When she got home and she checked on Sam, watching him sleep so peacefully, more tears fell, rushing and anxious, blinding her. She was turning on the shower, intent on washing the smell and feel of Wyatt off her skin, when she heard her cell phone ringing in her purse.
Startled, she moved into her bedroom quickly and fished it out, tossing the floral dress aside. She wasn’t even sure what had made her grab it. “Hello?”
“It’s me.” Wyatt’s voice sounded gruff, but the sound still raced along her spine, causing goose bumps. “I just wanted to make sure you got home okay.”
A sob tore loose. Wyatt was so ... nice, and she had screwed this whole thing up from start to finish. “I did.”
“Good.” He sighed. “G’night.”
He wanted her to say something, she sensed it in his voice, a pleading, but she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t, not when her heart was already shredding. If she allowed herself to think there could be something between them, when she knew there couldn’t ... well, she just might not ever recover from that kind of disappointment.
“Good night.” CJ hung up the phone and stripped off her clothes with trembling cold fingers.
When her pants hit the floor, her mother’s condoms fell out of the pocket. CJ figured she’d give them back in the morning. Her mother would need them before she would.
She was never having sex ever again.
Any guy after Wyatt would be anticlimactic. Literally.
Seven
Wyatt’s week of self-pity culminated in his getting shit-faced in Pete’s Bar on Friday after work with Derek Knight, an agent he’d previously worked with.
“See, the thing is, when I told you it was stupid to fall in love, I had no idea how right I was,” Wyatt said, reaching for another pretzel. “I suspected I was right, you know, but damn, was I right. It’s like every piece of my body just hurts. I’m in pain.”
Derek raised his eyebrow and shifted on the stool next to him. “So talk to her.”
“I have. I said good morning to her and she ignored me, then I asked her to go to lunch with me and she said she had packed her lunch. And when I leaned over her desk to get a pen, she fell out of her chair trying to back away from me.”
He’d never been one at a loss for words, but when confronted with CJ’s icy dismissals, he was about as articulate as a golden retriever. He had thought through their conversation over and over again and was left more baffled than before. If anyone had the right to be pissed, it was him. She’d lied to him. She’d forgotten to mention that she had a kid, yet she was the one acting like he’d done something wrong.
For five days his confusion had been growing, and the beer wasn’t helping. Now he wasn’t just confused, he had to take a leak, too.
But one thing hadn’t been in doubt since Saturday, and that was that he did love her. He wanted CJ, and he knew he could love her child just as much as he did her. He could even understand her reasoning for not telling him. Sort of. And he was willing to forget about it if they could just move forward.
If anything, he loved her more knowing all she had been through. Here she had been worried about her child, trying to seek help for him, and her shyster husband had up and left her. Any man who couldn’t love his own flesh and blood just because the kid wasn’t perfect didn’t deserve to be a father.
“You shouldn’t talk to her at work, Wyatt, it probably makes her uncomfortable. Go to her apartment, catch her off guard.” Derek grinned and took a swallow of his beer. “Then if CJ doesn’t want to talk to you, she’ll let you know. Probably with the barrel of her gun.”
The thought of that made him laugh a little. “She is kind of a stubborn hard-ass. She likes to take care of herself, and doesn’t like help. Maybe this is just her being stubborn.”
“Man, I don’t know how you can even consider throwing yourself at the mercy of CJ. She scares me a little.”
“You should have seen her in a dress.” Wyatt got hard just thinking about it. “She’s gorgeous.”
Derek snorted. “I can’t believe you got her in a dress.”
“I got her to do a lot of things.” Sweat broke out in his armpits.
“Hey, I don’t need to know that kind of detail, okay?” Derek held his hand up. “And look, I like CJ. She’s a great agent and a loyal friend, but she’s not easy to get close to. If you want a future with her, you’re going to have your work cut out for you. It’d be easier to just give up, pursue an easier target.”
Easy for Knight to say that. He was going to marry the woman he loved.
