NATALYA PETROVNA. Me? Oh no, why?
VERA. I fancied . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA. No, it’s nothing. I’m feeling the heat a little. . . . That’s all. Sit down. [VERA sits down] Tell me, Vera, are you doing anything particular just now?
VERA. No.
NATALYA PETROVNA. I ask you because I want to have a talk with you ... a serious talk. You see, my dear, I’ve always looked on you as a child; but you are seventeen; you are a sensible girl. . . . It’s time for you to think about your future. You know I love you as a daughter; my house will always be your home . . . but all the same, in other people’s eyes, you are an orphan; you have no fortune. You may in time grow tired of always living with strangers; tell me would you like to be mistress in your own house, absolute mistress in it?
VERA [slowly]. I don’t understand you, Natalya Petrovna.
NATALYA PETROVNA [after a pause]. I have received an offer of marriage for you. [VERA stares at her in amazement] You didn’t expect that; I must own it seems strange to me too. You are so young. ... I need not tell you that I do not mean to put pressure on you. ... In my opinion you’re too young to be married; but I thought it my duty to tell you. . . . [VERA suddenly hides her face in her hands] Vera . . . what is it? You’re crying? [Takes her hand] You’re trembling all over? . . . Surely you’re not afraid of me, Vera?
VERA [in a toneless voice], I’m in your power, Natalya Petrovna.
NATALYA PETROVNA [taking VERA’S hands from her face]. Vera, aren’t you ashamed to cry? Aren’t you ashamed to say that you’re in my power? What do you take me for? I am speaking to you as I would to a daughter, and you . . . [VERA kisses her hands.] What? You are in my power? Then please laugh at once! ... I tell you to. ... [VERA smiles through her tears.] That’s right. [NATALYA PETROVNA puts one arm round her and draws her closer.] Vera, my child, treat me as though I were your mother, or no, imagine that I’m an elder sister and let us have a little talk together about all these wonderful things.... Will you? VERA. Oh, yes.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Well, listen then. . . . Come a little nearer. That’s right. To begin with, as you’re my sister, we suppose there’s no need for me to assure you that this is your home; a girl with eyes like yours is at home everywhere. So it ought never to enter your head that you are a burden to anybody in the world or that anybody wants to get rid of you. . . . You hear? But now one fine day your sister comes to you and says: Just think, Vera, you have a suitor. . . . Well? What answer would you make? That you are too young, that you are not thinking of marriage? VERA. Yes, Natalya Petrovna.
NATALYA PETROVNA. But you wouldn’t speak like that to your sister.
VERA [smiling]. Oh . . . yes, then. NATALYA PETROVNA. Your sister agrees with you, the suitor is refused and there’s the end of it. But suppose the suitor is a good man, and well - to - do, and if he is willing to wait, if he only asks permission to see you occasionally in the hope of gaining your affections in time? VERA. Who is this suitor?
NATALYA PETROVNA. Ah! you would like to know! You don’t guess?
VERA. No.
NATALYA PETROVNA. You have seen him to - day. [VERA flushes crimson.] It is true he is not very handsome, and not very young. . . . Bolshintsov.
VERA. Afanasy Ivanitch?
NATALYA PETROVNA. Yes. . . . Afanasy Ivanitch.
VERA [gazes for some time at NATALYA PETROVNA, suddenly begins laughing, then stops]. You’re not joking?
NATALYA PETROVNA [smiling]. No . . . but I see there’s no hope for Bolshintsov. If you had cried at his name, he might have hoped, but you laugh; there’s nothing for him but to go his way, bless him!
VERA. I’m sorry... but really I didn’t expect... Surely people don’t get married at his age?
NATALYA PETROVNA. What an idea! How old is he? He’s not fifty. The very age to marry.
VERA. Perhaps .. . but he has such a queer face. .. .
NATALYA PETROVNA. Well, don’t let us say any more about him. He’s dead and buried . . . bless him! But it’s only natural a child of your age cannot care for a man like Bolshintsov. . . . You all want to marry for love, not from prudence, don’t you?
