"No, I'm sorry, Your Grace. I told you this is impossible for me to accept this. I'm going to have to give my notice." Cassandra was still trembling as she put her cloak on. Her gloves would have to wait until she could get her hands to stay still. "This can not and will not happen between us."
Then, in anguish, she ran out the room. She could hear Marcus shouting after her, but she kept going, keeping her head down as she ran outside.
She had no idea where she would go right at that minute; all she cared about was getting away from Marcus Murkwood.
Chapter 8
Discovering the Truth
"Cassandra?"
Cassandra started in surprise. Looking up and taking her bearings, she realized that the church was nearly empty. The service must have already finished, and she didn't notice. She gave the woman beside her an embarrassed smile.
"Sorry, Candace. I was entirely distracted."
"I noticed." Candace Connelly grunted. "I'm sure you didn't hear a word of the service."
Cassandra's face felt hot. She knew she hadn't heard anything. Her mind hadn't been at its best since running away from the Duke of Warwickshire. Life in the village had continued around her, but Cassandra hadn't actually taken it in. It was like she had been going through a fog.
"Maybe I was going through the motions." She mumbled, standing up and following her friend out of the pew.
They left the church, seeing that everyone had already dispersed. Even the vicar had left. Candace turned on the steps, brushing a black curl out of her eyes, and gave Cassandra a sympathetic look.
"Still no news, then?"
"No, nothing."
It had been three weeks since Susan had disappeared from Lady Belton's home. Lady Belton and her daughter Edith had kept in touch with Cassandra, but they had heard nothing. She had been invited to tea several times, and Cassandra had enjoyed the company, but she still worried.
Not knowing where her former charge was had Cassandra uneasy and overcome with distractions. She didn't know what to think. Had she been killed, hurt and lost her memory? Nobody knew. Marcus had disappeared back to his estate and hadn't said a thing to anyone.
Cassandra was just grateful that Candace and her parents were very compassionate and understanding. Candace was delighted to see her old friend and to have some company, but she could sense that Cassandra was not her normal self. She was respectful, however, of Cassandra's feelings and didn't say anything about it.
But Cassandra wanted to tell her. She wanted to tell her about what had happened between her and Marcus Murkwood as she couldn't quite believe it herself. The Duke had kissed her. He had kissed her, and she had enjoyed it. That was dishonorable; she shouldn't have enjoyed it at all.
It should never have happened.
But it was something Cassandra wanted to keep to herself. This wasn't something she could share.
"What about the Duke of Warwickshire?" Candace asked, suddenly glancing off to the side with a frown. "Have you heard from him?"
"No. Why?"
"Because you're about to."
That was when the hairs stood up on Cassandra's neck. She turned and saw Marcus coming up the steps towards them. It took her for a moment to recognize him; he had cut his hair short, closer to his head. He was looking slimmer and quite pale.
But he looked more handsome than she had seen him before. That was not good, she thought to herself. Cassandra gulped and nudged Candace. Her friend got the unspoken message and dropped into her curtsy. Cassandra did the same, staring at the floor. She didn't trust herself to look him in the eye.
"Your Grace."
"Cassie." Cassandra resisted the urge to shiver. "What have I said about you calling me, Marcus?"
He touched her shoulder and brought her to standing. Even with his gloves on, his hand felt hot. Cassandra flushed and glanced at Candace, who was looking at them curiously.
"What can I do for you, Your Grace?"
"I want to talk to you." Marcus paused. "Please?"
There was something about the way he said it that had Cassandra pausing as she opened her mouth to say no. She glanced at him and saw the pleading look. She couldn't deny him. But she wasn't going to be alone with him. Not ever again.
"Candace shall remain." She said firmly.
She saw the relief on his face. Evidently, he had expected her to refuse.
"That's fine. I just want to speak with you."
Marcus was overcome. Cassandra was just as lovely as he remembered. And the aching feeling he had in his soul reminded him that he had missed her. It had been hard not seeing her every day, even if she did keep her distance. But seeing her now made his heart soar.
The only problem was she didn't have that aura around her that Marcus had liked. She wasn't herself. Given what had happened between them and the circumstances beforehand, Marcus could understand why. But he missed it. And he wanted it back.
With Cassandra's friend walking close behind, they crossed the road and entered the park. Cassandra deliberately kept her distance from Marcus, trying not to brush up against him. Marcus wished that she would. He wanted to take her hand and know that she was real.
His behaviour in the hotel room was unforgivable. If he had been sober, he would have had a hold on his control. But, if he was honest, he had wanted to kiss Cassandra for some time. And the amount of wine he had consumed caused him to lose his self control.
From what Marcus had remembered, Cassandra had kissed him back. She had been in better control of her actions than him. It hurt that he had made her run away. Marcus didn't want that to happen again.
He had been telling the truth then. He needed Cassandra.
But there was something he needed to say first. Marcus swallowed.
"I'm sorry about...what happened." He glanced over his shoulder at Candace, who was pretending to look at the flowers nearby. He didn't know if Cassandra had said anything about it. Nevertheless, he lowered his voice. "I'm ashamed of my despicable behaviour and beg for your forgiveness. I shouldn't have let the drink take over."
