MOTHER OF CHILDREN, MOTHER OF A COUNTRY
Young Menachem and Sarah grew to understand that their mother was dedicated to a goal that required tireless service. They probably came to terms with her life’s work better than Golda did. Even though she recognized the international significance of her work, on some levels Golda never stopped regretting the speeches and meetings that kept her away from her children.
When World War II ended, Golda became a leader in a successful rebellion against British rule. In 1948 she signed Israel’s Declaration of Independence. Her children (Sarah, on a kibbutz, and Menachem, a muscian in New York) celebrated the triumph of their mother’s dream. A homeland for her people was now a reality.
A WORKING MOM DOES GOOD
Golda served Israel as an ambassador, a Knesset (parliament) member, and a cabinet minister. In 1969, Golda Meir became Israel’s fourth prime minister. In an era when many believed that women were too emotional to cope with the pressure of running a business, Golda showed that mothers and grandmothers could run a country. She was famous for making coffee for her guards and making chicken soup for “the boys and girls” in the Israeli army. When Israel was attacked by its neighbors, she became famous for leading her army and her nation through the Yom Kippur War to emerge victorious.
It could be argued that her experience as a working mother helped make her a great leader. In politics Golda stood up to pressure with the same decisiveness that she’d developed when she kept her career on track and raised two kids, just as when she defied the experts and successfully saved her daughter’s life by taking her to New York. Golda’s own experiences in raising a family gave her a rare perspective, humility, and compassion for all families around the world.
Jigalong Home
“They told us we had no mothers. I knew they were wrong.”—Molly Craig Kelly
Two Aboriginal Mardu women have attracted a lot of attention in Australia. Molly Craig Kelly, 84, and Daisy Kadibil, 78, who appeared in the acclaimed film Rabbit-Proof Fence, are fueling a small tourist boom. Dedicated fans from all over the world travel to the women’s home, a remote desert outpost called Jigalong.
Going to Jigalong is not like taking a Hollywood bus ride past movie-star homes. Fans must brave heat, dust, and a lack of four-star hotels, but still they come to meet the heroines of Australia’s stolen generation. The pair who—when they were girls—overcame the dangers of the outback and the power of the Australian government to get home to the mothers who loved them.
MARDU MOLLY
In 1931, Molly, 14, her cousin, Gracie, 10, and sister Daisy, 8, lived in close-knit families, enjoying a life that still followed many of the Mardu traditions. The Mardu live in the deserts of western Australia. Molly, Daisy, and Gracie were fast friends, bound together by their common mixed race. While their mothers were Mardu, their fathers were white and chose to live with the Mardu.
THE STOLEN GENERATION
From 1905 to 1971, the Australian government forcibly removed half-white, half-Aborigine children from their mothers. Some think it was an attempt to “save” partly white children from a culture the Australian government considered savage. Others believe that these children would have ultimately been rejected and become social outcasts had they remained with their families. Either way, these children were taken from their birth parents and sent to institutions where they would be assimilated into white Australian society. They became known as the “Stolen Generation.”
In 1931 Molly Craig was taken from her tearful mother, Maude. Along with Gracie and Daisy, Molly was sent to the Moore River Native Settlement located near the southwestern city of Perth and roughly 1,000 miles away from home. At Moore River, Molly, Daisy, and Gracie were locked in an overcrowded dormitory with bars on the windows; they were forbidden to speak their own language. Meals weren’t any better, usually consisting of weevily porridge or watery stew.
What was toughest for Molly was the government’s attempt to make her forget her mother. Over fifty years later, Molly still remembers her feelings when she was told that her mother no longer wanted her. “Those other kids,” Molly has explained, “they were much younger. They didn’t know their mother. But I was older. I knew my mother. I wanted to go home to Mother.”
Molly had been warned that no child ever successfully escaped from Moore River. Those who tried were brought back to face floggings and solitary confinement. Still, the teenager gathered up Gracie and Daisy, and instead of going to school, the three ran off, crossing a rain-swollen river and heading into the bush. Traveling as fast as she could, Molly searched for her guide home—the rabbit-proof fence.
THE RABBIT-PROOF FENCE
Molly’s father was an inspector in charge of maintaining the rabbit-proof fence, a barrier built in 1907 to keep out rabbits that were eating farm crops. Her father had explained to Molly that the fence crossed western Australia in an unbroken line from south to north. Once Molly found the fence, she knew she could follow it to Jigalong. What she didn’t know was that she was about to lead her cousins on one of the longest walks in Australian history.
Chased by government trackers, the girls hiked north along the path of the fence. Rumors spread that they’d drowned, but the three used the bush survival techniques they’d learned from their mothers and grandmothers to make it across the harsh desert outback. Gracie was eventually captured, but Molly and Daisy hiked about 1,000 miles back to home and her mother.