“I can’t do that. I’m going crazy wanting her. And she started wearing these tight sweaters to work, and I look at her looking right through me, and I tell you, man, I’m just gone.” The beer had made him maudlin.
“Then go for it. Don’t take no for an answer.”
Well, that made sense. If Wyatt could corner her, kiss her, coax her, explain carefully how all her arguments were stupid and had no bearing on reality, she would see they should be together.
If her big concern was that he wouldn’t stick around, well, he’d just have to prove to her that he could stick around. He’d be so stuck he’d be goddamn glue.
“Thanks, Derek.”
“No problem, buddy.”
It had been a mistake to put the dress on. CJ winced as she stepped into a pair of heels she’d borrowed from her mother and rushed past the mirror. But she couldn’t help but stroke the fabric across her stomach and remember the look on Wyatt’s face when he had seen her in the black dress he’d gotten for her. She didn’t think a man had ever looked at her with so much frank appreciation.
Annoyed with herself for letting her thoughts fall back to Wyatt for the eleven millionth time in six days, she started down the hall, her toes pinching in the shoes. She didn’t want to go to this wedding alone, but it was her college roommate’s, after a long five-year engagement, and CJ couldn’t justify staying home and kicking her boxing bag like she really wanted to.
She was cutting through the kitchen to yell out the window that she was leaving when the doorbell rang. Distracted, she watched Sam tumbling in a snowdrift behind the apartment building, her mother standing next to him, before she went to the front door in irritation. It was probably the neighbor’s kids selling chocolate bars for sports fund-raisers, and Lord knew she didn’t need any more chocolate. She’d eaten a bucket-load in the past few days.
And whoever said chocolate was better than sex had never slept with Wyatt Maddock.
CJ pulled open the door, shivering as the cold air rushed in, and her smile froze. It wasn’t the neighbor’s pudgy ten-year-old. It was Wyatt, in jeans and a black leather jacket.
Speaking of sex.
Mama. He was so damn hot, drool instantly puddled in the corner of her mouth.
“Hi,” he said, giving her a smile that would have a lesser woman flinging her dress to the floor.
She was made of stronger stuff. Her nipples only beaded. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to beg. It’s Saturday night and my hot tub is just sitting there, unused, lonely without you. I’ve got towels and two robes all ready, just waiting for us... .” Another slow smile.
Her bones sagged and her inner thighs lit up like a pilot light. There was a reason she couldn’t go with him—now, what was it? Oh, the wedding. And her dignity, sanity, and somewhat damaged, but not yet completely obliterated, heart. Another romp in the hot tub would take care of that.
“I have a wedding to go to.” She turned around, wobbly in more ways than one, and walked back into her living room. It occurred to her that anything short of slamming the door in his face probably wasn’t going to dissuade him.
It didn’t. He followed her, juggling two packages in his hands. “I could go with you. I have a tux, you know. Nice dress, by the way.”
Then the bastard actually winked. She wanted to string him up by his nose hairs. She had spent all week with her guts feeling like they’d been pureed in the b
lender, and he was just missing the good sex? “If you’re looking for a good time, Wyatt, I’m sure there are plenty of women who’d eagerly jump into bed, and the hot tub, with you. Maybe Agent Dempsey’s not busy.”
His grin fell off his face. “But I don’t love them. I love you. And I’m going crazy. Explain to me why this can’t work out, CJ, because I don’t get it.”
Wyatt set down his packages—which were wrapped presents, if she was seeing them right—and came toward her, intent to touch her written all over his face.
Did she have to wear garlic around her neck to keep him away? Geez, almighty.
Backing up, she maneuvered until there was a couch between them.
It wasn’t fair of him to use the L-word. It really wasn’t, because given her need to cry into chocolate all week, and the sudden seizure of emotion she’d experienced on seeing him at her door, it was a safe bet she felt the same way. In an impractical world, love would be enough. In the reality of her complicated life, it wasn’t.
“Oh, let me think. Because we work together. Because I have Sam, who on the best of days can’t be called easy. And because I can’t have any more kids.”
