“As will I. Cathleen, I…” He wanted to tell her how he felt, but changed his mind. Clearly, she thought it was too soon, and perhaps she was right. “I have enjoyed our time together.”
“So have I. ‘Tis not over, not if we write to each other. We will still talk, only not face to face.”
“Perhaps I might call from time to time.”
“You do that quite often anyway,” she reminded him.
“Aye, but I do not ask to speak to you. What do you suppose they will think if I do?”
She mockingly brought the back of her hand to her forehead and deeply sighed. “They will immediately think we are more than just friends, inundate me with questions I care not to answer, and suspect you have gone completely daft.”
“They likely would at that. They might think it anyway if we write to each other regularly.”
“Aye, but that is easily explained. I write to enquire as to the wellbeing of my beloved Blair and James, and you graciously answer.”
“In that case, should they ask, I shall say the same.”
“Thank you, I am greatly relieved. Shall we always be good friends then?”
“The best of friends?”
“Good.”
It was not the conversation either of them truly wanted to have and after, there was a long silence before Cathleen finally asked, “What do you think ‘tis like to die?”
“I dinna know?”
“Each time a child died in the orphanage, the minister assured us Heaven was a better place. We believed him, naturally, for any place must be better than there. Still, we had many questions. What do you suppose Heaven is truly like?”
“You have not read the book?”
“I have not, have you?”
“Most of it. It says the streets of heaven are paved with gold.”
Her eyes brightened. “Are they? We best not let the duchess hear that, she’ll be lookin’ to marry God next.” Cathleen giggled, got up and went back in the house.
CHAPTER 15
His last full day there, Cathleen did not seek Cameron’s company. She was afraid she could not sufficiently hide what she truly felt from him. Besides, there was little more to be said. Even so, she prayed he would come to her. He did not and except at meals, she saw little of him.
The next morning, all the family members went to the station to see them off. James hugged each of the sisters again and again, kissed them on the cheek and then took Blair aboard the train.
Judge Mitchel handed Cameron the adoption papers for Blair and shook his hand.
Cameron hugged McKenna and Leesil, took the adoption papers Judge Mitchel handed him, shook his hand and hugged his brother. He kissed baby Justin on the head and when he turned to Cathleen, he very much wanted to hold her, but he refrained.
She held out her closed fist and when he opened his hand, she put her blue ribbon in it. “Promise to bring it back to me.”
He smiled, gave in to his urge and kissed her on the forehead. “I promise. You have helped me more than you can ever know, Miss Cathleen Covington. Watch out for that Swinton fellow, I dinna trust him.”
“I shall,” she promised. She watched him get on the train, disappear from view for a few seconds and then reappear at a window. He put Blair on his lap and when Blair blew Cathleen a kiss, Cathleen returned with one of her own. Then she kept her eyes glued to Cameron’s as the train slowly pulled out of the station.
She watched it for a very long time and when she finally stopped watching and looked, everyone else was gone and Leesil had the baby on one hip and her free hand on the other. “What?”
“You dinna fall in love with him, did you?”
“Of course not, he is still grieving.”
“Is he? He dinna look like it to me.”
“Leesil, you are imagining things.” Cathleen walked around her sister and went back to the buggy. Her tears were about to flow and she needed time alone to control her emotions. It was not to be.
Leesil climbed into the buggy and sat down beside her. “Confess it, you miss him already.”
“Of course I miss him, you are busy with Justin, Hannish has a million things to do and I have enjoyed Cameron’s company. Why would I not miss him?” She tried to change the subject. “Where is Hannish?”
“He went to see about an office for the company.” Leesil reached over and took her sister’s hand. “Sister, you need not hide your feelings from me. I shall never laugh at you, nor blame you if you do love him. After all, I fell in love with his brother, and no two men have ever been more alike. I tried not to love Hannish, but who we love cannae be helped.”
“I cannae love Cameron, ‘tis too soon.”
Leesil considered that. “Perhaps you are right. All we can do is wait to see what Cameron does.”
Cathleen laid her head on her sister’s shoulder and lightly touched Justin’s arm. “If he does anythin’ at all.”
*
On the train ride between Denver and Kansas City, James was content to keep Blair entertained and Cameron had a lot of time to stare out the window and consider what his life had become. He could hardly remember Flora’s face now, but he supposed it was normal. He decided he would visit her grave once more when he returned home and perhaps take the painting he had commissioned of her, to her brother in Leeds. Since Flora had no children, her brother could pass it down to his children.
His thoughts soon strayed to what kind of horse Hannish would give Cathleen, what she was doing just now and which books he should send her as soon as he got home. He thought about the way she put her hand in his when she cooled his burn, and then closed his eyes to relive the moment he kissed her on the forehead. Except for the very short dance he shared with her, that was as close as he got to holding her. He couldn’t remember a time when his arms felt so empty.
Every fiber of his being demanded he go back for her. Yet, it was clear she had reservations about being a second wife and he had no idea how to relieve her of those doubts. Time, he thought, she needs more time. Yet, a year seemed very close to forever.
