by Sara Wood
'You thought you'd found paradise in your job, didn't you?' hie murmured, taking her chin in his hand, turning her face towards him and looking deep into her eyes again.
Nothing would stop her body trembling. Mute and miserable, she remained a prisoner of his gaze, a captive of the love she felt for him, drowning in his smouldering eyes and wishing, wishing that they could live together somehow, anyhow. She didn't care.
'Paradise...' she whispered hoarsely. It was in his eyes, his hands, the tender smile on his mouth. Paradise was Leo. And once she'd thought it was somewhere else— in a league table of achievement, in being the most photographed model of the year.
His fingers caressed her soft skin. His lashes fluttered on his cheeks and when he looked up again his eyes were unreadable. 'And you found that even paradise wasn't perfect,' he husked. 'So you kept on trying to make it perfect by trying harder.' He smiled cynically. 'There is no paradise, Ginny. Very beautiful women, handsome men, the very rich still have problems.'
'Different problems,' she breathed.
'Sure.' He no longer touched her, holding her still by the mesmeric power of his eyes alone. 'But none the less frustrating. Some folk spend a lifetime striving for the perfect life but when—if—they get it they discover they want something else after all. And that they've sacrificed something they'd give their eye-teeth to possess again.' His voice dropped to a mutter and he seemed to be struggling for words. 'But, of course, it's unobtainable,' he said quietly. 'They've gone too far to go back for it and it's lost for ever.'
He seemed sad, as if his life wasn't perfect, and she wondered what else he could possibly want. He had it all. Money, family, any woman he wanted. 'What would be your paradise?' she asked in a rasp. Her emotions were in a knot. She'd lost more than she'd ever dreamed possible.
The rain-grey eyes seemed to shimmer with an inner light. 'There's only one thing that I think is worthwhile. One dream that I have. To be married to the woman who is mother to my child,' he said huskily.
Ginny flinched as if from a blow. Before she spoke she had to clear her throat of the obstruction there. 'You'll find her,' she said bleakly.
Leo firmed his mouth. 'Actually, Ginny, I've already met the woman I want to live with for the rest of my life,' he replied softly.
And Ginny could barely keep her face rigid. Frantically she struggled to mask her feelings. Something was paralysing her, otherwise she'd have stood, walked away, hidden her expression. But she had to stick it out and look back at him as if she didn't give a damn.
Whereas in reality her heart was breaking. The nightmare scenario that had haunted her for so long had finally come true. Her beloved Leo had found the true love of his life. And the tragedy was that it wasn't her.
The loneliness overwhelmed her. There were only two other people who might possibly care for her with any depth—and both were elusive, shadowy figures. Both might disappoint her and shatter her faith in human nature. But the hope of finding her parents was all she had to cling to now.
'I want to find my father. I want my mother, Leo!' she said miserably. Try as she might to stop them, the tearS'began to fall in torrents. 'Oh, Leo!' she mumbled, holding out her arms to him in a hopeless, helpless movement.
After hesitating, his face devoid of all expression, he gave a sigh and drew her onto his lap. Warm, comforting, secure. And she buried her face in his warm, male-scented neck, unsure whether she was crying for her missing mother or herself. Both, probably. Her sorrow swung with a butterfly restlessness from her own misery to the terrible life that her mother must have known.
'Sorry to break down like that...' she began apologetically.
'Understandable,' he growled, but she could tell that he was irritated by her need for him. He held her awkwardly, as though he didn't want her too close but was comforting her as a kindness for old times' sake.
'I keep thinking of my poor mother, Leo!' she husked, hoping he wouldn't think that she was crying because she felt abandoned by him. 'I was thinking what it must have been like for her to be alone with a baby she didn't want and so miserable that she let strangers take me away! Can you imagine how hard life must have been for her? I want to hold her and say it's all right, Leo. I want to tell her that I understand—' Her face crumpled. 'I want the answers to my questions now,' she mumbled.
Leo's mouth breathed warmth on her cheekbones as he murmured words of sympathetic agreement and simultaneously calmed her with small patting movements of his hands, as a rider might do with a high-spirited, temperamental filly. It should have been insulting but it was nice—too nice. Alarmed, she slid off his lap.
