident, because I was lost and frustrated with my life, and it turned into an outlet for me to talk about my frustrations and fix what I thought was broken inside myself. Through all your supportive comments, and with a little help from my sexy neighbor, I’ve come to realize there was nothing broken within me. There were just a few wires crossed between my brain and my soul. I didn’t need to change everything about who I am as a person to get what I wanted. I’m always going to be a little dorky, and a little weird, and that’s okay! I just needed to believe in myself. To believe that I’m more than the labels I’ve given myself and that I’ve allowed other people to give me. I needed to believe that I can be dorky and weird, and still be confident and sexy. I think I’ve learned through all this that I had those qualities inside me all along; I just needed to figure out how to channel them. So thank you for listening to me ramble week after week. Thank you for giving me an outlet to learn how to believe in myself, one messy, dorky step at a time.
“Okay, onto the good stuff! I’m happy to report that things with my sexy neighbor have been… sexy. Oh so sexy. Every minute I spend with him is better than the last, because he lets me be who I am. He doesn’t judge me. He doesn’t make fun of me if I stumble. I’ve learned that the sexiest thing about a man isn’t necessarily how he looks with his clothes off—although it’s a definite perk when he works in construction and has muscles for days. And it’s not how he knows exactly the right way to touch you to make you scream like a wild woman—but you know, that’s also a bonus. The sexiest thing about a man is when he has confidence in the woman he’s with. When he believes in her, and encourages her, and supports her, no matter what crazy ideas go through her head.
“Which brings us to today’s excerpt—a crazy idea that’s been going through my head for the last week and a half since we first… you know, christened our relationship. And my couch. And have since christened my kitchen counter, his bed, my living room floor, his shower, and one amazing evening in my backyard, on a blanket under the stars, next to a fire in the new fire pit he built for me. I want to try something new and bold with him. So, I’m just going to read a little something to give me a few pointers and get the juices flowing!
“Oh. Eeew. Maybe I shouldn’t say juices. That word never seemed gross to me before, but now that my head is full of dirty things, it’s not good. Not good at all. Moving on! For all you Penelope Sharp fans, I asked her to write me a little something to help me out with this, and she delivered! Here we go.
“‘Alexis had never felt so much power with a man before. As she finished tying Drake’s wrists to the bedposts, she took a moment to stand next to the bed, admiring her work.
His muscular biceps flexed as he tested the restraints, staring at her with fire in his eyes, waiting for her to make the next move. Her eyes trailed down his bare chest and stomach to stop on his hard cock, resting heavily on his stomach, twitching with desire when she licked her lips as her eyes took their fill.
He lay before her like an erotic buffet, and she didn’t know what she should sample first. She wanted to taste every bit of this delicious meal, all at once. Climbing onto the bed and straddling his thighs, she didn’t waste one minute. She wanted to drive him wild. She wanted to hear the bedposts rattle and creak as he strained against the silk ties. Wrapping her hand around his thick erection, she started pumping it slowly up and down. When Drake moaned and his eyes started to flutter closed, she quickly removed her hand, which forced him to let out a frustrated growl.
‘Keep your eyes open and watch what I’m doing to you,’ she ordered.
Drake immediately complied. As a reward, when she wrapped her hand around him again, Alexis leaned her body forward and took the entire length of his cock in her mouth. She sucked harder and harder on him with each bob of her head up and down his shaft, and within seconds, she got exactly what she wanted.
Alexis heard the rattle and creak of the bedposts as Drake strained against them, muttering curses into the otherwise quiet room as she brought him to ecstasy, swallowing every last drop as it poured down her throat.’”
“Oh jeez, does anyone else need a cigarette right now? My goodness. This is Heidi’s Discount Erotica, signing off. I’ve got a sexy neighbor to tie to my bedposts, don’tcha know!”
Chapter 27
“Heidi… oh, Jesus….” Brent mutters in a broken voice as I go to town on his penis like I’ve been doing this sort of thing all my life.
I’d smile in victory that he seems to really like what I’m doing, going by the noises he’s making, but it’s really hard to smile when you have a penis in your mouth an
d you’re trying to concentrate. There’s just so much to remember. Lick, suck, don’t squeeze too hard, don’t squeeze too soft, keep your head and your hand moving at the same time, don’t gag or drool too much…
Wait. I think it’s okay if I gag and drool. I think I read guys like that.
