* * *
Tucker watched her tears flow, wanting to pull Suzie into his arms but knowing she didn’t want him to. He’d really messed up kissing her before they’d made it through the trouble facing them. And now he couldn’t even console her.
Couldn’t console the woman he loved.
The truth settled over him with the ease of rightness. Rightness for him, but not for Suzie.
“Look at me, Suzie,” he said, gently. “This is going to be all right. There was anger and vandalism here, but not real violence. He just expressed his frustration. If I believed differently I’d suggest radical steps. But I’ve seen a lot in my life and this isn’t the end of the world. I know it feels like it to you. And I knew that when I had to come and tell you, and that was why I dreaded it. Still, it’s not the end of the world. It’s time for action.”
“I’ve called the therapist.” She dried her tears. Took a deep breath and nodded. “I was going to talk to her myself first. But I’ll call her and tell her what has happened and see what she thinks I should do. If she says bring him in before she sees me first, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“I’ll talk to the counselor with you if you need me.”
“Thank you. But I can do it.”
He put the photos back in the envelope and closed it. “Okay, but let me know if I can help. I’m not pursuing this officially.”
“Thank you.” She crossed her arms, hugging herself. As if giving herself comfort that he longed to give her. “I’m fine. I better call her now.”
Feeling lousy, he gave a short nod and left.
He had to find a way to fix this, but he was feeling out of control. And he had never done out of control well.
As he was climbing into his SUV he caught sight of Drewbaker and Chili sitting on the church pew. Both of them were grinning like hyenas and giving him a thumbs-up.
Crazy old fellas—if they only knew.
Chapter Fourteen
Suzie dried her tears after Tucker left and called the counselor. She was done crying. And she was done letting her son get away with something so wrong. That saddle was irreplaceable. After talking with the counselor she hung up, locked the door and went to the ranch.
She couldn’t get over how understanding Tucker had been. It was amazing, really.
When she pulled into the yard and got out, she scanned the area looking for Abe.
B.J. spotted her and came hurrying toward her. “Hi, Suzie. You lookin’ for your boy?”
Sweet kid. “Yes, I am. Have you seen him?” She gave him a hug and he returned it fiercely. He smelled of sweaty little boy and she was reminded of Abe at the age of eight. Oh, how life was simpler then. But that was then and this was now, and she had to stop wishing for the way things had been.
And so did Abe.
“He’s mucking out stalls.”
“Thanks, little man.” She winked at him and headed that way.
“You’re a nice momma.”
She turned back at B.J.’s words. “Oh, thank you. You’re a nice boy.”
He giggled. “Thanks. I got to run. I got trash duty today.”
She watched him race toward the chow hall. Then she headed toward the stables just as Abe was coming out.
“Hi, Abe, I need you to come with me,” she said, firmly.
“Where?”
“I’ll tell you on the way. Come on.”
“I don’t want to go.”
She looked at him. “Abe, I didn’t ask you.” He stared at her and she held her gaze steady. There was a time to be firm and this was it. Making decisions alone had been hard. And she had to admit that there had been times when it was easier not to push issues. But that time had passed.
“Get in the car, Abe. Now.”
His eyes flashed, but he did as she asked. Stomping to the other side of the car, he yanked open the door and slouched in the car seat.
“Buckle up,” she said, as she got in. “We have a long drive.”
He sat up then. “Are we going back home?”
She started the car and backed out. “No, Abe, this is our home now. And it’s time you got used to that. Now buckle up.”
He yanked the seat belt over and buckled it.
“I’m not sure if you thought destroying Tucker’s saddle was going to make me give in and take you back to San Antonio. I’m not sure what you were thinking when you did such a horrible thing. But I can tell you that some things are going to change, Abe Kent. And the first thing is that you’re going to see a counselor.”
“I don’t want to see a shrink!”
She turned onto the blacktop and kept her eyes on the road. She knew his expression wouldn’t be good. “She’s nice, Abe. She’ll listen to anything you have to say. Anything you need to talk about that is bothering you. But you have to open up. You have to let go of what is eating at you.”
“I’m not talking.”
She glanced at him. “I’ll take you anyway. You can sit in her office, silent for every appointment, but you’ll be there anyway. This has to stop. And you will not manipulate me into giving you what you want through bad behavior.”
Was she doing this the right way? She didn’t know, but one thing she did know was that giving in and being soft hadn’t worked. She’d been so thankful when Dr. Livingston had said she did evening appointments and she’d had a cancellation. It had clearly been a gift from God, and she’d grabbed the opportunity immediately.
Still, the miles ticked by slowly after that. He didn’t speak and she felt it best to not push any more. This was for his own good. She decided the time would be better spent in prayer.
For both of them.
* * *
Moonlight cast Tucker’s front yard in a silvery glow. Alone, in shadow of his porch, he was still reeling from the afternoon in Suzie’s shop. He was free. Despite every doubt and every feeling of guilt and remorse he’d carried over the past two years, he was finally free of it. Free because he’d realized finally that Gordon had done what he had to do—that it hadn’t been about giving his life for Tucker but instead about honoring the oath he’d taken when he’d become a marine.