DORIS’S HOMECOMING
The girls were taken to the desert upon their return. But when Molly had children of her own, Doris, 3, and Annabelle, 18 months, all three were returned to Moore River. Ten years after her first journey, Molly escaped again with her baby, eluding the trackers to return to Jigalong. She had to leave Doris behind because she could not carry two children during the long journey home. She hoped that Gracie, who was still at Moore River, would look after young Doris.
Doris grew up at Moore River and Roelands Native Mission, where she seemed to be one of the government’s successes. She became a nurse’s aide, married, and had four children. But the institutions left a troubling mark, and Doris was ashamed of her Aboriginal family.
It was 21 years before Doris and Molly were reunited. (Three-year-old Annabelle was retaken from Molly. They were never reconciled.) Doris then began to appreciate her culture and family history, and she decided to write Molly and Daisy’s story in the memoir Follow the Rabbit-Proof Fence. The book was a runaway success.
THE STOLEN GENERATION ON FILM
Based on the popularity of Doris’s book, the film Rabbit-Proof Fence was made in 2002. The movie exploded on the Australian scene and caused the country to revisit that dark period in its history. Molly’s longing to be with her mother gave many Aussies a realization of how much suffering had been caused by misguided policies and old-fashioned ideas about race.
Sadly, Molly has recently passed away, but the impact of her life will always be felt. What may be most important is that members of the Stolen Generation now know what Molly knew, that they were never despised and abandoned. Many have begun to search for their families and begin a journey home.
Advancing Adoption
Adoption is on the rise!
It used to be bad manners to ask people whether they were adopted—even if you were a census taker. For years adoption was considered such a private matter that census takers didn’t keep track of the number of adoptions in the United States. In fact, adoption agencies used to just place children without consulting the birth parents.
It wasn’t until the late 1970s that adoption agencies allowed open adoptions, where biological and adoptive parents could establish a relationship with each other. As adoption came further out into the open, curious researchers were standing at the door, eager to finally ask questions. They got surprising answers. Adoption was far more common than anyone had guessed, adopted families were on the rise, and the numbers would likely keep going up.
BY THE NUMBERS
The Evan B.
Donaldson Adoption Institute ran a significant national poll about adoption in 1997 that amazed even adoption professionals. Fifty-eight percent of respondents declared a “personal experience’’ with adoption—meaning that they, a family member, or a close friend had been adopted, had adopted a child, or had placed a child up for adoption. Ninety percent had a positive view of adoption, and a third had “somewhat seriously considered adopting.” Adoption was far more common and accepted than the experts had ever suspected.
In 2000, for the first time the U.S. Census calculated how many adopted children lived in U.S. households. They learned that there were 2.1 million adopted children at that time in the United States, which constituted about 2.5 percent of all children in the country. The census did not ask, however, if participants themselves had been adopted, so the number of adopted persons in the United States could be much higher. Will there be a much higher percentage by the end of the decade? Seems likely.
Given the numbers, that’s hardly surprising since the estimated total number of adoptions has more than doubled in the last century. In 1944 there were a recorded 50,000 adoptions that year. Fifty years later that number had almost tripled. There were approximately 120,000 annual adoptions in the 1990s!
MOVIN’ ON UP
So what’s up with these upward trends in adoption? Statisticians point out that women in developed countries are delaying their plans for motherhood until they are older. And older would-be moms have a greater likelihood of infertility, problems conceiving, and difficulties in carrying a child to term. In the United States almost one third of childless married women who had problems becoming biological mothers were in the 35–44 age group. About 6.1 million American women had impaired fertility in 1995—that’s over a million more than in 1988.
Infertility is the common motivation for adoption. In one survey, more than 80 percent of the respondents gave the inability to have a biological child as the reason they chose to adopt. With more women delaying marriage and motherhood and facing biological problems with pregnancy, there are also more potential moms searching for a child to adopt and raise.
Luckily, adoptions are a good thing for everyone involved. The Search Institute, a nonprofit research organization, concluded after a four-year study that most teenagers who were adopted as infants “show no signs that adoption had a negative effect on their identity development, mental health, or well-being.” Adopted or biological—loving mothers have an equal chance to produce healthy children.
“A mother is not a person to lean on but person to make leaning unnecessary.” —Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it.”
—Pamela Glenconner
Lit 101: A Novel Approach
In the second part of our literature quiz, we’re taking a “novel” approach to the question, “What’s a mom to do?” Multiple choice for you again—read closely and don’t peek at the answers before you’re through!
1. The Novel: Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, 1875–1877
The Plot: Anna, the beautiful and spirited mother of Seryozha, is bored and restless in her marriage with the dull Karenin. She has fallen in love with the dashing Count Vronsky.
What’s a mom to do?
