To be honest, I’ve been under for most of the week with only snippets of my memory in place. After getting released from the hospital after some nurse’s magic voodoo, my girls—Lisa and Kara—went with me to my dorm room. They packed it up for me and got it all in my old Honda. Junior drove me home. The car ride to my home in Connecticut was silent. But it didn’t bother me.
It’s like my life is a television, muted and in black and white, fuzzy with those static things you used to see when the antenna was crooked. I don’t listen when people talk to me. I can’t. I don’t want to hear their pity or their pretense of being normal. This isn’t normal. None of this is okay. And nothing can be fixed. Life is forever different.
Instead of wallowing, I’ve been planning—planning my next move, planning my revenge.
With my lack of interest in the real world, I can see more clearly in my mind. I know what I need to do, and as I awake on this dreary morning, I know today is the day it all begins. Today, I come to terms with the things that have happened and move forward.
It may not be healthy to plan this attack and revenge scheme, but it’s the only thing I can do. It’s the only thing I can focus on. I have to do it to make Megan’s death worth something. My mother is still in Hell thanks to Ari, and now I can do something. I can help her.
I climb out of my hot shower and pull the black towel around my gaunt body. With a muted life, tastes don’t really matter anymore. I don’t bother to look at myself in the mirror, because the mere image disgusts me.
I walk back into my childhood bedroom and rummage through the closet for the outfit I’m looking for. I take the dress in my hand and throw it over my now dry body.
I throw on some black pumps my dad laid out for me and struggle to walk in them on my way to the bathroom. I don’t have the spirit to dry my hair, but I force myself to since I want to look as perfect as possible on this retched day. I have to pay my respects, and I can’t do that if attention is on me. I don’t want people to murmur or gossip. I just want to look like another student.
When my hair is straw dry and pin straight, I grab a headband from my drawer and push it over my forehead so my hair is held back. I consider putting makeup on but can’t do it. I would need to look in a mirror, and I’m not ready. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to face myself.
I don’t bother grabbing a bag or my cellphone on the way out my bedroom. I don’t want to talk to any of my old friends. They remind me of what I can lose, and I’m not ready for more death. If they knew my plan, they’d come, and I’m not risking their lives. I’m alone again in my life, but this time by choice. I know my dad is waiting downstairs for me, so I meet him at the front door.
“Want to grab some food on the way?” he asks me as he opens the front door for me. I shake my head and then walk out into the spring morning past his outstretched arm. It’s getting much warmer and wetter, and normally, this would be a good thing. But it only makes me think of change, and that, I don’t like.
Screw change.
Dad rushes in front of me on the front walk and reaches ahead to get the car door for me. “Stop!” I scream at him, my first words to anyone since coming home. My voice sounds foreign to my ears—too high pitched and scratchy. I’m sick of the constant waiting on me hand and foot. I’m sick of everyone walking around me on eggshells. I’m sick of the babying. All of it needs to end. Now. Enough is enough. “Stop doing this to me. I’m not a freaking doll,” I lash out.
“I know. I just know how sad you are, and I’m trying to make it better.” Dad refuses to back down. I know he thinks he’s helping me, but he’s not. He’s ruining this. I am strong. I don’t need pity. I don’t need anything, from anyone, anymore.
“You have no idea what better means to me,” I tell him with a stern face. I try to push past him to get in the car, but he grabs onto my shoulders and pulls me into him.
“So tell me, Eurydice. Tell me what to do,” he begs. His swollen, chocolate brown eyes are filled with grief, and I know it’s my fault. I feel guilty, but he has no idea what I’ve gone through. It’s always my fault. I’m used to screwing up everyone’s life, and I don’t want him to be my next victim. Separating from people is the only way to protect them. I’m a lone soldier now.
“Don’t call me that,” I whisper.
“That is the name your mother gave you, and it means something. It’s your name. Take pride in it.” He frowns at me as if he barely knows me anymore.
