by Marie Lu
“You know what happens. War.”
A note of fear appears in Day’s eyes, but he still shrugs. “The Republic and the Colonies have been at war forever. How will this be any different?”
“This time they’ll win,” I whisper. “They have a strong ally. They know we’re vulnerable during our transition to a young new Elector. If we can’t hand over this cure, we don’t stand a chance.” I narrow my eyes. “Don’t you remember what we saw when we went to the Colonies?”
Day pauses for a heartbeat. Even though he doesn’t say it aloud, I can see the conflict written clearly on his face. Finally, he sighs and tightens his lips in anger. “You think I’m going to let the Republic take Eden again? If the Elector believes that, then I really did make a mistake throwing my support behind him. I didn’t help him out just to watch him toss Eden back into a lab.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. No use trying to convince him of how much Anden also hates the situation. “He shouldn’t have asked you like this.”
“He put you up to this, didn’t he? I bet you resisted too, yeah? You know how this sounds.” His tone turns more exasperated. “You knew what my answer would be. Why’d you still send for me?”
I look into his eyes and say the first thing that comes to mind. “Because I wanted to see you. Isn’t that why you agreed too?”
This makes him pause for a moment. Then he whirls around, rakes both hands through his hair, and sighs. “What do you think, then? Tell me the truth. What would you ask me to do, if you felt absolutely no pressure from anyone else in this country?”
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Steel yourself, June. “I’d . . . ,” I begin, then hesitate. What would I say? Logically, I agree with Anden’s assessment. If the Colonies do what they threaten, if they attack us with the full force of a superpower’s help, then many innocent lives will be lost unless we take a risk with one life. There is simply no easier choice. Besides, we could ensure that Eden would be treated as well as possible, with the best doctors and the most physical comfort. Day could be present during all of the potential procedures—he could see exactly what was happening. But how do I explain that to a boy who has already lost his entire family, who saw his brother experimented on before, who has been experimented on himself? This is the part that Anden doesn’t understand as well as I do, even though he knows Day’s past on paper—he still doesn’t know Day, hasn’t traveled with him and witnessed the suffering he’s gone through. The question is too complicated to be answered with simple logic.
Most importantly—Anden’s unable to guarantee his brother’s safety. Everything will come with a risk, and I know with dead certainty that nothing in the world could possibly make Day take this risk.
Day must see the frustration dancing across my face, because he softens and steps closer. I can practically feel the heat coming off him, the warmth of his nearness that turns my breath shallow. “I came here tonight for you,” he says in a low voice. “There’s nothing in the world they could’ve said to convince me, except that you wanted me here. And I can’t turn down a request from you. They told me you had personally . . .” He swallows. There’s a familiar war of emotions in his expression that leaves me with a sick feeling—emotions that I know are desire, for what we once had, and anguish, for desiring a girl who destroyed his family. “It’s so good to see you, June.”
He says it like he’s letting go of a huge burden that’s been holding him down. I wonder whether he can hear my heart pounding frantically against my ribs. When I speak, though, I manage to keep my voice steady and calm. “Are you okay?” I ask. “You look pale.”
The weight returns to his eyes, and his brief moment of intimacy fades as he steps away and fiddles with the edge of his gloves. He’s always hated gloves, I remember. “I’ve had a bad flu for the last couple of weeks,” he replies, flashing me a quick grin. “Getting better now, though.” (Eyes flickering subtly to the side, scratching the edge of his ear, stiffness of his limbs, timing slightly off between his words and his smile.) I tilt my head at him and frown.
“You’re such a bad liar, Day,” I say. “You might as well tell me what’s on your mind.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” he replies automatically. This time he points his eyes at the floor and puts his hands in his pockets. “If I seem off, it’s because I’m worried about Eden. He’s gotten a year of treatment for his eyes and he still can’t see much. The doctors tell me that he may need some special contacts, and even then, he might never get his full eyesight back.”