I make the mistake of gagging on my drool, and a very unsexy sound comes out of my mouth.
“Are you okay?” Brent suddenly asks with concern in his voice, his head popping up from the pillow and his arms tugging against the restraints.
Keeping my mouth on him, I remove my hand and give Brent a quick thumbs-up before going back to work, the sounds that are coming out of him making me feel like a goddess and totally turning me on.
I borrowed two of my dad’s silk ties when I went over to my parents’ house for dinner the other night, and I’m so glad Aubrey wrote about that in her excerpt. I was just planning on using some spare rope I had in the trunk of my car, or maybe some zip-ties I have in the junk drawer in my kitchen. These silk ties seem much more comfortable than the rope. And not as murdery as the zip-ties. And the pretty paisley patterns are very fun and festive.
Removing my mouth from Brent’s impressive erection that is all thanks to me and my “tie him up and drive him wild” idea, I climb up his naked body and straddle him, leaning forward to rest my hands on either side of his head on the bed.
“Do you like this? Is it okay?” I whisper, bending down and kissing his cheek before trailing kisses down to the side of his neck.
“This is more than okay. But I hate not being able to touch you,” he moans when I use my teeth to nip gently at the skin of his neck. “And you’re wearing too many clothes.”
When I first told him about my idea, he didn’t even hesitate or question me. He grabbed the ties that I held up in front of him then grabbed my hand and pulled me back to my bedroom. He even happily complied with my softly spoken order of, “Strip. And lay down on the bed.” He is such a team player. I was so busy making sure the ties were secure and giving him pleasure that I didn’t even think about taking my own clothes off. I can’t even believe how erotic it is to be straddling him right now, when he’s in the buff and I’m still wearing the pale blue LuLaRoe dress I wore to church this morning.
Is it wrong to be doing this sort of thing on the Lord’s day? I really hope not.
As I continue licking and sucking on the side of his neck, I grind myself down on top of him. I’m rewarded with the sound of him jerking roughly against the restraints, while his hips thrust up to meet me.
Pushing myself away from him, I sit up fully on top of his body, trailing my fingertips down his beautifully sculpted chest, across his stomach that he sucks in with a sharp breath when I skim my fingernails across it gently, before grabbing the hem of my dress that’s lying in a pool all around him. He watches me with hooded eyes as I slowly start to lift it up, baring my thighs, my white lacy underwear, and my stomach, before pausing.
Brent jerks his arms, and the bedframe rattles against the wall behind it as he lets out a frustrated growl.
“Fuck. You are so hot. I need to touch you,” he pleads, his eyes staring right between my thighs and driving me crazy, making me rock against him.
I continue slowly lifting the hem of my dress, more and more of my body coming on display, until suddenly, my worst nightmare comes to life.
“Heidi! Yoo-hoo! Are you home?”
My eyes widen in shock, Brent’s face mirroring mine.
“Who the hell is that?” he asks in a panic as I clamber off his lap and start running around the room like a chicken with its head cut off.
“Oh, it’s fine! It’s just my mom!”
His face gets white as a sheet, and I wince that our perfect afternoon of some friendly bondage has gone to crap. Now the sounds of Brent tugging against the silk ties is no longer one of want and need just for me, and it’s all about sheer terror.
“Heidi! I brought my toolbox to fix that leak under your kitchen sink!” my dad shouts from what sounds like the entrance to my hallway that leads right back here.
“And my dad,” I add sheepishly as I race around the room, scooping up his jeans, and his t-shirt, and his socks, and his boxer briefs, while poor Brent continues to curse and yank on his arms, the lower half of his body thrashing around back and forth on my bed.
“Heidi? Are you in here?” my mom shouts, her voice right outside the door.
Brent starts struggling against the restraints in earnest now. He’s tugging and still muttering curses under his breath, with beads of sweat pebbling on his forehead, while I continue running around in circles at the foot of the bed like an idiot, just hugging his clothes to my chest.
“Untie me! For the love of God, untie me!” he orders in a loud, freaked-out whisper.
I hear the sound of my bedroom doorknob being turned, and there’s no way I can untie him in time, and we both know it.