Cassandra stiffened. Her lips tightened, but she gave him the nod.
"I accept your apology."
Marcus wanted to say that he wished he hadn't needed the drink to make him do what he wanted to do but decided Cassandra didn't need to hear that. He knew that was way outside the boundaries of society's rules.
So Marcus focused on why he was there.
"Susan has returned."
Cassandra let out a sigh of relief and smiled.
"That is most agreeable news. Where is Susan now? Where had she gone?"
"I've put her in a cottage on my estate." Marcus felt the anger rise again. "For her and her husband."
"Husband?" Cassandra stopped suddenly. She stared at him.
"She got married?"
"She went up to Gretna Green." Marcus stopped and kicked at the grass. He was still reeling from the news. "She got married to the stable lad who looks after the horses at her school. And when I say stable lad, I mean the one in charge. He's thirty, older than I am. And he's not even close to being on the same class level as us."
When Susan had turned up with her husband in tow, Marcus had been incredulous. He had threatened to annul the marriage, but Susan had got just as angry and said she could do what she wanted, and she wasn't marrying a man who wanted her connection to him. They hadn't spoken since Marcus put her in the cottage.
While he was angry, he couldn't disown his own sister.
"When did you become aware of this?" Cassandra asked.
"She came home three days ago." Marcus ran his hand through his hair. He missed the longer mane he had possessed, but he did it to change. He had done it for one important person. "I can't believe she did this to me. But she had been threatening to get married to him for months. I didn't think she would actually go through with it."
He turned to Cassandra and saw the realization dawn. Then Marcus realized that he hadn't actually told her what had happened. He
braced himself for the onslaught.
"So you hired me to make sure she didn't do it."
Cassandra's voice was cold. Marcus winced. He knew Cassandra didn't like being lied to, and he had done exactly that.
"I couldn't keep watch over her all the time. I needed someone here to do that for me."
Cassandra looked away.
"And I failed." She said miserably.
Marcus wasn't going to have her deride herself about it. He reached out and touched her shoulder, causing Cassandra to start. Realizing what he was doing, Marcus pulled back.
"No, you didn't." He said quietly. "I did that. I didn't have her watched all the time. One slip and she left. It's no one's fault but my own."
"You should've disclosed this to me and brought me into your confidence. I don't like being kept in the dark, Marcus."
She had called him Marcus. Had she noticed this? Marcus didn't say anything.
"I know you don't. But I wasn't sure if you would tell Susan or not. You're an honest woman, Cassie."
Cassandra blushed. It was as if she had never taken a compliment before. She coughed and started walking again, Marcus falling into step beside her.
"What's your brother-in-law like?" She asked. "Is he a good man? I don't mean with regards to financial resources, I mean in character. Is he good for your sister?"
Marcus hesitated. He had barely spoken to Lucas Proctor but from the way he had seen him with Susan he could ascertain that he clearly loved his sister. Marcus just wished Lucas wasn't from a poor background.
"He is a good man." He admitted. "He means well. He's actually an intelligent man, and he dotes on Susan."
"Isn't that what you would want for her?" Cassandra demanded. "Not someone who has money but someone who loves her?"
"I just wanted someone of good standing to look after her."
"And she's got, someone." Cassandra pointed out. "Someone who doesn't treat her like a prisoner."
Marcus flinched. That was definitely directed at him.
"I'm sorry."
Cassandra grunted. She rubbed the back of her neck as she turned to him.
"Maybe you should rethink your priorities. Think about what really makes someone happy instead of what should make them happy." Her eyes narrowed. "What matters more? Marrying for love or marrying for material considerations? That Susan's married to a man who makes her happy? Or that she's married someone of a lower birth? Because if she's content as she is, then you shouldn't upset that for her. Let her find out for herself if this is to be a mistake or not."
Marcus gulped. Cassandra spoke the truth, but following her advice would be easier said than done. He kicked at the ground, looking anywhere but at her. Now he was feeling entirely self-conscious and embarrassed.
"I just thought you should know." He mumbled.
"And I thank you for telling me," Cassandra said calmly. There was an awkward silence and then Cassandra coughed. "I'll take my leave now."
"Wait." Marcus looked up and reached out. Cassandra pulled out of reach, and Marcus' hand grabbed air. "Could we extend our conversation?"
He didn't want their time to end. He needed to be close to Cassandra, but she was already shaking her head.
"I know what you want to talk about, and the answer is no." She gave him a quick curtsy. "Good day, Your Grace."
Marcus could only watch as Cassandra hurried away, her friend close behind her. And he felt colder the more distance she put between them.
Chapter 9
A New Position?
Cassandra wasn't sure what to make of Marcus' sudden appearance. It had her all vexed inside, wondering what was going on with her. Walking away from him had been, to her surprise, one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.
She was expecting not to hear from the family again when a letter arrived two days later from Susan. It explained about the marriage being the reason she ran away, and she invited Cassandra to her new home. Cassandra had taken the offer immediately; she was eager to see Susan again and find out how her friend was getting on.