'I need to dress,' she said harshly. 'Go and see the people in Reception and get your things transferred here.'
'Relax,' he murmured. 'You obviously need someone to comfort you—'
'No!' she yelled, moving back as he stepped forward. She forgot that the bed was behind her and fell backwards onto it. 'I don't want your pity! Go away!' she screamed, scrambling awkwardly across the bed and to the other side.
Leo didn't move a muscle but there was a faintly self- satisfied smile lifting the corners of his mouth thai infuriated her.
'I don't want you to hold me; I don't want your vile hands anywhere near me. You stay here as long as it takes for me to find out if this Vincente is on the level or not and then you go. Understand?' she spat.
Leo smiled more broadly. The cat looked as if it had the cream in that smile. 'I understand very well. And soon you will too.'
'I understand now This arrangement is for our convenience,' she said, grabbing all the frayed edges of her temper and cobbling together a temporary mend. 'I need something, you need something and unfortunately we have to be together to achieve that. Maybe neither of us wants to be thrown together. Certainly I'd rather pretend to be married to Godzilla if he was around! But I don't know anyone I can trust so we're stuck with each other—'
'For better, for worse,' he put in helpfully.
Ginny glared. 'This is going to be a nightmare!' she muttered. 'Go and get your stuff moved here since you have to, but stay in the bar and have a few coffees. I want to do my workout before I start making enquiries about Vincente St Honore. There's no point in you being around while I exercise.'
'You're on one of the most beautiful islands in the West Indies and you want to do a workout in your room?' asked Leo incredulously.
'Well, I'm not doing it in public!' she snapped, bristling. 'I have to take care of my body—' "Sure,' he soothed. 'And the results are spectacular. So you're going to put on your leotard,' he mused. 'Are you hoping to seduce me?'
Ginny spluttered with fury. 'No!' she snapped. 'Darn it! You're arrogant! I'm not interested, Leo!'
'I see,' he said, injecting a wealth of doubt into those two simple words. 'I wasn't sure why you hadn't rushed to put some clothes on before now,' he explained. 'I thought you were hoping I might make a pass.'
'Wrong,' she said tightly and without being certain that she was telling the truth. Her inner needs seemed to be warring with her desire to protect her emotions.
'Funny. I could have sworn... I must be wrong,' he said blandly. 'I thought you sort of melted when you sat on my lap.'
'Muscle fatigue. I'm tired,' she said grimly.
'Then you ought to take a break. You're looking terrible,' he observed casually, smiling when she blinked in surprise and cautiously touched her face. 'No, nothing's dropped off,' he said in amusement. 'But you're bad- tempered, skinnier than before, there are bags under your eyes and your skin isn't quite as blooming as it used to be. Your lifestyle's telling on you.'
Of course it was! How could she glow and bloom without Leo? The lack of sleep and constant depression had taken all the sparkle from her eyes and the freshness from her complexion. And it hurt her that Leo should have noticed the difference and had found her less than perfect.
'I'm taking a break, aren't I?' she said resentfully.
'Exercises, snatched meals, no doubt, rushing around like
a demented chicken...' His mouth twitched at her indignant glare. 'Slow down,' he murmured. 'Stop fitting things into your schedule.' His innocent smile lit his face. 'You're in a beautiful place; why not enjoy it and spend the day on the beach?'
'I have things to do,' she said suspiciously. 'Are you suggesting I shouldn't ever work hard at getting what I want?'
'No. You had to in the past for all sorts of reasons,' he conceded. 'I know only too well that you have to dedicate yourself wholeheartedly if you want to achieve an important goal. However, I am suggesting you stop now and enjoy yourself. Squander your time. Be indulgent. It's a wonderful world out there. I bet you haven't stretched out in the sun here and done nothing at all for a whole day. Mind you, I doubt you could,' he mused. 'Too frenetic. Too hyper—'
'As a matter of fact,' she said haughtily, revising her plans on the spot just to confound him, 'you're wrong. I have been lounging around for the past few days. And I'm going to the beach after I've chatted to the people in Reception about Vincente.'
