by Tim Hawken
“Hello, Rabbi,” Judas said quietly.
“I do not have time to hear your troubles,” the rabbi said brusquely, waving Judas away. “Can’t you see I’ve just been attacked?”
“That is why I approached,” Judas went on in the same soft manner. “I have come to offer a solution to the trouble the man called Jesus presents you and the Holy Church. It was his incitement that caused that stone to be thrown at you. I witnessed everything.”
The rabbi suddenly became more interested. He sat up straighter in his chair, took the cloth the man was using to wipe his blood and held it firm over his wound.
“You were there to listen to him preach?”
“I was. I have been following him as a close member of his party for some time now.”
“Then why would you help me?”
“At first I was enchanted by his words, but I have now grown to understand that inside his humble exterior lies a false heart.”
“He is a violent criminal!” the rabbi burst out. “He attacked merchants in the square outside yesterday, he blasphemes against God. There isn’t a humble bone in his rotting body.” He winced in pain, as he stood up and stepped closer to Judas. “What is this solution you speak of?”
“I will help you lead the authorities to where he is staying, so that he can be arrested for heresy,” said Judas, licking his lips nervously, his eyes flitting from the rabbi’s face back to the ground.
“I could just get the authorities to arrest him now!” the rabbi almost shouted.
“If you did it in public there would be a riot,” Judas answered carefully. “He has the support of the people; you saw that with your own eyes. He is swaying them away from the teachers who are sanctioned by the law. He must be arrested in secret, away from a group of supporters large enough to stop it.”
“Yes,” the rabbi said, starting to nod. “His preaching without the Emperor’s authority could also be considered treason! With that charge I will be easily able to gather soldiers. I will take this to High Priest Caiaphas. Are you sure you can lead us to him?”
“Of course,” Judas said. “The night of Passover he has prepared a banquet. After this banquet he and his Apostles will go to rest. I can come and find you here. I will lead you and the soldiers to arrest him.” He screwed up his eyes at the explicit mention of his betrayal.
The Priest noticed the facial twitch, and peered at Judas more closely.
“I can see this matter troubles you a great deal,” he said. “It takes courage to set aside personal loyalties for the good of The Church. I’ll ensure you are rewarded for your courage. Thirty pieces of silver will help you establish yourself as the moral citizen you are, yes?”
Judas simply nodded.
“Good,” the priest said, smiling maliciously. “Then at midnight, after the Passover meal, I will meet you at the door of this building. Agreed?”
Judas nodded again, and turned to go. As he started to leave, the priest called out to him.
“I haven’t yet received your name.”
“It is Judas,” he said, and walked away.
“Judas!” the Priest called after us. “Your name will become synonymous with loyalty after this good deed.”
******
The day leading up to Passover, Judas largely avoided Jesus and the rest of the Apostles. His time was spent in quiet reflection, sitting on his blanket in the shade of the walled city. When night came, we sat down to the meal of Passover. Jesus asked Judas to sit at his side. He accepted gracefully and moved into his place with a melancholic air about him.
The beauteous Mary Magdalene sat on Jesus’ other hand, while each of the Apostles were seated about the table. Chatter was lively amongst the party; it was a night of celebration. Smells of roasted meats and freshly baked bread wafted from the kitchen. Red wine flowed freely and the talk grew louder. As the food was brought out to the table, Jesus stood.
The conversation fell quiet. Jesus reached out and picked up a loaf of bread from the table. He began to break the bread into even pieces, which he passed around the table.
“This is my body, which is given to you,” he said as the bread was taken from his hands. “Eat it in remembrance of me.” The Apostles each placed the bread in their mouths and began to chew.
“I now pass to you a new commandment,” he continued as they ate. “You must each love another, even as I have loved you dearly.” He placed a hand on Mary’s shoulder and smiled down at her. “In this way, you will show other men that you are my disciples and lead by example to spread love in the world.”
Jesus picked up a pitcher of red wine and poured a glass to the brim.
“This cup is the new covenant in my blood, that which is poured out for you. Take this and divide it among yourselves; for I say unto you, I shall not drink henceforth from the fruit of the vine, until the kingdom of God shall come.” He lifted the chalice and drank from it. He passed it down to Mary who took a small sip and passed it to Luke who sat next to her. As the wine made the circle around the table, Jesus uttered the fateful words:
“One of you who sit at this table shall betray me.”
It was as if all happiness had been sucked from the room.
“Surely it is not I?” Luke said.
“Nor I!” Peter added.
Each of the people present voiced their protests and asked who would do such a thing. Judas remained silent. Jesus interrupted the din by holding up his hands.
“As I have foretold, it shall be so. By the hand of one of those closest to me, I shall be delivered to death.”
Everyone present sat grim-faced and solemn, no longer talking. They just stared ahead, trying to come to terms with what had been revealed. However Jesus remained smiling. He looked to each of the Apostles in turn pointedly, nodding to each of them as he spoke.
