by Rosie Clarke
‘You haven’t told me anything my mother hasn’t already hinted at,’ Tony said bitterly. ‘She thought I was a fool to break up with you, Beth. Go round and tell Mum that you’ve taken over managing the shop. She thinks Vera has been helping herself to the till for months, so she’ll be pleased.’
‘Oh, Tony. I am so sorry.’ Beth wanted to put her arms about him, hold him and take his pain away, both mental and physical, her eyes stinging with the tears she couldn’t shed.
‘Nothing for you to be sorry about.’ He closed his eyes for a moment. ‘They tell me I’m lucky. Most of my injuries are superficial. I’ll be out of here in another month or so… and the loss of an arm is nothing. I’ll have an Army pension and maybe a desk job somewhere – I might even get a false arm if I’m lucky. Some of the chaps were promised their prosthetic limbs ages ago and they’re still waiting. Too many of us, I suppose – dumped on the scrapheap now that we can’t fight…’
Beth was close to tears. He was so bitter and she couldn’t blame him; he’d lost an arm in the service of his country and he’d lost the girl he’d loved because she’d gone off with another man and she couldn’t even be bothered to tell him herself: little wonder that he was angry. Suddenly, she knew that it was important to her that he survived, came out of this as a whole man ready to live again and find happiness. She bent down to him, willing him to hold on to her, to her strength and her love. Yes, the love she’d once felt for his was still there, perhaps it had never gone away.
‘You can fight, Tony,’ she said fiercely. ‘You can fight the way everyone is – by not letting them kick you when you’re down. Maybe you will still have to do a desk job for a while, but if they give you a pension and demob you, you’ll have the shop. It was what you always wanted, your ambition to have a newsagents and tobacconists like your grandfather…’
‘I wanted the shop, but I imagined you looking after it and me working, bringing in a wage so that we could really get on – make something of our lives… have a nice house and a car.’
‘Well, perhaps you can find some sort of a job. Not what you were doing but something else…’
‘Don’t humour me, Beth. I get it from my mother all the time when she visits – I don’t want it from you too.’
‘Please yourself,’ Beth was suddenly angry, desperate to pull him out of his despondency. ‘You always were damned hard to please, Tony. You can lie there and wallow in self-pity for months if you really want to – but you should work at getting out of that bed so someone who needs it more can get in. Yes, you’ve lost and arm but you’re alive. Don’t throw that gift away by moping here. The hospitals are overflowing and the nurses have more to do than look after you.’
Tony stared at her, his eyes opening in shock. Beth knew she’d taken the wind out of his sails, so good, let him get mad at her; it was better than feeling sorry for himself, even though he had the right. Suddenly, he gave a harsh laugh.
‘You never did let me have my own way, did you, Beth? I was a bloody fool to let you go – I should have hung on to you tight.’
‘Yes, why didn’t you?’
‘Pride, I suppose. Why did you let me go?’
‘Pride, I suppose.’ Beth smiled as she saw the beginning of hope in his eyes. Now he looked more like the old Tony – the man she’d loved, but there was something more mature, something new she liked there too. ‘Well, do you want me to take care of the shop until you’re ready to take over?’
‘It would be a start,’ Tony said and there was a definite gleam in his eyes now. ‘How did you get in here? Sister said only relatives or my fiancé could visit…’
‘Well, I was your fiancé once, so I lied,’ Beth said. ‘I wasn’t going to come down here just to be turned away, was I?’
‘No, not you,’ Tony said and he was smiling the way she remembered so well. His hand gripped hers with renewed strength. ‘So I’ve got to fight, have I? Fight to get on my feet and out of here – fight to lead a normal life… and what do I get if I do all that?’
Beth leaned down so that her face was opposite his. She bent and brushed her lips over his softly, a naughty smile in her eyes. ‘Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we?’
‘Donkey and carrot?’ Tony asked, amused.
‘I’ve got a big stick I can use instead,’ Beth challenged and he held up his hand in mock protest.