He moved around the couch, determined, eyes soft, expression serious. CJ backed into a corner, her butt hitting the wall with a thump, knowing if he touched her, she’d cave.
“Why can’t you have any more kids, baby?”
Swallowing hard, she stared at the collar of his jacket. She could smell his aftershave now, and his knee brushed against the skirt of her dress. “Because when my ex found out what was wrong with Sam, he insisted I get my tubes tied so we didn’t have any more kids like Sam. I did because I wanted to save my marriage.”
Wyatt swore, an ugly, nasty sound made all the worse because he whispered it. “That’s why we didn’t need to use a rubber.”
CJ nodded. “This is just not going to work out, Wyatt.”
Wyatt wished she would get it through her thick skull that he didn’t care about anything but being with her.
“CJ, I’m not perfect, and I’m going to make mistakes, but we’ll never know unless we try. I don’t care that you can’t have kids, and I’d love to meet your son, but only when you’re ready.” He took her hand, caressed it, felt her tremble. “It could be good between us.”
Leaning in, he trapped her with his arms, breathing in the light floral scent she was wearing. “I promise.”
She gave a little gasp when he kissed her ear, dipping his tongue inside her. He spanned her waist with his hand, bringing her closer to him.
“You know I hate you,” she whispered.
He grinned against her soft skin. She always said that right before she kissed him.
“Whatever you want to call it.” He pressed his advantage and took her mouth.
Her lips were soft, pliant, and he flicked along her bottom lip with his tongue until she groaned, then wrapped her arms around his neck. She opened for him, and he dipped inside to taste her, sighing against her sweetness. He gathered her into his arms, held her tight, never wanting to give her up.
“I love you,” he whispered, brushing his lips along her jaw.
“Shit,” she said, quite clearly.
She opened her mouth to elaborate when a cheerful voice called out, “Christine, do you have another pair of gloves for Sam? Oh! Sorry, I didn’t know you had company.”
CJ made a squawking sound and tried to move away from him. He tucked her into his side and turned around. A woman he assumed was CJ’s mother stared at them in astonishment, before she recovered and pasted a smile on her face.
CJ continued to tug away from him, but he held her fast and smiled back at her mother. CJ may be strong and in great shape, but he had the advantage of height and determination.
“Hi, I’m Wyatt Maddock.”
“Wyatt, how nice to meet you! I’m Judith Nolan, Christine’s mother.” She smiled at him and shot CJ a curious look.
“Christine?” Wyatt murmured to CJ, enjoying the pink staining her cheeks. “You said your name wasn’t an abbreviation for anything.”
“Do I really look like a Christine Judith?”
She had him there.
A boy walked in behind CJ’s mom. He was bundled up in a winter coat and hat and he was peeling soaking wet mittens off. His nose was bright red, and his brown eyes were round with curiosity. “Who’s that?” He pointed at Wyatt.
“Sam, say hi to Wyatt,” CJ said.
“Hi,” Sam said, clearly losing interest as his eyes darted around the room.
“Hi.” Wyatt smiled at Sam and marveled that he could see CJ in Sam’s features. CJ was a mother. Damn, that was sexy.
“Are these for me?” Sam dropped his mittens on the floor and walked over to the presents resting on the coffee table.
“Sam, your mittens don’t belong on the floor. Pick them up, please,” CJ said in a gentle voice he’d never heard from her.
A voice that convinced him he’d stand here all damn day until she admitted that they belonged together.
Sam stopped, backtracked, stuffed the mittens in his pockets, then went right back to the presents.
“One of them is. The round one. The other one is for your mom.” Nervous, he turned to CJ and whispered. “I read about autism, and the books all said that they like simple, repetitive toys that won’t frustrate them. I got him a ball. Is that okay? I guess that’s kind of a stupid present for winter, isn’t it?”
CJ stopped trying to get away from Wyatt and stared up at him, her eyes starting to sting. He had gotten her son a ball. He looked worried. He had read up on autism, even after she had walked out on him after tossing off some pretty cruel comments Saturday night.
