With a sigh, he slid quietly from the bed, pulled on a pair of soft lounge pants and quietly slipped out of the room. After making a quick bathroom stop, he walked out onto the deck to see the dark sky just as it was beginning to brighten by the rising sun.
He sat down on the end of one of the loungers to quietly watch nature’s spectacular show. Ten minutes later, as the sky was turning enough shades of red, pink and purple to take his breath away, he heard the door open behind him.
He knew who it was without turning from the guilt that stabbed through his heart like a knife.
He wanted to say something, anything, to try to make things better but the lump in his throat was too large for any words.
Jesse padded barefoot over to Noah, slid one leg over the lounger behind him and straddled Noah from behind. He wrapped the blanket he had brought with him around both of their bodies and leaned back onto the partially upright lounge chair, pulling Noah with him.
“I’m not going anywhere, Noah. And neither are you,” he whispered just before placing a kiss against his temple.
Noah’s free arm came up and he clasped Jesse’s hand over his heart, “I don’t know how to get him out of my head, Jess.”
“I do.”
“How?”
“Talk to me.”
Noah inhaled sharply. He knew that’s what his problem was. Hell, he had been the one who said they needed to tell each other everything in the first place. And then he’d choked. He had to do this, he knew he did. But he didn’t know how. He’d never, ever told anyone about the things that Jacob had done to him – not only the physical pain he caused but also the humiliation, the manipulation, the degradation. He hadn’t told anyone about it because he couldn’t. He’d shut that shit down as soon as he was away from Jacob, locking it away in the back corner of his mind in the hopes of never letting it out. Back then he’d had to in order to survive with his sanity still intact.
He told himself that he was over what Jacob Knight had done to him……
Was he?
“Jess, I…..”
“Jacob used to make me sit in a chair in the corner of his bedroom and watch him having sex with men. He’d talk to me the entire time he was doing it, telling me to watch and learn because he wanted me to know what to expect when he finally took me. Oh, and I wasn’t allowed to touch myself or even relieve some of the pressure on my aching dick in my jeans while I was sitting there and basically watching live porn.”
Noah inhaled a sharp breath, “Fuck, Jess. For how long?”
“From my sixteenth birthday until the day you saw me at the club.”
“But, but, but, that’s…..”
“Nine years? Yeah, I know. Nine years I had to watch fucking and sucking and licking and kissing and never once did anybody touch me. Not fucking once. I hated him more each time he did it until I couldn’t stand to look at the man. I got to the point where I could un-focus my eyes so I couldn’t see them, but I could still hear. I could always hear. And I….” he paused as he took a deep breath, “I hated myself for being turned on, for wanting to join in, for just wanting someone, anyone, to just fucking touch me.”
Noah’s eyes started to squeezed shut but then images of Jesse sitting in a room watching Jacob have sex…..with him……flashed into his head and he snapped them open.
He squeezed Jesse’s hand a little tighter, “God, Jess, I’m so sor…..”
“No, Noah,” Jesse whispered, his lips pressed against Noah’s ear, “no more of that. Just tell me, babe….please.”
Noah’s breath froze in his lungs and for a fleeting, panicked moment he didn’t think he was going to be able to do it.
But then the air blew out in a rush….and so did the words.
He told Jesse about the beatings.
He told him about losing his right to say no.
He told him about being told to pleasure other men…..strangers that Jacob brought home to him.
He told him about being raped when he tried to refuse.
He told him about all the times he thought about ending his life because that was the only way he could see to get out of the hell that he was living in.
He talked for hours.
At some point, Ryan brought out a plate of sandwiches and several bottles of water and silently set them on the table next to them before he retreated back into the house.
Jesse made him eat something, even though he was sure that his appetite would never return, and then made him drink some water.
He actually felt a little better, physically, after that and it allowed him to go on.
He talked until he was worried that he’d never be able to stop.
