Earthman Jack vs. The Secret Army (Earthman Jack Space Saga Book 2)

by Matthew Kadish

  In the flashing of the club’s lights, Jack caught glimpses of his father, who had blood seeping from his head and down his face. “Jack, help me…” he said.

  It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real!

  Finally, Jack made it to the area where the restrooms were. There were two hallways beneath the sign. One of them had a huge line, and the other was guarded by a VIP shield. Jack stumbled forward and held up his arm with the wristband on it, moving through the VIP barrier and opening the first door he could find.

  Jack stumbled into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind him. He leaned against it, breathing heavily, the loud music from the club now a dull thumping in the quiet of the small room. He was glad to be alone, away from all the stimulation he’d just waded through. His brain felt so weird, like some type of battle was raging inside it. Jack shuffled over to the sink and splashed some water on his face, shaking his head, trying hard to get his mind to focus. What is going on with me? Get it together, dude. He sighed and looked around for a towel of some sort, but the only thing he saw nearby were three sea shell-shaped devices.

  “What the heck are these for?” he muttered to himself, picking up one of the shell-like objects and looking at it curiously.

  “Ahhhhh, the shells,” he heard a wistful voice say.

  Jack spun around, startled. He quickly surveyed the room, but didn’t see anyone who could have spoken. “What the…” he muttered.

  Suddenly, a panel on the bathroom wall opened and a boxy display monitor on a long robotic arm shot out from it. Jack stumbled back as the face on the screen smiled at him. Only its head and shoulders were visible. It wore a shiny dark suit and sunglasses, its digital yellow hair molded to look slicked back on its scalp, and its teeth were bright white. The face was set against the backdrop of a slowly rotating, multi-colored, wireframe cubic interior. “One of the ben-ben-benefits of being all computer generated is that I don’t have to bother to figure out how to use them! Ha ha ha haaaaaa!”

  The strange face’s voice randomly pitched up and down as he spoke, both his image and voice occasionally getting stuck in a loop. Jack gazed at the screen strangely. Ohmigod, Jack thought. Is this a waking dream? Am I hallucinating right now? There’s a man on a robotic TV sticking out of a wall, talking to me… Jack shook his head, as if to tell his brain to stop fooling around. “What the heck are you?” asked Jack.

  “Allow myself to in-in-in-introduce myself,” the head said. “I am Less Flatfoot! The universe’s most popular – and only – computer generated holonet host! You should be hon-hon-honored, Earthman. I only bother to stalk bathrooms for extremely important people.”

  “So… you’re real?” asked Jack. “And you’re stalking me?”

  “Yes and yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Why am I real?”

  “Why are you stalking me, dude?” asked Jack. “And what if I’d been… you know… doing my business?”

  “Come now, the only business worth doing is show business!” said Less Flatfoot, completely oblivious to Jack’s real objection. “Let’s get down to brass tacks, shall-shall-shall we? I’m here to make you famous!”

  “I’m already famous… I think.”

  “More famouser, then,” said Less Flatfoot with a huge grin. “One exclusive interview with yours tru-tru-truly and you won’t be able to step foot outside without being mobbed by throngs of adoring fans! Did you know I’m syndicated in fifty star systems?”

  “What’s syndicated mean?” Jack asked, his brain feeling as though it were trudging through molasses.

  “It means I’m watched throughout half the Empire!” said Less Flatfoot proudly. “I am the most trus-trus-trusted face in news! Well, okay, the most handsome face in news, but I’m sure there are some people out there who trust me! Hahahahahaaaaa!”

  Less Flatfoot’s voice pitched up so high as he laughed, Jack had to cover his ears. “Um… why don’t you stalk me again tomorrow?” muttered Jack as he pushed past the TV screen and made his way for the exit. “I’m not really in the mindset to be granting interviews right now…”

  “Aw, c’mon,” pleaded Less Flatfoot. “We could do it ri-ri-right here! I give great bathroom interview.”

  “Ew,” replied Jack. “Heroes of the Empire don’t do bathroom interviews.”

  “Can I quote you on that?” called Less Flatfoot after Jack.

  “No,” replied Jack, closing the door behind him.

