“He’ll calm down. You’ll see.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“He was so excited about your opening. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. Just wait and see. I bet he’ll show up looking amazing, sweep you into his arms, and carry you away.” Leah hugged her. “You’ll sort everything out. It will be all right.”
Zee sniffed and hugged her. “I don’t believe that. I’ll never see him again. He’s too good at leaving. He’s had three years of practice.”
“That was before he found you.”
“Until I took his heart and threw it back at him. I can’t believe I hurt him like this. I’m worse than Victoria. He hates me, and I can’t blame him. I hate me. It’s a theme. I’m a miserable human being.”
“Who’s Victoria? Never mind. You need to quit talking like this.”
“But it’s true. Look at me. I’m horrible. I even screamed at my dead grandmother.”
“Okay, enough. I’m going to make you a cup of tea, and a nice hot bath. Then you’re going to take a nap. We’re going to get you off this crap train you’re on and look toward better things.” She didn’t wait for Zee to respond, but went into the kitchen.
Zee watched her go. And then as she had for the millionth time in two days, her gaze moved to the bit of paradise just beyond her window. She rose and although it broke her heart each time she did it, she stepped out onto the roof. A soft breeze blew and the sun’s spring warmth reached down into her bones.
She wandered around touching the new things. He was here in the plants and the lovely furniture. His carefree abandon was right here. All his love for her spread out for her to wrap herself in. He made her a safe place where she could strip off the layers of her defenses and be free…with him.
Her mind’s eye imagined them sunbathing, covering each other with lotion, letting the sun kiss every inch of their bodies. They would have made love here. In the open sunlight, beneath the stars, beside a lovely fire, in the rain.
Tears from eyes too dry to cry wet her cheeks.
“Nana, I’m so sorry. I take it all back. Where are you? I need you. Please help me find him.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Even with Leah’s help, the next few days were brutal. The final blow came when Zee went back to the mansion one more time. Jagger wasn’t at the groundkeeper’s cabin. His van was nowhere to be seen, but an ancient Volvo sat in the driveway of the main house.
Zee pounded on the front door. An older woman in a starched white apron told her that she was one of the housekeepers, Ellie. Zee explained who she was and that she was desperate to get in touch with Jagger.
“Yes, he’s mentioned you a time or two. I’m sorry, I can’t help you, though. He quit. Said there was some emergency and he was leaving town. Didn’t even want his last paycheck. Just packed up his stuff. I’m sorry to see him go, I can tell you. He brightened my day. Breaks my heart to think I won’t see him again. I wish I could be more help.”
“No, thank you. I’m sorry to have disturbed you.”
Zee was crying so hard on the way back to her apartment, that she nearly wrapped George around a tree.
She stopped sleeping. She barely ate. She hadn’t showered in days. She’d have quit going to class had Leah not dragged her. “You’re not going to blow your scholarship, your degree, and your career. I’m not going to let you.”
Zee couldn’t explain to Leah the depth of her despair. She couldn’t even rant and rave about what a bastard he was for leaving. This was her fault. The look on his face as all those horrible words spewed out of her mouth still haunted her. She’d killed anything he felt for her. She’d pushed him off the roof.
“Come on now, honey. I’ll make a deal with you. If you get up, clean yourself up, and have something to eat, I’ll help you get the rest of your work down to the gallery. You said they needed everything by noon today. I know you’re hurting, but you have to keep moving. You have the show of your life tomorrow night, and I refuse to let you wallow. I’ll stand right by your side if you need me to hold you up. Then you can fall apart, okay? I’ll curl up with you and we’ll drown our sorrows in chocolate and tequila. But you’re not going to blow this. I won’t let you. You’ve worked too hard for this, dammit.”
Zee pulled the sheet over her head. “I don’t care.”
“You will in a week, or a month, or next year. You’ll care. And you’ll feel even more miserable that you let this thing with Jagger ruin your future.”
Zee knew Leah was right, but her heart ached so much she couldn’t breathe.
