Indeed, the pair had been practically inseparable since escaping the Ghost Planet. Jack and Anna would sit up late at night telling stories about their different worlds. They’d cry on each other’s shoulders when they talked about the loved ones they’d lost. They’d laugh and joke and play games together to pass the time. And occasionally, they’d even play pranks on each other. All of this, of course, only made Jack more attracted to her. When Anna let her guard down and relaxed, she and Jack were like two peas in a pod – goofy, mischievous, and sarcastic – a match made in heaven.
More than once, Jack had tried to re-create the romance of their first date back on Earth. He’d put his arm around her when watching a movie in the theater he’d had the ship create in one of its rooms. He’d tried holding her hand when they’d walk down the hallway. He’d even thought about trying to kiss her a couple of times, before chickening out. However, he got the sense that his overtures of affection made Anna uncomfortable, despite how close they’d become. Just when Jack thought he was getting somewhere, it felt as though Anna would put her defenses back up.
He didn’t know why that was, but he decided not to press the issue. He didn’t want to come off as overbearing or desperate. After all they’d been through together, Jack felt it was just a matter of time before Anna came around. He was her hero, wasn’t he – the boy who defied all the odds and rescued her from certain death? Jack felt that, more than anything, made him guaranteed boyfriend material.
He’d hoped Anna would open up to him before they reached Omnicron so they could spend their time kissing and cuddling and being boyfriend and girlfriend together. That scenario had played out in Jack’s head so many times, it was almost as though it had already happened. Now that they were almost back to the Empire, their time alone would come to an end. Jack figured he might as well tell Anna how he felt and ask her to be his right then, so they could start his new life on Omnicron, together.
Jack stopped before the door to Anna’s quarters. His stomach was a bundle of nerves, but he was also excited. He was finally going to tell Anna how he felt about her and ask her to be his girlfriend. He’d faced off with a Deathlord Supreme, a pretty girl shouldn’t be so scary. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” said Anna.
The door to the room opened and Jack entered. Anna’s room was a replica of the one she’d had on Earth, with light blue walls, lots of stuffed animals, and various other girlie stuff Jack reveled in. Her room even smelled like a fruity perfume, and it made Jack’s head dizzy every time he caught its scent. Anna was at her closet, looking at different types of clothes she’d had the ship manifest for her. “You decent?” asked Jack, jokingly, as he walked in.
“Not even close,” muttered Anna, her face scrunched up in thought as she dug through her closet. “I’ve got nothing to wear!”
Jack eyed the multitude of clothes in her closet and laughed. “Yeah, that sucker is totally empty,” he said.
“It’s full of casual clothes, dummy!” Anna said with a smile. “I can’t return to Omnicron in a t-shirt and jeans. I need something more formal.”
“Aren’t you the Princess of the Empire?” asked Jack. “Can’t you just decree t-shirts and jeans are awesome, and it instantly makes them acceptable?”
“I wish it were that easy,” Anna said with a sigh. “There are certain things expected of me, and how I look is one of them.”
“Well, just have the ship manifest something for you.”
“I’m trying,” whined Anna. “But I can’t think of anything good!”
“Well, you better hurry, because we’re going to be arriving at Omnicron in a few minutes.”
“Ugh! Thanks for reminding me.”
Anna continued to look through her closet, her back toward Jack. Jack fidgeted, feeling as though right then was as good a time as any to make his move. He was so wrapped up in pushing past his own nerves, he didn’t notice that Anna appeared to be struggling with something, as well. They both seemed to work up their courage at the same time and turned to each other.
“I think we need to talk—” they both said, before stopping and looking at each other in surprise. They both laughed awkwardly. “Go ahead,” said Anna.
“No, you go,” replied Jack. “Ladies first.”
Anna bit her lip nervously. Something she always did that was so cute, it practically made Jack’s heart melt. “I don’t know how to say this,” Anna said. “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to bring it up, but… it never seemed like the right time.”
“Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me,” said Jack. “No time like the present!”