I scoff at his delusional thoughts. “Did you even know her?” I lash out again. My new habit of hurting people coming back way too easily. He claims to have loved her so much and tells me all these stories, but I doubt she even told him the truth. I doubt he knows about her past and who she really is.
“Of course I knew her.”
“But you don’t know her anymore. Did you know that I’ve met her?” I sneer at him, hoping to get a reaction.
“What are you saying?” he questions, his tone careful.
“I’ve met her. She visited me a couple times. She’s awful and refuses to actually get to know me. But guess what, I love her. And she’s lost right now and I have to find her. I have to do it for myself and for Megan.” My body crumbles to the ground at my admission, and I land hard on my knees.
I try to gasp for breath but another old habit comes back—terror. I lean over and pull in a ragged breath. My dad reaches down to help me, but I push him back. “Don’t touch me. I can do it!” I yell at him, not wanting the help.
“It’s okay.” My dad watches as I stand, too close as if he’s afraid I’ll fall again. “I love her, too. Let me help you, Ryder. I’m your dad, and I just want to help you.”
“Did she ever tell you?” I lean against the car and fix my eyes on him. His are filled with tears while mine are just blank. But I want to know. I’m tired of the lies. I’m tired of keeping things from him.
“Tell me what?”
“Who she was.”
“Yes, I know about her, uh, skills.” His brown eyes meet mine and a look of knowledge passes between us. “I know about yours, too,” he reveals, making my breath falter. It’s like a flicker of life returns to me as I’m rocked by his admission.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I knew you’d tell me when you were ready. I always knew you were special, I told you that. I tried to get you to confide in me.” He looks down at the ground as if he’s embarrassed.
“I lied to you,” I mutter, hating myself again. He knew all along and I never could just trust him. He told me those stories to try to get me to trust him. How could I be so stupid?
“And I forgive you.” He bends down and plants a chaste kiss on my forehead. He stands and then reaches down for my hand. “Now let’s go pay respect to your friend who died for a good cause, and then we can figure the rest out.”
I nod but refuse to let him help me to the car. He starts up the car, and we head towards Demi God Academy in peace. I’ve been thoroughly thrown off by his reveal, but it doesn’t change much. I can’t stray from my new goals.
It feels like forever since I’ve been here. I know it’s only been a week, but even when I was in the hospital, I wasn’t really there. It feels longer, like it’s been years since my last visit. Dad pulls up to the place where I had so many great and horrible memories. He parks near the cemetery in the back of the school that I never even knew existed until I got the call about the services.
Kara was the one to break the news to me. I’d been screening her calls, and all of my friends’ calls for that matter, since coming home. Of course, it was hard to ignore her when she showed up at my doorstep.
I’m not really sure why I am the way I am now—hard and cold—but Megan’s death, seeing my mom in jail, Ari’s betrayal; they all changed me.
So Kara came in with her new boyfriend, my best friend, Junior, as her body guard and told me about the funeral. She didn’t ask many questions. The conversation didn’t go farther than how we were—physical
ly, mentally, and emotionally.
She asked me if it was okay that she was seeing Junior, and of course, I said yes. If she can find happiness in such a shitty time, then go for it. I don’t care what they do as long as they stay away from me.
So without shedding a single tear, I said goodbye to Kara, and she ran back over to Junior’s down the street. At least she has someone to cry to.
I haven’t been having visions lately, which is strange since I spend most of my time in a meditative state. My nights have been sleepless, but like Professor Onassis said, my dreams know that I can’t handle them right now. So they avoid me at all costs, even when I try to dream just to get away from my real life.
Right as we pull up to the cemetery gate, I spot all of my old friends. They’re clad in their black suits and dresses, looking beautiful yet grief stricken. It’s a bright day in March, so most of the funeral goers wear sunglasses. I pull my own sunglasses lower on my face but not to protect myself from the sun. They’re to protect myself from people’s scrutinizing eyes.