  Jack stumbled back to the main room. Paragon Tetso was busy on stage spinning his multi-colored audio orbs, his hands moving so fast Jack could barely see them. The crowd was going wild, dancing frenetically as the music continued to build in tempo. Jack reached up and loosened his collar.

  This was a bad idea, he thought. I shouldn’t have come out. I shouldn’t have smoked that Dreamleaf. I shouldn’t be hanging with Anna’s fiancé. This whole thing couldn’t get more awkward…

  Suddenly, someone clamped a hand over Jack’s eyes from behind him, and Kimlee Evenstar’s voice whispered in his ear. “Guess who?” she said.

  Oh, God, I was wrong! It just got more awkward!!!

  “Kimlee?” replied Jack, his voice inadvertently pitching up an octave.

  Kimlee dropped her hand, and Jack turned to face her. She was wearing tight red pants and matching knee-high boots, a copper-colored metallic bustier corset around her torso which exposed her belly and her shoulders. Around her neck, a glowing choker changed colors every so often. Her chocolate colored hair fell freely down her back, and her lilac eyes seemed to sparkle when they caught the laser light from the dance floor. “I thought I saw you duck into one of the bathrooms,” she said with a wicked smile.

  “What… what are you doing here?” asked Jack.

  “I’m having my album release party here tonight,” Kimlee replied. “Tetso and I are going to perform a few tracks on stage.”

  “You have an album?”

  “It’s actually my third,” Kimlee said. “My first one was more synthpop. This one’s more clubstep. Tune into the radio tomorrow. My new single ‘Can’t Buy This For A Digicredit’ should be playing every hour.”

  “Wow,” said Jack. “That’s an… interesting song title.”

  Kimlee laughed. “Yeah, the song’s about how love conquers materialism, the commercialization of society, blah, blah, whatever. I don’t name them, I just sing them. Say, are you okay? You look a bit piqued.”

  “I… uh… kinda smoked some Dreamleaf, and now I’m totally freaking out…” replied Jack.

  Kimlee giggled. “Well, well, look at you mister hard-partier,” she said. “You know what always helps me when I have a leafmare?”

  “What?” asked Jack.

  Kimlee leaned in toward him, getting so close he could smell her amazing perfume. “Dancing!” she said excitedly as she grabbed Jack’s hand and started leading him toward the dancefloor.

  “Uh, no,” said Jack, trying to pull away from Kimlee’s freakishly strong grip. “I’m not really a dancer…”

  “The more you get your body moving, the better you’ll feel,” Kimlee said as she situated herself in the middle of the dance floor. Jack stood there awkwardly, looking nervously at the sea of people and aliens all around him as they danced to the beats of Tetso.

  “I really… I don’t…” sputtered Jack before Kimlee grabbed Jack’s hands and put them on her exposed waist, wrapping her arms around Jack’s neck. “Okay then…” Jack said quietly as Kimlee began to gyrate her body.

  “Just do what I do,” she said with a smile. “Let the music take control. And for goodness sake, have some fun!”

  Jack was way too nervous to be having fun, but he tried to go along with it. He began to move along with Kimlee as they danced. His brain kept buzzing. He looked up at her as they moved together, and suddenly, it was as though time had slowed. Jack felt as though he were aware of everything around him – every person, every movement, every ray of light and note of music. But most of all, he w
as aware of Kimlee. Their eyes were locked together, and it was as if he could feel her heart beat in tandem with his.

  His nervousness had abruptly disappeared. He felt calm. Peaceful, even. Jack pulled Kimlee closer and began to really dance with her, moving to the beat of the music in a way he never thought he had the skills to. “There you go,” she purred. “Now you’re getting it!”

  Kimlee broke away and danced before him, shaking her hips rhythmically and laughing. To Jack, it was as though they were the only two people in the club. All those around them were just slow-moving shadows set against the bright blue and yellow lights that alternated to the tempo of the music.

  Jack laughed, too, and he finally let loose, busting out every cheesy dance move he could think of. Kimlee turned around and pressed her back against Jack, grabbing his wrists and locking his hands around her waist. He moved along with her, her rose scented hair in his face. Jack closed his eyes and lost himself in her presence, and for the briefest of moments, he was the happiest he’d been in a long time.