Anna sighed. “Look, Jack…” she said. “You’re a great guy…”
Uh-oh, thought Jack, as alarm bells suddenly started ringing in his ears.
“You’re smart, and funny… and I have the best time hanging out with you…”
What is this? What’s happening right now???
“…and you’ve done so much for me that I could never repay. You’ll always have a special place in my heart…”
Holy crap – she’s not… is she? She is, isn’t she???
“But for now, I really think it would be best…”
Don’t say it! Don’t say it!!! DON’T SAY IT!!!!!!!
“…if we could just be friends?”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
In Jack’s head, Anna had just reached into his chest and laughed maniacally as she ripped his heart out, threw it on the floor, and then excitedly stomped on it with her foot. Then a diseased dog had run up and eaten the smooshed heart. Then it had pooped it out and eaten it again. Then that dog had been eaten by an evil radioactive dinosaur. Then that dinosaur had blown up, splattering bits of Jack’s smooshed poop-heart into oblivion. When the smoke in his head cleared, Jack noticed he’d been quiet for longer than was comfortable, and Anna was staring at him nervously.
“Um… Jack?” she asked. “Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah… y’know… that’s cool,” stammered Jack. “We can totally be friends. I mean, we’re already friends, right? So… no big deal!”
This is such a big deal… grumbled Jack in his head.
“Really?” asked Anna, looking relieved. “You’re not mad?”
“Psh! Mad? Why would I be mad?” said Jack, trying his hardest to suppress his boiling inner rage. “I love being your… friend.”
“Well, that’s a relief,” said Anna, completely missing the fact that Jack could barely say the word ‘friend.’ “I was afraid, you know, after all we’ve been through together, that certain feelings might…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” replied Jack, totally not knowing.
“It’s just that, well… I was never supposed to get attached to anyone while visiting your planet,” she explained. “And the night we went on our date, it wasn’t meant to be anything serious. I just wanted to have some fun, you know?”
“Totally,” muttered Jack. “Fun.”
“But then the Deathlords showed up and… well, you know what happened then,” she said. “It’s not that I don’t like you, Jack. I do. These few weeks we’ve gotten to spend together have been some of the best of my life. I don’t get to goof around with anyone like this back home. But that’s kind of the point I’m trying to make… when we reach Omnicron, things are going to change for me.”
“No, I totally understand,” said Jack, completely not understanding.
Anna frowned. “I wish things could be different, but you’ll see once we arrive… I’m not a normal girl. Trust me when I say, you’ll be happier this way.”
“Hey,” said Jack, clapping his hands together casually and shrugging like he was okay with everything. “Don’t even worry about it. I think it’s a great idea. After all, it just makes sense right? You and me… being friends.”
“I mean, you’re not even descended from the Ancients, so even if we both wanted to, we wouldn’t be allowed to be romantic with each other or anything,” added
Anna. “That would be breaking so many laws… I think the last commoner who tried to marry an Emperor was executed for treason.”
Jack blinked at that. “Ex… executed?”
“The survival of the Empire depends on keeping the genetic link to the Ancients as pure as possible,” Anna said. “Diluting it in any way is something everyone takes very seriously.”
Jack nodded. “Well… it’s not like either of us wants to get romantic… right?” he asked, still holding out a bit of hope.
“That’s right,” replied Anna with a smile.
“Then we’re both safe!” said Jack, crying on the inside. “No one is getting executed. Because we’re friends. Just… friends.”
Anna gave Jack a big hug, holding him in her arms close enough so he could smell the scent of strawberries in her luscious blonde hair. Oh God, what are you doing? thought Jack, feeling Anna’s body pressed against his as he hugged her back. This is torture!!!!!
“I’m so glad you understand,” she said, holding him tight.
“I don’t understand!” Jack said to himself minutes later as he stormed down the hallway leading toward the bridge. “Friends? Friends??? I risked my life for her! I defeated an army of evil aliens for her! She hasn’t even let me make out with her yet! This is so not fair!!!”