Because there was so much to say, so much hurt, so much pain, so many nightmares. And once he opened that box that he had them all locked away in, they all had to come pouring out, like a rain-filled river over-flowing the dam that had no possibility of keeping the deadly torrent at bay.
Everything. He told him everything. Until there was nothing left.
He didn’t realize he’d fallen silent until Jesse pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and whispered, “I love you, Noah Pierce, so fucking much.”
Those words washed over him, bathing him in a comfort that he desperately needed. Cloaking him in a love that he never knew existed. When his eyes slid closed this time, gone were the memories, gone were the nightmares. The only thing that he saw behind their closed lids was….Jesse.
“Take me, Jess,” he whispered because in that moment, the only thing he wanted, the one thing that he desperately needed, was for Jesse to fill him completely with his love. To hold him so tight that there was no Noah, no Jesse. There was only them.
“Noah….”
“Please, Jesse, please,” he whispered and he didn’t care less how desperate he sounded.
“Babe, you’re hurt.”
“Only my shoulder. Please Jesse. I need you, I need you so much.”
Jesse took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves because he’d never done this before…..he’d never topped….and not only was he scared because this would be his first time, he was terrified that he’d suck at it and Noah would be disappointed. That was the thing that made his heart pound the most. But for this man, only for this man, he’d push past his fears and try. Because Noah needed him and that was……everything.
He started to sit up but Noah squeezed his arm, “No. Here, please,” he whispered.
Jesse’s head glanced towards the house, “But….”
“No one will see. We have the blanket over us.”
“Noah, I don’t have any lube.”
“Use spit, use pre-cum, it’ll be fine. I need this, Jess, I need you, now.”
Jesse press a kiss to Noah’s collarbone as he squeezed his eyes shut, giving him a moment to try to gather his courage.
And then he felt it.
Noah’s body was shaking, vibrating with his need for Jesse. And that’s what finally gave Jesse the confidence to do this.
His fingers began caressing over Noah’s torso as he kissed and sucked on his neck. The tips of his fingers glided over ever bump, every ridge, every dip and curve until they reached the elastic waistband of his pants.
Noah groaned in his arms, the sound of it vibrating into Jesse’s chest that was firmly pressed against Noah’s back and Jesse’s courage surged forward. He began to slid those pants down Noah’s hips and the man lifted up just enough for Jesse to push them down to his thighs. He slid his foot up Noah’s calf, caught his pants with his foot and pushed them down the rest of the way until they pooled beneath his feet.
“You too, babe, I need to feel you too,” Noah mumbled as Jesse kissed the back of his neck.
Jesse’s made quick work of sliding his own pants off and then they both groaned when Jesse tucked his cock into Noah’s crease and slid it up and down a few times.
He reached around to grab Noah’s hard dick and stroked it in time with his thrusts for a few seconds until Noah groaned again wi
th a whispered, “Please.”
Jesse reluctantly dropped Noah’s dick, slid two fingers into this mouth and brought them down while at the same time he used his knee to spread Noah’s legs open. His fingers brushed over Noah’s hole a few times before he slid the first one inside. “Oh God,” they both groaned at the same time.
Fuck, he was so tight, so hot, so…..perfect that Jesse was sure that he wouldn’t last long enough to even get all the way inside.
“Jess,” Noah said with a moan as Jesse’s finger slid in and out, “More,” he whispered.
Jesse pulled his finger out to the tip, added a second and slid them in.
“Yesssssss,” Noah moaned.
Jesse leaned slightly away from Noah’s body, brought his other hand up to his mouth, spit in it then wiped that spit over his fingers before sliding them back inside and spreading them.
His own cock was so hard it hurt.
Never had he wanted something so badly but also feared it so much at the same time.
What if he came the moment he pressed in? What if he didn’t even last that long and came all over Noah’s hole? Because as hard as he was, both were a very real possibility.
“Please, babe. Let me feel you,” Noah moaned.