  Then, the music stopped. Jack opened his eyes, and time had returned to normal. The crowd was all cheering “Tetso” as the Paragon raised his hands up among the many floating audio orbs on stage. “Everyone MAKE SOME NOISE!” Tetso yelled.

  The crowd roared. Kimlee let loose with a “Woo-hoo!” Jack couldn’t help himself. He cheered, too.

  “You all ready to drop some beats – Evenstar style?” Tetso hollered.

  The crowd roared again. Kimlee turned to Jack and smiled, tracing her finger along his cheek. “That’s my cue,” she said, giving Jack a quick kiss on the cheek, followed by a playful wink of her eye. “Thanks for the dance, Earthman.”

  Jack watched Kimlee as she strutted up to the stage, standing on it like she owned the entire room. Tetso started spinning his audio orbs once more, a whole new song blasting forth, which Kimlee started dancing provocatively to, much to the audience’s delight.

  Jack watched her for a moment. Whatever had happened when he’d been dancing had passed. He started to feel normal again, which of course meant he was back to feeling uncomfortable and out of place. The sea of living beings around him was starting to make him feel claustrophobic as Kimlee began singing. While she performed, it was obvious Jack was the last thing on her mind.

  Jack made his way through the bevy of bodies as he tried to get off the dance floor. When he reached its edge, he looked up at the private balcony overlooking the room and saw Mourdock leaning against the railing, gazing down at the dancing crowd.

  Jack walked over to the stairs leading up to the balcony, his wristband granting him access past the shielded barrier. The balcony was filled with couches and private tables, each one littered with VIPs of various shapes, sizes, and species. Jack’s vision blurred a couple of times, his brain tingling once more as the effect of the Dreamleaf continued to linger. He accidentally bumped into a man who was passing by him, and for the briefest of moments, Jack could have sworn he saw a huge worm, which hissed at him, jutting from the man’s neck. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being around all these weird aliens, he thought.

  “Hey,” said Jack as he came up beside Mourdock.

  Mourdock grinned at him. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I’d have thought the Seraphyms would have had you playing truth or dare with them by now. Emphasis on the dare.”

  “Yeah…” sighed Jack. “Turns out Seraphyms don’t much care for me, I guess.”

  Mourdock chuckled. “Well, who needs Seraphyms when you’ve got Kimlee Evenstar grinding on you, right?”

  Jack blushed. “You saw that?”

  “The whole club saw that,” said Mourdock with a laugh. “You got some moves, Earthman. But let me give you some friendly advice – be very careful around Kimlee. You can’t trust anything she does or tells you.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Jack asked.

  “I mean, don’t buy into this image of her as a vapid party girl,” Mourdock said. “Despite appearances, Kimlee is extremely smart, and extremely manipulative. She knows how to wrap people around her little finger and use them for her own purposes – especially men. It's kind of a sport to her. Heck, she's been trying to seduce me for years."

  “She... she has?”

  “What better way to void my marriage contract with Anna and open the way for her little brother than to get me caught out with another woman?" Mourdock said. “Kimlee was trained from birth to be an Empress. That kind of thing doesn’t just go away. She’s not afraid to use her looks to try and bring her family into power.”

  “Wow,” replied Jack. “You must have iron willpower, dude. I don't know if I'd be able to resist her. She's... got skills.”

  Mourdock laughed. “That she does,” he said. “But I've never been tempted by her.”

  “Seriously?” asked Jack. “Not even a little?”

  “Not even a little,” Mourdock answered. “Anna's always been the only girl for me. No one else can come close, not even someone as gorgeous as Kimlee Evenstar. When you love somebody, it's hard to imagine being with anyone else, no matter how good they look.”

  Mourdock's words made Jack feel guilty. He liked to believe he was in love with Anna as well, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to be as loyal as Mourdock was. Kimlee was definitely a temptation he'd find hard to resist if he were in Mourdock's shoes. I guess that's why he gets to marry Anna, and I get to just be her friend, Jack thought sadly.

  Mourdock regarded Jack briefly. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” he said.

  Jack looked at Mourdock, surprised. “Who? Kimlee?” Jack replied.

  “No, Anna,” Mourdock said. “I can see it clear as day whenever I mention her name. You’re in love with her.”