“You go ahead,” I tell my dad, needing a moment to myself.
“Sure. Just be strong,” my dad tells me. Dad opens his door and gets out.
“I am strong,” I mutter under my breath, hating what he just said to me. I watch as dad meets Junior near the edge of the cemetery. I follow with my eyes as Junior walks back to my friends after greeting my dad. He walks up to Kara and stands directly next to her. My father stands to his left looking out of place among the throng of students.
At first Kara does nothing, but then after a moment, she wraps her arms around Junior’s torso, and it looks like she cries into his chest. I can only see from behind, so I don’t know what they say, but they look awfully snuggly. A pang of jealousy floats into me, but I don’t pay any mind to it. They’re together, and it’s okay. They deserve to be happy and have their own life—away from me.
I focus on getting myself to the hole in the ground where Megan’s body will rest. I get out of the car on my own and walk alone, step by step, towards the burial site. I don’t stand with my old friends or my dad. Instead, I walk across from them to the side where nobody is. I bend down before her coffin and stare at her.
She looks so much better in her casket than when she died. She’s dolled up in formal wear. She’s wearing a full length dress that’s cap sleeved. It’s purple, and it makes her long brown hair look vibrant. She has her glasses on which makes me chuckle a little. She’d like to know that she looked just like her real self. I bend down and kiss her cold cheek, letting myself feel all the remorse I can.
“I love you, Megan,” I whisper to the corpse. “You were so brave. You were the hero of the fight. You protected me, and you fought beside me. You died for me, Megan. I will never forget you. You’ll stay in my heart, and I promise that I will make your death mean something. You died for a cause, I promise you. I love you.”
I stand and fall back into my own spot, where I’m alone in the full crowd. The priest starts the funeral with a soft hymn that most don’t join in on. I stand in silence, staring at the open space, refusing to see my friends.
My stomach flutters, forcing me to look in the distance. My dark knight stands, almost hidden, behind a maple tree. He’s dressed in a suit with a black tie and white shirt. He too has sunglasses on, but they’re dangerously low to where his green eyes are almost peeking over the rim. It’s almost a tease since I know what’s under there.
I want to run to him and let him console me—breakdown in his arms and cry on his chest until he makes me feel better—but then my head tells me to stop. He’s a betrayer, a liar, and a fake. I look down so I don’t get charmed into walking to him. When I can’t stare down any longer, I look back up, he’s gone.
This pisses me off more than him standing there spying on me. He can’t just show up here to grieve. She’s my friend. I turn and run towards the last place I saw him. He can’t be far away.
As I run from the funeral, all eyes follow me. I think about stopping since this is abnormal behavior, but I don’t. I need to know why he’s here. As I make it to the tree I last saw him standing by, I glance around in circles, trying to find him. And then my eyes fall to him straddling his motorcycle on the dirt curb.
“Why are you here?” I yell out to him, refusing to move any closer to him. We’re far enough away from the burial site that nobody else can hear us. That comforts me.
“To see if you needed me.” His face is an emotionless wall.
“Well, I don’t.” I cross my arms over my chest and refuse to give him any satisfaction. I’ve barely even thought of him over the past week. Well, I haven’t thought of much since my brain has been turned off to everything other than my revenge.
“Okay.” He looks down at his hands nervously. I’ve never seen him like this before, and knowing I did this to him makes me perturbed.
“Why did you do it?”
“I don’t even know what you think I did,” he answers defiantly. He acts like he’s exhausted from the conversation, but he seems sincere, like he really doesn’t know what I’m talking about. But I saw it, so I know it’s a fact.
“I saw you betray me. I saw you give up my mother to Hades,” I confront him. I tell him exactly what I saw so he can’t bullshit me. I lean back against the tree for support as my knees begin to buckle together, my emotions taking me by surprise.
