Forced Apart
“Oh, Miss Caroline,” Holly sighed. “Pining after the duke isn’t going to help anyone.”
“I shouldn’t have agreed to help him out in the first place.” Caroline rubbed at her eyes. They were already sore and bloodshot. “I should have backed away. This was going to get messy. And it did. That man…he just gets inside you and you don’t realize it until you’re away from him.”
Holly knew everything. Caroline had confessed everything as soon as she got home. The first three days had been Caroline lying in bed with Holly at her side, refusing to leave her mistress. She was her closest confidant. But Caroline could tell she was driving her maid mad with her depression.
“The heart is a fickle thing, Miss Caroline,” Holly said patiently. “I’ve noticed that myself.”
“So have I.” Caroline swallowed the hard lump in her throat. “I miss him. And I shouldn’t but I do. The dowager duchess was right: I shouldn’t be his wife. I’m no good for him. We were foolish to think this would even work.”
“But you went through with it because you are a good person and you like to help people. Brandon asked you to help him and that’s what you did.”
“He didn’t ask me to fall in love with him!” Caroline wailed before clapping a hand over her mouth. Someone could be in the gardens on the other side of the wall. She shouldn’t be shouting that out.
“I know he didn’t.” Holly shifted to sit on the step beside her, adjusting her apron. “Speaking of infuriating men, Viscount Carlton called earlier. I told him you weren’t up to receiving anyone and he said he would call back later today. He’s expecting an answer.”
“Oh.”
That. Caroline had almost forgotten about that. It just lingered in the back of her mind. Carlton had managed to wheedle his way in and was the only one who refused to leave when everyone else gave her space. He was insistent and needling at her, now he knew the marriage to the duke was a sham. Caroline was ashamed but Carlton was persistent and she had only agreed to give him an answer to an important question if he would just leave her alone.
Now, the more she considered it, it seemed like her only choice.
“I may be speaking out of turn here but what was he talking about?” Holly asked. “An answer to what? And since when have you allowed the viscount to come into your house without being booted out again?”
“He…,” Caroline took a deep breath, “he offered me marriage again yesterday.”
“Again?”
“I told him I’d think about it. He said he would give me a day to consider his proposal.”
“What?” Holly was looking at her mistress like she had never seen her before. “You’re actually considering marriage to that man? Have you gone mad?”
“I must have because he’s my only option now.”
“He can’t be!”
“He is.” Caroline gnawed at her lower lip, picking at her thumb nail. “The dowager duchess said that my reputation would be soiled. I would be known as damaged goods. And I don’t doubt she wouldn’t have said things to her friends in Society by now. No one will want to marry me.”
“I thought you didn’t want to get married, anyway.”
“I didn’t.” Not until Brandon. Caroline pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. “The duke…he made me change my mind. But I can’t marry him and the thought of being alone terrifies me. Carlton is my only option, no matter what my feelings are towards him.”
Holly was looking disappointed. Caroline wished she could get her maid and friend to smile again.
“You do realize the moment you marry him, all of that money your aunt left solely to you will be his and it’ll be gone by the morning after the wedding.”
“At this time, I don’t really care.” Caroline sniffed and reached for her handkerchief. “Having money makes everything feel empty.”
Holly snorted.
“If you marry Viscount Carlton, you’ll have an empty life full stop.”
Caroline couldn’t argue with that.
***
Life was very empty. Brandon couldn’t find any joy in it. The day after Caroline left, Brandon left himself to go back to his estate in Essex. Lady Clarissa was determined to have him stay but Brandon wasn’t about to bow down to his mother any longer. He just wanted to be alone.
If he couldn’t have Caroline, he was going to be alone.
But Lady Clarissa was relentless. She sent letters upon letters, telling him that it was his duty to marry and Lady Judith was going to be his wife sooner or later, that he should stop being a complete fool and give in to his duties. Eventually, Brandon had given in and agreed to the marriage.
The woman he wanted was gone and Brandon was getting no response to his letters. He was turned away at the door and Caroline didn’t go out anymore. It was clear she wanted nothing to do with him. She was the only woman Brandon had set his heart on but she didn’t want him.
He would have to bite the bullet and marry the lady, preparing himself for a life without love or children.
Three months passed by. Caroline was still not responding to his letters and Holly, her maid, was getting more and more hostile. Brandon got more and more agitated, snapping at everyone including Lady Judith when she came to stay once their marriage was announced. She didn’t bat an eyelid and tried to make him calm down but it just made Brandon worse. He pushed her away and Lady Judith didn’t get the message she needed to leave him be.
It was only when she left that Brandon could breathe again. Their wedding was fast approaching. Judith had to know he despised her. She wanted to be a duchess and believed she could get him to love her. Brandon didn’t believe it was possible to love a rude, mean woman.
He was pacing around in the library, wanting to read but unable to settle enough to do his favorite pastime, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Brandon cried out and spun around, lashing out and almost catching Marlow in the face. His valet ducked and stepped back.