__ A. Introduce Karenin to a charming, but conventional, woman and hope they fall in love and let you off the hook.
__ B. Run off with Vronsky and then tire of him.
__ C. Jump in front of a train.
__ D. None of the above.
__ E. Both B & C
2. The Novel: Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe, 1722
The Plot: Moll’s mother “pleads her belly” (pregnancy) to avoid being executed as a thief. Her baby remains in England while she is transported to the colonies (the United States), where she prospers. Moll is raised by others and has many adventures, lovers, and husbands. Eventually, she marries an American sea captain and travels to his home in Virginia. After bearing the captain two children, Moll meets his mother and then discovers they have more in common than she thought. She’s shocked to learn that she is married to her half-brother.
What’s a mom to do?
__ A. Leave your husband, return to England, and remarry.
__ B. Jump in front of a train.
__ C. Kill your husband and his/your mother so no one will ever know.
__ D. Become a prostitute.
__ E. Both A & D.
3. The Novel: The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, 1850
The Plot: In Puritan New England, Hester Prynne gives birth to a daughter whose father is not Hester’s husband. She is forced to wear a scarlet “A” (for “adulteress”) and is publicly shamed.
What’s a mom to do?
__ A. Blame your youth and the man who led you astray.
__ B. Rail against the hypocrisy of the town’s so-called solid citizens.
__ C. Wear the scarlet letter proudly and raise your daughter with tenderness and good values.
__ D. Become a prostitute and jump in front of a train.
__ E. All of the above.
4. The Novel: Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, 1852
The Plot: Eliza, a slave, overhears her owners talking about selling her five-year-old son, Harry, to another plantation owner.
What’s a mom to do?
__ A. Move to a cottage by the woods, become a prostitute, and then jump in front of a train.
__ B. Grab your son and run away to Canada.
__ C. Plead with your owner’s wife and appeal to her Christian values.
__ D. Ask kindly Uncle Tom, who is to be sold along with Harry, to take good care of him.
__ E. Both B & D
Answers on page 300.
Ante Up, Mom!
We’re not bluffing. Be sure to bet on this poker-playing mama.
In the never-ending quest of working moms to find the best way to raise a family and earn a living, moms have moved into such traditionally male-dominated careers as steel workers, firefighters, and investment bankers. But card sharks?
You can bet on it. Today’s working mother can just as easily be a professional gambler who ambles up to a green-felt poker table as an office worker who spends the day with a computer in a cubicle. Just ask Annie Duke, a working mother of four and one of the top-rated poker players in the world.
The Bellagio, a luxury hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, features an 8.5-acre lake and more than a thousand fountains; it houses luxury stores, art masterpieces, botanical gardens . . . and, oh yes, slot machines and poker tables. Thirty to forty hours a week, Annie Duke takes leave of her husband, Ben, and her kids, Maud, Leo, Lucy, and Nelly. Then, often clad comfortably in jeans and a T-shirt, she heads off to the cushy casino, where she is one of but a handful of women who are serious contenders in the world of high-stakes poker.
A MAN’S GAME?
The origin of the game of poker is somewhat in doubt. Some say it began in China, some say Persia, others Egypt or even India. The version played in the United States probably came from a “bluffing and betting” card game called “poque,” which French settlers brought to New Orleans. Poque was likely the origin of the game that card sharks used to fleece travelers on the steamboats of the Mississippi River. By the time of the Civil War, poker and draw poker were popular pastimes—for men.
Today the World Poker Tour and the World Series of Poker fascinate both tournament crowds and TV fans at home. If the popularity of poker hasn’t faltered since the Civil War, neither has its reputation as a man’s game. So in 2000 it was quite an event when a thirtysomething soccer mom who was over eight months pregnant came in tenth place in the World Series of Poker. No small accomplishment. For Annie, it was just evidence that the high-stakes world of poker could be a great career choice for a mother.
THE DUKES OF VEGAS
Born into the Lederer family, Annie grew up on the grounds of a preppy boarding school in New Hampshire where her father taught English. Card games and chess were family obsessions, and poker playing seems to run in the family. Annie’s older brother, Howard, dropped out of college to play chess, but he eventually moved into the world of professional gambling. Now he is also one of the world’s poker greats.
Annie stayed in school and attended Columbia University, where she was a member of its first coed class, and then went on to graduate school to study cognitive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. She was finishing up her dissertation for her PhD when she realized that she didn’t really want to spend the rest of her life in academia. With a boldness that would eventually serve her well at the poker tables, Annie proposed to her boyfriend, who said yes. The two married and went to live in Montana.
A scarcity of jobs and a need to help keep the roof over her family’s head inspired Annie to call her brother Howard and ask him to teach her to play poker. She did so well that the Duke family eventually moved to Las Vegas. Her husband, Ben, who ran his own investment business from home, agreed to take on the child-care chores when she was away at the casino . . . and the rest, as they say, is poker history.
Uncle John’s Presents Mom’s Bathtub Reader Page 11