“This is not something to be mourned. I have been teaching you my Father’s word for a long time now. It is not a good pupil who repays his teacher by remaining a pupil. Beyond this time into your future lives, I would ask that you too become teachers. You must go out, like sheep amongst the wolves, and spread this new gospel of love and tolerance to man. The divine spark of God lives in all of us. I shall prove this by rising from the grave before ascending unto Heaven. It is now your duty to enflame this divine spark within your fellow man. Now, I would ask: are there any of you here that can now unleash that spirit? Let the perfect spirit within come out and face me.”
All of the Apostles remained quiet and seated. They looked from one to the other. Finally it was Judas who stood up, next to Jesus. Still with his eyes to the ground, Judas slowly began to shiver slightly. Gradually, a beautiful white light shone out from him, encasing him in a wonderful aura. All in the room gasped and abruptly the light began to fade again.
Jesus clapped Judas on the shoulder, grinning through his dark beard.
“The star that leads the way is your star, my dear friend.” He looked around to the others. “You all have what Judas has shown within you. Now please excuse us while I speak to him of a new lesson, which only he is ready for.”
Jesus then leaned in to Judas’ and whispered in his ear, “Step away from the others and I will tell you the mysteries of the kingdom.”
As they exited the room, excited talk erupted between the Apostles at what they had just seen. If Jesus wasn’t the only one who could perform miracles, then maybe they were all indeed divine inside.
I shadowed Judas and his master outside into the cool night air. The city was lit brightly by the moon, and we could the hear festivities for Passover all around. Jesus walked down into the middle of a stairway and sat down with Judas.
“Tonight is a hallmark night in the history of mankind,” Jesus said. “Generations will be telling this story for thousands of years to come. From just fourteen small people in a room, we will change the world for the better. However, neither of us is long in this world of men. The mortal life is but a blink of an eye compared with the eternity of the divine soul.”
He continued, “We will be together in the Kingdom of God. It is a great and boundless realm, which no eye of an angel has ever seen, no thought of the heart has ever comprehended, and it is never called by name.”
“I don’t want to have to do this,” Judas said, interrupting Jesus’ speech. “There must be another way. We can convince the world of God’s love through the power of truth, not through a deception of martyrdom. I cannot understand how the betrayal of a friend can spark something good.”
“That is because you are still only human, Judas.” Jesus smiled at him. “Even I cannot fathom everything while I am encased in this mortal shell. I welcome the impending day when I am not restricted by its limitations. Do not fear my friend. As I said before, your star’s brightness will eclipse all others. You will exceed all of them, for you will have sacrificed the man that clothes me. You will reveal the divinity they cannot yet see.”
Judas’ only reply was a sigh.
“You have finally accepted the truth of the soul within,” Jesus said. “Now that you have the power to grasp its significance, you will be able to peer within the hearts of men and see their deepest wishes. You have become a powerful prophet in your own right, Judas. Use that power to look within yourself and know what you are doing is right.”
Jesus stood and patted Judas once again on the shoulder as he got up. “It is best that you make your way to Herod’s Temple, to rouse my accusers,” he said. “We will be camped in the Garden of Gethsemane.”
Judas looked up at him in horror, but said nothing. Jesus turned and walked back up the stairs, his steps light and easy.
We made our way unhindered through the night time streets of Jerusalem. Passover celebrations had moved entirely indoors and we met only the odd drunken pilgrim, stumbling home to bed. By the time we made it close to Herod’s temple, it was almost the appointed meeting time of midnight. Judas paused momentarily in a doorway. He leaned against the wall for support, silent tears running down his cheeks.
“This has to be done,” he said to himself. “This is for the good of mankind. This is God’s will.” He wiped the tears from his face and stiffened his back. “This is God’s will,” he repeated, and walked forward again, moving to the entrance of the temple not far ahead.
“I’m glad your courage did not fail you,” the Chief Rabbi called out to Judas. He was standing amid a small army of Roman guards, who each held a burning torch in one hand, the other resting on the hilt of their sheathed swords. Next to the rabbi stood another man, dressed in fine silken robes.
“So this is the savior of the church?” the man said, raising an eyebrow at Judas. “I am High Priest Caiaphas. I have come to meet firsthand the person who would bring us to this Jesus, who threatens Mother Church. You are doing something brave and just tonight. I thank you.”
Judas nodded his head slightly. He then looked around at the soldiers gathered with their weapons.
“You will not need your swords tonight,” he said. “Your presence will be enough to make Jesus come peacefully.”
“We’ll take him as we see fit!” Caiaphas said haughtily. “Then we’ll then hand him over to Pontius Pilate for judgment.”
“Only God can judge us,” Judas said and turned away. “Come, I will lead you to him.”
He set off at a march down the street, leaving the priests and soldiers no choice but to follow quickly. Judas did not pause or hesitate as he led them. It was as if he was creating a sense of momentum within himself that couldn’t be stopped. He tracked through the dusty streets, past homes and buildings, winding towards a mount of olive trees. Judas pushed through the midst of the trees to emerge with the priests and soldiers into a garden. Ahead, there was a shout and a group of men stirred from the ground. Through a mix of flaming torchlight and the moon, I could see it was Jesus and his followers.