VERA. Yes, Natalya Petrovna, and you . . . didn’t you marry Arkady Sergeyitch for love too?
NATALYA PETROVNA [after a pause]. Of course. [Another pause, squeezing VERA’S hands.] Yes, Vera. . I called you a child just now . . . but children are right. [VERA drops her eyes.] And so that business is settled. Bolshintsov is dismissed. I must own it wouldn’t have been quite pleasant to me to see his puffy old countenance beside your fresh young face, though he is a very good man. Do you see now how little reason you had to be afraid of me? How quickly it’s all settled! . . . [Reproachfully.] Really, you behaved to me as though I were your patroness! You know how I hate that word. . . .
VERA [embracing her]. Forgive me, Natalya Petrovna.
NATALYA PETROVNA. I should hope so. Really? You’re not afraid of me?
VERA. No, I love you. I’m not afraid of you.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Thank you. So now we are great friends, and will have no secrets from each other. Well, suppose I were to ask you, Verotchka, whisper in my ear; is it only because Bolshintsov is much older than you, and not a beauty, that you don’t want to marry him?
VERA. Surely that’s reason enough, Natalya Petrovna?
NATALYA PETROVNA. I don’t deny it... but is there no other reason?
VERA. I don’t know him at all.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Quite so; but you don’t answer my question.
VERA. There’s no other reason.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Really? In that case, I should advise you to think it over. It wouldn’t be easy to be in love with Bolshintsov, I know . . . but I say again, he’s a good man. Of course, if you cared for anyone else . . . that would be a different matter. But your heart has told you nothing so far, has it?
VERA [timidly]. What do you mean?
NATALYA PETROVNA. You love no one else?
VERA. I love you . . . Kolya; I love Anna Semyonovna too.
NATALYA PETROVNA. I’m not speaking of that sort of love; you don’t understand me. . . . Among the young men you may have seen here, for instance, or at parties, is there no one who attracts you?
VERA. No. ... I like some of them, but . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA. I noticed, for instance, that at the Krinitsyns’ you danced three times with that tall officer, what’s his name?
VERA. An officer?
NATALYA PETROVNA. Yes, that man with a big moustache.
VERA. Oh! that man!. . . No; I don’t like him.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Well, and Shalansky?
VERA. Shalansky is a nice man, but he ... I don’t think he cares about me.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Oh! why?
VERA. He ... I fancy he thinks more of Liza Velsky.
NATALYA PETROVNA [glancing at her]. Ah! . . . you noticed that? [A pause.] Well . . . Rakitin?
VERA. I love Mihail Alexandritch very much indeed.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Yes, like a brother. And, by the way, there’s Beliayev?
VERA [flushing], Alexey Nikolaitch? I like Alexey Nikolaitch.
NATALYA PETROVNA [watching her]. Yes, he’s a nice fellow. But he’s so shy with everybody. . . .
VERA [innocently]. No. . . . He’s not shy with me.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Ah!
VERA. He talks to me. Perhaps you fancy that because he ... he’s afraid of you. He has not got to know you yet.
NATALYA PETROVNA. How do you know he’s afraid of me?
VERA. He told me so.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Oh! he has told you.... So he is more unreserved with you than with other people?
VERA. I don’t know how he is with other people, but with me . . . perhaps it’s because we are both orphans. Besides ... he looks on me ... as a child.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Do you think so? But I like him very much too. He must have a very kind heart.
VERA. Oh! the kindest! If only you knew . . . everyone in the h
ouse likes him. He’s so friendly. He talks to everybody, he’s ready to help anyone. The day before yesterday he carried a poor old beggar - woman in his arms from the high road to the hospital. He gathered a flower for me one day from such a high crag that I shut my eyes in terror, I kept thinking he would fall and be hurt, but he’s so clever! You saw yesterday in the meadow how clever he is at that sort of thing.
NATALVA PETROVNA. Yes, that’s true.
VERA. Do you remember the great ditch he jumped over when he was running after the kite? It was nothing to him.
NATALYA PETROVNA. And did he really pick a flower for you from a dangerous place? He must be fond of you.
