“Pappy, I didn’t have a choice. If I wanted a life with her, that’s the way it had to be.”
“But you made that decision without her. She thought you were stabbed to death and burned in a fire. She fucking blamed me for months because I didn’t drag your ass out of there. Because I listened to you. I fucking blamed myself,” he yelled. “All this time I thought that I had let her down because I let you die in that fire. I kept trying to figure out what I could have done differently so that you could have lived.” He flexed his fists open and closed and shook his head as the tension rolled off him.
“Pappy, I know this is fucked up-”
“Fucked up? This is so far beyond fucked up. I buried you! We all wore our dress uniforms and gave you our version of a military funeral because the military sure as shit wouldn’t give you one. I gave Kate a fucking flag!”
“Sebastian took care of all that. I didn’t have any say in it. He basically told me that if I wanted a life with Kate, I had to follow his rules to a T. He did it. He gave me my life back. I can have the life that I wanted with her. He gave me a job at Reed Security.”
“Looks like everything turned out just fucking peachy for you.”
“Don’t give me that shit. It’s been fucking hell to be away from her for all this time. To know that I had to have you watch over her for me because I couldn’t do it. I saw what I did to her. I saw how she became a fucking toothpick because she wouldn’t eat. I sat in her room at night and heard every single nightmare she had and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it. I couldn’t hold her and tell her it would all be alright. I couldn’t kiss her or tell her I loved her. I watched as you struggled to get her to see reason. I fucking saw it all,” I yelled. “I wish it could have been different, but that’s the way it had to be and I’m fucking sorry!”
Pappy paced the room for a few minutes as he tried to gather his thoughts. I could tell he was on the verge of pummeling me again, but he was trying to control his urges. Finally, he turned for the door and pulled it open, stalling as he stepped through the door. “I’m glad you’re not fucking dead, but this is going to take me some time.”
He walked out and left me alone in the living room. Fuck, none of this had gone the way I hoped. I had imagined a teary eyed Kate running back into my arms, so glad that I was back, but she couldn’t stand the sight of me. Not even my only friend wanted anything to do with me right now. I couldn’t leave Kate alone no matter how much it was the right thing to do. Now that I was back in her life, there was no way I was walking away.
I headed upstairs and knocked lightly on her bedroom door.
“So now you knock? I don’t think you’ve ever knocked a day in your life. You usually just enter whenever you want.”
I walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. She was sitting back against the headboard with her knees pulled up to her chest. “Kate, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I couldn’t. I needed to make this work for us.”
“There is no us. You destroyed us,” she said robotically.
“That’s not true. I didn’t stay away from you for a whole fucking year just so you could push me away.”
She glared at me with daggers that I felt deep in my soul. “Do you know that I cried over you for months? I couldn’t do anything because I was so torn up over you. But then I went out to your grave and I realized something. You chose to go back in that building. You chose Jensen over me. We could have run together and figured something out, but you didn’t choose to stay with me. You say that you did this all for me, but I don’t believe you. I think you’ll always choose what you want over me.”
“I didn’t want that life for you. I’ve lived a life on the run for years and you don’t deserve that. You have no idea what it’s like to be all alone. To not be able to make friends because you know you’ll put them in danger. There was no fucking way I was going to do that to you. So, I ended it, and yeah, I almost fucking died for it. But when I saw Pappy trying to pull you away from me, I didn’t regret a single fucking thing because I knew that you were finally safe. That’s all that has ever mattered to me.”
“Well, you got your wish. I’m safe and now you’ve lost me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Sebastian did all this for me so that I could have a new life with you. He gave me a job. I won’t spit in his face because you’re pissed at me.”
“Do whatever you want. I don’t give a shit anymore. Just leave me alone.”
I got up from the bed and stared down at her. “You may be pissed at me and I understand that. I won’t ask you to forgive me all in one day, but remember something.” I lifted my shirt, showing her the scar from where I was stabbed. “I did almost die in that building. I didn’t make any of that up. I didn’t leave you willingly, but I’d do it all again if it meant that you lived and I might have a chance at a normal life with you.”
I turned and walked out the bedroom door, but I heard her start crying before I even hit the stairs. I paused, my heart breaking as I heard her strangled cries. I hated that I did that to her. I never intended to hurt her so much, but what was done was done and there was nothing I could do to change it.
✯✯✯✯✯
“I see you made yourself at home,” Pappy said as he entered the house I had stayed in before all this shit went down. I was standing at the window, looking through my binoculars at Kate. She had been up all night and now she was getting ready for work. I wanted to go talk to her, but now wasn’t the time. She didn’t want to see me right now and I couldn’t blame her for that.
“Didn’t have any place else to stay.”
“Where have you been all this time?”
“Safe house.”
“Really? We’ve used all the Reed Security safe houses over the past year. I never saw you at any of them. Pretty sure we wouldn’t be in this mess right now if I had.”