“Yeah, that’s okay.” Everything was okay. Everything was right. She owed it to herself and she owed it to Wyatt to give their relationship a chance.
Any man who bought her son a ball and could give her an orgasm in a hot tub was a keeper.
“Thanks.” Sam ran out the door, new red rubber ball in tow, and promptly tripped with a splat on the front step. The ball went rolling into the bushes. Sam stood up, adjusted his hat, and ran after the ball.
Her mom headed out after him. “It was nice meeting you, Wyatt. Have fun at the wedding, Christine.”
“Cute kid,” Wyatt said, turning to her, his thumb running over her wrist. “He looks like you.”
“Thank you.” CJ didn’t know what to say, where to start. So she blurted out, “I probably love you, too. There, okay? I can’t help it, you’re just such a nice guy.”
Wyatt grinned. “You say ‘nice guy’ like it’s a bad thing.”
“I always thought you were a smooth operator, you know, or maybe I just told myself that so I wouldn’t fall for you.” Too late on that one. “But I have and I’m sorry for all the things I said the other night. I get defensive sometimes.”
“You think?” He brushed her hair back. “I love your hair loose like this. It’s so pretty and soft. I know, you’re one tough cookie, and you can take care of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to freeze everybody out either. Or hide your body.”
Damn, he did not want her to hide her body anymore. He liked the dress, but he’d prefer naked even better. Now that she had admitted her feelings for him and saved him from going gray with the stress of waiting, he wanted nothing more than to take her home and love her all night.
But she was a mother, with responsibilities, and couldn’t just spend the night with him any time she felt like it. He had the feeling he was going to have to get creative with their sex life. That thought made him go hard in his jeans.
“I’m working on it,” she said, her face muffled against his jacket.
“We’ll work on it together. We’ll take it slow, all right? And you let me know how much or how little I can be in Sam’s life.”
Her eyes searched his. “You don’t mind that I can’t have any more kids? At least not without an expensive reversal.”
Maybe a little, but it wasn’t i
mportant right now. Hoping to reassure her, he gave her a grin. “Hey, that way none of your personality traits will be passed on.”
CJ didn’t laugh at his joke. She pulled away from his chest. “Take a step back for me.”
“Why?” He was comfortable where he was, with her snug in his arms.
“So I can beat the crap out of you,” she said quite clearly.
He laughed. She was going to keep him hopping and he was looking forward to it. “I’m kidding. Kidding. Seriously, we’ll cross that bridge if and when we get to it. I just want to be with you.”
CJ studied his face for a second and decided he meant it. She kissed him and sighed. What more could she ask for? Wyatt understood her, when to tease and when to be serious, and he never backed down, and somehow she knew he had staying power. Beneath the charm and the grin, he was a man of his word.
“Sounds like a plan, Wyatt.” She remembered the package on her couch. “Hey, that other gift is for me, right?”
“Nah, I changed my mind.”
Wyatt was running his hands over her behind, squeezing her cheeks and making her panties grow moist. His mouth was kissing a path across the front of her dress, sucking her nipple through the slippery fabric.
“You can’t change your mind.” CJ ducked out from under his embrace and lunged for the present. “Nice wrap job, did you pay someone to do it?”
“I did it myself,” he said as he caught hold of the other end and tugged it away from her.
“Give it back, Wyatt.” CJ laughed and pulled harder.
“I love your laugh,” he said, looking so besotted it was damn adorable. She tugged again, thinking he deserved a nice, grinding kiss.
Then Wyatt suddenly let go, and she stumbled backward. He grinned. “Gotcha, Christine.”
She whacked him with the gift on his arm. “Don’t call me that.”
Disposing of the wrapping paper quickly and tossing it on the floor, she started to open the box.
“Wrapping paper doesn’t belong on the floor, Christine.”
“Very funny.” She opened the box and found the black Band-Aid bra and panties nestled in tissue. “This isn’t a gift. A pain in the ass isn’t a gift, and these are about as comfortable.”
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