‘Don’t think I’m quite up to that yet, Beth.’
‘Your time is up,’ a nurse said, coming round the screens. ‘I’m sorry, but Sister is very strict about visiting times for our boys…’
‘My fiancé had a long journey to get here – couldn’t you let her stay a few more minutes, please?’
The nurse gave him a long hard look and then nodded, ‘Well, you’ve certainly cheered him up, miss…’
‘Beth – and thank you, nurse. I’ll only be a few minutes more.’
‘Ten minutes, because Sister will be here after that and she’ll have my guts for her garters if she catches you still here…’
‘She’s all right, Nurse Joan,’ Tony said as she left them alone. ‘When can you come again, Beth? I know it’s a lot to ask; you’ve got work and the twins…’ He grabbed her hand. ‘What I said to you about them when I first knew you were pregnant was rotten. I was jealous and angry and I wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry, Beth.’
‘It’s all right,’ she said and squeezed his fingers gently. ‘It was a long time ago, Tony and we’ve both grown up since then… You mustn’t worry about the shop. I’ll make sure things are up and running as quickly as I can – and I’ll try to get down to you every weekend.’
‘They might transfer me to London soon,’ Tony said. ‘You’re right about them needing the bed for more seriously ill patients. Once I can manage to get out of bed by myself and go to the bathroom alone, they’ll send me closer to home. Unless they send me to a rest home for a while, but I’d rather come home… to you.’
‘I want that too, Tony. I’ll come down again next week – and now I’d better go. I’ll write to you in the week… Oh, I nearly forgot, I brought some grapes…’
‘Thanks, the nurses will enjoy them,’ Tony said. ‘We all give our fruit and sweets to them, because they have to put up with so much from us when we first come in.’
‘All right,’ Beth said and bent to kiss him briefly. To her surprise he caught her behind the head with his good hand and kissed her firmly on the lips. She smiled when he released her. ‘That’s better… I expect to see you out of bed when I come next time.’
‘Yes, doctor,’ Tony said and sent her a mock scowl. ‘Thanks for coming, Beth. I know it can’t have been easy for you – but like Nurse Joan said, you’ve cheered me up.’
Beth touched his hand and then turned away and went round the screen. She deliberately didn’t look back because her eyes were blurred with tears. Tony had cheered up because she’d reminded him of old times and brought him out of himself, but what kind of a future did he have to look forward to – what did any of the men in this ward and all the other wards have to look forward to?
This wretched, wretched war had robbed them of their health, their limbs and so many of their lives. Tears were trickling down her cheeks as she made her way to the canteen. It wasn’t fair and it was going to be hard, but Beth was determined to make things better for Tony somehow.
‘Miss…’ a voice called to her and she stopped, seeing the Sister approaching. ‘I’m glad I caught you. You’ve been visiting Sargent Tony Armstrong. How did he seem?’
‘He was a bit down at first, but he cheered up a little when we talked.’
‘Yes, that’s what we’d hoped, Miss… I’m sorry I don’t know your name?’
‘It’s Beth Court,’ Beth said.
‘You’re Tony’s fiancé?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘And you’re prepared to stand by him?’ Sister asked
Beth raised her head, a gleam of determination in her eyes. ‘Yes, of course.’
‘Go
od. He has some way to go yet – one or perhaps two operations and then a period of convalescence, which we’ll try to arrange in London so that he’s nearer his family.’
‘What operations?’
‘There is some shrapnel in his leg… and we’re not sure about his head wound yet, but the doctor will know more soon.’
‘I see…’ Beth took a deep breath, because getting Tony better might be even harder than she’d thought, but she would support him and pray for him and hope that was enough, because she wasn’t going to give up on him. ‘I’ll be around whenever I’m needed.’
‘Very well, Miss Court.’ Sister nodded and walked off, leaving Beth to continue to the canteen.