“It wasn’t a Reed Security safe house. OPS put me up in one of theirs. I was under strict orders to stay the fuck away from everyone.”
“Then how did you know how Kate was doing?”
I smirked at him. “I never was very good at following orders. I always made sure I was back at the safe house before anyone knew I was gone. I couldn’t just walk away from her.”
I looked back at Kate’s house and sighed, wondering how the hell I was going to get through to her. She had to realize eventually that I did this for us. “So, are you still pissed at me?”
“Let’s just say I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were never really dead. So, when do you start working?”
“I’m supposed to meet with Sebastian today to figure out exactly how this is going to work.”
“What a mind fuck.” Pappy shook his head and walked over to the window to look out with me. “She’ll forgive you eventually. You just have to give her time to adjust. It’s not going to happen overnight either.”
“I knew that this would be hard on her, but I saw it going differently in my head. I thought she would see me and run into my arms or something.”
“This isn’t a movie, Hud. Whether it was on purpose or not, you fucked with people’s lives and that’s going to take time to get over.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“So, man with the answers, do you want to fill me in on what the hell happened that night? How the hell did Jensen hit back so quick?”
“He played us all along,” I scoffed. “I woke up that night remembering this time back in my military days with him. It was so insignificant, but he basically told one of the guys that you lead your enemy into a state of security. Make them think that they’ve won and then you hit back hard. I knew then that we’d been played. I had just woken up Kate when the first grenade hit.”
“We all knew that something was off, but we never saw that attack coming.”
“That’s because Marks was in on the whole thing. Becky found out later that Marks was dying. He had Multiple Sclerosis. He was hiding the symptoms well, but it was only a m
atter of time before the disease took over.”
“So, he chose torture?”
“I made his death too easy. It ended fast and it didn’t even take long to get the information out of him. I should have known that it was too easy, but I was so focused on Kate that I couldn’t see anything else.”
“We played perfectly into their hands.”
I nodded as I stared out the window at Kate getting in her car. “They didn’t win though, and I have to remember that. No matter what, that shit allowed me to get my life back.” I ran a hand down my face, trying to wipe the memories of that night from my mind. “I’d better head into the office. Fuck. I never thought I’d be saying anything like that again.”
“I’ll go with you. I’d sure love to hear what Cap has to say about all this.”
We pulled up to the Reed Security building ten minutes later and Pappy went through all the security measures since I didn’t yet have clearance. Sebastian had done a good job keeping the building secure. When I had broke in last year, it had been a lot harder than I had anticipated. Now, he had upgraded and the place was like Fort Knox.
Walking into the lobby of Reed Security, I was well aware of the stares that I received by everyone. They all thought I was dead and here I was walking around. Pappy led me to Sebastian’s office and knocked before swinging the door open.
“Did you lose something, Cap?” Pappy said as he stepped aside to let me enter. Sebastian raised an eyebrow and waved us in.
“So, you finally decided to make an appearance. How’d it go?” he asked me.
“Not as well as I hoped.”
“I imagine it didn’t. How’s Kate?”
“She pretty much hates me and doesn’t want to see me.”
“Well, we knew this wasn’t going to be the easiest thing to pull off. You good, Pappy?”
“Just fucking peachy. It’s not every day that your friend comes back from the dead.”
“So, still pissy over the whole thing,” Sebastian quipped. “Get the fuck over it. I’m relying on you to get Knight on board with the way we do things around here.”
Sebastian opened his desk drawer and pulled out an envelope and tossed it to me. “All your documents are in there.”
I opened the envelope and pulled out my new driver’s license, social security number, and all the other shit that went with changing your identity. “Hudson Knight?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t you think people will catch on to that?”
“There were only a handful of people that knew the two identities were one and the same. One of them’s dead and the rest aren’t going to say jack shit. Unless of course, you’re worried about Kate ratting you out.”
I shook my head at him. “Why Knight?”
“Because we all know you as Knight and it’s too fucking confusing to change.”
“I guess that’s as good a reason as any. So, what am I going to be doing here?”
“For now? Training. Until the guys trust you, you won’t be in the field. Pappy can show you the training center and what programs we currently have. You can tailor it however you want.”
“That’s it? Just like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You just want me to tailor a new training program without me running it past you?”
“If you fuck up, I’ll know.”
“Cap, there’s something I don’t understand,” Pappy said. “You’ve given him a new identity, but you can’t change his fingerprints. What the hell do you do if he gets taken in and fingerprinted?”
“Easy.” Sebastian looked at me with a serious expression. “Don’t get fucking caught. My buddy, Sean knows who you are. He can only run interference so far. It’s better for all of us if you don’t go out in the field too often. I don’t want anyone to have to lie for you. We’re all taking a risk by having you here with us.”
“So why are you doing this for me?”
“Kate’s been good to us and Pappy is a member of this team. We take care of our own.”
“Still, you’re putting a lot on the line for me.”