VERA [after a pause]. And he’s always good - humoured . . . always in good spirits. . ..
NATALYA PETROVNA. It’s strange, though. Why isn’t he like that with me? . . .
VERA [interrupting her]. But I tell you he doesn’t know you. Wait a little, I’ll tell him. . . . I’ll tell him there’s no need to be afraid of you, shall I? That you’re so kind. . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA [with a constrained laugh]. Thanks so much.
VERA. You’ll see. . .. He does what I tell him though I am younger than he is.
NATALYA PETROVNA. I didn’t know you were such friends. . . . But mind, Vera, be careful. Of course, he’s an excellent young man . . . but you know, at your age. . . . It’s not suitable, people may imagine things. ... I mentioned that, you remember? ... in the garden yesterday. [VERA looks down.] On the other hand, I don’t want to check your inclinations either. I have too much confidence in you and in him . . . but still. . . you mustn’t be angry with me for my scruples, my dear ... its the duty of us old folks to worry young people with our lectures. Though I really need not say all this, you simply like him, don’t you - - and nothing more?
VERA [timidly raising her eyes]. He. . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA. Now there you are looking at me like that again! Is that the way to look at a sister? Vera, listen, and lean down to me. . . . [Caressing her.] What if a sister, a real sister whispered now in your ear: ‘Verotchka, is it true, you don’t love anyone, do you?’ What would you answer? [VERA looks uncertainly at NATALYA PETROVNA.] Those eyes want to tell me something. . . . [VERA suddenly presses her face to NATALYA PETROVNA’S bosom. NATALYA PETROVNA turns pale - - and after a pause goes on.] You do love him? Tell me, do you?
VERA [not raising her head]. Oh! I don’t know what I feel. . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA. Poor child! You’re in love. . . . [VERA huddles still more closely to NATALYA PETROVNA.] You’re in love . . , and he? Vera, he?
VERA [still not raising her head]. Why do you ask me questions? ... I don’t know. . . . Perhaps ... I don’t know, I don’t know. . . . [NATALYA PETROVNA shudders and sits motionless. VERA lifts her head and at once notices the change in her face.] Natalya Petrovna, what’s the matter?
NATALYA PETROVNA [recovering herself]. The matter . . nothing. Why? Nothing.
VERA. You’re so pale, Natalya Petrovna. . . . What’s wrong? Let me ring. . . . [Gets up.]
NATALYA PETROVNA. No, no ... don’t ring. It’s nothing. ... It will pass. There, it’s over now.
VERA. Let me fetch somebody, anyway.
NATALYA PETROVNA. No, don’t, I ... I want to be alone. Leave me alone, do you hear? We will finish our talk later. Run along.
VERA. You are not angry with me, Natalya Petrovna?
NATALYA PETROVNA. Angry? What for? Not at all. No, I’m grateful to you for your confidence. . . . Only leave me, please, j ust now.
[VERA is about to take her hand, but NATALYA PETROVNA turns away as though not noticing her movement.]
VERA [with tears in her eyes]. Natalya Petrovna. . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA. I ask you to leave me alone. [VERA slowly goes out of the study.]