I used double knots, for God’s sake! Do you have any idea how hard it is to untie a double-knotted silk tie? I don’t actually know, but going by how hard he was pulling on them when I had his penis in my mouth, and how red and angry his hands look right now as he continues jerking on them, I’m pretty sure I might have to cut those things off him.
With seconds to spare, I do what any rational woman would do in this situation. I toss his clothes to the side, yank the pillow out from under his head, and plop it right down on top of his junk, before turning around to face the door with a big smile on my face.
“There you are!” my mom says brightly as she swings the door open. “Why didn’t you answer me when—”
Her words cut off as soon as she looks beyond me, her mouth dropping open in shock.
“Uff da, you can’t just stop in the doorway like that, Peggy,” my dad complains as he gently pushes her shocked, frozen body out of the way and enters the room, immediately stopping in his tracks.
“Oh, hey there, Mom and Dad! How’s it going? What are you guys up to today? Just out for a Sunday afternoon drive? It’s beautiful outside. We were just talking about going to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum to check out the botanical gardens,” I ramble.
“Who needs the botanical gardens when you’ve got a fern right here?” my mom mutters, her eyes never leaving Brent.
“What’s going on here, Heidi? Is this a burglar or something? Are you in danger? Where’s your cell phone. I’ll call the police,” my dad states, starting to back out of the room.
My mom quickly reaches out and grabs his arm to stop him.
“Henry, remember that thing we talked about doing last week from that book I read, and you said no because you already have bad circulation in your hands?”
My dad silently looks back and forth between me and Brent for a few seconds. I see the lightbulb go on in his head when his eyes get as big as saucers, before quickly giving Brent a dirty look with narrowed eyes and a curl of his upper lip.
Brent clears his throat behind me.
“Mr. and Mrs. Larson, it’s lovely to finally meet you. I’m Brent Miller, your daughter’s neighbor and boyfriend. Heidi’s told me so much about you,” Brent says in an overly cheerful voice.
I turn around and give him a grateful smile. The poor, poor man is meeting my parents for the first time in the buff, tied to my bed. A lesser man would probably be crying and would denounce any kind of boyfriend status just to save himself from imminent death by humiliation, but Brent is clearly not a lesser man. He’s the best man.
“Are those my ties?” my dad suddenly asks.
Oh no.
“My funeral ties? Heidi Marie Larson, did you use my funeral ties for… this?”
“I fixed the leak under Heidi’s kitchen sink!” Brent shouts quickly to try to get my dad to stop glaring at his funeral ties.
“Well, aren’t you just a sweetheart!” Mom praises. “Henry, isn’t he just a sweetheart?”
My dad doesn’t answer. He just continues giving Brent the evil eye from over by the door.
“Dad, Brent’s in construction. He’s very good with his hands!”
I realize the error of my words when my mom immediately giggles.
“Oh, sure, when they aren’t tied up,” she states through her laughter. “That can’t be comfortable. Heidi, untie the poor man.”
“The knots are a little… tight at the moment. I don’t think I can get them undone,” I tell her in a quiet voice, my face heating with embarrassment.
“Let me see if I can get them. I’m good with knots.”
“No!” Brent and I both shout at the same time when she starts moving toward the bed.
“I mean, no thank you, ma’am. That’s very kind of you to offer, but I’m fine. I can’t feel my fingers anymore, but it’s fine! I’m good,” Brent reassures her.
“She’s had a loose step on her front porch. I noticed that was fixed on my way in. Was that you as well?” my dad asks Brent, crossing his arms in front of him.
“Yes, sir, I fixed that step a few weeks ago,” Brent confirms, lifting his head and nodding between his arms strung up above him.
“What about the jiggling toilet handle in her guest bathroom?”
“Fixed that too,” Brent says with a smile. “Along with the window that wouldn’t open in the spare bedroom, and the wobbly dining room table leg.”
Silence fills the room as my dad continues staring Brent down, and my armpits start sweating so badly I’m afraid my dress will forever be ruined by pit stains.
After a few tense minutes, my dad finally drops his arms to his sides and lets out a sigh.
“I’ll go outside and get my hedge trimmers from the trunk to cut the boy loose,” my dad finally speaks as he turns away from us, shouting once he’s back out in the hall. “But for God’s sake, put some pants on him before I get back!”