Friday morning’s class was little more than chaos. Everyone was so excited about the showing that night. Zee was an absolute mess. Her emotions were so stretched and raw, each hug and enthusiastic word scraped against her like an iron rake.
Madeline was the worst. She was in a panic that Zee wouldn’t show up at the gallery.
“You’re not going to let me down, right, Zee? I don’t have to reiterate how important this is, to all of us.”
“No, Madeline, you’ve already made it perfectly clear.”
“But you’ve been so distracted this week.”
“I said, I’ll be there,” Zee snapped. “What more do you want from me? I’m dancing as fast as I can here.”
“I’m sorry, Zee. I don’t mean to add to your stress. It’s just that—”
“I know, I know.” She let out a sigh, and patted Madeline on the shoulder. “I promise, I won’t let you down.”
Mr. Bruce had called early that morning to let her know everything was ready. He sounded surprised when she didn’t want to give final approval on the set up. Zee told him she trusted him completely and was sure everything would be just fine.
She listened while he spoke about how wonderful it all looked. He believed her sales would be good. His regulars would be there with their deep pockets, and they always had a fine appreciation for new talent. He was expecting between eighty and a hundred people. Just the thought caused Zee’s stomach to churn.
Her mother’s phone call was the cherry on top. “Can I bring Gerard?”
“Who the hell is Gerard?”
Her mother gave a dreamy sigh “He’s my shaman.”
“How long have you known a shaman?”
“Six glorious days.”
Zee started to ask what made them glorious, but knew she didn’t want to hear the answer. All the normal questions raced through her mind, though. Where did you meet this guy? What do you know about him? Does he have a history of mental illness? Has he ever been to prison? Zee couldn’t muster the strength to deal with yet another insane relationship with her mother. Not today.
“Sure, bring Gerard. Does he have a tuxedo?”
“Goodness, no. I told you, he’s a shaman.”
After class finished up, Leah gathered Zee like some wayward chick and took over.
“I know you. If I don’t stick to you like glue, you’ll find some excuse why you can’t make it tonight and disappear. Consider me your life coach, personal assistant, head cheerleader, and entourage for the whole day.”
They started with a light lunch. Nothing too heavy on a nervous stomach. From there Leah arranged the works: manicure, pedicure, hair, and makeup. She was leaving nothing to chance.
Hours later, they stood in Zee’s bedroom. Her little black dress lay upon the bed. Leah was lifting black silk sandals out of their box as if they were the crown jewels. “These are the sexiest shoes, Zee.”
“I’m going to break my neck.”
“Nonsense. You’ll be fine. The heel isn’t that high. See how the rhinestone bows match your purse?”
Zee groaned. She looked in the mirror. Her hair had been moussed, tamed, straightened and re-curled onto giant rollers, sprayed, tousled and sprayed again. It looked nothing like her hair, but it did look very nice.
They’d done an amazing job with her make-up, as well. The girl painting her face kept gushing over the length of Zee’s eyelashes. They decided on the “glam�
� eye, which was dark and smoky in a shade of deep plum to bring out the silver specks in her eyes. It did fit the occasion, but as the image in the mirror stared back, Zee hardly recognized herself. She looked lovely, but she wondered if her own mother would know her.
She stripped down to put on her dress.
“Shit, Zee.” Leah gasped.
“What now?”
“Where did you get that bra?”
Zee looked down at the delicate bits of black lace that hugged her breasts. The bra pushed her in and up and let her girls ride on a slight cushion of water. “I bought it a few weeks ago.”
“Oh my God! You’re wearing a thong?”
“Jeez, what’s the big deal?”
“How long have I known you?”
Zee sighed. “Just let me get dressed, will you?”
“What happened to the white balloon panties we all know and love?”
“We—I burned them.”
“You burned them?”
“It’s a long story. Can’t I buy myself some new underwear if I want? I’m a big girl. I wanted something different. So what?”
“Don’t get defensive. I love them. I’m just a little surprised. I guess I never thought something like that was your style.”