'Oh.' He glanced at the dress which she'd laid out on the bed. It wasn't suitable for the beach but he didn't question her choice. 'My mistake. You do know how to relax.' His eyes twinkled at her. 'I'm wrong. Apologies.'
Leo sauntered out, whistling softly to himself. Hastily she rummaged in a drawer for her leotard and began her routine. Halfway through, one elegant long leg suspended in mid-air, she began to wonder whether Leo had actually manipulated her into wasting time when she'd really wanted to hunt down Vincente.
It had been Leo who'd suggested the day on the beach. Where would that get him? Did he think he could help her with her sunblock and torment her by talking about the precious summer days they'd spent together when it had been his delight—and hers—to massage oil into her skin? Slowly a broad smile crept across her face as she remembered how that had usually ended up.
'I didn't know exercises could be so amusing!' marvelled Leo in mock surprise.
Ginny flung him a flustered glance and began to scissor her incomparable legs at a furious rate. 'You were supposed to stay drinking coffee,' she said coldly.
'I did. Two cups. And I chatted to someone called Agnes. She knows the St Honore family. Hey, no, don't interrupt your routine,' he said in consternation when she made to get up. 'You keep going and I'll tell you what I learned.'
Ginny quivered at the interest in his eyes as he assessed her curves in the skimpy leotard. What could she do now? Further scissor movements were out of the question—too pneumatic. She didn't want to do anything that might appear seductive. Something innocuous. Hamstring stretch? She felt the power of his eyes burning into her and felt prickles of heat curling into her pelvis.
One of them—or both?—seemed to be breathing more heavily. Performing in front of a suspicious and critical Leo was terrible. Her routine had always turned him on. He'd be making comparisons with those days when he'd watched her with hunger and yearning in his eyes.
Now he sprawled on her tumbled bed and showed only amused detachment. Grimly Ginny persevered, carrying out the routine rather badly and feeling angry and unsatisfied with herself as a result. Somehow her body wouldn't respond. It was tight and tense—and yet weak at the same time.
Neck-rolls were about the only thing that wouldn't be interpreted as a turn-on, she thought gloomily. And she discovered after a moment that even they meant a lot of hair-tossing. She flung her head back, hot and bothered, and met his drowsy-lidded eyes, their expression unreadable. Her breath quickened. Was he remembering the same thing? That moment when she'd cast aside all inhibitions and their bodies had melted together in a hot frenzy?
Damn him! she thought angrily. Damn, damn, damn him!
'My, you're breathing heavily,' he commented. There was a maddeningly suggestive smile on his lips.
'I did some extremely vigorous exercises a few moments before you came back,' she lied, trying to keep the irritated edge out of her voice. 'You said you'd tell me about St Honore. So give.'
'Hmm? Oh, yes. Sorry,' he said with an insincere smile, his gaze glued to the curve of her buttocks.
It was too much. Her breathing was almost impossible to keep under control. Ginny ran through a rapid cool-down and stopped. 'I've finished,' she said abruptly.
'You have a new short routine?' he enquired with interest, his mouth quirking at her quick glare. 'Hardly worth changing for.' Languidly he stretched the whole length of his powerful body then shifted to the edge of the bed. 'And I'm wasting good sunshine, hanging around in here watching you lurching around like an asthmatic automaton.' Ginny's eyes glittered with ice- green lights and he grinned disarmingly. 'I think I'll grab my things from my case and go down to the beach.'
'But... what about Vincente?' she protested.
'My news will wait. I can talk in the sun as well as indoors,' he said drily. 'Come and find me— Oh, and don't forget we're married, will you?'
'I'll sharpen my tongue especially,' she snapped.
Leo laughed and wagged his finger at her. 'No. It won't be that kind of marriage, Ginny. We'll be madly in love. If word is to get back to Vincente that I'm your protector, he must know I'm attentive and jealous. You do understand that, don't you?' he said calmly.