  Mourdock didn’t say it in an accusing way. In fact, his voice was quite gentle, but the implication still put Jack on guard. What was he supposed to say to that? Was he being called out? Was Mourdock going to threaten him to stay away from Anna? “I… uh…” said Jack, at a loss for words.

  Mourdock laughed. “Relax, Jack,” he said. “I’m not trying to be confrontational here. Just honest. It’s okay that you feel the way you do about her.”

  “It is?” blurted Jack, more than a little confused. “I mean… uh… crap.” Jack looked at Mourdock, who just smiled warmly at him. “Is it that obvious?” asked Jack.

  Mourdock nodded good-naturedly. “Only to everyone,” he said.

  Jack fidgeted. “I’m sorry, dude,” he said. “It’s just… a lot’s happened with me and her and… I can’t help feeling the way I do.”

  “It’s okay, I understand,” replied Mourdock. “I’m in love with her, too. I know how easy it is to fall under her spell.”

  “But… you’re not mad?”

  “Jack, I’m engaged to the most beautiful and famous woman in the universe. Literally,” Mourdock said. “If I got mad every time someone fell in love with her, I’d be in a constant state of rage.”

  Mourdock’s words took Jack aback, but they made perfect sense. Jack had never considered the fact that Anna’s beauty and fame would cause others to fall head-over-heels for her. Suddenly, he had a whole new perspective on Mourdock Skyborn’s relationship. “That’s gotta be hard on you,” said Jack. “Dealing with… well, guys like me constantly.”

  “They’re not all like you,” replied Mourdock. “Your feelings are genuine. You risked everything for her. Put your life on the line to keep her safe. Very few of Anna’s admirers would actually do that. That means you’re the real deal. But as deep as your feelings run, they don’t frighten me. You should feel free to love her as much as you want and never have to worry about what I might think.”

  “Really?” asked Jack. “Why not?”

  “Because at the end of the day, I believe Anna loves me as much as I love her,” Mourdock said gently. “And when two people love each other, nothing can tear them apart.”

  Jack nodded. However, he couldn’t help but wonder if Anna really loved Mourdock a
s much as he thought she did. After all, if that were the case, would she have shown up at his doorstep on Earth? Would she have almost let Jack kiss her? But what if Jack had never gotten anywhere with her because Mourdock was the one Anna actually loved? Jack supposed that made sense, even if he didn’t like it.

  “So where does this leave you and me?” Jack asked. “Do you want me to, like, stay away from her or something?”

  “Jack, you are someone who is brave, loyal, and caring,” Mourdock said. “I would never want to keep someone like you out of Anna’s life. She deserves more people with those characteristics around her. As for you and I, well…” Mourdock stepped close to Jack and extended his hand, “I was hoping we could be friends,” he said. “After all, we’ve got so much in common. We both have the same taste in women.”

  That made Jack chuckle. He looked at Mourdock’s hand and took it, the two of them shaking hands firmly and smiling. “I’d like that,” said Jack. “I could always use more friends.”

  “As could I,” replied Mourdock.

  Then, Jack noticed something strange. There was a small red dot dancing about Mourdock’s chest. Briefly, he mused about how much it looked like a laser pointer. Then, something in his brain clicked, and it occurred to him there wasn’t much of a difference between a laser pointer, and the laser scope of a gun.

  He didn’t hear the firing of the plasma blast until it was too late.

  Chapter 23

  “GET DOWN!” cried Mourdock.

  Mourdock reacted before Jack even knew what was going on. He’d just noticed the laser sight on Mourdock’s chest when Mourdock grabbed him and tackled him to the ground.

  Two red-hot plasma blasts streaked by, aimed right at where Jack and Mourdock had been standing. As soon as they hit the floor, Mourdock was rolling forward. Jack looked up to see a man approaching, holding two plasma pistols in his hands. No sooner did Mourdock get a knee under him than the air around his hand shimmered, a long, katana-like sword manifesting there, its blade crackling to life with a white-blue energy.

  The man with the guns let loose, firing repeatedly. Mourdock twirled his blade in front of him, catching each blast and deflecting them away. Jack heard others in the VIP area scream as the plasma bolts flew in every direction and people began running for cover.