He’d been so certain Anna was going to be his girlfriend, and now, it was as though every hope and dream he’d ever had in his life had been crushed. By the time Jack entered the bridge, any excitement he’d felt over arriving at Omnicron Prime had been replaced with a sullen funk. Scallywag, Heckubus, and Grohm were all already there as the ship’s holographic readout counted down the time before they were set to hit the Omnicron hyperspace checkpoint.
“Oy, there ya are,” said Scallywag, getting up from his seat at the weapons consol. “Best get in position. Wouldn’t wanna overshoot this checkpoint.”
“Yeah, yeah,” grumbled Jack, hopping into the pilot’s seat. Scallywag looked at Jack with a mild bit of curiosity.
“Something nasty worm its way inta yer gut, lad?” asked Scallywag. “Ya’ve been practically bouncing off the bloody walls ta get to the Empire, and now ya look like something just browned on yer breakfast.”
“I’m fine,” mumbled Jack as he glared at the viewscreen. Scallywag shrugged and turned to walk away before Jack stopped him. “I’m not fine!” cried Jack. “I’m so far from fine, the light from fine would take a billion years to reach me!”
Scallywag rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’ll bite,” he said. “What’s got yer craw?”
Jack shook his head, his face a mixture of frustration and embarrassment, all rolled into one. “Scally… you’ve, like, been with girls before, right?”
“Oy,” muttered Scallywag, not liking where this conversation was headed.
“She wants to be friends,” sneered Jack. “Friends! What does that even mean?”
“That she wants ta be yer friend?” offered Scallywag.
“You know what?” said Jack, shooting Scallywag a nasty glare. “Forget it. You don’t understand.”
“All righty then,” said Scallywag turning to walk away before Jack stopped him again.
“I mean, she’s into me, isn’t she?” asked Jack, much to Scallywag’s frustration. “We’ve had a ton of fun together this last month! We totally went out on a date back on Earth! She wanted to go to a movie on a romantic hilltop! You don’t do that with friends, do you?”
“What is this?” asked Heckubus, storming up toward Jack and Scallywag after noticing them huddled together. “Are you two plotting? I warn you, I have approximately 12 backup plans already in place should any of you think of betraying me, and all of them are nasty! Well, 11 are, but I assure you the 12th one is extremely annoying!”
“Relax, rustbucket,” muttered Scallywag. “The Earthman just got dumped by Her Majesty.”
“Ugh, this is about prepubescent mating?” replied Heckubus. “Disgusting. As you were.”
“Hey, wait,” said Jack. “You’re smart, right? Maybe you can tell me why Anna would want to just be friends?”
“Yeah, robot,” smirked Scallywag. “Yer not getting away that easily.”
“I should think the answer would be obvious, even to you, Earthman,” said Heckubus. “She clearly thinks you are an unacceptable mate. Perhaps your pheromone output is subpar or the asymmetry of your face repulses her. Who’s to say? One with a metaphorical heart as black as mine does not concern himself with matters of it.”
“But I blew up a freakin’ planet for her!” Jack whined.
“No, I blew up a planet,” insisted Heckubus.
“We,” muttered Scallywag. “We blew up a planet.”
“Whatever,” said Jack and Heckubus at the same time. “My point is,” continued Jack, “I saved her life! She’s alive right now because of me! I risked everything for her! Doesn’t that at least entitle me to a make-out or something? I mean, that’s not unreasonable is it? Most girls would at least let you cop a feel for defeating an entire army of evil aliens just for them, am I right?”
“Yes, correct, feel her cop. Can I go now?” muttered Heckubus.
“Look, lad, a bit o’ advice,” said Scallywag. “Give this up. Some females be more trouble than they’re worth. And believe you me, Her Majesty is a mighty fine bit o’ trouble.”
“I can’t just give her up!” said Jack. “I… I…”
“Ya what?” asked Scallywag. “Love her?”
“I really am going now,” said Heckubus turning to leave before Scallywag reached out and grabbed him, keeping the robot involved in the increasingly awkward conversation.