The pain was still there, the wish that he could turn back time and change what had happened. But the burden that he’d carried was no longer there.
But where did that leave him with Suzie?
Did that mean he was free to want Suzie?
Because he did.
He wanted her in his life and he wanted her to want him...to want a life with him. To love him. But was that a possibility? Was he free to want that?
Gordon had been his brother—maybe not by blood but he was by everything else that counted. His mind kept looping back to kissing Suzie in the moonlight. Those thoughts had brought him outside to sit on his porch, letting the calm of the night seep in as he let everything settle in his thoughts.
She wasn’t ready for a relationship and he understood that. They had to help Abe first. He understood that and wanted that.
But he also understood what he wanted. And despite the misgivings, he’d fallen for Suzie.
Understood that he loved Suzie and he’d do anything for her. He could only hope that she might return his feelings someday, given time.
Just as had been the plan all along, their priority was Abe. But, from here on out, Suzie was going to know that she was special. That she wasn’t alone.
When his phone rang, he glanced at the caller ID fully expecting it to be the dispatcher at the office. He was startled when he realized it was Suzie calling at eleven-thirty. Grabbing the phone up from the table, he punched the button, his heart kicking up a ruckus. “Suzie, everything okay?”
She hesitated. “Tucker.” Her voice was quiet. “Can we talk?”
He sat up. “Sure.”
“I mean in person.”
“Of course. I’ll be right there. Meet me on the porch in ten minutes.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“Anytime.”
Her voice had been so soft, so full of the weight of concern, that he knew this was about Abe. But she’d called, and that mattered a great deal to him.
Heading back into the house, he pulled on a T-shirt with his jeans, yanked on his boots and jogged down the steps to his truck, opting for his personal vehicle instead of his official SUV. He was actually not on duty for three days. He was off all weekend unless there was a major catastrophe.
Within the ten minutes he’d allotted himself, he was driving into the yard of the ranch and pulling to a halt in front of the porch. He stepped lightly as he walked up the steps, not sure if Suzie was already outside sitting in the shadows.
“Hey,” came her sweet voice from the swing.
“Hey, yourself,” he said, continuing to keep his steps quiet, not wanting to disturb anyone inside. “Mind if I sit down?”
She shook her head and he sank into the cushion on the porch swing beside her. Her hair was still damp from her shower and she wore an oversize green T-shirt with a pair of black lounging pants. Her legs were tucked in between them, and her bare feet peeked from beneath the hem of her pants. She looked comfortable and relaxed, but her expression was pinched and her eyes weary.
He laid a comforting hand on her calf, patting gently before laying his arm across the back of the swing. “How are you? What’s on your mind?”
She took a deep breath. “A lot. I called the counselor right after you left and she was so accommodating. She had an evening appointment open and urged me to bring Abe in to see her. So I came to the ranch and basically demanded Abe come with me. He wasn’t happy, but he got in the car and I took him.”
“Sometimes, you have to be firm. I know, if you’re worried about the emotional state of your child that makes it all the more difficult.” He toyed with a damp strand of her hair. “Not that I have parenting experience—”
“Working with all these boys at the ranch gives you more experience than I have. Don’t kid yourself. I value your experience.”
He gave her hair a gentle tug. “Thanks. I want to help and I’m glad the doc could see y’all. How was it?”
“Well, I told Abe before we got there that his bad behavior wouldn’t be rewarded. That this was our home and that we would not be going back to San Antonio, no matter how much he acted up. After I said that, he didn’t talk to me the rest of the hour-long drive to the appointment.”
She worried a spot on the swing’s arm—rubbing on it and thinking. “When we were in with Dr. Livingston and I brought up the saddle, he just crossed his arms, closing us out, and stared out the window.”
“That’s tough.”
“Yeah, but Dr. Livingston didn’t act like it was uncommon.” Suzie sighed. “Abe didn’t talk for thirty minutes. Just sat there. Dr. Livingston started talking to me, explaining that she’d asked us both in there tonight, but that on the other trips she would see Abe alone. Toward the end of the session she did ask me to step out and she spent a short time alone with him. I think to see if he had anything to say when I wasn’t in the room. I’m not certain, but he may have talked a little with her.”
“How is he now? Or on the ride home?”
“He was quiet.” She looked at him then. “But I think he was resolved. Hopefully he understands that I care, and this is for his own good. I told him that, and maybe some of it is getting through. And hopefully he knows he’s going to have to accept that Sunrise Ranch—I mean, Dew Drop is his home.”
“Sunrise Ranch is okay, it is his home.”
“No, actually, it isn’t, Tucker. That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. This has been wonderful as a temporary layover. And he will continue to go to school out here, but I need to make a home for him so that he feels like we’re a family again. Because the truth is, he isn’t exactly like all of these wonderful boys here. He does still have a mother who cares for him. He hasn’t been abandoned by both his parents. I hate that so much for the boys, that they have, but Abe hasn’t. And this has made me more than realize that we need our own place. I can bring him to school each morning, and he can stay and hang out, work on the ranch whatever needs to be done. But at night he’ll go home to his own bed in his own room.”