At least there was one fun thing to look forward to in Scotland – he was going to greatly enjoy telling the Bayingtons all about what happened to the Duchess.
*
Cathleen bravely saved her tears, joined her sister and Hannish for dinner and carried on a normal conversation, all the while pretending her tortured heart was not screaming in agony. She played a round of billiards with Stockton, although it was hardly considered a woman’s sport, laughed at his jeers and carried on as if nothing was wrong.
At last, it was time to retire for the night. With Margaret Ann’s help, she went through the motions of preparing for bed, wished her lady’s maid a good night and finally, her world was silent.
She tried not to, but she resented the way Cameron kissed her on the forehead when he left. She wanted so much more than that and had hoped he did too. Apparently, he did not. In all her books, she never truly understood how painful love could be…until now. Now, she could no longer hold back her tears, and after tears, came sobs that lasted long into the night.
*
Cameron stood on the deck of the ship and watched as the American coastline grew smaller and smaller. The pain of missing Cathleen could not be mistaken for anything but the deepest sort of love, yet he was very uncertain as to how she felt. He thought he remembered every word she said, but standing alone on the deck of the ship, he began to more closely examine her words. She did not say much of anything to indicate she loved him. In fact, she had been very careful not to.
Yet, there was one very hopeful sign. He pulled her blue ribbon out of his pocket, looked at it and then tightly held it in his fist. The ribbon meant so much to her, yet she wanted him to carry it into a fire he might never come out of. Then she gave it to him again at the train station and made him promise to come back. It was indeed a sign she loved him, a very good sign.
That night, before he went to bed, he sat down and wrote the first of ma
ny letters that would cross the Atlantic on cargo ships, and then be transported in mail cars from New York to Colorado. It would take an estimated ten days each way, providing robbers did not blow up the mail cars.
“My dearest and best of all friends,
We are very well, and aboard ship homeward bound. Already I miss your smile and your good conversation. You helped me come to the end of my time of mourning and for that, I shall be forever grateful.
I am looking forward to renewing old acquaintances and making new ones. Have Pearl and Loretta forgotten me yet? I did so enjoy being flattered by all their attention. Again, I caution you concerning Mr. Swinton. There is just something about him I find unsettling. Perhaps it is my imagination.
Cameron.
He sealed the letter and mailed it the moment he set foot on land. Two weeks after Cameron returned to Scotland, Cathleen’s first letter came.
*
Your Grace,
Alistair and Sarah left today. How we shall miss them. You must write and tell me when they have arrived safely. We have dwindled in number quite harshly at Marblestone. I am certain Hannish has already said, but he and Mr. Whitfield have ruthlessly stolen some of the able-bodied lads of our employment. It seems hammering nails is far more exciting to the lads, than seeing to we poor defenseless lasses. We are quite delicate, you know. Thankfully, Abigail does not live very far away and has promised to protect us.
Mr. Whitfield finds it impossible to find a secretary. I would fill the position, but as you know, I am of the female persuasion and such a thing is unheard of.
Prescot left McKenna’s employment, also to build houses, but she does not seem to feel abandoned. Shepard is now our butler, and Keith will be our head footman once he and Margaret Ann are married. They plan a December wedding, although I cannot guess why they are waiting.
We hear nothing more from the duchess and I pray she is not headed your way. Have you heard? Charles is staying in England. Mr. Whitfield suspects he is still looking for his missing wife.
You shall be immensely happy to know Mr. Goodwin has recovered most of his eyesight. He was determined to get well, for he missed counting money at his bank. Our sewing circle traveled to Denver, presented our donations and found the orphanage there most remarkable. I heartily approve.
I hope my letter finds all of you safe and in good health.
Give Blair and James my love.
Cathleen
A few days later, a second letter arrived.
Your Grace,
I am sad to report that Loretta might well have fallen in love and may not wait for your return, as we both so hoped. I am not at all impressed with her choice of lads. The gentleman, as some say he should be called, looks rather like a fat cat. He has an odd sort of nose, a small mouth and puffed-up cheeks. Furthermore, he is the druggist and we all know what that means. It means she loves him desperately for the sodas she is allowed to freely drink. I assure you, it will take more than five free soda’s a day to win my heart.
Pearl, of course, will wait for you. What choice has she, there are so few unmarried wealthy lads left in town.
As we all promised, no one has breathed a word about Charles’s wife. But then, who would we tell? Still, I’ve a mind to put another plaque in the garden in her honor. I think to have the train schedule imprinted on this one. What say you? Never mind, by the time you write back, I shall have already done it.
Is James well?
How is my wonderful little Blair? I miss her horribly. I miss you a little too…occasionally.
Cathleen
Cameron folded the letter and laid it on the table. “You have me at a disadvantage, Cathleen. I miss you all the time.” He went to his writing table and began his fifth letter to her. He was tempted to call, but he remembered how concerned she was about having to explain. What could he say anyway that was not better said on paper?
*
A hundred times, Cameron tried to think of an excuse to call Cathleen, but it was not until Blair showed him something in the palm of her hand, that he finally had a good reason. He put the call through and waited for the operator to ring back.