NATALYA PETROVNA [alone, remains for some time motionless]. Now it’s all clear to me. . . . These children love each other. . . . [Stops and passes her hand over her face.] Well? So much the better. . . . God give them happiness! [Laughing.] And I ... I could imagine. . .. [Stops again.] She was not long blurting it out. ... I must own I did not suspect it, I must own the news has startled me. . . . But wait a bit, it’s not all settled yet. My God . . . what am I saying? What’s wrong with me? I don’t know myself. What am I coming to? [A pause.] What am I about? Trying to marry the poor girl to an old man!. . . I used the doctor as a go - between ... he suspects, he drops hints . . . Arkady, Rakitin .. . while I... [Shudders and suddenly raises her head.] But what does this mean? Me jealous of Vera! Me in love with him! [A pause.] And you still doubt it, do you? You’re in love to your misery! How it has come about ... I don’t know. It’s as though I’d been poisoned. . . . All at once everything’s destroyed, scattered, swept away. . . . He’s afraid of me. They’re all afraid of me! What could he see in me? . . . What use is a creature like me to him? He is young and she is young. While I! [Bitterly.] How could he think much of me? They are both foolish, as Rakitin says. ... Oh! I hate that clever friend! And Arkady, my good trusting Arkady! My God! my God! It’s killing me! [Gets up.] But I believe I’m going out of my mind! Why exaggerate? Yes . . . of course . . . I’m overwhelmed. . . . It’s so strange to me . . . it’s the first time ... I ... yes, the first time! I’m in love for the first time now! [She sits down again.] He must go away. Yes. And Rakitin too. It’s time to come to my senses. I’ve allowed myself to take one step . . . and see! See what I’ve come to! And what is it in him attracts me? [Ponders.] So this is it, this dreadful feeling. . . . Arkady! Yes, I will fall into his arms, I will beg him to forgive me, to protect me, to save me. . . . He . . . and no one else! All the others are strangers to me and must remain strangers. . . . But can there be ... can there be no other way out? That girl - - she’s a child. She may be mistaken. That’s all childishness really. . . . Why should I. ... I will talk to him myself, I will ask him. . . . [Reproachfully.] What? What? You are hoping? You still want to hope? And what am I hoping for? My God! don’t make me despise myself! [Drops her head on her arms. RAKITIN comes in from the study, pale and agitated.]
RAKITIN [going up to NATALYA PETROVNA]. Natalya Petrovna.... [She does not stir.] [To himself.] What can have happened with Vera? [Aloud.] Natalya Petrovna....
NATALYA PETROVNA [raising her head]. Who is it? Ah! you.
RAKITAN. Vera Alexandrovna told me you were unwell. ...I...
NATALYA PETROVNA [turning away], I am quite well. ... What made her?. ..
RAKITIN. No! Natalya Petrovna, you are not well, you should see yourself.
NATALYA PETROVNA. Well, perhaps not. . . but what’s that to you? What do you want? What have you come for?
RAKITIN [in a voice of deep feeling]. I’ll tell you what I have come for. I have come to ask your forgiveness. Half an hour ago I was unspeakably stupid and rude. . . . Forgive me. . . . You see, Natalya Petrovna, however modest a man’s desires and . . . and hopes, it is hard, for a moment anyway, for him to keep his head, when they are suddenly snatched away from him; but I have come to my senses. I understand my position and my fault, and I want only one thing . . . your forgiveness. [He gently sits down beside her.] Look at me . . . don’t you too turn away from me. Beside you is your old Rakitin, your friend, a man who asks nothing but to be allowed to serve you, as you said ... to help you. Don’t deprive me of your confidence, rely on me and forget that I ever. . . . Forget everything that may have wounded you. . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA [who has been all the while staring fixedly at the floor]. Yes, yes.... [Stopping.] Oh! I’m, sorry Rakitin, I haven’t heard a word of what you’ve been saying.
RAKITIN [mournfully]. I said ... I begged you to forgive me, Natalya Petrovna, I asked you whether you would let me be your friend still.
NATALYA PETROVNA [slowly turning to him and laying her hands on his shoulders]. Rakitin, tell me, what’s the matter with me?
RAKITIN [After a pause]. You’re in love.
NATALYA PETROVNA [slowly repeating it after him]. I’m in love..
.. But it’s madness, Rakitin, it’s impossible. Can such things happen all of a sudden. . . . You say I’m in love. . . . [Breaks off.]
RAKITIN. Yes, you’re in love, poor dear woman. . . . Don’t deceive yourself.
NATALYA PETROVNA [not looking at him.] What am I to do?
RAKITIN. I can tell you, Natalya Petrovna, if you promise . . .
NATALYA PETROVNA [interrupting, still without looking at him]. You know that girl, Vera, loves him. . . They are in love with each other....
RAKITIN. If so, a reason the more...
NATALYA PETROVNA [interrupting again]. I’ve long suspected it, but she acknowledged it herself. . . just now.
A Sportsman's Sketches: Works of Ivan Turgenev 1 Page 331