“Maybe I changed.” Zee pulled a black satin garter belt from the drawer. She remembered the panty parade. Jagger’s favorite had been the red demi bra that was more of a suggestion than an actual article of clothing, and the red silk g-string that matched. It was his idea to burn her others. They lit them on fire in her wok on the roof.
Tears pinched the back of her nose. If she cried now, she would end up looking like a raccoon after a bar brawl. She blinked them back. She would not cry over panties.
Zee slipped into the black sheath dress and lovely shoes. Leah let her borrow some vintage rhinestones to clip to her ears and ring her neck. She stepped in front of the mirror.
Leah sighed. “You look amazing.”
“I look like I’m going to a masquerade party.”
“Are you kidding? You look fantastic.”
“And nothing like me.”
“You are not wearing the pink sneakers. I don’t care what you say.”
Leah had misunderstood. Zee wasn’t complaining. She looked at the woman in the mirror. Her new wall was complete. Who would have thought lipstick and high heels would hide her better than an oversized hoodie?
Just one thing was missing. Zee pasted on a smile. Flawless. No one would see that the smile never reached her eyes. No one would know that within this shell of perfumed, thonged, glittering woman was a broken-hearted, scared little girl. No one would ever see her.
“No, Leah, no pink sneakers. I promise. This is perfect.”
Leah hugged her. “I have another surprise for you.”
“You’ve done too much already.”
“I couldn’t help myself. Besides, this is a treat for me as well.”
“What is it?”
“Come with me.”
Five flights down, Leah waved to someone outside. The door opened and a liveried driver stood with a huge umbrella. Beyond him, a long sleek black limousine waited for them in the dark drizzly night.
“Cinderella, your pumpkin.”
The ruse was complete. “It’s perfect.”
The driver walked Leah to the car first and came back to the building for Zee. As soon as she stepped through the doorway, a figure swooped in from her left.
Ed!
Chapter Thirty-Eight
No. Please God, not now. Zee felt as if the tiniest breath of wind would shatter her like strands of spun sugar.
“Ed, no.”
He thrust a bouquet of flowers at her. “I know you’re on your way to your show. I won’t make you late. I promise. Please, I need to talk to you. It’ll only take a minute.”
“How do you know about the show?”
“I know things, Zee. Don’t think I’m going to show up at the gallery tonight and ruin things, ’cause I won’t. Not if you’ll just listen to me now.” His tone wasn’t the slightest bit angry. He looked like a little kid who got lost in the supermarket. His eyes were pleading.
Zee turned toward the limo. Leah had spotted Ed and was half way out the door heading back. She lifted a hand to stop her, and turned to the driver who was still holding the umbrella over her. “I’m going to need a moment.”
“I’ll be right here, miss.”
“Thank you.” Zee grabbed Ed by the sleeve and pulled him into the small foyer. She brushed dirt from her hand. “Why are you so filthy?”
“I was…never mind. These are for you.” Ed pushed the flowers at her again.
“I don’t want them. Please say what you need to say so I can go.” The fluorescent lighting seemed a lot harsher.
“You look unbelievable. Really, amazing.” He looked at the flowers and lowered them. “I don’t blame you for hating me. I know I can be a real jerk sometimes, and I’ve been a royal ass to you, and I’m sorry about all that. I’m really sorry ’cause, I love you, Zee.”
She gaped at him.
“You don’t have to say anything. But that’s the truth. I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I know things are done with that Australian guy you’ve been seeing, so I thought…”
Her mother didn’t even know she and Jagger were over. “How do you know about me and Jagger?”
“It doesn’t matter how I know, I just do. But I thought since you and him aren’t together any more, I-I…” Ed dropped the flowers to the floor, reached into his pants pocket and dropped to one knee. He snapped open the lid of a small white box and held it up to her.
“Oh my God. Is that what I think it is?”