“Yeah, we are. And don’t think I’ve forgotten that you’ve destroyed two of our buildings. I’d say that you owe me big time, and I always collect.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
“Pappy, show him around now. I’ve got shit to do.”
Pappy shook his head and headed for the door.
“I appreciate what you’ve done for me,” I said to Sebastian.
He nodded and I followed Pappy to the training center that would be my new place of employment. Somehow, I would find a way to pay Sebastian back for everything. He had really stuck his neck out on the line for me and I never let a debt go unpaid.
✯✯✯✯✯
I waited until I saw her lights go out and then I waited a good half hour before I made my way over to her house. I slipped in easily enough and looked around. An empty bottle of wine sat on the counter and some dishes were in the sink. I made my way up to her room and watched her from the doorway. She was staring out the window as she laid on her side.
“I’m surprised you waited so long,” she muttered.
“I gave you one night. I’m not waiting any longer.”
I shrugged my leather jacket off and walked over, slipping into bed behind her. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against me, even though she grunted in protest.
“I don’t want you here.”
“I don’t give a shit. I didn’t survive a knife and fucking fire just to have you push me away.”
She rolled over and shoved at me. “You left me for a whole year. You let me think you were dead! I cried for months over you. I was devastated. And it was all for a liar and murderer.”
“I don’t do that anymore.”
“Lie or kill?”
“I haven’t killed anyone since Jensen. When I told you that Sebastian did this for us, it was with the understanding that I left my old life behind, and I’ve honored that. He risked a lot to help us.”
“No, he risked a lot to help you. I wasn’t even factored into it.”
Anger overtook me and I rolled on top of her, caging her body in with mine. “Are you fucking kidding me? You were the only factor in all of this. He did what he did because I had told Pappy that I wanted to try for a normal life with you. He took the opportunity that presented itself because he knew killing me off was the only way for us to get the life we wanted.”
“He should have told me.”
“And then you wouldn’t have acted the way you did and it would have all been for nothing. Think what you want, Kate, but this was all for you and I’d fucking do it all again to know that I could spend the rest of my life with you.”
I crushed my lips down on hers and thrust my tongue into her mouth. She pushed against my chest, but I didn’t let her have her way. She had her night to process everything, but I’d been waiting a whole year for this moment and I was taking it. She stopped fighting me and dug her fingers into my back as she pulled me closer. I ripped her shirt over her head and took her breast in my mouth, sucking the bud until it was rigid. She moaned as I ground myself hard against her.
She screamed my name over and over as I pressed my erection harder and harder into her core. She needed this as much as I did. I had watched her for a year and there hadn’t been anyone. Even if there had, there was nothing that would ever come close to the electricity that we felt when we were together.
I couldn’t wait any more. I tugged at her pants until she was bare for me. Her hands fumbled with my belt and pulled at the zipper. She shoved my pants down and spread her legs wide for me, her pussy glistening with desire. I kissed her deeply as I thrust hard inside her.
“Fuck!” I yelled as I bottomed out inside her. Her pussy was clenching around me so tight that I didn’t think I would last more than a minute inside her. Her fingers dug trails into my back as I pumped deeper and harder inside her. The bed was jerking against the wall and the lamp on the nights
tand was rattling as the bed hit the table.
“Garrick, don’t stop.” Her legs wrapped around my waist and she drew me tight against her body, leaving hardly any room for me to move. I lowered myself on top of her body and ground my hips into her with every move. I took her nipple in my mouth and bit down, sending her over the edge until my cock felt like it would fall off from lack of circulation.
My cock jerked over and over as I spilled my cum inside her. My breathing was ragged and blackness was creeping in from the intensity of my orgasm. I rolled off her and pulled her into my chest, not giving her the opportunity to pull away from me. Slowly, my body relaxed into a sleepy state that I hadn’t found since I woke up in that hospital alone. I felt her tugging away from me, so I tightened my grip and pulled her further onto my chest for the night. After a few minutes, she stopped fighting me and rested her hand over my heart and we drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Kate
I DON’T KNOW what the hell I was thinking last night. Sleeping with Garrick so soon after he reappeared in my life was the stupidest thing I could have done. How was I supposed to protect my heart when I gave in so easily to his demands? I laid in bed and watched him sleep. In all the time we had been together, I had never seen him sleep so peacefully before. He was always the first one up and he never seemed to sleep well at night. It made me wonder how much of an effect his job had on him. Had his decisions in life affected him so much that they plagued his dreams?
Looking at him now, I could see that he looked more tired than I had ever seen him. He had circles under his eyes that hadn’t been there before and he didn’t seem quite as muscled as he was a year ago. I ran my hand over his chest and paused on the scar where he had been stabbed. My eyes pricked with tears as I remembered seeing him stumble to the ground at the safe house. He had been so weak and after I visited him at his grave, I had finally accepted that Hunter was right. There was no way that he could have gotten him out on his own. His injuries would have been so severe that the jostling would have most likely shifted the knife and caused more damage.
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