With his heart pounding like a machine gun in his chest, Jesse slid his fingers out. He spit into his hand once more and rubbed it and his pre-cum over his dick before gripping it at the base and lining it up.
Then, with one final deep breath for courage, he began pressing inside.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
So tight, so hot…..he was going to lose it. He was going to fucking lose it.
Until…..
“Perfect,” Noah said on a moan.
That word, uttered on a shuddering breath, narrowed all of Jesse’s focus down to one thing: Noah.
This wasn’t about Jesse getting off, this wasn’t about Noah getting off, this wasn’t about sex.
It was about love.
It was about them.
He felt his dick slide all the way in until his pelvis was pressed tight against Noah’s ass and he froze for a moment – giving Noah time to adjust and himself a moment to just feel.
And then he felt his entire world shift on its axis when he pulled out to the tip and slid back inside.
“Noah,” he whispered into the back of the man’s neck.
“Jesse,” Noah whispered back.
Jesse’s thrusts sped up. He slid his arm under Noah’s knee, bent his leg up towards his chest and grabbed onto the arm of the lounge chair for better leverage.
The back of his hand got wet from the drops of jizz flying from the tip of Noah’s bouncing cock, letting Jesse know how good he was making his man feel.
But, even though his hips were moving, his cock sliding in and out of Noah’s tight grip, there was nothing frantic about it. It was slow, methodical, like both of them were excited to reach the finish line but neither of them were in a hurry to get there.
Effortless.
Consuming.
Beautiful.
Perfect.
It was everything.
“Oh, God, Noah,” he groaned as he felt that tingle building in his spine.
“Fuck, Jess,” Noah moaned.
“C-c-c-c-close,” Jesse whispered.
Jesse felt a tremble move through Noah’s body, “Oh my god, Jess, I’m going to…..”
And then it happened.
Noah’s body shivered hard, he grunted, his ass clamped down onto Jesse’s dick so hard he could barely move and then Jesse felt warm drops of liquid landing on his arm and hand.
His hips stuttered and then, “Noah,” he breathed out as stars lit up behind his closed eyes and the biggest, most amazing, most all-consuming orgasm not only shot out from him, filling his man, but it also felt like it filled his broken soul, healing him from within.
It stole the breath from his lungs.
It broke his heart wide open and refilled it with both of them.
He held Noah tightly in his arms as his thrusts slowed, his cum-coated dick easily sliding in and out of Noah, unable or unwilling to leave just yet.
“You feel so amazing,” he whispered into Noah’s neck.
“Don’t leave yet,” Noah moaned as he gripped Jesse’s wet hand that was now pressed against his chest.
“Never, Noah. I’m not going anywhere, ever.”
“I love you,” Noah whispered.
“I love you, too,” Jesse whispered back.
And for the first time in his life, Jesse felt like he was the strong one, like he was the one who was there to take care of someone else, like he…..mattered.
And it was all because of the man in his arms. Noah had given him the most beautiful gift, and he probably didn’t even realize it.
But Jesse would tell him. He would let him know every day for the rest of his life that Noah was the one, the only one, who ever made him feel like he wasn’t invisible, like he’d never be invisible again.
Twenty-Eight
Luther blinked open his eyes. Disappointment filled him that he was still in that damn hospital room but then he felt the warm skin that was pressing into the back of his hand and he smiled.
He turned his head enough so that he could look down at his sleeping husband’s beautiful face. He gently extracted his hand and then threaded his fingers through Morgan’s hair.
A smile formed on Morgan’s face just before his eyes blinked open.
“Morning, my love,” he whispered.
“Morning, babe,” Morgan said as he lifted his head and scrubbed his hand over his face. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”
“Lonely,” Luther whispered.
“I’m not going anywhere unless they kick me out, babe. And even then, they’ll have a protest on their hands.”
“I miss you in my bed.”