“It’s only me, Your Grace.”
“Marlow!” Brandon growled. “For goodness’ sake! Would you not creep up on people? You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“I didn’t creep. I’ve been standing here trying to get your attention for the last five minutes. You’ve been in a world of your own.”
Brandon knew that. He hadn’t been able to get his mind to settle on anything else. Except the one person who had plagued his thoughts since she left. Marlow looked sympathetic.
“You’re still thinking about Caroline White, aren’t you?”
Brandon winced.
“Am I that obvious?”
“You’ve been in a depressive mood since she suddenly disappeared. You’ve had no enthusiasm for anything and that’s not like you at all.”
Marlow was right. Brandon just couldn’t bring himself to enjoy anything at all. Who knew a woman could sneak into his heart like this? If this was what love was like, Brandon didn’t want anything to do with it.
It hurt.
“I can’t bring myself to live as I had before.” Brandon kicked at the couch, wincing as pain went up his foot. “Not when Caroline simply walked out. I’m the one who is supposed to walk away, not the women.”
“Sometimes you need to understand how it feels to be walked away from.” Marlow folded his arms and fell into step beside Brandon as he headed towards the open French windows. “You can’t torment yourself with thoughts about Miss White. You’re due to be married in a few weeks.”
“To a woman I hate with every fiber of my being.”
“Why don’t you tell your mother so?”
“I have. Several times.”
“Not since she pushed the two of you together.”
Brandon ran his hands through his hair.
“I haven’t had the enthusiasm to argue with her. I just gave in because I was fed up with it. She could do her worst and I’ll simply shrug my shoulders.” He slumped onto the terrace wall, burying his head in his hands. “She wanted a dutiful son she could
mold to how she wanted and she got it.”
Marlow’s voice was grim.
“I don’t like it. The Duke of Brandon never gives up on anything.”
“If I can’t have the woman I love, why bother?”
That was when Brandon realized he hadn’t said that he loved her out loud. He had only just admitted it to himself. He looked up to see Marlow staring at him.
“You love her?” Marlow looked as though he had been hit over the head. “Did you just say you love Caroline White?”
Brandon chuckled drily.
“Something you never thought you’d hear me say, I guess.”
Chapter 10
Finding His Princess
“Not really.” Marlow’s mouth twisted in a smile. “And I never thought a woman like Miss White would capture your attention.”
“Well, she did.” Brandon rubbed his hands over his face. He was worn out. “And now I can’t get her out of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“You need to. It would be disrespectful to your wife.”
“I don’t care about that.” Brandon really didn’t. “But I do need to see Caroline one last time. Just so I can get some answers and see if I can leave her behind.”
“You mean if you’re able to say farewell and walk away without leaving part of you behind,” Marlow corrected.
Brandon sighed.
“Just so.”
***
Caroline couldn’t take it any longer in London. Carlton kept coming over every day and talked about their upcoming wedding, which was due to happen in the coming weeks. He was even hinting about stealing away in the middle of the night to go to Gretna Green. The thought was horrifying.
Caroline was beginning to regret agreeing to marry him. The thought made her stomach turn. Caroline knew she would be in for a life of misery and Carlton would be expecting a lot from her, mostly her money. Caroline knew it would revert to her husband once she married–it was the law–but she didn’t want to let it go. They would be destitute before a year of marriage had gone by.
Maybe she would be able to spend as much time as she could away from Carlton. They married and Caroline would escape to the cottage–Carlton had said she could keep that, at least. She would live here and apart from her future husband. Carlton only needed her money, not her.
But being back at the cottage where she had escaped to have some respite felt bittersweet. Caroline had always seen it as a refuge. But now she couldn’t look around the place she had grown up in without bursting into tears. She missed Aunt Agnes; she had always known what to say. The old lady had been strict but wise and always knew when to give a lending hand. Caroline had treasured their relationship.
Now she was gone, Caroline was heartbroken, and she was due to marry a man she detested. Aunt Agnes would be turning in her grave.
There was also another reason to leave London: the banns for Brandon’s upcoming marriage to Lady Judith had been published. They were going to be married later that week. Caroline didn’t want to be in the same city as the man while he married someone else. She knew it wouldn’t be for love–the duke wasn’t capable of loving someone on that level–but hearing the wedding bells would have Caroline in a deeper depression.
Love was awful when it was one-sided. Caroline wished she didn’t love him; it would make things so much easier.
The day was gorgeous, and Caroline felt stuffy sitting inside. But she had to finish off her dress. Carlton had wanted to buy her an extravagant wedding gown but Caroline was adamant on making it herself. She knew where the money for the gown would come from. Carlton had protested but gave in. That was the only thing he has given in on; everything else was his way or not at all and Caroline had to deal with a temper tantrum.
Carrying her dummy out into the garden, Caroline sat in a chair beside it and checked on the hem of the dress. It was starting to fray a little but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. Soon, she was engrossed in her work, listening to the sound of the birds and the distant trickle of water from the nearby stream. Being out here always calmed her. Caroline had missed this.