As Judas stepped forward, Jesus held out his arms and welcomed him with a warm hug. Judas kissed him on the cheek and pulled away.
“That’s the sign!” Caiaphas said. “Seize him!”
One of the guards right next to Caiaphas strode in to take Jesus, but Peter ran forward and struck him in the face with his fist. The guard toppled to the ground dropping his sword. Peter swept up the weapon and hacked downward. The soldier wailed in agony, rolling away, clasping the side of his head. His ear sat bloody on the ground. Peter advanced again and the other soldiers moved in.
“Enough!” Jesus called loudly. “Those who live by the sword shall die by it.” His voice sung clearly through the garden as if it were a clarion from God. All present froze in their place. Peter dropped the sword in his hand to the earth.
Jesus walked forward. He spoke loudly toward Caiaphas.
“Would you come out here with an army, as against a hoard of robbers, with swords and stave?”
He knelt down next to the wounded soldier who still lay moaning on the ground. With a steady hand, Jesus touched the man on the ear. The guard sat bolt upright and gasped. Holding his whole ear he stood once more.
“You have healed me!” he said. “He has healed my ear!” He turned to Caiaphas. Blood was still caked on his head, but the bleeding had stopped. The soldiers moved back a pace at the sight.
“It is of no consequence!” Caiaphas said. “This man uses the powers of evil. Take him!”
“I will come peacefully,” Jesus said, holding out his fists to be tied.
As the guards moved in to take Jesus, Judas pushed past the gathering to leave the garden in disgust. Priest Caiaphas stopped him by grabbing his arm.
“You have done well,” he said. “Take your reward and spend it wisely.” He pressed a small jingling pouch into Judas’ hand.
Judas looked down at it with numb eyes and exited the scene of his treachery. He fled through the streets at a run, his breathing ragged and heavy. Each breath he let out was a rattle of misery. He turned blind corners in the dark, winding and weaving without seeming direction, until he came to a dead end alley. He stopped at the wall and turned. Looking up to the sky, he cried, “Why? Why like this? Why me? There is no good to come out of treachery. Have I been deceived by the Devil or will you forgive me?”
The night sky shone back down at him in silence. He collapsed on the ground, a wretched heap of weeping. Dust covered his red hair as he pushed his head into the ground, clawing at the earth with his fingers until they became bloody. He was delirious with grief. He lay in the dirt, continually tearing at himself, punching the ground, hitting his head against the stone walls around him, until he finally lapsed into an unconscious state of unrest.
The light of dawn crept upon Jerusalem. Pale blue light slowly rose above the horizon, pushing back the black of night to herald the coming of the morning sun. As the grey predawn air sparkled, Judas stirred on the ground. He opened his eyes to look up at the disappearing stars. Recollection slid across his face like the slice of a razor. He let out a low wail of sorrow and brought his hands up to cover his face. He lay there, shaking silently for a few moments, before his tremors abruptly stopped. Pulling himself to his feet, he looked around with red eyes. Holding out a hand he leaned against a wall. Once again he looked to the heavens and exhaled a long, stuttering breath. Pushing himself off the wall he stumbled out of the alley. We were at the exit gates to the city. Outside, along the walls of Jerusalem there was a market setting up for the morning trade. Judas stumbled to the nearest stall.
“Rope,” he croaked. “I need a length of rope.”
The man setting up his wares looked at the dishevelled Judas and shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t have rope to sell, only rugs,” he said, pointing at the Persian carpets he had hanging behind him.
“They are hanging from a rope,” Judas said determinedly.
“But how will I display them?” the man asked, shaking his head.
Judas reached into his robes and pulled out the small pouch that the Priest Caiaphas had given him the night before. He poured its contents onto the dirt at his feet.
; “Are thirty silvers enough?”
The man looked down at the coins strewn in the dust. He quickly ran back and pulled his carpets from the cord they were dangling from. Once he had untied it, he eagerly thrust the rope at Judas.
“Thank you,” Judas said, and turned away. As he walked with purpose away from the city, the hawker behind him collected his payment from the ground.
Just out of town, Judas came to a field beyond a small patch of trees. The sun was pushing above the mountains ahead of us. As the blazing orb of light began to dawn, Judas made his way over to a gnarled tree in the middle of the field. Hitching the rope over his shoulder, he began to climb. Nimbly he rose up into its twisted branches. Once he was about ten feet up, he inched outward over a thick branch which reached out from the trunk. Taking the rope from his shoulder, he furiously wound it around the branch, tying it off tightly. With shaking hands he started to tie a noose.
“Judas!” I tried to yell to him. “Judas, you don’t have to do this. I’ve seen enough!”
“If Jesus can free his divine spirit of life from his fleshy prison by walking to his own death, then so can I,” he said to the air. He pulled the noose over his head and looked up to the sky once last time.
“Forgive me. I will wait for you in Heaven, Jesus. We will be together again my Lord and friend.”
With those sad words, he let himself fall off the branch. With a shudder his feet jerked to a stop a few feet from the ground. As his choking gasps died out, the sun finally cleared the horizon to mark the beginning of a new day.