It was nearly time for bed when the call came from Cameron, and Cathleen was so taken aback when Hannish came to notify her, she could hardly think what to do. Hesitantly, she followed him to the study, took the earpiece Hannish handed her and said, “Hello?”
“Cathleen, Blair has something she wishes to tell you.”
“Oh…yes of course, put her on.”
“I lost a tooth!” Blair blurted out.
“You did? How glorious!”
Seated in his lap with her father listening in, Blair frowned. “Tis a good thing?”
“Indeed it is. It means you are growing up.”
“I am?”
“You’ll be a lady soon,” said Cathleen.
“I will?”
“You certainly shall, I promise.”
“Cathleen,” Cameron said into the mouthpiece. “Will you kindly notify the tooth fairy for us?”
“Twill be my pleasure, Your Grace. Give Blair many hugs and kisses from me.” She heard him loudly smooch Blair on the cheek and giggled. “Your Grace, thank you for letting me share this moment. Pray write and tell me what the tooth fairy leaves.”
“We will indeed. Are you well?”
“Very well, and all of you?”
“Except for missing our Marblestone family, we are doing fine. Give everyone my love. Goodbye, Cathleen.”
“Goodbye.” She handed the earpiece back to Hannish, heard him continue his conversation and went to her room. As soon as she closed the door, she happily collapsed on her bed. How she had longed to hear the sound of his voice again and at last, he called.
*
My dear Cathleen,
We are all well. The tooth fairy, I am afraid, was completely inept, for the coin fell on the floor and Blair was quite upset until I helped her look for it. At last, it was found and all is well. The tooth fairy simply must do better in the future.
Blair asks about you constantly and wonders why we did not bring you home with us. I wonder the same. James is growing again as young lads often do. I assure you, keeping him in trousers is no easy task.
I attended a ball last evening, at the insistence of my good friends, Lord and Lady Bayington. You will like them, and they will adore you. I have told them all about you, and the forest fire, of course. As balls go, it was pleasant enough. The orchestra was especially talented and I admit, I have missed hearing such fine music. The lasses have not changed, most are still pompous and in search of a wealthy husband.
Alistair and Sarah have arrived safely and quite possibly came on the same ship as your letter.
I have given considerable thought to what you asked that night when you tended my burns. You asked if a lad who suddenly lost his wife could ever truly love another. I answer with a question of my own. When you lost the children you loved in the orphanage, did it prevent you from loving other children just as much – or perhaps more, knowing how precious life truly is?
Blair and James miss you terribly – as do I.
Cameron
*
Leesil folded the letter and handed it back to Cathleen. “Can there be any doubt? The lad loves you.”
Cathleen put the letter in her pocket and continued to stroll beside her sister around the edge of the front yard. “Perhaps he thinks he does now, but how can he know for certain? He has been to one ball since Flora died, and that cannae be enough to see if he finds other lasses pleasing.”
“Yesterday, you were terrified he did not love you and now that he says he does…not in so many words, I grant you…you do not believe him. What is it sister, what frightens you?”
Cathleen sighed. “I wish I knew. If he were here, I could see what is in his eyes.”
“Then you are blind as well as daft. I saw it in his eyes when he got on the train. McKenna and Nicholas saw it even earlier than I. My dear husband might have
noticed too, if he were attentive to anything but building houses.”
“What will Hannish say if I marry his brother?”
Leesil looped her arm through her sister’s and started them walking back toward the house. “Do you know why he watches over you so carefully, other than being my sister, I mean?”
“Why?”
“Because he wants the best sort of husband for you. He will not abide a lad who might be unfaithful, drink too much or Heaven forbid, harm you. Who do you suppose he will think is the very best lad for you? His brother, a lad who was raised to cherish his wife, to honor her and never harm her. Hannish will be more than pleased; he will likely jump for joy.”
“Then you best not tell him until Cameron has settled things between us. After all, he has not asked me to marry him.”
“He will, but first you must answer his question in a way that will tell him what is in your heart.”
“What shall I say?”
Leesil hugged her sister, “You will think of the very best thing to say; you always do.”
*
At the desk in the downstairs sitting room, Cathleen crumpled yet another sheet of paper and tossed it in the hearth. “Why does he not just say he loves me?” she said aloud. “That, I would know how to respond too.” She took a deep breath and began again.
Cameron,
I received the books you sent and adore the notes you put between the pages. I confess I had not yet read Jane Austen and I am enjoying them greatly. Is this truly what England was like a hundred years ago? I find I have become fascinated with the history of the time.
I have considered your question and you are right, I do love each child more desperately, having lost the others.
For nearly half an hour, Cathleen contemplated what she should say next. She put the cap back on her fountain pen, absentmindedly tapped the end of it on the desk and tried to think of some glorious line she could plagiarize from one book or another. Nothing came to mind. She even stared at the telephone desk set and wondered what time it was in Scotland. Eventually, she decided calling him would be completely inappropriate – but oh, how she longed to hear the sound of his voice again, especially at this moment.
Marblestone Mansion, Book 3 Page 20