She was so engrossed she didn’t realize anyone else was there until a male voice spoke from the gate.
“That’s beautiful.”
Caroline squeaked and jumped, her needle jabbing into her finger. Sucking the pad, Caroline looked up and stared when she saw Brandon leaning on the gate, giving her a lopsided smile. Seeing him had Caroline speechless for a moment. She put her needle and pins down and stood, brushing down her skirt.
“What are you doing here? And how did you know where I was?”
“I told you, I can find out anything.” Brandon pushed through the gate and strode up the path, stepping onto the grass. Was he looking thinner? He certainly looked like he hadn’t shaved in a while. “I wanted to see you.”
“But…” Caroline was panicking. He couldn’t be here. Not when he was soon to be married. He would be late for his wedding. “Your bride-to-be won’t like it.”
“I don’t care. I needed answers.” Brandon stepped close to her, his eyes keeping Caroline rooted to the spot. “If you can answer my questions honestly, I’ll walk away and leave you for good.”
Caroline wasn’t sure if she could. She had promised the dowager duchess she wouldn’t say a word. Her reputation was on the line here. But Brandon was here, looking at her like she had sliced his heart to ribbons.
She folded her hands in front of her and let out a slow breath.
“Very well.”
“Why did you leave, Caroline?” Brandon looked pained. “I thought we were good for each other. Our charade was going well, and we were enjoying each other’s company. What happened? And don’t stall me, I’m not in the mood.”
Caroline could tell he wouldn’t take a flimsy answer. He wouldn’t be leaving until she had answered him.
She closed her eyes, bracing herself for her future downfall.
“Your mother. That’s what happened.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Caroline opened her eyes. Brandon had taken a step back. He looked confused. Caroline bit her lip.
“She overheard us and realized we were a sham. She threatened to expose me and have my reputation ruined for good unless I left right then and there, with no more contact with you. I knew she would do it so I did as she requested.”
Brandon’s face paled as realization settled in. Caroline wished she could reach out and touch him. But they were due to marry other people; she couldn’t do that. She shouldn’t even be talking to him like this.
“She told me you left without explanation.” Brandon’s expression then hardened. “I had had an inkling that she had something to do with you leaving but I couldn’t prove it.”
“I was trying to make it painless.” Being this close hurt. Caroline stepped away and paced across the garden. “Your mother was right, Brandon. I wasn’t right for you, even in sham. My reputation would have been in shambles and now it is.”
“No, it won’t. I’ll make sure it isn’t.”
“It will be, no matter what you do.” Caroline gave her dress a rueful look. “All I can do now is find a way to restore it.”
“By making wedding dresses for other people?”
Caroline could feel the tears pricking at her eyes and she blinked them back.
“This is for me.”
“For you?” Brandon stared at her. “Who are you getting married to?”
“Viscount Carlton.”
Brandon’s mouth fell open. He looked like Caroline had hit him over the head.
“You what? You’re marrying your cousin?”
“It’s perfectly legal and I have no choice. No one else will consider me for marriage. And if I can’t…”
She stopped herself. She had been about to say if she couldn’t marry Brandon then she didn’t care who she married. But Caroline wasn’t about to confess to that.
Brandon reached her in two strides and grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t love him.”
Caroline snorted and pushed his hands away.
“You’re marrying someone you don’t love.”
“I’m only marrying that woman because…” Brandon stopped and turned away, running his hands through his hair with a heavy sigh. “I’m only marrying Lady Judith because the woman I wanted walked away from me. I didn’t want anyone else, and she disappeared without telling me why.”
“Was she hearing that correctly?”
“You mean me?”
“Yes.” Brandon glanced at her with a half-smile. “You did something no other woman was able to do, Caroline. You captured my heart. I was going to tell you when I got back from that hunting trip but you’d already gone. The letters I sent to you were brought back unopened. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
He loved her. Caroline felt like she was in a dream and this would be unfairly snatched away from her. Reaching out, she touched his arm.
“I hated sending your letters back. I wanted to read them, write back. But I was doing as the dowager duchess requested.”
Brandon grunted, laying his hand over hers and linking their fingers.
“Well, we’re not controlled by her, are we? You kept telling me that.” His fingers tightened around hers. “So, why don’t we do something about it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Use this dress for your wedding—but not to Carlton.” Brandon smiled. “To me.”
“You?”
“Yes.” Brandon turned to her and drew her close, kissing her forehead. “We can have a real wedding and I can make you a real duchess. Caroline Forster, Duchess of Brandon, does have a nice ring to it. But only if you wish to.”
Caroline wouldn’t be able to walk away even if she wanted to. She leaned into him and put her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. Brandon’s arms came around her and held her close, stroking her hair.
“My sweet Caroline.”
Caroline could feel his heart beating against her cheek. She looked up at him.
“I haven’t been able to forget you,” she whispered. “I walked away but not intact. You kept my heart with you.”
Regency Romances Page 92