I can tell this isn’t the real reason behind Day’s exhausted appearance, but he knows that bringing Eden’s recovery into this conversation will stop any questions from me. Well, if he really doesn’t want to tell me, then I won’t pressure him. I clear my throat awkwardly. “That’s terrible,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry to hear it. Is he doing okay, otherwise?”
Day nods. We fall back into our moonlit silence. I can’t help recalling the last time we were alone in a room together, when he took my face in his hands, when his tears were falling against my cheeks. I remember the way he whispered I’m sorry against my lips. Now, as we stand three feet apart and stare at each other, I feel the full distance that comes with spending so much time apart, a moment filled with the electricity of a first meeting and the uncertainty of strangers.
Day leans toward me, as if drawn by some invisible force. The tragic plea on his face twists my stomach into painful knots. Please don’t ask this of me, his eyes beg. Please don’t ask me to give up my brother. I would do anything else for you. Just not this. “June, I . . . ,” he whispers. His voice threatens to break with all the heartache he’s keeping bottled inside.
He never finishes that sentence. Instead, he sighs and bows his head. “I can’t agree to your Elector’s terms,” he says in a somber tone. “I’m not going to hand my brother to the Republic as another experiment. Tell him I’ll work with him to find another solution. I understand how serious this all is—I don’t want to see the Republic fall. I’d be glad to help and figure something else out. But Eden stays out of this.”
And that’s the end of our conversation. Day nods at me in farewell, lingers for a few last seconds, and then steps toward the door. I lean against the wall in sudden exhaustion. Without him nearby, there’s a lack of energy, a dulling of color, gray moonlight where moments earlier there had been silver. I study his paleness a final time, analyzing him from the corner of my eye. He avoids my gaze. Something is wrong, and he refuses to tell me what it is.
What am I missing here?
He pulls the door open. His expression hardens right before he steps out of the room. “And if for some reason the Republic tries to take Eden by force, I’ll turn the people against Anden so fast that a revolution will be on him before he can blink.”
SERIOUSLY, I SHOULD BE USED TO MY NIGHTMARES BY NOW.
This time I dream about me and Eden at a San Francisco hospital. A doctor’s fitting Eden with a new pair of glasses. We end up at a hospital at least once a week, so that they can monitor how Eden’s eyes are slowly adjusting to medication, but this is the first time I see the doctor smile encouragingly at my brother. Must be a good sign, yeah?
Eden turns to me, grins, and puffs his chest out in an exaggerated gesture. I have to laugh. “How does it look?” he asks me, fiddling with his huge new frames. His eyes still have that weird, pale purple color, and he can’t focus on me, but I notice that he can now make out things like the walls around him and the light coming in from the windows. My heart jumps at the sight. Progress.
“You look like an eleven-year-old owl,” I reply, walking over to ruffle his hair. He giggles and bats my hand away.
As we sit together in the office, waiting for paperwork, I watch Eden busily folding pieces of paper together into some kind of elaborate design. He has to hunch close to the papers to see what he’s doing, his broken eyes almost crossed with concentration, his fingers nimble and deliberate. I swear, this kid’s always mak
ing something or other.
“What is it?” I ask him after a while.
He’s concentrating too hard to answer me right away. Finally, when he tucks one last paper triangle into the design, he holds it up and gives me that cheeky grin. “Here,” he says, pointing to what looks like a paper leaf sticking out of the ball of paper. “Pull this.”
I do as he says. To my amazement, the design transforms into an elaborate 3-D paper rose. I smile back at him in my dream. “Pretty impressive.”
Eden takes his paper design back.
In that instant, an alarm blares throughout the hospital. Eden drops the paper flower and jumps to his feet. His blind eyes are wide open in terror. I glance to the hospital’s windows, where doctors and nurses have gathered. Out along the horizon of San Francisco, a row of Colonies airships sail closer and closer to us. The city below them burns from a dozen fires.
The alarm deafens me. I grab Eden’s hand and rush us out of the room. “We have to get out of here,” I shout. When he stumbles, unable to see where we’re going, I hoist him onto my back. People rush all around us.