“It isn’t one of those huge rocks, but it’s real. I want you to take it. I want you to marry me, Zee. I know you said no before, but this is different now. I’ve changed. I have. And you’re different too, you know, in a good way. I know we can make it now. You can be mine again. Marry me.”
Zee could feel her mouth opening and closing like a fish drowning in air.
He shook his head. “Don’t say anything yet. You don’t have to answer me now. Take the ring. Just think about it. Go, have a good time at your show. We can talk more about it tomorrow.”
Zee took the ring from his hands. She stood staring at it like she had never seen a ring before. Ed stood up. He didn’t reach for her. He didn’t even try to touch her. He just stood there. In her heels she was taller than him. Was that why he looked so small?
“Ed…” She closed the lid without a sound. “I don’t need to wait until tomorrow.” She handed the ring back to him. “I can’t marry you. I’m in love with Jagger.”
“He’s gone.”
“I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with him. I love him with all of my heart.”
“He’s gone. Forever.” Ed was insistent.
“That doesn’t change how I feel.” She placed the box back into his hand. “I have to leave. They’re waiting for me. I’m sorry.” Zee bent and picked up the discarded bouquet and plucked one rose from the bunch, gave him back the rest, and walked out into the rain.
The door of the limo closed with a solid thud.
“Are you okay?”
The car pulled away from her building. Zee caught a glimpse of Ed still standing in the light of the doorway holding his flowers. “I’m not sure. I think so.”
“What did he want?” asked Leah.
“Same thing I want from Jagger. Another chance.” Zee smiled a watery smile at Leah and reached for an open bottle of champagne. “I could really use some liquid courage.”
Zee could tell that Leah was bursting with more questions. But instead Leah just gave her a little nod, and handed her two glasses. Zee poured pale bubbles into tall flutes, grateful for her friend. Leah lifted her glass in a toast. “Here’s to you, Zee. To the most memorable night of your life.”
Zee plastered on her smile. “It already is that.” The wi
ne chilled its way into her empty belly.
“Thanks for letting me share in your special night.”
“Are you kidding? If it weren’t for you, I’d be curled up in my bed sucking my thumb.”
“I wasn’t about to let you skip this. You’re going to be famous. You wait and see.” Leah drank from the tall crystal flute. “Beats boxed wine, eh, Cinderella?”
Zee really felt like Cinderella. Fancy shoes and all. But would the gig be up at midnight? Would everything disappear? She could picture the limo turning back into a pumpkin and the driver becoming a rat with an umbrella. Leah, her fairy godmother, would vanish in a glittery cloud and Zee would end up walking home wearing her thong and just one shoe. She’d never trusted fairy tales.
Daniel Bruce instructed her to arrive twenty minutes after the start of the opening. You know, to make an entrance. According to him, by then the gallery would be teeming with friends, family, and eager patrons waiting to meet the newest Bruce Gallery talent.
Zee took a deep breath as the car pulled up in front of the gallery. Bright lights spilled out onto the wet-shined entryway. She could see beyond the doorman to the crowd of people inside. Pure frosty panic threaded its way up her spine. She shivered in her skin.
“How about another trip around the block?” Her body shook.
“Are you nervous?” Leah put a hand on her arm.
Zee looked at her friend as if she had lost her mind. “Ah, ya.”
“Don’t be. You look fabulous. Your work is amazing. All those people in there just want to congratulate you on all your hard work. Your friends are all inside. Everyone is there.”
Not everyone. Leah kept telling her Jagger would show up tonight, but Zee knew in that cold empty place where her heart used to be that he wouldn’t be there.
“Come on. Look, Mr. Bruce is waiting to introduce you to all your fans.”
The driver opened the back door and once again held the huge black umbrella for her. Zee closed her eyes, took a deep breath, pasted on her smile, prayed her mask was on straight and stepped out into a cloud of a dream.
Daniel Bruce smiled broadly when he saw her. “Zee, you take my breath away. The limo’s a fabulous touch.” He air kissed both cheeks.
Picture Me Naked (Stoddard Art School Series) Page 24