Morgan stood, placed a kiss on Luther’s forehead as he brushed his hair back, “I miss you too, babe.”
“Lie with me.”
Morgan glanced around at all of the tubes and wires connecting Luther to all of the equipment, “Babe, I don’t think….”
“Please, Morgan.”
The door swished open and Nurse Bailey chose that moment to walk inside. “And how are you beautiful men doing this morning?” he said cheerfully.
Morgan’s eyes bounce from Luther to Bailey and back again and then he takes a deep breath, “Can you help me?”
Bailey’s smiling face morphs into concern, “Of course, hun. What do you need?”
Morgan glances back at his husband, “He, um, he wants me to lie next to him but I’m worried about disconnecting something or hurting him.”
Bailey waved his hand in the air, “Oh, sweetheart, you just listen to Bailey and everything will be just fine.”
The two of them spent the next ten minutes carefully sliding Luther a little to the right, positioning wires, cables and tubes either above Luther’s head on his pillow or on the right side of his body. And then Bailey lowered the railing on the left side of the bed. “Shoes off, climb on big guy.”
Morgan slipped his shoes from his feet, pulled his cell phone and keys out of his pocket and placed them on the side table and then very gently lifted his hips and left leg and placed them on the bed. His left arm snaked out and slid underneath Luther’s head, cradling him as gently as a parent would hold their newborn babe. It was the moment that he relaxed into the bed and heard Luther’s contented sigh as his right hand moved up and rested gently against Morgan’s chest right above his heart – that was the moment that he finally knew that everything would be okay.
“I love you,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to Luther’s head.
He heard the doors swish and realized that Bailey had slipped out without saying a word. He’d have to thank the man for this…..but later. There was no way in hell that he was moving now.
“Love you, too,” Luther mumbled and then his breathing evened out as he fell back into a quiet, peaceful sleep.
Morgan’s brain became aware long before his eyes opened. And it was aware of one thing and one thing only: he and Luther were not alone in their room. He slid his hand around his hip to reach for the only weapon he had on him at the moment – a small but lethal knife tucked into a hidden sheath at his back.
“No need for that. I’m not here to harm either of you,” a voice said from the corner….a voice that sounded vaguely familiar to Morgan, one that he had heard before…recently. But his sleep-addled brain couldn’t place it right now.
“Who are you?” he whispered as he turned his head to see a dark figure seated in the padded chair in the corner. A chair that Morgan knew all too well since he had been sleeping in it for the past week.
The man leaned forward, elbows on his knees, bringing more light to his face as he looked at Morgan, “Niles Constantino. I figured it was time we met face to face. Plus, I have some business to discuss with Luther.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow, “Business? He’s barely out of a fucking coma, asshole,” he growled.
Luther’s hand twitched on his chest, squeezing gently as he said, “I’m fine, Morg. And Niles has waited as long as he could, haven’t you, Niles?”
Niles nodded his head, “I have, old friend. This situation with Mr. Knight is becoming….complicated.”
“Complicated?” Morgan said while at the same time Luther said, “How so?”
Morgan glanced at his husband and he frowned. These two knew each other very well, so well that their conversations were like a perfectly choreographed dance. Did that mean….had they been…??
Luther’s eyes smiled at Morgan as he said, “Relax, my love. Niles and I have never been more than friends. His taste in men runs very differently than mine.”
Morgan snorted, “I was not your typical choice of man either but look what happened when you met me.”
Luther smiled, “Yes, look what happened,” he whispered.
“As much as I’d love to watch you two do this little love dance, that’s not why I’m here.”
Morgan glared over at Niles, “Then why are you here?”
Niles sighed, “Jacob Knight is not only a high-profile lawyer, he’s been my lawyer for the last eight years. And now he’s missing. It won’t take long before the police come knocking at my door asking questions and I’d really rather avoid that.”
Blackbird Fly Home (Doyle Global Securities Book 1) Page 16