Jack sighed. “You guys don’t understand,” he said. “She’s all I have left. She’s the only part of Earth that’s still around. When I’m with her, it’s like I have a piece of home that’s survived and is still with me…” Scallywag gave Jack a knowing stare. “OKAY!” cried Jack. “And she’s freakin’ hot!”
“I feel it is my duty to remind you, Earthman, that the Princess is not from Earth, and her body temperature is no higher than yours,” replied Heckubus.
“The scrapheap’s right, lad,” said Scallywag. “Yer girlfriend ain’t from yer planet. She’s a Regal. And not just any Regal, she’s THE Regal. Out o’ all the lasses in the galaxy, ya aimed yer sights on the most difficult one ya could have ever possibly wanted ta get. Do yerself a favor. Move on. There are plenty o’ females out there way, way easier ta get than a Princess.”
“But I don’t want someone easier!” whined Jack. “I want her! I deserve her!”
“Life ain’t about what ya deserve, lad,” said Scallywag. “It’s about what ya can get. And I hate ta break it to ya, but there ain’t no way ya can get that little lass.”
Scallywag’s words made Jack look sad. Heckubus rolled his ocular lamps. “If you want, I suppose I could postulate a few ways you could get her if you so desired,” the robot said.
“Really?” asked Jack, perking up.
“They’ll be evil, though.”
“Oh,” said Jack, now a bit unsure. “How evil are we talking about here?”
“Depends,” replied Heckubus. “What’s your stance on partial lobotomies?”
Jack sighed. “You two… are the worst at helping.”
“I take it that’s a ‘no’ on the lobotomy?” asked Heckubus.
“Earthman,” said Scallywag. “Take it from me. Right now, yer little crush just seems like it’s important because tha Princess is the only female in sight. But once we get ta the capitol, there are gonna be many, many more options available to ya. Especially once the news gets out about what we all did. Take me word for it, ya won’t be hurtin’ fer female attention.”
Jack looked crestfallen. “It just… it won’t be the same.”
“It never is,” said Scallywag. “But different can be good, especially in abundance. Now get yer knickers unbunched and get yer stones back in hand. The sooner ya forget about her, the happier we’ll all be. Savvy?”
Jack frowned. “Savvy,” he muttered.
“Excellent,” said Heckubus. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have to go run scenarios of the best ways to murder large populations of adorable furry lifeforms to get the stench of teen angst off me.”
“Yeah, yeah, you do that,” said Jack bitterly as Heckubus walked away, all the while wondering just how bad a partially lobotomized Anna would really be. Suddenly, an alarm rang out on the bridge. Scallywag turned back toward Jack’s chair, immediately concerned.
“What’s goin’ on?” Scallywag asked.
“The ship’s picking up a signal warning of an impending collision ahead,” replied Jack, looking at his readouts.
“Sonofa—” growled Scallywag. “Drop us out of lightspeed! Hurry!”
“Already on it!” said Jack. On the viewscreen before them, the chaotic blue swirl of the lightspeed tunnel they were in ripped away, revealing the white void of hyperspace. Only, there wasn’t a complete void there. In the distance were large, dark orbs – indicative of a star and a planet. But closer by were circular clusters comprised of small weapons platforms, each one connected to the others through some strange ray of electricity, and each one sporting rather large and nasty looking plasma cannons.
The Earthship’s sensors beeped as they got a clear reading. On Jack’s holoscreen, he could see numerous clusters of the structures littered all over and around the perimeter of the planet, one of which loomed ominously in front of them. Before Jack knew it, the platforms had all locked on and trained their weapons directly at his ship.
“Whoa,” said Jack. “What are those things?”
“It’s a defense matrix,” said Scallywag, eyeing the scene on the viewscreen warily. “Weapons platforms networked together ta obliterate anythin’ within a thousand miles o’ it. Their electro-tethers give ‘em a gravity signature that’ll destroy anythin’ passing through ‘em.”
“So… if you fly through the cluster at lightspeed, it’s like smashing into a planet or something?”
Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2) Page 3