Lizzie wasn’t back yet so she ordered a cup of tea and sat down, but made no attempt to drink it. She hadn’t let Tony see her shock and grief, but she knew he was still in pain and despite the fact that she’d made him smile, the anger and bitterness of war was still there inside him. She could only pray that somehow they could make a future together.
*
Lizzie looked at Beth as they sat on the train. She’d bought magazines for them both but neither of them felt like reading. Her hand reached for Beth’s and held it tight.
‘Was it very bad?’
‘No, not really. I thought he might be worse than he is – but lots of men have lost limbs. Tony’s alive – and he has his shop. He has a lot more than many other men who’ve been wounded.’
‘Yes, but I know you. I know you’re worried.’
‘He was so bitter at first – then I managed to pull him out of it, but I’m afraid he’ll slip back when I’m not there. We’re hoping he will be transferred to London soon for rehabilitation, but it probably won’t be for some weeks yet. He has a piece of shrapnel in his leg that has to come out and they’re not sure about his head wound yet. He will be under supervision for a while…’
‘At least he’s alive,’ Lizzie said. ‘You said he wasn’t scarred facially?’
‘He looks much as he always did, though I think he’ll have a scar on his forehead – but none of that matters… it’s what he’s like inside. What kind of a man he will be?’
‘You’re thinking of the way Bernie treated you?’ Lizzie reached for her hand again. ‘Don’t, Beth, don’t even think it. Tony wouldn’t hurt you, believe me. He always loved you, even after you broke up.’
A little shudder went through Beth. ‘I want to believe that, and I do love him – but I’ve heard women say their husbands are changed by the war… some of them become violent.’
‘Tony might be angry and bitter, love, but not with you. Remember the way it was between you and don’t let Bernie’s cruelty overshadow your lives. You’ve been getting on so well, putting it behind you. Tony needs you, you can’t let him down.’
Beth lifted her head and smiled. ‘I know and I’m just being silly – I suppose it’s reaction. It’s not going to be easy – he’s going to resent what happened to him.’
‘Yes, of course he will,’ Lizzie said, ‘but in time he will accept it and you’ll have a chance of a good life together. You’re going to need to be strong for Tony, Beth – and forget Bernie. If you love him, Tony has to be your priority.’ Lizzie hesitated, then, ‘Why don’t you take some time off and spend a few days with him? You could leave the twins with your mother. I’m sure Aunt Miriam would be glad to help too.’
‘What about his shop?’ Beth said. ‘I can’t just leave it closed or he’ll lose everything.’
‘I could find someone to look after it for you – and I’ll order anything that’s short for the moment. You can sort it out properly when you get back.’
‘I suppose I could…’ Beth looked at her, a gleam of excitement in her eyes. ‘We could go to the shop tomorrow – and you know what sort of person we need in there…’
‘Yes, I do,’ Lizzie said. ‘As a matter of fact, I might know the very person. Jean was telling me about her sister-in-law. Her husband is away in the Army; she has to work to provide enough money for her kids, but she hates working in a factory and she used to work in a shop like Tony’s before the war started. I’ll ask her if she can help out if you want…’
‘She sounds just right,’ Beth said. ‘You don’t mind if I take time off from the showroom?’
‘We’ll manage, although I’ll miss you. But it’s what you need to do for both of your sakes, Beth. Tony needs support to get him through this – and you need to be with him, to get to know him again. After all, it’s a long time since you were going out together…’
‘It seems like a lifetime,’ Beth said and her throat caught on a sob. ‘I wish none of it had happened, Lizzie. I wish I’d married him and worked in the shop when he asked me.’
‘You can’t wish the twins away?’
‘No…’ Beth shook her head. ‘No, not them, I love them – but all the rest…’
‘We’d all like to change things,’ Lizzie said. ‘I wish I’d gone to work for Sebastian when he first asked, and yet then I wouldn’t have met Ed or had Betty. We both have memories, Beth. Some of them good, some of them bad – but they make us what we are, love.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘I just wish I had another chance to be happy…’
‘Sebastian will come back to you if he’s alive.’