'You worm!' she muttered in disgust. 'You only want a chance to make me cringe by putting your hands all over me—'
'Not in the least. Wherever did you get that idea? In fact I'd prefer not to touch you unless the occasion calls for it,' he drawled, and she flushed, cut down to size. 'To be honest, I'd rather not be seduced by you, so save your efforts for someone who'd appreciate them.
'It's a matter of keeping myself for better things, you know,' he explained suavely. 'Fortunately, I think I've become immune to your attractions. That's why I was watching you with such interest just now. I find it fascinating to note that before I would have become wildly aroused by the movement of your supple body. Suddenly it holds no mysteries, no thrills for me any more. How times change.'
Open-mouthed, Ginny watched him saunter over to his luggage. Angry and shaking from the blow of his insult, she stalked to the shower, banged the door shut and sluiced herself down. When she emerged, he'd gone—and it was just as well. Her fingers still itched to slap his smug, malicious face.
Running to lock the front door, she raced back up the stairs and dropped her robe to check herself in the mirror. No flaws that she could see. Tall, slender, with generous breasts for her weight. Tiny waist, curvy hips and rear. Skin... She peered closely with a critical eye. Smooth as honey.
But... Her brow seemed to have faint lines on it. There were bags under her eyes. Hastily, afraid that she'd lose her only asset—her looks—she smoothed on some moisturiser and grinned wryly at herself when she checked the mirror again to see if it had made any - difference.
'Lord, you're paranoid!' she said ruefully. 'You do need a spot of normality!'
A few more days of rest would do the trick. Preferably without Leo criticising her appearance. She winced, yearning for the days when he'd told her that she was always beautiful to him—and would be so even when she was old and grey. That had made her very happy. But now he was probably comparing her with the woman he wanted to marry.
She drew in a long, shuddering breath. Leo would have children by that woman. Her reflection blurred as misery flooded through her body. Leo was hers. Hers! And yet she had to get used to the idea that he was on the brink of committing himself body and soul to another woman.
Her shaking hands covered her face and she wondered why she couldn't seem to get it into her thick head that her relationship with Leo was over.
If only he hadn't turned up! She must meet Vincente as soon as possible. Then she could wave Leo goodbye. A tremor of regret flickered for a brief moment in her mind before she ruthlessly suppressed it. He was bad for her. He didn't like her any more—and actively despised her. So she might as well accept that and get a life elsewhere.
Years of experience in blocking out her emotions and willing herself to
follow a particular path came into play again. Leo had been a mistake she'd regret for ever. But she knew better than most how to focus her mind on a particular goal—and this time that goal was her self- respect and inner peace.
Leo made her feel cheap and unworthy. He aroused her emotions. Far better to cut him from her heart than to suffer his wounds over and over again.
Ginny slipped a turquoise T-shirt and shorts over her fuchsia-coloured bathing costume and went to look for Agnes, hoping to bypass the chat with Leo.
'Agnes has gone off duty,' said a helpful bar-boy.
She peered at his name badge. Simon. 'I'm looking for Vincente St Honore, Simon,' she said in a friendly tone. 'Do you know him? Or is there anyone here who might tell me about him and where I can find him?'
The young man lowered his huge dark eyes and shifted his bare feet around on the tiled terrace of the deserted restaurant. 'He disappeared. People here don't know where he is.'
'Agnes knows,' she persisted, certain that Simon was avoiding a straight answer.
'Agnes has gone home,' repeated Simon sullenly.
'OK. Thanks,' she said with a cool smile. It would have to be Leo, then. 'Which way to the beach?' she asked pleasantly.
'Down there, lady.' Simon pointed to a flight of steps, sounding relieved.
She thanked him again and followed the twisting steps of volcanic rock that ran in a zigzag fashion down the hill, catching occasional glimpses of a golden beach and a ghttering blue sea between the dense greenery of tropical vegetation. It looked very inviting and she felt her tension easing with every step.
Her only worry was that she might be recognised, but since the hotel only housed a small number of people the beach wasn't crowded and hardly anyone glanced her way as she wandered across the hot sand, searching for Leo.
Even if they did realise who she was, she had the feeling that people would be far too polite to rush up and plague her anyway. It was a nice feeling to be a private person again.