I reach the stairwell—and there, a line of Republic soldiers stops us. One of them pulls Eden off my back. He screams, kicking out at people he can’t see. I struggle to free myself from the soldiers, but their grip is ironclad, and my limbs feel like they’re sinking into deep mud. We need him, some unrecognizable voice whispers into my ear. He can save us all.
I scream out loud, but no one can hear me. Off in the distance, the Colonies airships aim at the hospital. Glass shatters all around us. I feel the heat of fire. On the floor lies Eden’s paper flower, its edges crisping from flames. I can no longer see my brother.
He’s gone. He’s dead.
* * *
A pounding headache pulls me from my sleep. The soldiers vanish—the alarm silences—the chaos of the hospital disappears into the dark blue hue of our bedroom. I try to take a deep breath and look around for Eden, but the headache stabs into the back of my skull like an ice pick, and I bolt upright with a gasp of pain. Now I remember where I really am. I’m in a temporary apartment back in Denver, the morning after seeing June. On the bedroom dresser sits my usual transmission box, the station still tuned to one of the airwaves I thought the Patriots might’ve been using.
“Daniel?” In the bed next to mine, Eden stirs. Relief hits me, even in the midst of my agony. Just a nightmare. Like always. Just a nightmare. “Are you okay?” It takes me a second to realize that dawn hasn’t quite arrived—the room still looks dark, and all I can see is my brother’s silhouette against the bluish black of the night.
I don’t answer right away. Instead, I swing my legs over the side of the bed to face him and clutch my head in both hands. Another jolt of pain hits the base of my brain. “Get my medicine,” I mutter to Eden.
“Should I get Lucy?”
“No. Don’t wake her,” I reply. Lucy’s already had two sleepless nights because of me. “Medicine.”
The pain makes me ruder than usual, but Eden jumps out of bed before I can apologize. He immediately starts fumbling for the bottle of green pills that always sits on the dresser between our beds. He grabs it and holds out the bottle in my general direction.
“Thanks.” I take it from him, pour three pills into my palm with a shaking hand, and try to swallow them. Throat’s too dry. I push myself up from the bed and stagger toward the kitchen. Behind me, Eden utters another “Are you sure you’re okay?” but the pain in my head is so strong that I can hardly hear him. I can hardly even see.
I reach the kitchen sink and turn the faucet on, cup some water into my hands, and drink it down with the medicine. Then I slide down to the floor in the darkness, resting my back against the cold metal of the refrigerator door.
It’s okay, I console myself. My headaches had worsened over the past year, but the doctors assured me that these attacks should last no longer than a half hour each time. Of course, they also told me that if any of them felt unusually severe, I should be rushed to the emergency room right away. So every time I get one, I wonder if I’m experiencing a typical day—or the last day of my life.
A few minutes later, Eden stumbles into the kitchen with his walking meter on, the device beeping whenever he gets too close to a wall. “Maybe we should ask Lucy to call the doctors,” he whispers.
I don’t know why, but the sight of Eden feeling his way through the kitchen sends me into a fit of low, uncontrollable laughter. “Man, look at us,” I reply. My laughter turns into coughs. “What a team, yeah?”
Eden finds me by placing a tentative hand on my head. He sits beside me with his legs crossed and gives me a wry grin. “Hey—with your metal leg and half a brain, and my four leftover senses, we almost make a whole person.”
I laugh harder, but it makes the pain of my headache that much worse. “When did you turn so sarcastic, little boy?” I give him an affectionate shove.
We stay hunched in silence for the next hour as the headache goes on and on. I’m now writhing in pain. Sweat soaks my white collar shirt and tears streak my face. Eden sits next to me and grips my hand in his small ones. “Try not to think about it,” he urges under his breath, squinting at me with his pale purple eyes. He pushes his black-rimmed glasses farther up his nose. Bits and pieces of my nightmare come back to me, images of his hand getting yanked out of mine. Sounds of his screams. I squeeze his hand so tightly that he winces. “Don’t forget to breathe. The doctor always says taking deep breaths is supposed to help, right? Breathe in, breathe out.”