‘Yes, I know. Sometimes I’m so sure he is, so sure he’s thinking about me – at other times I feel close to despair, but I have to carry on and wait… it’s what we all have to do, Beth.’
Chapter 26
Lizzie looked up as the door of the office opened and a man in a grey suit entered. She frowned, because she didn’t know him and wasn’t expecting any salespeople or visitors.
‘Your receptionist told me to come through,’ he said and offered his hand to her. ‘I’m Richard Forrest and I work for Black, Forrest and Grant the solicitors…’
‘Is something wrong with my lease or have I broken Government regulations?’
‘Nothing of the sort, Mrs Winters. Some time back we had an official letter informing us that your husband was missing presumed dead and naming you as his next of kin. I wrote at the time but you didn’t reply. You hadn’t been in touch with us so we thought you might not be aware of your husband’s will naming you as his sole beneficiary…’
‘No, I wasn’t aware, though Sebastian told me he would make provision for me,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’m afraid I never received your letter, Mr Forrest. The reason I didn’t think it necessary to contact anyone was that I don’t believe my husband is dead. He is missing, but as far as I’ve been told they haven’t found proof of his death…’ She caught her breath. ‘Was your reason for visiting me important?’
‘Yes, I believe so. Your husband owns quite a few properties, Mrs Winters. Some of them are let to the Government for the duration and the rent continues to be paid annually, as before, which is one of the reasons we needed to speak to you. Your husband had it paid into an account, which at the moment you could not access.’
‘I have no wish to access it. Besides, surely we have to wait seven years before Sebastian is confirmed dead in law?’
‘Yes, that’s true, but your husband was a thoughtful man, Mrs Winters. He wrote it into his will that if after eighteen months he was still missing and nothing definite had been decided, you would be entitled to dispose of the property if you wished or to use the capital – I imagine he didn’t want his business affairs to be a burden to you. I was instructed to contact you if it became necessary and ask for your instructions in the matter of his property.’
‘I have no need of either the capital or the income for the time being…’ She wanted to push him away, to stop him, because to hear him discussing Sebastian’s property was like admitting he was dead. Yet she had to face up to it, and she had to do whatever was needed – for Sebastian’s sake. He would expect her to look after things and not let them slide.
‘I realize this must be painful for you – when you have a funeral and closure these things can be dealt with, but in this case
we shall have to manage the property for your benefit until your husband returns or...’
‘What about the other properties?’ Lizzie asked quickly, because her throat was tight and it hurt too much to listen to him speak in that way of Sebastian.
‘Yes, well, there is the lease on your husband’s own house. He lent it to some American friends for as long as they required it and they are leaving for home next month – we need to know if you wish us to lease it to similar clients?’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ Lizzie said. ‘Do you have the keys?’
‘Yes, of course. You could view it after the sixth of June if you wish?’
‘Yes, I should like to see it,’ Lizzie said. ‘I’m not sure what I would wish to do with it if – if my husband did not return, but I have not yet given up hope, and I wouldn’t dream of selling his home while there is hope.’
‘Quite. So you wish it to remain empty for the moment?’
‘Perhaps we might engage a part-time housekeeper to look after it – keep it aired, warm in winter and so forth?’
‘Would you like me to see to it for you?’
‘Yes please,’ Lizzie said. ‘Was there anything else?’ She wanted this interview over and him gone, because this was too painful.
‘Captain Winters made several investments that are due to end soon – would you wish me to reinvest in similar projects?’
‘That I can’t answer until I know more about them,’ Lizzie said. ‘I suggest we have a meeting after I visit the house – and then we’ll decide what is best. However, no assets are to be sold or disposed of until my husband returns or…’ she shook her head. ‘If that is all for the moment…’ She just wanted him to go, because it hurt too much to think about the future without hope of Sebastian ever returning.
‘Yes, Mrs Winters. I must say you seem to have a clear head for business. I hadn’t expected that, but I am glad to know that you’ve taken charge.’