When she turned up a week later and stood in the parlour of their small but sweet cottage, Cassandra was stunned to see Susan come in looking brighter and happier than she thought was possible. She looked as if she had blossomed in the time they hadn't seen each other; there was a rosy glow to her cheeks, and her eyes were constantly sparkling.
Marriage certainly suited her.
Susan's face broke into a big smile, and she hurried across the room.
"Cassie!"
Cassandra hugged her, almost getting knocked over with Susan's enthusiasm. She stepped back and looked her over.
"You look splendid, Susan."
"I feel very good." Susan gave her a twirl. Her dress wasn't of the same material as before she was married but it looked good on her. She gave Cassandra a grin and sat on the sofa, patting a space beside her. "Come and sit down."
Cassandra obliged, glancing out the window as Lucas went past. He had been tending to the slightly overgrown garden when she arrived, and they had talked for a moment. He had been courteous, and Cassandra instantly liked him. There was something about him that put her at ease. And he was handsome; Cassandra could see why Susan was enamoured with him.
"I met Lucas. He's a charming man."
"He's more than charming." Susan grinned. She held up a hand. "No regrets about marrying him before you say anything."
"I had a feeling there wouldn't be." Cassandra chuckled. Then she sobered up and braced herself for what, she was sure, would be a delicate subject. "How are things with your brother?"
Susan made a face.
"I've seen him a few times this past week, but it's awkward. He just doesn't understand. I can see he's trying to, but he just doesn't."
At least Marcus was trying. Cassandra had to give him that. It seemed he was listening to her.
"I spoke to him last week." Cassandra could tell this interested Susan. "He told me what happened. I told him maybe he believes the wrong things are those that should make you happy."
"Sound words from you, as always." Susan bit her lip. "Can you forgive me for doing this? I did cause you to lose your position."
Cassandra laughed and squeezed her friend's hand.
"Don't be silly. There's nothing to forgive. And I left the job the day after you disappeared; it wasn't right for me to stay since I had no charge to look after."
"Really?" Susan blinked. Clearly, she was surprised by that. "I would've thought you'd stay with Marcus."
Cassandra paused. She had no intention of telling Susan she had kissed her older brother. But this was more of a surprise.
"Why would I stay with Marcus?"
"Oh, no reason." But the look in Susan's eyes said there was a reason. She sat back with a smirk. "I have a feeling he's got a new position at his estate if you're interested. I would imagine you would find it to be most agreeable."
Marcus hadn't said anything about it when he had seen her. And Cassandra didn't think she could handle working for Marcus with whatever discontent there was between them.
"I don't think I could go back there." She said, looking down at her hands as they fidgeted in her lap. "Not with everything between us."
"I'll pretend I'll know what that means since I'm sure you won't tell me." Susan shrugged. "But the offer's there. Just tell me and I'll let him know."
Cassandra knew the answer already. There was no way she would go back to work for Marcus.
Not when it was clear to her that she was falling in love with him.
Cassandra felt better for seeing Susan. Her friend was certainly enjoying married life, and Lucas Proctor was a lovely man. He picked her some flowers to take home, and they were in a vase in Cassandra's room, still alive and looking marvelous after a week.
As the week passed Cassandra tried to figure out what Susan had been talking about. Marcus had been thinking about a new position at his estate. What was it? Susan wasn't disclosing anything but from the way she h
ad acted, Cassandra had a feeling it wasn't a typical position.
What did it mean? Cassandra was still trying to figure it out a week later when she left Candace's house, preparing to meet her friend and her parents for a meal in town. They had already taken the carriage so Cassandra was planning to walk. It wasn't far, but she could easily hail a carriage once she reached the city limits.
"Cassie."
Cassandra looked up. Marcus was standing beside his carriage in the lane. He flicked a gold coin to his driver, who tipped his hat at Cassandra before driving the carriage away. Cassandra barely acknowledged him; her focus was on Marcus, who was approaching her.
"Marcus!" Cassandra barely noticed she had blurted out his Christian name. "What are you doing here?"
"I came here to see you."
He looked splendid in a dark blue coat with matching trousers. He looked how a Duke was supposed to look. His hair was still kept short, and he was clean-shaven. Cassandra's heart fluttered. While Marcus Murkwood had been handsome before, now he cut a fine figure in his breeches. She wasn't sure if she would be able to cope with this.
She looked around, realizing they were alone. It was the servants' day off so there was barely anyone in the house.
"You shouldn't be here." She whispered. "I'm on my own."
"We've been alone before." Marcus' eyes darkened briefly. But he kept his distance, holding his cane awkwardly in his hands. "And we're outside. What can we possibly get up to?"
Cassandra's face heated up.
"I won't dignify that with a response."
"Please, Cassie. I want you to hear me out. I've got something I need to discuss with you." Marcus paused. "If you would favour me with your company for just a few minutes, I beg you."
Where had these manners come from? Cassandra wasn't sure if she liked the polite version of Marcus Murkwood. But she certainly couldn't complain if he was trying. She sighed, not willing to send him on his way just yet; she needed to be close, even if nothing would happen.
"I'm meeting Candace and her family for lunch. You can walk me down the lane."
Marcus gave a smile of relief.
Regency Romances Page 111