I close my eyes and try to follow my little brother’s commands, but it’s hard to hear him at all through the pounding of my headache. The pain is excruciating, all-consuming, a white-hot knife stabbing repeatedly into the back of my brain. Breathe in, breathe out. Here’s the pattern—first there’s a dull, numbing ache, followed shortly by the absolute worst pain you can ever imagine going into your head, a spear shoved through your skull, and the impact of it is so hard that your entire body goes stiff; it lasts for a solid three seconds, followed by a split second of relief. And then it repeats itself all over again.
“How long has it been?” I gasp out to Eden. Dim blue light is slowly filtering in from the windows.
Eden pulls out a tiny square com and presses its lone knob. “Time?” he asks it. The device immediately responds, “Zero five thirty.” He puts it away, a concerned frown on his face. “It’s been almost an hour. Has it gone on this long before?”
I’m dying. I really am dying. It’s times like this when I’m glad that I don’t see much of June anymore. The thought of her seeing me sweating and dirty on my kitchen floor, clutching my baby brother’s hand for dear life like some weepy weakling, while she’s breathtaking in her scarlet gown and jewel-studded hair . . . You know, for that matter, in this moment I’m even relieved that Mom and John can’t see me.
When I moan from another excruciating stab of pain, Eden pulls out his com again and presses the knob. “That’s it. I’m calling the doctors.” When the com beeps, prompting him for his command, he says, “Day needs an ambulance.” Then, before I can protest, he raises his voice and calls out for Lucy.
Seconds later, I hear Lucy approach. She doesn’t turn the light on—she knows that it only makes my headaches that much worse. Instead, I see her stout silhouette in the darkness and hear her exclaim, “Day! How long have you been out here?” She rushes over to me and puts one plump hand against my cheek. Then she glances at Eden and touches his chin. “Did you call for the doctors?”
Eden nods. Lucy inspects my face again, then clucks her tongue in worried disapproval and bustles off to grab a cool towel.
The last place I want to be right now is lying in a Republic hospital—but Eden’s already placed the call, and I’d rather not be dead anyway. My vision has started to blur, and I realize it’s because I can’t stop my eyes from watering nonstop. I wipe a hand across my face and smile weakly at Eden. “Damn, I’m dripping water like a leaky faucet.”<
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Eden tries to smile back. “Yeah, you’ve had better days,” he replies.
“Hey, kid. Remember that time when John asked you to be in charge of watering the plants outside our door?”
Eden frowns for a second, digging through his memories, and then a grin lights up his face. “I did a pretty good job, didn’t I?”
“You built that little makeshift catapult in front of our door.” I close my eyes and indulge in the memory, a temporary distraction from all the pain. “Yeah, I remember that thing. You kept lobbing water balloons at those poor flowers. Did they even have any petals left after you were done? Oh man, John was so pissed.” He was even madder because Eden was only four at the time and, well, how do you punish your wide-eyed baby brother?
Eden giggles. I wince as another wave of agony hits me.
“What was it that Mom used to say about us?” he asks. Now I can tell that he’s trying to keep my mind on other things too.
I manage a smile. “Mom used to say that having three boys was kind of like having a pet tornado that talked back.” The two of us laugh for a moment, at least before I squint my eyes shut again.
Lucy comes back with the towel. She places it against my forehead, and I sigh in relief at its cool surface. She checks my pulse, then my temperature.
“Daniel,” Eden pipes up while she works. He scoots closer, his eyes still staring blankly off at a spot to the right of my head. “Hang in there, okay?”
Lucy shoots him a critical frown at what his tone implies. “Eden,” she scolds. “More optimism in this house, please.”
A lump rises in my throat, turning my breath shallower. John’s gone, Mom’s gone, Dad’s gone. I watch Eden with a heavy ache in my chest. I used to hope that since he was the youngest of us boys, he might be able to learn from John’s and my mistakes and be the luckiest out of us, maybe make it into a college or earn a good living as a mechanic, that we’d be around to guide him through the difficult times in life. What would happen to him if I were gone too? What happens if he has to stand alone against the Republic?