“Okay, I get it. He really may need that separation. So, what can I do to help?”
“Well, I’m going upstairs to the apartment in the morning and I’m going to start cleaning and arranging. It shouldn’t take me long at all. We’ll start there, and then, that will keep him close. It will give him a place to call home. I hope that doesn’t hurt any feelings, but at the moment this is about Abe.”
“That’s fine. You’re absolutely right. In the meantime, I’m wondering if he would enjoy a roundup—an authentic roundup out in the more remote areas of the ranch. It would give him time to see what the ranch is really all about. He’s taken to riding with ease and this is more than just riding a fence looking for a hole that donkeys escaped through. The boys love it. And I have a long weekend, and Rowdy mentioned to me that when he got home from his honeymoon, the cattle would have to be driven from the east pastures over to the west pastures. Only problem is it takes two days and requires camping out one night.”
She sat straighter as he spoke and smiled, excitement in her eyes. “Oh, Tucker, I think he would love that. It sounds so, so exciting.”
He chuckled. “Well, it’s a cattle drive. As a cowboy, I love the drive and never miss it if I can help it. There is just something about being on the trail like that that takes you back to the basics. We’d originally put this one off because Rowdy’s gone, but we can do it without him. And we could have it set up to start tomorrow if you want.”
“I think it’s a great plan. Gordon talked about loving the cattle drive, too. I think I remember him saying there was a pass you had to take them through and a cabin with corrals that had been built back in the early days of the ranch.”
“That’s right. You could come, too. If you think you could take off.”
“I’ll see what I can do. I might be able to have someone cover for me for the afternoon, and Camy’s already set to work on Saturday.”
“Then I’ll call Morgan and Dad, and see what I can set up.”
She smiled; there was relief and anticipation in that smile. “I’ll talk to Abe as soon as he wakes up and fill him in on everything you and I have set up. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“We have a plan.”
Her eyes melted his heart when she looked at him. “Yes, we do. And that’s why I called you, because I knew you would help me think this through and come up with something good. Thank you.”
She would never know how much those words meant to him.
Standing, and knowing he needed to put space between them before he messed up and pulled her into his arms, he took her hand and tugged her from the swing. “That means a lot to me. Now, how about you head on inside and get some rest. You’re going to need it.”
She took a step toward him, as if she were going to come in for a hug—or to rest her head against his thundering heart. But she stopped suddenly.
“Thank you. See you tomorrow, Tucker McDermott.”
He watched her go. Only after she was inside and the door firmly shut behind her did he leave.
He whistled all the way home.
And didn’t sleep a wink for the rest of the night.
Chapter Fifteen
The morning had been a whirlwind. Suzie had actually slept after Tucker left. She’d set her alarm for 5:00 a.m. and by 6:00 a.m. she was dressed in roundup-appropriate attire—just in case Tucker was able to organize everything as discussed. She went into Abe’s
room, sat on the edge of his bed and gently shook his shoulder to get him to wake up. “Abe, honey, I need to talk to you before I head to the shop.”
Groggily he opened his eyes. “Why?”
She needed them to be back on good terms. This was killing her. Leaning down she cupped his face in her hands and laid her cheek against his. “I love you, Abe. I love you so much.” When she rose up, she could see a brief glimpse of her son behind the mask of indifference. It was her hope.
“Look, I know last night was hard on you. But I’ve been doing some thinking.” She told him of her plan to move them into town—that he would go to school here and could be friends with the boys, but that they needed their own place. She said she was going to begin preparing the apartment so that the following week they could move in.
“For real?”
“Yes, and since our things are already stored there it shouldn’t take too long to get it cleaned and painted. It’s nothing fancy but it’ll be ours.”
He sat up, as if excited at the thought, which thrilled her. Then she told him what Tucker was doing, and asked him if he wanted to help with the roundup, if they had it. She worried briefly that he would say no.
“So, you’re coming, too?”
She nodded. “Unless you’d rather I didn’t. But when we get home, you can come into town with me and you and I will work on the apartment.”
She was relieved to see excitement filter into his eyes. “Okay. Then that sounds good. I’d... Mom, I’d like you to go.”
She very nearly started crying. Had that been part of the problem? He’d felt they were at a distance, too? “Then if you don’t mind, let Tucker know that we’re going if he gets it set up. He’ll call me and I’ll come straight here. I just need to get to town and line up someone to run the shop while I’m out.” She’d been so blessed to have Camy, the teen was so reliable and she really enjoyed the shop. If only she could find someone to keep it open in the day at times like this, when she had to leave.
In the end, she found the most unlikely people to watch the shop and take orders for her—Chili and Drewbaker dropped by when she was about to start calling the handful of applicants.
Her Unlikely Cowboy Page 13