Ari sees me struggle and hops off his motorcycle in one fluid motion. He comes until he’s right in front of me. “I had to do it. I had to get you out of there. You’re my first priority.”
“Well, not anymore. I now know who I’m supposed to be with,” I tell him, knowing in my gut, it’s Ollie. He wouldn’t betray me. He wouldn’t sacrifice my mother.
“You honestly believe that?” Ari asks.
“Yes. I don’t know what game you’re playing or what part you have in this elaborate power trip that Hades has going on, but I will find out.” Feeling strong, I step towards him as I make my threat. I put on my most serious face.
“Good. I hope you do find out.” He too steps towards me menacingly. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I don’t budge. I have to remain in control. “And when you see that you’re wrong about all of this, guess who will still be here, waiting…” I shake my head as if I don’t know the answer, but I know exactly what he’s going to say. “Me.”
“Well, you’re going to wait forever.” I stumble over my words as he inches beside to me. His scent wafts up my nose, and it sends butterflies fluttering through my body. Every nerve in my body perks to life.
I haven’t felt anything in over a week, so his closeness makes me beyond nervous. My emotions flood into my system in full force, an array of emotions taking me over. I shut my eyes and try to put a wall back up. I try to push all my hate, my guilt, my sorrow back down. Ari cuts through my burying.
“I’ve been waiting forever. And guess what, Eury…” He touches my chin. I shudder from the loving touch as a bout of lighting strikes nearby. I tear my gaze from Ari as the sky darkens faster than I’ve ever seen. His voice pulls me back to him. “I still will, because the day this is all over is the day I can finally relax. I can finally have my happy ending. So keep looking,” he dares me.
“I will,” I whisper, his closeness to me rendering me speechless. I don’t want to break our stare; it’s too intense, too heated. I can’t move; I can hardly breathe. Even the thunder doesn’t break us.
“You know what? Screw this. I didn’t do anything wrong.” He reaches forward, grabbing my shoulders. He clings on to me hard and pulls me in towards him so only a pocket of air separates us. He looks down at me. His eyes are passion-filled and deep with a predatory glare. I don’t know whether he’s going to attack me or make out with me. But I stand before him, ready to take whatever he’ll give.
He bends down to me and locks his lips onto mine. He pushes against me. My back presses against the tree trunk, the bark piercing my shoulder. But the pain is nothing compared to the overw
helming love that pours out of Ari—and me. His hands rise up into my hair and tug at me with speed. I melt into his kiss, knowing it will be the last one we ever share.
And I know I have to stop it.
I should stop it.
I can’t kiss him.
I need to stop.
My brain convinces me to stop, while my heart urges me to go further. I pull back, gasping for air. I open my eyes, which are distracted by my love, but it’s not that, it can’t be. It’s just lust. My face is wet and I’m not sure if it’s from the rain that’s beginning to fall in heavy drops or my tears.
I pull my arm back and slap Ari across the face. An echoing smack vibrates through the air between us like the thunder that continues to rumble through the sky. My hand stings. He looks down at me in question, but I can’t. I can’t look at him again. My resolve will die.
So I turn and walk back towards the funeral.
And in my place near the coffin is Ollie.
My white knight.
My soul mate.
Epilogue
It’s weird being back here. I don’t even know how to react. When I heard the news that DGA was reopening, I didn’t know what to think.
After all the causalities, I thought it would just shut down and turn into some decrepit haunted place that teenagers would visit on All Hallow’s Eve.
But I got the call two days ago—April 13th. The person said that I was requested back for the remainder of the semester, so today’s the day I move back in. My dad convinced me that I needed to move on with my life. Since I found out that he knows about powers, we’ve been able to connect on a level I never knew possible.
He’s been amazing. He’s so much smarter than I ever gave him credit for, and for that, I regret it. He knows me more than I know myself. In the month I’ve had off, I’ve been unhinging. My mother is still missing and my life has fallen to shambles.
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